Aggressive older kitten (~5 months), scared younger kitten (~10 weeks), coming back from a bad intro

[piakay]

I posted a week or so ago about adopting a second kitten as a companion to our current kitten (Pia, 19 weeks). We adopted Oliver (10 weeks) a week ago and, while still early on in a process that I know can take time, does not seem to be going well considering how young they both are. The rescue we got Oliver from recommended an introduction the next day (Saturday) since the cats are both young and should be reasonably flexible in adapting. We tried on Saturday and Sunday and both cats were clearly upset, Pia was hissing and growling, both of them had arched backs, etc.

We decided we needed to slow down and not introduce them again until Pia stopped hissing at him under the door. Come Tuesday, she had stopped hissing/growing under the door and they were actually playing under the door! We brought out the towel that he's been sleeping on in his cat bed and she attacked it like she does with her toys after sniffing for a bit but then curled up and slept on the towel, which we saw as a good sign. She also started meowing by his door a lot so we thought that maybe she's curious and ready to see him again. We introduced them again on Wednesday and all meetings since have been the same, she stalks him around, manages to corner him, and then hisses, growls and swats him on the head with her paw. He's now basically terrified of her and will sometimes freeze in place when she's in the room. I don't know if we should continue to let her assert her dominance or if we basically need to start from scratch again.

I'm a bit worried because we have Oliver in his sanctuary room (our guest bedroom) but now he's meowing all the time to get out even though it's a spacious room with toys, his litterbox and food, etc. plus we try to spend as much time as we can with him (although whenever Pia sees one of us go in there she gets really upset and starts meowing and whining).

I had a few questions that I was hoping to get input on -

1) is this normal or do all the signs above imply that this introduction is not going well?

2) can cats become good friends after a bad introduction or are we basically doomed?

3) This probably wasn't right on our part, but we adopted Oliver for Pia's sake as we thought she would do well with a friend based on everything we read about kittens. Based on this past week alone, it does seem that she might be a happy only cat and prefers to have all our attention. Should we wait things out? Would it be terrible if we took Oliver back? He came from a no-kill rescue and is an absolutely sweet and adorable kitten so I don't think he'll have any trouble getting adopted again although the thought of taking him back makes me feel terrible . If we do take him back we definitely won't be getting a second and will just be a single cat home.

Thanks in advance for any responses, input, etc. We are getting to the point where we'd like to make a decision in the next day or so on whether it's worth it to continue trying for both cats' sakes or whether Oliver might do better elsewhere.

 

[piakay]

I wanted to add that there is no hissing/growling when they are in separate rooms and they seem to enjoy playing under the door but when face to face there is a lot of aggressive behavior.

 

[gilmargl]

Don't give up! I foster strays and unwanted cats and kittens for a cat charity and I try to provide support to families who have adopted one of my protégés only to find that, in spite of all precautions, things just don't seem to be working out with the resident cat.

One week is a very short time for a kitty to adapt to its new home even when there is no other cat to make life difficult. When my children were small there was no opportunity to introduce new cats slowly into our lives. In order to keep up a 2-cat household, whenever one pet died, (fortunately a rare occurrence) after a short period of mourning it had to be replaced. A visit to the animal shelter and we had our second cat again. This was promptly set free in the living room and, either immediately attacked the resident cat or was tolerated for a few hours before the resident cat decided it had enough of the visitor. Nevertheless, perhaps because the house is large enough for 2 cats to keep out of each others way, or because my children spoiled both cats separately, we never had to reconsider our decision to take on a second cat.

Almost all my "customers" who offer homes to one of my 12 week old kittens, simply let the kitten out of the basket in the living room, making sure that litter box, and hiding places are available nearby. The resident cat usually looks on or decides to get out of the way. I always take my kittens and cats to their new home so I see what goes on. One of my kittens actually "attacked" the resident cat and frightened him under the sofa. Needless to say, there has never been a problem as far as kittens are concerned. The only occasion where the new owners were driven to distraction was when they took on the whole litter of 3 kittens who immediately hid under the cooker, behind a cupboard and in one of the children's bedrooms. The house was full of visitors and children and the kittens were terrified. They took a while to find each other again - meanwhile using beds, etc. as toilets - the 2 resident cats refused to come into the house. When I phoned a couple of weeks later, everything was sorting itself out. The children were enthralled and even the kitten which had spat and growled at anything that moved was turning into a loving and affectionate companion. The mother now admits that at first she kept asking herself why she had taken on all 3 kittens. One child in a wheelchair, an elderly parent as well as husband and another younger child, were more than she could be expected to cope with. Now that the family have moved to a new bungalow, specially designed for a wheelchair, the whole family and the 5 cats and 2 rabbits are doing well.

But this isn't going to help you. I don't think there is a patent solution. Some cats will never get on with other cats possibly because they never had the chance to socialize with their siblings. However, even if they never really learn to like each other, there is no reason to believe that they won't accept each others presence. My own battered baby, discovered badly injured at 5 weeks old in a rubbish container, is now 8 years old and although most of the cats I've looked after treat her badly, she still likes to be around them.

When she feels like it, one of my fosters chases every cat in the house, but she leaves any cat that is eating alone. Perhaps feeding them both at the same time with the door open will help matters. I hope so - and I'll post again if I can think of any other ideas. Others may recommend the Feliway diffuser - unfortunately it never worked for my older cats but I've never tried it with kittens.  

 

[piakay]

The issue is, we wanted a second cat for our current cat (Pia). So I'm not sure if it would be in both of their best interests if they are merely tolerating each other or coexisting. We can give it a bit more time but it's been causing a lot of stress all around. Our resident cat is obviously upset (although thankfully no litter box issues, just more whining and a bit more hyperactive and aggressive than usual), the new kitten is stuck in our guest room and we can't give him the amount of attention he probably needs with our work schedules and the jealous resident cat prowling around, thankfully he's still super sweet and affectionate, and we (fiancé and I) now find ourselves spending all our free time trying to make sure both cats are happy! I guess we thought the introductions would be smoother with two young kittens but that hasn't been the case.

We both don't want to force it but also don't want to give up too soon. I just don't know if we've already set off on the wrong foot and whether there's any chance of salvaging things so that they'll actually be friends. I also don't know if we need to go back to square one or whether we should continue the supervised interactions, which thus far have really only included staring, stalking, swatting, and hissing from the resident cat and running or being frozen in fear for the new kitten. During supervised interaction we try to distract both with toys but they will not play in the same room, even with their favorite toys. Unfortunately our older kitten is not food motivated at all so I don't really know if we can use feeding to create positive associations.

Just at a loss here and want to do the right thing for both - whether that means giving it a shot for another week or so or just calling it a day, accepting that our resident cat probably prefers to be alone.

 

[piakay]

So.. after a few more days we've increased their face time and there is no more hissing or growling BUT the only way they interact is by play fighting! They chase each other all over the house, pounce on each other, bunny kick, etc. The fights were one sided before but now the little guy seems to be more comfortable and has become the instigator at times as well. Is it normal/ok that these are the only type of interactions they have? If they aren't play fighting but are in the same room they sit a few feet apart, is there still a chance that they may become cuddly? I did notice that whenever we let the younger one out of his room, they seem to greet each other by bumping noses. Assuming this is positive? When they aren't in the same room they sometimes seem to be meowing for each other, not sure if we should continue to maintain the separation or if it's ok to just let them be?

The older one has also used the younger ones litter box a couple times when she's in his room and has also eaten out of his food dishes. He's also eaten from hers when we bring her food in to his room for them to eat together. Are these possible signs of bullying or does it just mean that they are comfortable with each other?

 

[gilmargl]

Great! You are doing well. Young cats will play quite roughly but, so long as one is not really hurting the other, it is quite natural. In fact it would be quite unnatural if they became "cuddly" and didn't chase each other all over the house.

Eating from each others dishes and using both litter boxes is normal practice. They have no idea about what's "yours" and what's "mine" but will use whatever takes their fancy. You'll find this out soon enough if ever you have to feed one a different diet or give medication.

By the way, many cats sharing a household will get on well together without ever cuddling up together. Most siblings (particularly brother and sister) give up this habit as they grow older. You should be happy that they play together. If you are lucky they will sit on your lap together but it's just as pleasant sitting on the couch with one lying on your right hand side and the other on your left. You've done everything right. The first few nights when they are not separated may lead to some hissing under your bed but they will soon accept each other and sort out for themselves where they are going to sleep.

I'm glad you're not still thinking about taking the kitten back to the shelter. I have an unfortunate feral kitten in a dog carrier in my cellar. Somebody found him or her and brought it  to me. The poor thing is wild and cries a lot. It has no hope of survival unless it becomes tame enough to be re-homed. At least it's eating well and is a pretty kitty..