After 6 months older cat still not accepting kitten. At a loss...

[Zanther]

I’m beginning to think getting a second cat was a mistake but one I have to live with (kitten too darn cute to give up).

my issue being my elder cat (13y in a few months) just simply refuses to accept him. Part of it might be my fault. I didn’t get to do a grace period of introduction with toys and bedding. He was the last kitten from a co-worker of a little a stay mamma brought to their place. The kitten had thus been with their own cats (and dogs) and was a sociable kitten. So much so that the room I set up for him he would constantly cry from (even with regular visits from me) and thus the elder cat knew he was around (and she saw me bring him home as she greets me at the door often. In spite of my efforts, the kitten did escape when I tried to enter the room one day in the first week. The elder had investigated the door and hissed as I expecte. Guess I should add she up to this point has been an only cat and might be part of the problem there. So...meeting went with him running up to her (I couldn’t catch him fast enough)(he was use to being and playing with other cats) and she naturally hissed and tried to fend him off. I separated them as fast as possible but the damage might of been done. He wants to play (though I suspect now he might be trying to claim dominance at 9 months and he’s neutered) but she always grows and hisses at him.

I have set up a baby gate system with him (as I suspect his energy lvs were high from a small confinement) and have locked the elder in my room while he explores and have given him free reign when I go visit home (with the elder with me) of the apartment so sent is not an issue. But I have given them supervised interactions and even have him be out when she’s not locked up but even with the gates and being able to always hear and smell she just always goes into defense mode with growing when he’s near and hissing when he gets too close and they’ve had a few scuffles with her usually running to hide (and even if he’s being submissive). I’m...just not sure what to do. I’ve done area swapping and she hangs out near the gate most of the time though and hisses when he goes to investigate.

the vet says it may not be til he’s a year old before she may start to accept him as his kitten behavior will be lessened and be more adult in nature but I fear she may never accept him with the few years she has left (and...I fear I may have shorten it with possible stress). What should I do? Impossible to really start from scratch at this point. I has hopped she’d like having a companion but her personality might not be suitable for that. And I have tried treat time together. Maybe feeding at the gate might help...

 

[di and bob]

Feeding close together does help....Your situation sounds perfectly normal. Kittens are a pain to elder cats, especially females who are the limit setters, the manners teachers. Females almost ALWAYS swat and hiss and growl at kittens and really almost all others who venture too close. She may even pin the kitten to the ground by the neck to teach it limits. The kitten will howl and scream and run away for a minute, but if it comes almost immediately out of hiding (or shortly) and approaches her again, all is well. Even two kittens playing together sound like they are killing each other at times. As long as there is no blood drawn or deep bites, all is well. Just make sure there are places your girl can escape to, preferably up high that she can defend against the kitten. It d3efinitely will get better as the kitten slows down a bit as he ages. I don't think you are stressing her out too much, really having all this excitement around and watching the kitten is giving her something to do. and females like nothing better than putting the boys in their place. Just watch and put her in another room if it really gets to be too much. Get a kickeroo on Amazon and throw it towards the boy if he starts stalking her, they are great distractions. I have two and I keep one at all times in a baggy with catnip to keep it fresh. If they have been around each other for 6 months, I would bet she is more accepting than you think.....

 

[Zanther]

I hope so. Just would think after 6m she’d be a bit more use. Sadly as for high places I do lack but she does behind the couch and under my bed. Been tempted to get a large cat tree but $ for one is different story. I’ll look into the kickeroo though. And move feeding to the gate. Means leaving for work will be a chad of a chore lol.

 

[di and bob]

As long as she has somewhere to go. Kittens are a pain.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

You're not doing all that badly. Your 13-year-old cat is the equivalent of a 68 year old woman, and the kitten is just a bit much for her right now. Keep doing what you are doing, and read what di and bob said...TWICE! As your kitten grows and matures, she'll be easier for your Grand Old Lady to tolerate!

 

[flybear]

I agree what everyone else said ... kittens are little punks ... and it is an adult female's job to put them in place ... and that doesn't usually happen without hisses and swats, pinning down and neck bites ... I have an indoor catio that I made out of wire cube shelving ( rather large closet sized ) that I have kittens sleep in overnight until they are at least a year old. My adult seem to really like being safe and at peace during the kittens most active times and have time to eat and use the litterbox in peace and quiet overnight .. We feed at night when the kittens get locked up - plenty of downtime. Lots of places to hide from each other is another thing ... I think your situation will improve when the kitten turns into a more dignified cat around age 2-3 - they do get calmer ...