So I've had a very stressful week. School starts on Tuesday and it was a bunch of last minute juggling acts to get me in this semester (financial issues). So that was first.
Then, Josh went to Nashville on Tuesday to go to a doctor's appointment with his neurologist. I hate it when he goes out of town. I've been battling with lots of anxiety and emotional issues lately and when he's gone I have nothing to do but sit around and think. I really don't have many friends. My two best friends live at least two hours away from me and I really only get to talk to them on the phone except for the occasional visits. The only distraction I have is my job, which I love. I love the people, I love the work. So at least I have that.
Then, on Friday I had a big upset. I dated this guy for two years, Bryan. I was head over heels for him. We just clicked. I've never been more in sync with a person in my entire life. Even now with Josh. Which makes me feel awful, but it's the truth. The tail end of the relationship was awful. He became incredibly jealous and controlling. So we broke up after months of fights and trying to stick it out. I know it was the right thing to do, but to this day he still holds a large part of my heart. We broke up about three years ago. Well, we have only had sparse contact since then. But about a month ago he calls me and after ten minutes of small talk he tells me he's separated from his wife (he got married about a year after we broke up). Nice timing on his part, right? I haven't really talked to him since then, but he's been on my mind. But on Friday as I'm heading back to lunch after work, he's turning in to my apartment complex as I'm turning out. Turns out he now lives in my apartment complex. In the apartment right behind mine. He had no idea I lived here, just a big coincidence.
It's just had me so messed up. I've spent the last three years trying to avoid him. And now I'll see him all the time. Now I'm not stupid enough for anything to happen. I love Josh very much and he is an amazing guy. But I know if I was single, I would very stupidly fall back with Bryan. There is no question in my mind that's what would happen. It's so strange thinking he is literally only feet away from me. I can hear him in his bedroom from mine.
And to top it all off Josh still isn't home. He was planning on coming home yesterday but is having car trouble. And now he's sick. His entire family has been passing around a stomach virus since he's been up there. And he calls me at midnight last night saying he's now got it. So between him being sick and his car who knows when he'll get home. And I'm off today and all tomorrow. So I have nothing to do but sit around the house, thinking and stewing about all of this.
Anyway. Just needed to vent I suppose. Thanks if you read this whole thing,
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Then, Josh went to Nashville on Tuesday to go to a doctor's appointment with his neurologist. I hate it when he goes out of town. I've been battling with lots of anxiety and emotional issues lately and when he's gone I have nothing to do but sit around and think. I really don't have many friends. My two best friends live at least two hours away from me and I really only get to talk to them on the phone except for the occasional visits. The only distraction I have is my job, which I love. I love the people, I love the work. So at least I have that.
Then, on Friday I had a big upset. I dated this guy for two years, Bryan. I was head over heels for him. We just clicked. I've never been more in sync with a person in my entire life. Even now with Josh. Which makes me feel awful, but it's the truth. The tail end of the relationship was awful. He became incredibly jealous and controlling. So we broke up after months of fights and trying to stick it out. I know it was the right thing to do, but to this day he still holds a large part of my heart. We broke up about three years ago. Well, we have only had sparse contact since then. But about a month ago he calls me and after ten minutes of small talk he tells me he's separated from his wife (he got married about a year after we broke up). Nice timing on his part, right? I haven't really talked to him since then, but he's been on my mind. But on Friday as I'm heading back to lunch after work, he's turning in to my apartment complex as I'm turning out. Turns out he now lives in my apartment complex. In the apartment right behind mine. He had no idea I lived here, just a big coincidence.
It's just had me so messed up. I've spent the last three years trying to avoid him. And now I'll see him all the time. Now I'm not stupid enough for anything to happen. I love Josh very much and he is an amazing guy. But I know if I was single, I would very stupidly fall back with Bryan. There is no question in my mind that's what would happen. It's so strange thinking he is literally only feet away from me. I can hear him in his bedroom from mine.
And to top it all off Josh still isn't home. He was planning on coming home yesterday but is having car trouble. And now he's sick. His entire family has been passing around a stomach virus since he's been up there. And he calls me at midnight last night saying he's now got it. So between him being sick and his car who knows when he'll get home. And I'm off today and all tomorrow. So I have nothing to do but sit around the house, thinking and stewing about all of this.
Anyway. Just needed to vent I suppose. Thanks if you read this whole thing,