Hey guys, just thought I'd drop in and give another update.
Physically, I'm doing ok. I'm healing and am moving much better, but some swelling has come up around one side of my incision and it's quite sore so need to go back to the obstetrician tomorrow to get it checked.
Emotionally, we're doing ok as well. It didn't all really sink in until the weekend what had happened. I guess everything happening in the hospital and the constant stream of visitors and doctors kept me occupied. Since we've been home though, we've had to pack away all the baby stuff, which was horrible. I had to put away the special outfit I'd picked out for Joshua to come home from hospital in as well as other special outfits we'd specially bought. We went back up to the hospital to properly say good-bye to him - the 2 times I saw him I was doped out from the drugs, then the second time we had other people in the room. After that we signed the cremation paperwork, and chose an urn (which is a wooden box with a teddy bear on it, and will have an engraved plaque). Nobody should ever have to go to a mortuary to choose a baby sized urn. It was so horrible.
We've also since had to deal with baby stuff arriving that we'd ordered, and relatives had sent from Australia before they found out about Joshua. Today we got something in the mail addressed to "The parents of Joshua Lawrence P". As well as that, I had a lady in my complex ask today if I'd had the baby yet and when was he due. We've had to explain what happened a few times to people and it doesn't get any easier.
Every day gets a little better though, and we'll never forget our baby, but we'll always remember him. I've actually managed to write all this without crying which is a big step...
To top it all off my cardiologist is talking about repairing my aortic aneurysm before we have another child, and we'll know more next week when we see him again, but I may be looking at open heart surgery early next year.
I don't think I'll be posting much any time in the near future. My life at the moment is revolving around healing, both physically and emotionally and there's nothing else I get excited about that I can share. I will be lurking though, and wanted to let everyone know that I really appreciate the support.
to you all
Physically, I'm doing ok. I'm healing and am moving much better, but some swelling has come up around one side of my incision and it's quite sore so need to go back to the obstetrician tomorrow to get it checked.
Emotionally, we're doing ok as well. It didn't all really sink in until the weekend what had happened. I guess everything happening in the hospital and the constant stream of visitors and doctors kept me occupied. Since we've been home though, we've had to pack away all the baby stuff, which was horrible. I had to put away the special outfit I'd picked out for Joshua to come home from hospital in as well as other special outfits we'd specially bought. We went back up to the hospital to properly say good-bye to him - the 2 times I saw him I was doped out from the drugs, then the second time we had other people in the room. After that we signed the cremation paperwork, and chose an urn (which is a wooden box with a teddy bear on it, and will have an engraved plaque). Nobody should ever have to go to a mortuary to choose a baby sized urn. It was so horrible.
We've also since had to deal with baby stuff arriving that we'd ordered, and relatives had sent from Australia before they found out about Joshua. Today we got something in the mail addressed to "The parents of Joshua Lawrence P". As well as that, I had a lady in my complex ask today if I'd had the baby yet and when was he due. We've had to explain what happened a few times to people and it doesn't get any easier.
Every day gets a little better though, and we'll never forget our baby, but we'll always remember him. I've actually managed to write all this without crying which is a big step...
To top it all off my cardiologist is talking about repairing my aortic aneurysm before we have another child, and we'll know more next week when we see him again, but I may be looking at open heart surgery early next year.
I don't think I'll be posting much any time in the near future. My life at the moment is revolving around healing, both physically and emotionally and there's nothing else I get excited about that I can share. I will be lurking though, and wanted to let everyone know that I really appreciate the support.