Aloof cat. Help!!

[dominomax]

Hi All, 

I never had a pet before. I fostered couple of cats before for couple of weeks. 

Few months ago I fostered an 8 yr old persian cat who did really well with me ( he went from looking emaciated to healthy looking and is not very anemic like before) . 

Since he was doing so well I decided to keep him. The problem is that he is very aloof, doesnt cuddle/interact with me at all except when he is hungry. And has never slept with me on the bed ( which i very much want him to). 

What should I do? I feel very sad when I think about it. 

 

[catspaw66]

Welcome to TCS.

Thank you for fostering and adopting your cat. If he is 8 years old, the only way you are going to change him into a lap cat is if and when HE wants to. Just keep showing him that you love him by talking to him and attending to his needs. I am going to give you a link to the articles section, on cat behavior. I would suggest you look at most of the articles in there. They are almost an owners manual for cats.

www.thecatsite.com/a/cat-behavior-for-beginners    you may know some of this from being around other people's cats, but there is no such thing as too much information when you are an owner.

Please post some pictures of your boy in the Fur Pictures and Videos forum.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

It may be his personality; it may take time.  I've had my girls since they were tiny and one still has to come to me on her terms.  She goes through spurts where she wants to lay by my feet on the couch (they don't go in our bedroom because of DH's allergies).  And like lately; I only exist to feed her.  She has to sniff our hands before we can pet her.  It's just her.  I've gotten used to it.  Her sister (litter mates) is the exact opposite pretty much. She HAS to be on me if I'm laying on the couch and loves to be pet.  Ironically; as kittens my grumpy girl was the first to snuggle in my lap!  

I would just try to do things to make him associate the places you want to spend time with him as positive things.  Perhaps feed treats on your bed at bedtime (just a few, like 2-3).  Get some interactive toys such as da Bird or a laser pointer.  Most, but not all, cats enjoy catnip.  You can get it loose too.  

Also when you interact with the kitty; be sure your calm and not anxious.  They pick that stuff up easily.  When I spend time with new cats I'll get low to the ground and speak in a calm, quiet voice. Try to keep it soothing.  I might lay with a hand stretched out toward them so they can get to smell me.  It helps slowly build the trust.  Your kitty already knows you are trustworthy for the food so your started that way well.  You might also consider checking your environment; if the TV is on very loud kitty may prefer to spend time where it is quieter.  The same for if you walk heavy and that sort of thing.

I hope that helps!  I do think the articles catspaw linked you to will help a lot.  If you have more questions; please post here!  We are happy to help! 

 

[pinkman]

May I suggest clicker training? Not necessarily clicker training to get your cat to become I lap cat, but to create a strong bond between you and your cat. It's great mental stimulation for cats and also gives you something to do with your cat besides just plain feeding and playing with toys! I highly recommend it.

Some cats are just "aloof." When I adopted my cat a year ago, she was the Queen of the Ice Queens. She never wanted to really do anything with me. Everything was on her own terms. However, don't be alarmed by this. I have found out after a year here are some changes that happened between my cat and I.

- She sleeps with me, sleeps on my feet, kneads my stomach

- She "talks" to me

- She lets me brush her, and doesn't mind dry baths anymore

- She lets me massage her gums and brush her teeth

- She's just a lot more content!

A couple weeks isn't too long. It wasn't until this week that she let me brush her without her running away from the brush. It took 8 months for her to sleep next to me. Your cat might be a little stressed, I know mine was when I first got her.

Give your cat some space, love, feed him, clean his litter box... I'm sure he will eventually come around!

 

[dominomax]

> Clicker training 

Excellent idea. I just bought one. 

> Feeding on bed

Also going to try that. You guys are awesome. 

I can't control myself from force cuddling him. He purrs when I am doing that but runs away at his first chance. 

That is probably not good right? 

 

[dominomax]

He is not interested in any toys ( i tried like 7 or them) and doesn't care about catnip .  I am not sure what he did when he was with the previous owner. 

I cant get him to interact with me except when he is asking for food  ( pictured below )

 

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• dominomax
• Jun 28, 2013

 

[lilin]

You know, something I've found works for some aloof cats is... ignoring them.

If they don't want to be by you, just go about your business.

The point isn't to make them feel ignored.

You know how cats always seem to gravitate to the one person who doesn't like cats? It's because they ignore them; they don't even look at them.

To some cats, they take that as a sign of respect of personal space. Cats don't like to be stared at. Some cats don't like to be cuddled on someone else's terms.

You may find that he starts pausing and looking at you as you go about your business. If he does that, reward his show of desire. Smile, and reach down to touch him affectionately as you pass by. Don't stop and full-on pet him. Just do a contact-in-passing. That way he knows you're acknowledging his interest in you, but doesn't feel aggressively approached.

Over time, he may become more affectionate. It may have to stay on his terms, but even if it's infrequent, those signs of affection will make your heart explode. Keep in mind, he's a social creature, and he does want love. He just doesn't realize you're a source of it.

When I adopted my kitty, both her previous fosters, and her previous owner, described her as a cat who "never sought affection," even though she seemed to enjoy petting, as yours does.

These days, she sleeps on my bed, stays on her perch by my desk whenever I'm there (she is right now, in fact), and frequently rubs up against me for pets. She even grooms my hands sometimes. She is just beginning to crawl into my lap of her own volition, although she doesn't stay for very long as of yet.

It didn't happen immediately. You can't force a cat. And really, a few months isn't as long as you think -- especially not for an older cat with a very set idea of people. Give it time. You're asking him to totally readjust his understanding of human beings, and that doesn't happen overnight.

My kitty was a young adult who hadn't received enough love in her life, so she grew distrustful of people, and learned that they aren't a source of love. Your cat may have a similar past. That takes time to change -- especially with an adult cat.

Also be mindful of how and where you're petting. A lot of cats don't actually like the typical full-body stroke. They find it overwhelming. The cheeks, neck, chin, and ears are usually a safe spot for most cats. Try sticking to that.

Good luck to you and the fuzz. And thank you for adopting an older cat.

 

[msbedelia]

Great advice in this thread.

While it sounds like he doesn't enjoy the force part of force-cuddling, it's I think a good sign that he tolerates it and purrs. My Gracie has very little tolerance for forceful petting. She is somewhat aloof too, but as the months go by, she is becoming more affectionate. Clicker training has helped us bond a lot, I feel.