At a loss; cats hate each other

[cephalod]

I am at a loss and I don't know what to do next. Honestly, I have even been entertaining the idea of returning our new cat to the shelter where we got her, even though that goes against my principles. 

Background

My husband and I adopted a mellow two year old female cat from a shelter a little over two months ago. We have a ten year old female cat at home, and as the years go by, she seems increasingly lonely, so we thought it would be nice for her to have a companion (my husband and I work long hours and are often away from the home). I grew up in a multi-cat household, and didn't think we would have any problems. Additionally, the shelter assured us that Luna (our newly adopted cat) would do well with other cats. 

We do our research about introducing cats, and came home with our new bundle of joy feeling prepared. We put Luna (new cat) into a bedroom suite in our house (a very large room with attached bathroom). That night, we leave to go pick up some dinner, and come home to the sounds of cats fighting. I drop our dinner on the floor and sprint to the back room, where I see that Sushi (resident cat) has somehow (!) opened the locked bedroom door, and has Luna cornered in the closet. Sushi is in full aggressor mode, but my husband quickly whisks her away. I tend to Luna, who is terrified and trembling, with a small little knick on her nose! I instantly start crying, over guilt and shame for letting this happen to this new little life that was just learning to trust us.

At this point, I realize that their first impressions of one another were awful, and therefore, we should take the introduction process slower than usual. As such, they ate on either side of the bedroom door (twice per day) for over a week. They then ate on either side of the door with it cracked about an inch for another week. And so on, and so forth, until the door was wide open. Miraculously, they seemed okay! My husband and I thought that the crisis had been averted, and maybe there was some chance they would be friends afterall. During this time period, I would also do the whole "scent swap" with towels maneuver, and twice we let Luna out into the main house while Sushi was locked in a different bedroom (accompanied by my husband the entire time). Things were going good.

Then, one morning, the cats are eating in their usual spots, about two feet away from one another, with the door to the bedroom wide open. We are about two days out from my planned "official introduction" sans food in the living room. I am standing there supervising, as usual, but perhaps not as attentive as I needed to be (by this point, we had been doing this thing for over a month! I admit, I may have gotten a bit complacent), and didn't notice that both cats had stopped eating, and that Sushi was walking toward Luna - and more importantly, about to cross the territory line into Luna's room. As soon as I could react and bend down to push Sushi back, Luna lunged forward and swiped Sushi pretty hard across the face, and then bolted to go hide in the closet. 

I was devastated. I knew what this meant.. that we needed to start over. So, start over we did. But first, we waited a few days and did not have the cats react at all. They ate separately, no scent swapping, etc. We wanted to start from scratch. We also went and bought some new toys so that we could invest 10-15 minutes of play therapy with each cat each day, to help burn off energy and build confidence. We also bought some Feliway diffusers and placed them all over the house. If we were going to do this again, we were going to do it right!

Well...

It has been about 3 weeks, and they can barely tolerate the door being opened a crack while they eat. Every few seconds they will stop eating and growl or hiss at one another. I will offer some pets and reassurance, but if they don't stop, I then just shut the door and let them eat on either side of a closed door (they don't seem to have a problem with this). In the last few days, it has gotten worse, and they will both tense up and hiss at even the slightest hint of one another. If I go cuddle with Luna, Sushi will have nothing to do with me, and will very clearly communicate her displeasure via body language. 

So, problem one is that these cats just do not seem to be getting along, at all. I have read countless articles, lurked on a dozen forums, I have read up on cat body language and signs of stress, I spend one on one time with each cat every day giving love and affection as well as play, I have watched nearly every episode of "My Cat From Hell" and I have consulted with other people that have gone through rough introductions. And yet, nothing seems to be working. I have been patient, and I have only moved to the next step when both cats seems calm and okay. But it seems like they just keep regressing.

It has been over two months, and we still have Luna locked in a bedroom. I feel like this is beginning to border on abuse. My husband and I work long hours, and we are only home for a few hours each day. Of those few hours, we can't spend the entire time in the spare bedroom. We do make time for Luna, but I am afraid it is not what she needs. At night, while we sleep, I can hear her crying from her room. I know that she is lonely. I know that she wants us to be with her. Every time the door opens, she eagerly looks outside, as if she is just itching to go exploring and to get out of the damn bedroom. 

I am also exhausted. I feel like this is taking over my life. And the guilt of feeling like Luna is being abused and neglected, and that Sushi is upset that she is not an only child any longer, or that a stranger is in her home. 

I am at a loss. 

Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[shadowsrescue]

I can completely understand your situation.  I brought a stray/feral into my home last year and at times I felt it was the worst thing I ever did.  Yet he had nowhere else to go.  It was me or euthanasia.  I worked for one solid year on getting the cats integrated.  I shed many tears, felt guilty and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.  One thing I learned was that my emotions really played a role in the cats behavior.  When I was stressed about it, the cats were at their worst.  My DH was much more level headed than me and he often had to oversee some of the interactions.  Here are some suggestions and what I tried below.  I would suggest starting over.  Also you might want to rotate who gets shut in.  My resident cat did not appreciate it, but I made sure his room had a cat tree, toys, treats, fresh water and a litter box. 

Getting cats to live with each other can be very taxing.  You must remember that your resident cat was an only cat for 10 years.  They need time to work out their differences and establish territory.  I do believe that most cats can learn to coexist with time and patience. 

I brought a feral/stray into my home last year.  He was 3 years old.  My resident cat was 5.  It was very difficult and there were days I would cry and feel so defeated.  Yet, for me I decided I had to put my all into it and give it my best shot and try for a year. 

The cat I brought inside the house lived in a room of his own for the first two month.  We did introductions very slowly at first, but I made the mistake of rushing the last steps.  When I rushed the steps, it was a nightmare.  The cats had full blown fur flying fights numerous times each day.  I had to step back and begin introductions over again.  This time, it took months, but it worked.  Here are some things I tried:

1.  Feliway diffusers everywhere.  They are expensive, but you need them in every room where the cats hang out.  I have an open floor plan house and needed 4 of them. 

2.  I used a large dog cage and placed one cat inside.  I then covered it on 3 sides with a sheet.  The cats could see each other, smell each other, but not hurt each other.  During these interactions I offered yummy delicious treats.  I usually used plain cooked chicken.  This allowed the cats to associate each other with something good.  I often did this 3-4x a day for short 5-10 minute sessions.  We moved toward playing with a string.  One part inside the cage and the other part outside.  The boys learned to play with it.

3.  I also used a large wooden screen door that I bought from Lowes for $20 and attached it to the door frame with tension rods ($4).  I put a baby gate in the door threshold for extra protection.  The cats could see, smell and be near each other safely.  I only did this with supervised visits or when I was home.  I have pictures of the setup if you'd like to see.

4.  Play with the cats together.  This works best if you have someone to help you, but it can be done alone.  Have the cats play with a great wand toy or da Bird.  Really get them moving.  You want to tire them out, especially the more aggressive cat.  Reward with chicken after a play session.

5.  Composure liquid Max.  This really helped my territorial aggressive cat.  I started using it in treat form, but the cats didn't always eat it.  In liquid I could mix it in wet food 2x a day.  For the aggressive cat, he received 1/2 t. in the morning and 1/4 t. in the evening.  My resident cat received it too since he was so stressed with from all of the attacks.  He received 1/4 t. 2x a day for a few weeks.  Marvin received the Composure liquid Max 2x a day for almost 4

months, then down to 1x a day for another couple months.  He is now completely off!!  You can find this on Amazon or Entirely Pet.  I have never seen it in a pet store.

6.  I used an Animal Communicator to help.  She helped me so much.

I wanted to mention that the cats took 9 months before I began leaving them out together for short periods when no one was home.  It took a full year for them to decide they could be in the same room with each other and do really well.  This summer we left them overnight a few times and all was well.  At the one year mark, the cats were actually enjoying each other.  Now at the 15 month mark, they are playing together!!!  It was not easy, but it can be done!

Here are a few links for cat to cat introductions in case anything new pops out to you.

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats

http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/a-simple-little-trick-to-use-during-new-cat-introductions/

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat

http://jacksongalaxy.com/2010/10/01/cat-to-cat-introductions/

 

[cephalod]

Wow, thank you for taking the time to supply such a thoughtful, thorough reply! I am glad to know that there other people out there that have experienced similar things, and that I am not alone. You have given me the courage to keep moving forward! As of right now, I will be starting again, and I am confident it will work this time. Thank you.

 

[shadowsrescue]

Just take things slowly and try to remain calm yourself.  The cats really can pick up on your emotions. 

Update progress and ask lots of questions if you need help!