Baby, Cats and Boyfriend..... Help

[ana314]

So, my boyfriend thinks automatically that my 2 very sweet and friendly cats are going to be the biggest problem. They are super cuddly and curious.... he told me today that he plans on being really mean to them when our little girl comes. I do not think this is the most appropriate way to handle them. Not to mention, he brought a bulldog into the relationship and he has said numerous times that his dog isn't good with kids. How do I handle my irrational boyfriend, and how would I go about training my very curious cats?! 

PLEASE HELP!!!

 

[aqualoon]

His Bulldog could do very well with children, a breed doesn't make the personality.  I would have said it's all about the environment the dog was raised in which determines whether they will be good with young kids.  However I will have to retract that statement after adopting a dog that was beaten and left to die by being tied up to a corn field in Iowa.  After taking this girl in and giving her the love and affection she needed you would never know today that she had such a rough start.  Basically if you want this dog to be good around your kids then start working with it now, it's not too late for him/her.

Also, I would be really concerned if he told you he was going to be mean to your kittens - honestly that statement is a huge red flag.  I understand some people aren't cat people (my mother is one of them) but if she told me that she was going to physically harm and be mean to my cats when she came over to visit she would no longer be welcomed at my house.

 

[rad65]

I would be very concerned over what he said about your cats. Abuse isn't usually confined to one person or animal. If he is already threatening to be a jerk to your cats, chances are he's going to be a jerk to your child as well.

 

[white cat lover]

Hi & Welcome to TCS!

So am I reading right, you have a baby on the way? If so - congratulations!

I think a very serious sit down conversation is needed w/ your boyfriend. There is never any reason to "be mean" to animals. I encourage you to have a very open dialogue with him, tell him what you told us.

We have many members who have successfully kept their cats after their baby has arrived. So, have no fear - it can be done!

 

[lokiandsmokey]

Hi & Welcome to TCS!

So am I reading right, you have a baby on the way? If so - congratulations!
I think a very serious sit down conversation is needed w/ your boyfriend. There is never any reason to "be mean" to animals. I encourage you to have a very open dialogue with him, tell him what you told us.
We have many members who have successfully kept their cats after their baby has arrived. So, have no fear - it can be done!

I just adopted 2 kitties (I'm 34 weeks pregnant) and to be honest I would be much more worried about a dog around my baby than a cat. Not to mention you take the measure of a person by the way they treat an animal. To be willing to hurt or be mean to a small defenseless creature that cannot "tell on you"  would quite likely to inspire me to leave my husband or in your case boyfriend.  A baby is going to be much more annoying than a kitten ever even thought about being. Forget your pretty little Gerber commercial. They do nothing for the first few months except cry, poop, pee and need to be held. The first six weeks are awful, you are sore from giving birth and you have a wailing baby that does not even want to be put down long enough for you to shower. I would never willingly leave my child alone with a person that admitted a desire or made a threat towards my pet. Granted I have two children and this will be my third, there are many wonderful things about having a child the first few months of adjusting is not one of them.

. But a baby cannot speak up for itself any more than your cat can. I would have a very serious conversation with my partner about their willingness to harm a small creature that is completely dependent me for protection,  exactly like a newborn infant is. I don't want to sound harsh but I would rather leave my kittens alone with my baby when I bring it home than risk leaving it alone with your boyfriend after reading his threats to "be mean" to the kittens. God forbid the kitten accidentally scratched my baby I know it would be an accident he is outright saying he will be mean to the cat on purpose. What would the baby have to do to earn his disdain? Newborns are notorious for wrecking the sleeping habits of everyone in the house, puking on you at the worst times, more often than not you change a peed in diaper only to smell another kind of mess the second you fasten the new diaper. If your boyfriend does not have the patience for cats I would suggest parenting classes before he try to deal with a baby.   

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I would have a loooong talk with him.  Hopefully you can educate him on things and take steps now to help your kitties and the dog be ready to adjust to the baby and all.  For me personally; being mean to an animal is never ok.  Even if he is never mean toward your child; his actions will still be what your child learns as she grows.  Kids soak in EVERYTHING.  Hopefully you can pick up some tips on things you can do before the baby comes and also prepare yourself with what you can do just in case there are problems after baby comes.

I have a toddler and a 5 month old and I've had my 2 cats for 7 years.  They are my babies too!  The mostly could care less about  my kiddos when they are small.  I've heard of doing things like playing tracks of a baby crying and slowly setting up nursery furniture and things.  Also bringing home a blanket with the baby's scent on it from the hospital the day before you come home with the baby.  For us; beside setting up nursery stuff (we keep the cats out of our kid's rooms when they are infants) I didn't do much.  When I got home with the babies I had DH bring the baby in after me and I greeted the cats.  Then we put the baby down, still in the car seat, where they could check them out.  They basically have given them a sniff and that's it.  Only recently I found one cat napping in the crib.  I didn't know she'd gone in there after getting the baby up from his nap.  I'm usually pretty vigilant about that.  One cat likes to sit in my lap when I feed the baby. She did the same with DD.  DD used to reach her chubby hand down and play with her fur.  Other than that they pretty much don't go near the kids.  My toddler goes for them of course; so that is the harder aspect.  It's a process teaching her how to act around the cats.  She loves them and kitty was her first word!  

I do try to spend time with the cats when things are quiet.  Playing with them and snuggling.  It's hard at first when the baby is so small and demanding; but as they grow it gets easier.  I can even throw a mouse with my foot for my one cat and that helps her. 

  Once DD got old enough; I had her be the one to give each cat their treats so the cats associate something positive with her.  My vet recommended Feliway diffusers for after #2 came because it did stress Mooch when DD was born.  We had other stuff happen around the same time; a blizzard hit that knocked out our power so we had to evacuate the house for the baby's sake (she was a tiny newborn still).  She picked up worms from that, which led to a UTI, which led to dehydration that made her constipated.  But she never acted out towards us or the baby.  So I didn't feel we needed the Feliway; but if I'd seen signs of stress I'd have tried it for sure.  

Good luck with your baby, boyfriend and the kitties!

 

[orientalslave]

It's the boyfriend that needs training, not the cats.  And never leave the baby alone with the cats or dog.

 

[farleyv]

I would find a very good, loving, safe home and rehome the kittens.  If you can't find one,  I would rehome the boyfriend.

 

[stephanietx]

I would rehome the boyfriend and get him out of your life. 
 

 

[krazy kat2]

The first thing when we brought my 1st granddaughter, we let the cats sniff her and look at her. One of them, spayed female, was indifferent and never bothered with her, but the large neutered immediately licked her little toes and was her guardian and buddy until the day he passed away at 10 years old. He slept under her crib and would growl if someone he did not know of like came into the room. He never touched so much as a claw to her and patiently wore doll clothes and hats, riding in doll strollers. He never got in the crib but would sleep next to her if she napped on the couch, like he was afraid she would roll off without him.

He was a particularly sweet cat, but most cats that encounter babies do not attack them without at least some perceived danger.

Your boyfriend sounds dangerous to you, your cats and possibly your child. If his dog is not good with children, that is likely the way it was raised. IMHO you should think long and hard about this relationship. Someone that will purposely be mean to something smaller and weaker than themselves is a bully, My ex was like that, and he hung our small dog for excitedly urinating on him. Fortunately the neighbor cut the poor animal down before it died. I started making my plans that day to get away from him. I was overdue with my daughter, so it took me awhile, but it is the best thing I ever did for myself and daughter.I hope I have not overstepped my bounds by offering this insight, I know my case is extreme, but I just want you and yours safe and happy.
 

 

[orientalslave]

Maybe your case is a bit extreme, but there is plenty of solid evidence that animal cruelty and domestic violence are linked.

http://www.aspca.org/fight-animal-cruelty/domestic-violence-and-animal-cruelty

http://www.americanhumane.org/inter...ct-sheets/animal-abuse-domestic-violence.html

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/research/findings/understandingthelinks_wda48278.html

In my view threatening to hurt pets is a very worrying sign.

 

[p3 and the king]

I am sorry you are going through this.  It is tough to be in a spot where you are pregnant and you just adopted these animals.  Was he not part of the decision to adopt them?  My guess is, the underlying hostility toward your cats now, is really a manifest of his true feelings about the impending birth of the child.  I am sorry if that comes across as harsh.  My guess is he is either scared or doesn't want to deal with the reality of being a father.  This is typical for men, especially if it's not planned and you are not married. 

I would sit down and talk about his feelings about the baby first and why he feels such a need to be hostile toward innocent animals.  Animals are usually very good with babies.  Very rarely ever harming an infant.  I would explain this to him and then tell him that you think maybe he has some anxiety about the birth coming up.  If he isn't willing to talk to you and starts a fight or acts like a child, I would say the best thing to do is to ask him to leave.  Even if you give the cats back, it won't change his feelings.  They are just a front for the real issue.  Even his dog that he says doesn't like kids, how does he know?  Maybe the dog is another cover?  I think this guy is trying to give you hints that he is not exactly loving the idea of being a dad right now.  The issues with the animals are a front or a distraction.  I would suggest counseling for both of you....Before the baby is born.  Once it's here, he will probably only behave worse.... And probably become abusive toward you or even leave you stranded.  You need to be prepared in case of this.  It happens all the time.  But talking it out in a safe place is probably a good idea. 

 

[gardenandcats]

Your boy friends comments about your cats would be a deal breaker. A dog thats not good around children should not be trusted around a baby!!!!! Often if a person is capable of abusing a poor animal he will be abusive to people as well!
 

 

[terestrife]

They are super cuddly and curious.... he told me today that he plans on being really mean to them when our little girl comes.

why would you stay with a man that is so petty that he would mistreat cats that have done nothing wrong? he seems to be the real problem in this relationship, not the cats, the baby, or you....

 

[crittergirl]

I am very worried about you, your cats, and the new baby when she arrives....

 

[rad65]

I am mostly worried that he PLANS on being mean to the cats. What kind of sick and twisted person pencils in "be a jerk to helpless animals. steal a lollipop from a baby if you have time" in their day planner?

 

[kumitekat]

I think we need more information.

The first thing you should do is to find out why he has this preconceived notion that the cats are going to be harmful to the baby.

It sounds like he is a dog person who just has no idea whatsoever about cats. He likely thinks cats are not trainable since they are not dogs.

And when he needs his dog to do something, he probably asserts dominance over it. (Although it doesn't sound like he does a good job with that either since the dog isn't good with children.)

He needs education. He needs to read books about cats and find out what he can do. Being mean to the cats is not going to work.

Tell him it will just make whatever behavior he thinks they are going to do worse. Force him to get education about the animals. As you are learning about having a baby, make learning about integrating pets part of that process.

GOOD LUCK!