At Wits End

[govtlawyer]

I've written before concerning the trials and tribulations of introducing my female Maine Coon kitten (born 12/1/15) Lucy to my 7 year old spayed male mixed breed Sparky.  It has been an ordeal to say the least.  It is at a point now where I cannot see a a peaceful resolution.  I live in a studio apartment and the only way I can separate them for any length of time is to put one in the bathroom

Sparky is a very needy, whiny, adorable and affectionate guy.  He is very vocal and has been since he was a kitten.  He was introduced to 5 year old Mickey when he was a 12 week old kitten.  He was born in captivity and appeared to have been well socialized. He was the alpha guy and Mickey was always a shy and reserved guy.  About a year and a half ago he suddenly turned on Mickey and became vicious.  He chased Mickey under the sink and Mickey stayed there a good deal of the time.  They would eat near each other and have brief periods of calm.  I watched them closely and it appeared as if Mickey would suddenly freak as they looked at each other.  Mickey would dart away and that would trigger Sparky to chase him and in my opinion try to kill him. I have had cats for 40 years and I think I know them well.  I saw nothing in any facial expression or ear placement or tail wagging or anything else to seemingly trigger Sparky's rage. I took Sparky to the vet and he was found to be in good health.  The vet suggested spraying Feliway, which I did.  It seemed to help and the spats became less frequent.  However, Sparky would still on occasion get crazy.  Mickey had a heart attack a week after he had extensive dental work.  He had a heart murmur and he probably broke off a clot into his legs.  within one hour I had him at the vet and had to put him to sleep.  He lost the use of his hind legs.  It was very sad.  He was a wonderful guy.

I got Lucy to keep Sparky company.  I have always been a two cat person and truly believe it is the best arrangement.

Introductions were slow and occasionally troublesome.  (You can read some of the other threads I've started regarding the process.)

Now it is an almost untenable situation.  They have long periods of calm.  They can eat within 3 feet of each other.  They chase each other around the apartment and Sparky gets Lucy down and he is on top as they wrestle.  All of this seems like perfectly normal cat play and kitten play.  Lucy is growing fast and she seems unafraid of Sparky - most of the time.  Occasionally she walks across the top of the couch to avoid him or walks near him warily.  Other times they can go nose to nose and everything seems fine.  Lucy goes from being on guard to totally fearless.  Then, Sparky, with no visible warning lunges at her and screams and swats at her.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason why he suddenly get for her.  Occassionally, Lucy is at fault.  She bats her toy all over the apartment and when she gets near him he sometimes gets annoyed.  I absolutely understand that.  Other times she is resting in a corner, sometimes with her back to him and he walks over and attacks her.

In my other threads it has been suggested I give them a time out.  I cannot lock them in a bathroom.  Sparky is in there now and he is jumping at the door trying to get out.  I just don't know what to do.  Others suggested this will be over in time as she gets bigger - she ought to be bigger than him by maturity.  I don't know If I can wait that long or if it will ever get much better.

One other thought is that it is more my problem than theirs.  If that is the consensus I am ok with that.  He has yet to hurt her as far as I can see.  He has never drawn blood and she bounces back and comes back to him after he may have chased her down the hallway.  The Sparky scream is very unnerving and quite possibly more uncomfortable for me than Lucy.  I don't want to see her get hurt or to become fearful.  She is outgoing and wonderful.

I really think there may be something wrong with Sparky - emotionally.  

I'm almost at the point that I feel it may be best to get Sparky another home - one without another animal.  This would defeat the very purpose of getting him a companion in the first place and would tear a hole in my heart.  Lucy is a fantastic beautiful cat and I'd hate to give her up.  I'm very stressed out.

I've been a two cat person for 40 years and I have never had this situation.  All of my cats have coexisted with each other - some more loving to each other - some more aloof.  

Thanks for your advice.

 

[govtlawyer]

Below is a photo taken just a little while ago. I came home for lunch and there was Sparky and Lucy relaxing on the couch as if they didn't have a care in the world.

Right now as I write this Sparky is pacing around a bit and whining. He is not near Lucy. She just walked by him and he chased her without striking out. I sure wish i knew what was going on in his head. I'm sure I will eventually hear him screeching and striking out at her. I am still willing to admit it may be my problem and not theirs. The picture below is not that of a kitten who is fearful or troubled by the older cat; nor is it of an older cat who hates the kitten. I've had cats for 40 years and have never been this frustrated by their behavior.

IMG_1734.JPG

• govtlawyer
• Apr 13, 2016

 

[cinqchats]

Sorry that I've missed all your other threads. If this makes you feel better, when I adopted Smoochie she had never lived with another cat. Ever. She was about 12 years old and now lives in my house with 4 other cats. She is quite the screamer for how small she is. She'll get pissed at them for all sorts of reasons and go at them, screaming like a bat outta heck, swat at them, then go on her merry way. That's just how she is. She's never hurt any of them but after working with a behavior consultant (who was highly recommended by our vet) and three years in our house she's only slightly better. 

I think the screaming was affecting me a lot more than my other cats. They don't seem to care at all. They'll try to give Smoochie more space but after one of her swat-attacks they keep doing whatever it was they were doing before. 

I guess my only advice (and someone else may have said this in another thread) is if you see a potential attack coming, startle Sparky. Get like a kazoo or a tin can full of BB's and make a bunch of noise. The Feliway was a good idea, but have you tried Zylkene?

 

[valentine319]

I've used feliaway but only the plug ins work in every room. So 200 feet where there's a wall get another one. Spray did nothing. This helped the fighting but it's not a cure. Or at least for me it wasn't.

 

[govtlawyer]

I'm not sure what Zylkene is.  I'll check it out.  Thanks

 

[govtlawyer]

The Feliway seems to be working. Sparky is a bit calmer today. Of course, as I stated before, he has been quite calm around her a great deal of the time anyway.

His striking out has been less frequent. As before, he strikes out and quickly retreats or just leaves. He still jumps her, but does no damage.

This morning he came to me in bed as I was awakening for work. He snuggled very warmly and for some time. He has not done that since her arrival, as she would jump up on the bed as well. Even though she was very close by he concentrated on me and our past ritual morning hug and affection. I was very pleased .

Today he approached her while she was lying down and he was in the mode where I thought he would strike. No visible signs, no ears back or anything like that - just from experience it would have been his M.O. He put his nose on her tail and it looked like he licked it. Then, he hissed and swatted at her and walked off.

I did the scent swapping when they were first introduced.

It does seem encouraging. I hope he will accept her more so now, and I think he will. Although, as I've read in many other threads and postings, they may never hug each other and groom each other - or they might  

 If they get closer I hope it is soon. She turns 6 months on 6/1 and I'll have to take her to be spayed. I know that coming from the vets will be a reintroduction process again. Also, she may be wearing a Cone and I can only imagine that it will freak him out. 

The poor guy is going through a lot. I hope some of the posters who have been critical realize that I am very concerned about his happiness as well as Lucy not growing up fearful or getting hurt. Lucy was my well intentioned attempt to give him companionship.

 

[govtlawyer]

I can see a definite improvement in the Sparky/Lucy relationship.  It is still a problem, just not as intense.

Last night they chased each other all over the apartment.  Whoever got to the top perch on the cat tree got to paw at the one below. Sometime they were on the same perch and Sparky would wrestle Lucy and appeared to be at her neck.  It seemed to be a classic exercise in aggression/submission and a discovery of who was top cat.  It seemed quite normal and in fact amusing.  I've seen this before the introduction of Feliway. Then one of them would jump off and the other would chase.  Sparky who leaps higher was the most aggressive and won the day.  However, when it was over they basically ignored each other.

A while later Sparky would hiss and swat and lunge at Lucy.  Sometime Lucy cowered and expected it and other times he jumped her from behind.  At no time did she actually fight back and at no time did he appear to try and hurt her. 

This morning while I was sitting on the couch and Lucy at the other end, Sparky looked at us and jumped between us, he was only a foot or less from Lucy.  He totally ignored her.  Watching him prepare to jump up I fully expected him to go after her.  He was quite calm and he laid down barely a foot from her.  I stroked him and he seemed fine.  I expected him to strike at her any moment, but he didn't. Lucy thought the same thing as she pushed her body a bit into the end of the couch and seemed to brace herself for his lunge.  When I got up a few minutes later he followed me into the kitchen as he usually does.  

Now he is growling and hissing at her and lunging at  her.  This will last only a minute or so.

Unpredictable is as apt a description as I could make.  I have no idea what is in his mind.  I wish I did.  Calm and confident one moment and a bit perturbed the next.  As closely as I look at him and her and try to figure out the trigger or whatever is bothering him, I can't.  

At this point it seems as if he is able to get closer to her and even touch her without going postal.  He wrestles her without trying to hurt her.  One of these days, I surmise I may see him grooming her and vice versa.  On the other hand, maybe not.

I think the Feliway made a difference.  At least I haven't been running through a scenario in which I end up with just one of them.  It seems as if they can co-exist and although seeing him strike at her stresses me out, it does not seem to be damaging to her.  

I'll keep you informed.

 

[ohws]

Unpredictable is as apt a description as I could make.  I have no idea what is in his mind.  I wish I did.  Calm and confident one moment and a bit perturbed the next.  As closely as I look at him and her and try to figure out the trigger or whatever is bothering him, I can't.  
At this point it seems as if he is able to get closer to her and even touch her without going postal.  He wrestles her without trying to hurt her.  One of these days, I surmise I may see him grooming her and vice versa.  On the other hand, maybe not.

Bear with me on this.

My cat is usually very good with me, but just once in a while, he will grab my hand with his paws, bring his teeth down to the skin and start rabbit kicking. He did this one day while I was playing with him outside and I hissed at him, at which he jumped up and ran about 5m away, I then moved away and ignored him. The next day, in the same situation, he went to grab my hand and brought his mouth to my fingers, then flung my hand away, jumped up and ran 5m away, without me reacting in any way.

I think cats sometimes get internally conflicted about what they want to do feel the need to make aggressive or hunting type moves, while at the same time knowing that they should not be attacking the object of their attention.

 

[govtlawyer]

Yes, you're right.  I've had Sparky hiss at me if I touch him in the wrong place or try to put him on my lap at the wrong time.  It's just fine if he wants to come to me and snuggle and head butt me.  However, If I go towards him and he is not in the mood he lets me know.  I know when I am petting him and he is one stroke away from purring bliss to cranky over stimulation.  I give him his space and allow things to go on his schedule.

The problem I've had with him and Lucy is that she's just a kitten and I get stressed out watching him lunge at her.

Things are much better.  I'm starting to realize that he can turn on a dime and go from calm with her to aggravated.  I think the fear that he will hurt her and that they will never be friends is past.  

 

[ohws]

Interesting video. After they both fall to the floor, I would expect the struggle to continue if it were anything serious.

 

[govtlawyer]

I agree.  That's what's been so perplexing.  That was very typical cat play.  In fact, I was videoing what i thought was simple play, when that happened.  Never happened before.  I wonder if it is America's Funniest Home Videos material.  A few minutes later it was much of the same.  Yet, 10 minutes later Sparky lashed out at her when she walked within a few feet of him.  I am quite sure they will remain together and maybe get closer.  For the time being it is just those out-of-nowhere lashing outs which bother me - maybe more than it bothers Lucy.