Are They Friends Or Not? Hard To Tell

[Linderin]

Hey everybody,

I have 2 female indoor cats from the shelter, one is 4 years old and has been with me for 7 months, her name is Babs... the other is 2 years old and has been with me for 2.5 months, her name is Mirre.
Both were still quite feral when I got them and very much afraid of anything including me. They're doing really good now, slowly finding their way in my house and around me. They won't let me touch them, and Babs especially doesn't like any physical contact, but I respect that and won't push them.

I tried to give them a proper introduction to each other, with Mirre in a separate room and all, but Mirre was so extremely afraid of me that she kept hissing at me and wouldn't come out of hiding for a whole month, while Babs was very much aware that there was another cat in the house that she couldn't see and started showing small signs of distress. So after a month without progress I decided to take myself out of the equation, open up the doors in my house and let Mirre find her way at night while I was asleep. This worked, she started roaming around, met Babs and they started playing together. They've been friends ever since, or so I thought.

I've been monitoring their behaviour and lately it doesn't always look friendly. I know cats play by chasing each other and having play fights, but I've been noticing many signs of competition too. They follow each other everywhere, sniff noses and butts and then start pushing each other away. Babs usually swats at Mirre when she gets too close. If one of them eats kibble (I free feed in 2 separate bowls in different spots in my house), the other cat comes rushing and starts eating from the same bowl, trying to push the first cat away. They will continue like this for several minutes with Mirre frantically digging kibble from the bowl and Babs pushing her to the side. Sometimes it ends with Babs swatting at Mirre or another chase, but it can also end peacefully. This competition doesn't happen when I give wet food, probably because they have their own bowl then.
They've been chasing and fighting a lot more lately, though they don't make any distressed sounds and it looks like neither is winning or losing more than the other. They both initiate and give up, but Babs initiates far more often than Mirre and Mirre doesn't always respond. I do see puffy tails, claws and flat ears when they fight. It has come to the point where they walk around the house on tip-toe, afraid that the other cat will attack from somewhere. I also once noticed that Mirre wanted to go to the litter boxes, but turned around when she saw Babs sitting near them. They do share their litter boxes though, and I've never noticed any other problems.
Babs has given up on playing with me (she used to love it), because Mirre is so playful and active that there is simply no room for Babs. Babs does look kind of pissed off when I play with Mirre, but when I try to involve her, she just walks away. And when she does play, it quickly turns into another competition between them. If I try to get them into separate rooms to play with me, the only thing they'll do is scratch at the door and try to get out.
Mirre also doesn't use any of the ledges and beds I've hung on my wall, where Babs often sleeps. She has taken over Babs' favourite spot by the window though.

I'm not sure what it all means. When I read back it doesn't look very worrisome, but there are so many small signs of competition during the day that I just don't know if I should do something. They obviously don't avoid each other, quite the opposite, but they do fight a lot and it seems to be getting more. I am getting a feliway friends diffuser to see if that helps.
I would love to let them outside so they can let off steam, but I'm not going to until they let me touch them. I want to be able to deal with the consequences of letting my cats outside (getting hurt, having fleas...) before I open the door.

What are your thoughts? Are your cats the same? Is this normal for cats or should I regulate their competitive behaviour? How do you handle this kind of competition?

(ps. I posted something similar a few months ago, but that situation involved a different cat with different dynamics)

 

[Linderin]

Just now I observed Babs hogging the kibble bowls and keeping Mirre away at all cost. Mirre tries to eat but Babs just pushes her away. I don't really know what to do, but I'm going to search the forum for answers.

 

[Columbine]

It sounds to me like they're basically friends, but that they're vying for dominance a little too, especially with Babs being so possessive of the food bowl.

I think I'd stop free-feeding the dry, as it sounds like that's what's causing the biggest issue. Cats do perfectly well with set feeding times, and it's much easier to regulate what each cat is eating too
Transitioning Free-fed Kibble Kitties To Timed Meals
Feeding Cats In A Multi-cat Household: A Quick Guide

I think it would really help Babs to get some one on one playtime with you, as it's such a great way to bond and for each cat to positively own their territory. The easiest way to do this is to shut Mirre away whilst Babs has her game (I have to do this with my guys as my girl won't play with my hyper boys around). The best option is to wait until Mirre's asleep or chilling in one room (with Babs elswhere), shut the door, and go find Babs for a game. If this isn't possible, use food or a toy to lead Mirre to a suitable room and shut her in whilst Babs has a game. It's not for long, and it shouldn't cause any issues.

With having different sleeping spots, that's totally normal for cats - many cats in multicat homes will come to some private arrangement about territory division, rather than both using the whole home equally. Things may well change in time too, as cats do like to switch up their sleeping places. They may even just do a straight swap at some point!

I hope this has reassured you a little. Your cats are all so lucky to have such a wonderful, caring mom

 

[Linderin]

Thanks Columbine, those are useful tips!
Luring Mirre into another room should be easy, because she can't resist the sound of wand toys.
The thing with set feeding times is that I don't have a regular work schedule. And if I use a feeding bowl with a timer I'm still not sure if the food goes to both cats or only Babs :-) But there are feeding stations with chips, and although expensive they might be the solution here. Unless Babs pushes Mirre away from this too. I need to think about this a little more :-D
I've been trying to cut down on the portions I fed, both wet and dry, because Babs is getting overweight. Maybe this has caused the food aggression? I let their kibble bowls go empty from time to time to prevent overeating, this may have given Babs the signal that she needs to hoard and protect the food.

 

[ArtNJ]

Wondering if maybe they were part of a feral colony? Maybe that could explain how they can have this level of anxiety & competition in their relationship yet still manage to interact without it degenerating into a hate/true fighting relationship.

 

[Linderin]

Wondering if maybe they were part of a feral colony? Maybe that could explain how they can have this level of anxiety & competition in their relationship yet still manage to interact without it degenerating into a hate/true fighting relationship.

Good point, but they were captured in different places at different times. I think the main reason for things not getting out of hand is that Mirre somehow seems to adore Babs and bends herself to Babs' will.

 

[Columbine]

Not having a regular work schedule does make timed feeds harder, but by no means impossible. My experience is that you don't have to be mega strict with times, so long as they get, say, breakfast, tea, and supper. It's definitely worth considering, especially as Babs is gaining a little too much weight I don't think timed or microchip feeders would necessarily work for you, as Babs is SO determined about having all the food to herself.

Dry food is far more likely to be problematic with weight gain, simply because it's so calorically dense. I'd limit the dry food more than the wet, I think, as that's what will make the biggest difference without Babs feeling deprived