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It has been 3 months since Artie left me on May 23, 2018... .. I have been fiercely missing him for 2 weeks now.. I mean it.. The unconditional love, the companionship, the laughter, the cuddles, the talks--- the laughs... yes, even the medicating.. I miss him so much.. He took up so much of my world. Try as hard as I am; yet, I cannot avoid missing him..
The emptiness is really overwhelming, right now..
I am volunteering at the local Humane Society; however, it is not working out for me...
I thought, wrongly, that perhaps because I have experienced so my with my Beloved, that I would be a good person to look for hidden medical issues, and to notice and help advise on stuff...
Alas, I guess I have been too vocal... I have been told, very nicely, to stop commenting and insisting on a certain course of action..
I have a medical background; learned a ton about medicine from my professions, taking care of both my parents, and taking care of Artie... yet, the humane society is ignoring my suggestions.. I just do not want to see the kitties miss needed medical care, or get it when it is too late... They are of the mind that less is better... I am not.. I am more aggressive with medical care... There is the issue...
I have seen, first hand, how taking a 'less is better' mode, does not always work...sigh..especially when it has come to things I have dealt with personally..
I guess I am projecting my fears, onto the adoptable cats... but, seriously... I feel for them..
I think it is because I do not have a kitty of my own to love.. I miss Artie so much...
Artie:
My love who greeted me when, at the door, when I came home with a "Bruup"..
Artie:
Who was on my lap every single night, from the day I adopted him... never leaving me...
Who knew what the words, "Uppy, Up, Up" meant...
Who knew exactly when I was going to bed.. All I had to do was say, Uppy. He would jump down, walk directly into my bedroom, sit and wait for me to get settled in bed, then jump on the bed, to cuddle, right up against me...
Artie: who knew the words, "Num-Num"~~ came running when I said that..
Who would actually have a conversation with me..
He also knew the words, Out, Nite Nite, NO..
Artie; who knew how to play Hide & Seek behind the furniture.. Who loved running after a ball...
Who had the zoomies, going from one bedroom to the other, at top speed....
Artie: Who told me when he needed to poop.. He waited for me, in the bathroom where he is litter box was.. Who took me to his litter box, when he needed to poop. He allowed me to wipe his bum.. He waited... and if I was not aware of his pooping, he let me know---after the fact, by sitting next to me and staring at me..
Artie, who told me when he had used the litter box~~ he wanted it clean...
My sweet boy, who was a horror initially, to trim his nails, and to give medicine too, but then began to trust me.. and allow me to do so...
Artie, my boy, who also started out disliking to be brush, but grew to love it.. all I would have to say was, "Want to be brushed? Brush-brush? Brushey?" and he went running and jumping on his cat tree where he got brushed.. while looking out the window at the trees, birds, just lying in the sun...
Oh how he loved his "tents".... His quilt tent was his favorite...He was always there.. when he got too hot, he came out and lied on top of the quilt...
Artie who hated riding in the car-- who knew that meant a Vet appointment.. He cried the entire time.. He adjusted to getting into the carrier.. Who seemed to love Classical Music... I cannot listen to it anymore.... It reminds me too much of Artie...
Artie, my love... You came to me at one of my darkest moments... 3 months after my Dad died.. You loved me from Day One.. I will never forget that first night, when you just came over, jumped on my lap, started purring and kneading.. It was Love, from that moment on.......
for 6 short years.... I wish it was so much longer..
Artie, I tried.. I did my best.. I really did... I did as much s I could, to make you comfortable and feel love, your entire life.... I hope I did not fail you or give you another chance.. but you were so sick..and Specialist and I were at a loss at what to do... I ran all over the place trying to find food for you..food you could eat.. food which would help you.. medicine which would help you.. price was no object to me... If only I could have more time with you.. I miss you so much.. I miss my love...
Did I torture you with Vet visits??? Did I jump into seeing Vets for things I should have managed on my own.. I will never know the answer to this...sometime I feel as if I failed you.. as if I began your downward spiral, by running to the Vet... and not letting you be.. for a bit..
But, I loved you-- so much.. You were my buddy.. my love.. You so freely gave me your love--fully, and so unconditional.. without reservations..
You made me laugh so much at you antics.. All of them--even when you jumped onto the kitchen counter---shaking the dishes in the dish drainer, then onto the top of the refrigerator, and then onto the top of the cabinets... OMG... I laughed, but had to shoo you down...
How afraid of any brooms or mops; you were.. I think you were trained with a broom...forget the vacuum... You were automatically either under my bed or in the corner of my bedroom, each time the "monster" came out....
How you loved to go outside on the balcony, with me... You loved sunning yourself...You were so smart.. You learned so fast...You loved fresh air...and sun...
Artie: How good you were, when I accidentally locked you in the storeroom for over 10 hours!! You snuck in there when my back was turned and I was getting a water bottle out, to take to work... You were awesome.. All that time, You did not poop, you did not pee, You did not destroy anything in there... You had to be so scared...so starving and in need of your litter box...
Yes, you sassed me out when I found you... You yelled at me for so long, as you ran into your box... You were mad at me for so long.. you gave me a very long piece of your mind...
Such a clean boy... no mess at all...
And then, You were on my lap that night.. all was forgiven..
Your love was boundless.. borderless, all lasting...
When I was feeling sick..when I broke my arm, You NEVER left my side.. You were always with me, when I was living in my dad's lift chair.....
On my lap, in bed--cuddling with me.. Even when I was lying on my side, on the couch, You managed to somehow, find, someway, to lie down on the SIDE of my body... You had to be with me~~~ giving me strength and love to get better...such a good cat.. You knew me, better than I knew myself..
When You started leaving my side, I knew I was improving.. Yes, you knew...how? I will never know...
And even that last day of your life: You allowed me to help you poop. You allowed me to help pull out the unproduced poop...half in and half out.. such a love..
And when you were in pain, You automatically ran into my bedroom to cry for help; not your room, but MY bedroom... as if that was a "special" room for you... OMG...
Omg that last day.. I will never forget... You were suffering.. You could not have any bowel movements, despite all the medications we tried and all the enemas I had to make you go through...all the emergency visits... OMG.. I tried...
You were crying, in my bedroom....It was so heartbreaking..I was a wreck... I really was.. I nw what I had to do... and the Specialist was agreeing.. we had reached our limits..
I hope you understand and forgive me...
I remember how I gave you, your favorite food: FF Salmon.., You scoffed that can down in no time... You were so happy.. yet you could not poop... you kept trying, kept getting cramps..to no avail.. You broke my heart..
You were so good for that final Vet visit.. Yes, you were so, so vocal in the car... I tried to comfort you.. but to now avail...
You were in my arms when you left me... I will never forget it... I loved you with all my heart and soul... You are my soul-cat.. You are my buddy... there will never be another cat like you.. I swear you were part human.. You understood me, so well... better than any humans could; except for my Dad...
I am keeping myself busy--daily.. I have a professional to talk to.. I do get out every day...
I had to get rid of your things.. so many memories.. I donated about 99% of them.. I could not believe I bought you so many things...but you would have been happy with the simplest of toys.. I did spoil you... But it was out of love.. I really hope you understand that...
I will be missing you every day of my life... I hope I made you happy with the short time we shared.... I love you... I am sending you so many kisses and hugs...I miss you...I honestly did my best with you.. I hope you are ok with that.. I hope I did not make things worse, or made you go though all the horrors.. I am so sorry ... I did it out of love,, but perhaps not out of wisdom.. I learned so much from you... love--unconditional love.. Yes, it is real.. You bae it to me.. You taught me.. I miss you and it... Thank You, Artie... for being my love...
I do not know if this will be the end.. or if I can find another little one to help me fill the vast emptiness in my life.. I only know that I love you. Our love will never end...
Thank you, my love...
Artie, I love you.. and always will.. Please forgive me all the tortures I made you endure...
Love,
Me...
The emptiness is really overwhelming, right now..
I am volunteering at the local Humane Society; however, it is not working out for me...
I thought, wrongly, that perhaps because I have experienced so my with my Beloved, that I would be a good person to look for hidden medical issues, and to notice and help advise on stuff...
Alas, I guess I have been too vocal... I have been told, very nicely, to stop commenting and insisting on a certain course of action..
I have a medical background; learned a ton about medicine from my professions, taking care of both my parents, and taking care of Artie... yet, the humane society is ignoring my suggestions.. I just do not want to see the kitties miss needed medical care, or get it when it is too late... They are of the mind that less is better... I am not.. I am more aggressive with medical care... There is the issue...
I have seen, first hand, how taking a 'less is better' mode, does not always work...sigh..especially when it has come to things I have dealt with personally..
I guess I am projecting my fears, onto the adoptable cats... but, seriously... I feel for them..
I think it is because I do not have a kitty of my own to love.. I miss Artie so much...
Artie:
My love who greeted me when, at the door, when I came home with a "Bruup"..
Artie:
Who was on my lap every single night, from the day I adopted him... never leaving me...
Who knew what the words, "Uppy, Up, Up" meant...
Who knew exactly when I was going to bed.. All I had to do was say, Uppy. He would jump down, walk directly into my bedroom, sit and wait for me to get settled in bed, then jump on the bed, to cuddle, right up against me...
Artie: who knew the words, "Num-Num"~~ came running when I said that..
Who would actually have a conversation with me..
He also knew the words, Out, Nite Nite, NO..
Artie; who knew how to play Hide & Seek behind the furniture.. Who loved running after a ball...
Who had the zoomies, going from one bedroom to the other, at top speed....
Artie: Who told me when he needed to poop.. He waited for me, in the bathroom where he is litter box was.. Who took me to his litter box, when he needed to poop. He allowed me to wipe his bum.. He waited... and if I was not aware of his pooping, he let me know---after the fact, by sitting next to me and staring at me..
Artie, who told me when he had used the litter box~~ he wanted it clean...
My sweet boy, who was a horror initially, to trim his nails, and to give medicine too, but then began to trust me.. and allow me to do so...
Artie, my boy, who also started out disliking to be brush, but grew to love it.. all I would have to say was, "Want to be brushed? Brush-brush? Brushey?" and he went running and jumping on his cat tree where he got brushed.. while looking out the window at the trees, birds, just lying in the sun...
Oh how he loved his "tents".... His quilt tent was his favorite...He was always there.. when he got too hot, he came out and lied on top of the quilt...
Artie who hated riding in the car-- who knew that meant a Vet appointment.. He cried the entire time.. He adjusted to getting into the carrier.. Who seemed to love Classical Music... I cannot listen to it anymore.... It reminds me too much of Artie...
Artie, my love... You came to me at one of my darkest moments... 3 months after my Dad died.. You loved me from Day One.. I will never forget that first night, when you just came over, jumped on my lap, started purring and kneading.. It was Love, from that moment on.......
for 6 short years.... I wish it was so much longer..
Artie, I tried.. I did my best.. I really did... I did as much s I could, to make you comfortable and feel love, your entire life.... I hope I did not fail you or give you another chance.. but you were so sick..and Specialist and I were at a loss at what to do... I ran all over the place trying to find food for you..food you could eat.. food which would help you.. medicine which would help you.. price was no object to me... If only I could have more time with you.. I miss you so much.. I miss my love...
Did I torture you with Vet visits??? Did I jump into seeing Vets for things I should have managed on my own.. I will never know the answer to this...sometime I feel as if I failed you.. as if I began your downward spiral, by running to the Vet... and not letting you be.. for a bit..
But, I loved you-- so much.. You were my buddy.. my love.. You so freely gave me your love--fully, and so unconditional.. without reservations..
You made me laugh so much at you antics.. All of them--even when you jumped onto the kitchen counter---shaking the dishes in the dish drainer, then onto the top of the refrigerator, and then onto the top of the cabinets... OMG... I laughed, but had to shoo you down...
How afraid of any brooms or mops; you were.. I think you were trained with a broom...forget the vacuum... You were automatically either under my bed or in the corner of my bedroom, each time the "monster" came out....
How you loved to go outside on the balcony, with me... You loved sunning yourself...You were so smart.. You learned so fast...You loved fresh air...and sun...
Artie: How good you were, when I accidentally locked you in the storeroom for over 10 hours!! You snuck in there when my back was turned and I was getting a water bottle out, to take to work... You were awesome.. All that time, You did not poop, you did not pee, You did not destroy anything in there... You had to be so scared...so starving and in need of your litter box...
Yes, you sassed me out when I found you... You yelled at me for so long, as you ran into your box... You were mad at me for so long.. you gave me a very long piece of your mind...
Such a clean boy... no mess at all...
And then, You were on my lap that night.. all was forgiven..
Your love was boundless.. borderless, all lasting...
When I was feeling sick..when I broke my arm, You NEVER left my side.. You were always with me, when I was living in my dad's lift chair.....
On my lap, in bed--cuddling with me.. Even when I was lying on my side, on the couch, You managed to somehow, find, someway, to lie down on the SIDE of my body... You had to be with me~~~ giving me strength and love to get better...such a good cat.. You knew me, better than I knew myself..
When You started leaving my side, I knew I was improving.. Yes, you knew...how? I will never know...
And even that last day of your life: You allowed me to help you poop. You allowed me to help pull out the unproduced poop...half in and half out.. such a love..
And when you were in pain, You automatically ran into my bedroom to cry for help; not your room, but MY bedroom... as if that was a "special" room for you... OMG...
Omg that last day.. I will never forget... You were suffering.. You could not have any bowel movements, despite all the medications we tried and all the enemas I had to make you go through...all the emergency visits... OMG.. I tried...
You were crying, in my bedroom....It was so heartbreaking..I was a wreck... I really was.. I nw what I had to do... and the Specialist was agreeing.. we had reached our limits..
I hope you understand and forgive me...
I remember how I gave you, your favorite food: FF Salmon.., You scoffed that can down in no time... You were so happy.. yet you could not poop... you kept trying, kept getting cramps..to no avail.. You broke my heart..
You were so good for that final Vet visit.. Yes, you were so, so vocal in the car... I tried to comfort you.. but to now avail...
You were in my arms when you left me... I will never forget it... I loved you with all my heart and soul... You are my soul-cat.. You are my buddy... there will never be another cat like you.. I swear you were part human.. You understood me, so well... better than any humans could; except for my Dad...
I am keeping myself busy--daily.. I have a professional to talk to.. I do get out every day...
I had to get rid of your things.. so many memories.. I donated about 99% of them.. I could not believe I bought you so many things...but you would have been happy with the simplest of toys.. I did spoil you... But it was out of love.. I really hope you understand that...
I will be missing you every day of my life... I hope I made you happy with the short time we shared.... I love you... I am sending you so many kisses and hugs...I miss you...I honestly did my best with you.. I hope you are ok with that.. I hope I did not make things worse, or made you go though all the horrors.. I am so sorry ... I did it out of love,, but perhaps not out of wisdom.. I learned so much from you... love--unconditional love.. Yes, it is real.. You bae it to me.. You taught me.. I miss you and it... Thank You, Artie... for being my love...
I do not know if this will be the end.. or if I can find another little one to help me fill the vast emptiness in my life.. I only know that I love you. Our love will never end...
Thank you, my love...
Artie, I love you.. and always will.. Please forgive me all the tortures I made you endure...
Love,
Me...
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