At my wit's end

[klunick]

Yesterday was a good day until I sneezed. Gracie was laying on my lap and I know sneezes freaks her out for some reason. I tried to surpress it but couldn't. Gracie jumped off my lap, ripping up my leg. She went over to Boone and laid into him. Boone was smart and hid between the couch and loveseat. I yelled and Gracie went downstairs and I shut the door for the rest of the night.

 

[Margot Lane]

Ok, I already broke my promise to shut up, but please recognize that anxiety meds would likely do nothing if there is a neurological disorder, or other trigger, going on with Gracie, nor would it stop Boone from being scared and intimidated by Gracie's attacks.

And even if you could stop the fight ahead of time, it is still not resolving what is causing it in the first place. It is too random, so something is prompting it. Think about it, she does this out of the blue as far as you can tell, it isn't daily or frequently, as you said, so it is a trigger of some sort that you have not yet been able to put your finger on. Gracie just doesn't decide - "Hey, today is a day I want to freak out Boone". She is not making an intentional choice to do this.

You're barking up the wrong tree(s). Now, I swear I won't remark anymore.

I second this train of thought. There’s something behavioral or chemical your vet hasn’t considered...gotta be. Actually Gracie reminds me of a girl I once knew who’d just snap “for no reason” (sending boyfriends fleeing, much like Boone). Turns out it was something neurological. After reading this thread several times though, I’m as concerned for you as Gracie! It takes so much money, energy and patience to deal with these things. When I’m struggling, I write out all the options on a sheet of paper, and take it from there.

 

[klunick]

Boone is showing clear signs he wants Gracie upstairs more. Sitting at the basement door but I am not ready to test it out quite yet. Maybe this weekend I will try leaving Gracie upstairs at night. If Boone decides he no longer wants her upstairs, I can easily put her back down. Not ready to leave them alone without me around.

 

[klunick]

Things are starting to get back to normal finally. When I got home from work, I let Gracie upstairs. Everyone ate their dinner and went about their afternoon. Boone was sitting under the kitchen table and Gracie walked up to him. He hissed. Gracie backed off and went around the other side of the table and Boone started licking her. I have no idea what Boone is thinking sometimes. He will hiss and then immediately start licking her. Almost like he's telling her, "I forgive you but I won't forget". Or "I love you but you piss me off sometimes." Minus that one quick hiss, the day went uneventfully. Boone even ventured downstairs which I told him might be a bad idea as I don't really know how territorial Gracie is about that being "her spot". She was too busy going from window to window enjoying the nice breezes that were coming through. Boone came back up a short time later undetected.

This morning after washing my face, I noticed that Boone was sitting by the basement door. I figured he wanted Gracie to come up so I opened the door and finished getting ready for work. I ended up feeding Gracie upstairs as it's easier for me. No hissing whatsoever this morning I don't think. Both cats seemed calm and that things were back to normal. What tore at my heart though was having to put Gracie back downstairs. I was getting ready to leave and she was laying on the back of the couch in the living room. I grabbed her food and water bowls and took them downstairs, hoping she'd follow me. She didn't. So I picked her up and put her on the top step and she looked at me like, "Why do I have to go downstairs? I was a good girl this morning." Ugh! Like a knife to the heart. I shut the door behind her and left for work.

Today's interaction is really making me want to leave her upstairs Friday night and see how it goes. My only real concern is whether or not Boone will let Gracie come/sleep in my room. Right after the fight, he didn't even want her in the room or near the room. Now he seems fine with it but he might be upset if she tries jumping on the bed when we are sleeping. I want nothing more than to randomly wake up in the middle of the night and see her asleep on the end of the bed but I don't want to "ruin a good thing" and get Boone upset again when her presence. I guess I will play it by ear. If he hisses and the typical, "shut up Boone" doesn't work, I will close my door and that should be it. Will try again Saturday night. If the same, I will know that it's too soon to have Gracie upstairs while we are asleep and she will go back downstairs at night and I will try it again next weekend. I am really hoping though that things have settled enough and we can all sleep together again. I really miss it.

 

[klunick]

Not sure how to classify today. More hissing than the last few days but it had nothing to do with Gracie.

Boone decided to go downstairs and then was too afraid to come back up. Once he finally did, he would hiss at Gracie who had nothing to do with the situation.

To calm himself, he went into his "cave" between the couch and loveseat and went to sleep.

I think to prevent this from happening again tomorrow, once Gracie comes up, I will shut the basement door so no one can go back down.

 

[klunick]

Yep, definitely has to do with downstairs and Boone's paranoia about how Gracie will react to him there. It happened again this morning but to a lot more minor degree.

I was down there getting the food and water bowls and scooping the litter box. Gracie followed me and Boone sat on the little ledge. Gracie saw I was about to come up and started running up the stairs. Boone got freaked and started hissing and running which of course made Gracie puff up her tail. No fight ensued and Boone never hid but it does confirm (to me) that Boone doesn't think Gracie would allow him to be down there and gets very nervous when he knows that she knows he is there.

Everyone ate and are completely fine with each other so not a big deal. Just have to remember to keep door closed when Gracie is upstairs. And Gracie went potty up here in front of Boone and he had no reaction so that's good that he hasn't taken ownership of the litter box.

 

[klunick]

Everyone survived last night. Bedrrom door was open and everyone had free range. In case you didn't see the post in the other thread, I got up around 1am and found both cats laying together on the back of the couch. I was shocked and thrilled. Of course Boone had to ruin it a short time later when he hissed at Gracie for coming in my room. Guess he's not quite ready for her to sleep with us yet. Now just have to get through the experiment of having them together after I leave for work. Last time (shortly after the fight), it turned into a cat fight. I am hoping now that they seem fine with eachother 99.999% of the time, they will be ok.

 

[klunick]

Boone is still hissing so we made the determination to keep Gracie downstairs after I leave for work tomorrow. She will probably be confused because she hasn't been shut down there since Friday afternoon.

 

[klunick]

Now Boone is only afraid of Gracie when she ISN'T around. Yesterday, Gracie wasn't very interested in coming upstairs so she stayed downstairs most of the day. That didn't stop Boone from sneaking around commando style from one hiding place to another all afternoon/evening. But when Gracie was upstairs, they were fine together and even socialized a bit.

 

[klunick]

All my hard work at getting Boone and Gracie together was instantly undone by my husband. Last night, he thought he'd be funny and pretend to attack me. Little did he know that Boone would hear the commotion and come running. Gracie comes out and sees Boone "on alert" and attacks him. They both run under a table with me screaming behind them. Gracie runs downstairs and door gets shut. Then I started yelling at my husband for being so stupid and that he knew Boone would come out to see what was going on. That's why he gets his butt kicked by Gracie when she's acting a fool downstairs and he goes to see why.

Boone stayed in his "cave" until it was bedtime and then stayed in my room all night. I only saw Gracie for as long as it took me to give her breakfast and fresh water to her before leaving for work. Will be interesting to see if Boone has regressed back to more hissing when Gracie is released from the basement this afternoon. I hope not or my husband will be in trouble!!

 

[klunick]

Good news! Husband will remain out of the doghouse. Boone was fine with Gracie when she was let upstairs. In fact, he seemed excited to see her again. Running to the basement door when I got home. They licked each other when she came into the kitchen. Crisis averted!!

 

[klunick]

For the time being, it's been decided that when I am at work, Gracie will be locked downstairs. Just easier on everyone. I won't worry about them fighting after I leave. Sons won't have to wake up in the middle of the night to break up a fight. Boone won't have to worry about getting ambushed. Gracie can stay upstairs overnight (Boone sleeps with me all night and I shut my door when I go to bed) and when I am home. On the weekends, she will be upstairs all day and night.

Like I mentioned earlier, Gracie is fine with being downstairs. Half the time when she has access to the upstairs, she stays downstairs anyway. Basement is fully furnished and she has three large rooms to hang out in. She has a litter box, a bowl of water, a bowl of dry food, and any wet food she didn't eat before I leave for work. It's fully furnished so she has a large couch and a bed to sleep on plus a small cat tree to look outside into the backyard. I put a bunch of toys down there as well in case she wanted to play with them.

It seems like the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" really works for Boone. He gets excited when I come home and runs to the basement door to let me know he wants Gracie to come up. She usually hears me come home and is waiting on the top step. He licks her, smells her butt, etc to show he is fine around her. Gracie seems calmer around him which is key too.

 

[klunick]

Update....

Today will be Day 3 of Gracie being free 24/7. Last Thursday I decided to let her stay upstairs after I went to work and everything was fine. Boone hadn't been randomly hissing at her or hiding in his little cave between the couch, loveseat, and end table. They had been sleeping together for a few weeks. Gracie was no longer starring at Boone for no reason. I figured they'd be ok and both Boone and Gracie started to seem upset with me when I would lock Gracie downstairs and acted like I was punishing them.

Been two months since the initial fight that started the whole thing (end of February) so only about a month and a half to resolve. I just guarded the good vibes for about two weeks longer just to make sure.