Anyone had to re-foster a second cat due to severe incompatability?

[chat2008]

We are three weeks into fostering a beautiful, friendly but extremely energetic Russian Blue boy, 2 y.o., 2 weeks since allowing supervised together time withour older 4 y.o. but much smaller and much more laid back female tabby. For the first week of supervised introductions together, our resident Tabby was the aggressor most of the time and we thought that once they adapted (and I emphasize we have been trying to nip confrontations in the bud, reward and praise them in their non fighting together time, etc etc) they could get along well because the newbie showed no aggression other than reciprocating with play fighting. But now that the newbie has acclimitized to our place, he has become more confident and while his own aggression seems more play oriented, he has much higher energy than our girl, is heavier and more muscular, and repeatedly tackles her like an NFL linebacker... the two of them then somersaulting through the air from his tackle, and then the two chasing each other and swiping at each other at top speed.

My wife wants to call off the adoption plan- for us to merely keep fostering the newbie, mostly separated, until we can find a new foster for him. I was inclined to give it more time but really, She has good points- that it wouldnt be best for either our resident cat or the newbie, who needs more freedom to be himself, to not accept this. He's a real nice cat who deserves a good home- we won't force him back into a shelter no matter what (he had a rough time not being adopted for a while due to his having the same urinary tract diet issue as our resident) we will keep him home and care for him as well as we can while not expanding the together time anymore, just keeping it minimal and cutting it off before any fights. We will have to bring him to adoption events.

I am a softie and wanted to try this a bit longer before declaring failure.. but my wife feels this is getting too dangerous and stressful for our tabby and confess she is probably right- even if they eventually become buddies, they will play fight when we are not around and she is simply not physically up to handling such body blows, and his energy level seems way too high for her. This Russian Blue would make a fantastic single cat and would probably do well with another more his physical and energy equal. He was actually bullied in the adoption-center pet store where he was residing for some weeks before when able to roam around fairly freely, but now he has become a bully owing to his superior size and strength.

We got into this knowing full well it might just be a foster even though we really wanted to adopt him. I'm sure many of you who foster regularly while havng resident pets already, have figured out better ways to accept the bonding and separation issues. Do you reduce the together time when you know that you aren't going to adopt?

Well, that's our situation- anyone is welcome to disagree or if you have experienced a similar dilemma, I appreciate all viewpoints.

 

[catmom5]

I used to foster for the local humane society and often found homes for my cats and kittens, although a few have had to be returned to the humane society for adoption. It is very, very hard to let them go, but knowing they are going off to a good home makes it worthwhile.

I think you haven't given them enough time to get used to each others' smells. A week of separation seems very short, to me. With that said, you have to be the judge of what is best for both cats. And, hard as it is, the resident cat has to be first consideration (in my opinion).

I had a boy (RIP Jess) who hated any new adult cats (but loved babies). So it was necessary for me to keep adult fosters in a separate room the entire time they were with me. It was hard to do that sometimes, but I figured it was better than a cage and I spent as much time with them as I could, they had cat trees, toys, snuggly beds, etc.

Sorry that you're having a rough time of things, but glad that you will do the right thing by both cats.
 

 

[chat2008]

Thanks- I know what you mean re. the separation. Most people involved in fostering at the adoption organization we dealt with actually felt anything beyond a week of total separation is excessive- but I notice on this forum the veteran opinion seems to be that two weeks of smell sharing before even allowing together time is probably wiser and if/when we try this with another new kitty we'll do that.

My wife's mind is made up that we need to be final on this decision but I confess I am a waffler, still crossing my fingers- for one thing, we will probably be fostering him for some time before another willing foster is found, so miracles might happen. But the deciding factor seems to be that, wonderful though this new boy seems to be, he is too rough on the small, gentle cat that, as you say, must come first- especially when it comes to her safety when we are not here. I think I am going to try the hot
Pepper sauce on the collar trick just mentioned on an adjacent thread, and see if maybe that causes the boy to stop play attacking her- its a longshot though.

 

[catmom5]

Also, please keep them separated when you can't be there to directly supervise or she might be hurt with rough play.

Finally, there is no one "right" time for them to be separated - it depends on the reaction of the cats involved. You have to follow their lead as to when they feel comfortable and safe. Sometimes it happens sooner, sometimes later, sometimes not at all. That's why short supervised interactions are best until you are positive there will be no issues.
 

 

[chat2008]

Thanks catmom- yes, we are hard core on no together time for these two except when we are supervising closely. It all feels a bit strange though now that we have more or less given up on this matchup except as a foster... But even then, we dont want the new boy confined 24 h/ day in the separate room. Wish I could be Dr Doolitle and speak to these two to make it work. Jackson Galaxy probably could.

 

[catmom5]

Glad to hear that! It is hard to keep them confined, but sometimes you have to look past the short term to the long term - it helped when I had to confine my fosters for weeks on end. And eventually, things worked out in the best for them. But, it isn't easy to do (at least for us).
 

 

[chat2008]

Latest is that today things took a little step forward... We decided to use a firm "no!" to pre-empt any pre attack posture and back that up with a water squirt to any any actual attacker... Maybe they read our vibes because oddly, except for a couple times, both cats avoided fighting today once we started that, and in the evening were even walking by each other with just mutual sniffs.. And for the first time our resident started to eat normally with the newbie gairly close. Up until today we had been keeping together sessions down to 15 minutes max, but today we ended with a 5 hour fught free session - so maybe just maybe we can pull off this adoption after all, we'll see.

 

[chat2008]

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Further update- something big seems to happened in the past 36 hours... As if they could read our minds. The tolerance that the two kitties have for each other has jumped up significantly and the mutual stare down and attack attempts have dropped way back. Tight supervision may be playing a role in nipping these in the bud, and we are now able to keep the supervsed sessions going almost indefinitely eg 4, 5, 6 hours- basically as long as we are around to keep a close eye. The flip side is that they "know" they could get a look, a "no!" or , worst case, even a water pistol squirt if they attack one another due to us being around and woukd lerhaps resume it fukl bire if we were out- we can sense they are nit remotely safe to be keft together unsupwrvsed yet- maybe safe, but it woukd be too stressful fkr them. But I think our mother henning to nip things in the bud has really helped drive down the tension and let them get used to the new order. The next step hopefully is that they actually start to bond positively- its still mostly live and live. Our resident clearly is starting to recognize the newbie as more "part of daily scenery" and the newbie has resumed occasionally head rub greeting our resident girl.. Though she continues to sometimes swipe him when he does this- but nit nearly often.

She is still extremely territorial about " her" big cat trees, so his attempts to roost there sometimes lead to a scuffle... But gradually she seems to tolerate more "time sharing" activity.. So I can see the gradual transformation underway that will hopefully keep building momentum.

Anyhow, not declaring victory just yet but there is real hope- and I wanted to post this for those who saw the title when in a similar boat... It really does just take tremendous patience.

 

[catmom5]

If at all possible, I would add another cat tree for the newbie to have. Vertical space is often a good place for them to get away to when they want to and that would take away the fight over the one. I know they are expensive, but perhaps you might try that if possible.

Good luck to you.
 

 

[chat2008]

In the works- we are ordering a second custom 79" wade's cat tree so that they'll have options to be equally high but separate. Oddly, though, our resident is most territorial about the smaller four foot tree that is nearby the large tree (a foothill tree so to speak) ...perhaps because it was her first tree and also juts into the main living area.