Adoption Regret?

[Rox'n'Ron]

Yeah so the title kind of explain my issues here. I'm having major doubts about whether or not adopting my cat was a bad idea and how i kind of wish i hadn't.

But here's the beginning. I've been pet-less for almost 4 years now but my previous one was a dog. All this time I wanted to get another pet but though a dog wasn't the best idea and thought a cat would fit my life better. My best friend has had cats almost all her life and a few accidental litters. I've seen many of those litters and joked many times about getting one. I've seriously thought about it more the last few months. I must also say I still live with my father and brother and they've were okay with the idea of getting one but it would be my own to take care of (fine with me too). Last Saturday (July 28th) I finally brought home one of my BF kittens, a little orange and white 3.5 months kitten that I named Ronald. I was so excited and it was amazing. I bought all i needed for it: food, cat tree, toys, carrier, etc. All of that so far as costed me 350$. It's fine because I know it costs more upfront and also my friend just gave it too me. I was a little stressed about bringing him home finally. but I was handling it fine.

Now it's his 5th day with us and i'm starting to have some regrets. He's a well-behaved cat, goes to the litter box no problem, eats well, social. He's a normal energetic young kitten. The issues are with me I guess. I thought I had prepared and knew what to expect. I might have been wrong. I am now feeling very overwhelmed. I love animals and enjoyed every moment spent at my friend's cuddling her pets. I didn't realize until I got Ron that I enjoyed leaving the cats behind at the end of the day. right now it feels like a clingy little brother that I can't away from me and it's not making me feel well. I've started stressing about it when I went back to work on Monday and now whenever I start to think about long term with him it spikes. I'm writing this on my way down from a panic attack about being a good cat mom and having committed to him for 10-15+ years. I'm heading to his first vet appointment in 30min and I'm finding myself having weird bad thought about something bad happening to him so I could get out of this commitment. Don't be scared for him, I would NEVER hurt him. I'm just wishing for a way out without giving him up.

I don't want to feel like a failure because I can't cope with him and I should be able to honor this commitment. The thing is that I feel like i'm fooling myself thinking I could do it. I feel like when I look around at my room and my life in general I can barely take care of myself. The cat is making it worse I feel. Maybe I'm just low morale this week but it's rough. I also feel like it would be very awkward to just give him back to my friend because I can't do it and she was so happy I adopted him. I wouldn't want that to affect our friendship but i'm not sure this is a situation where i'm doing well. At least right now. People that visited the house and met him so far already love him and I don't want to look like a failure to them either or that they judge me.

I wanna give myself more time with him hoping it's gonna get easier but I keep thinking about long term with him and I'm so scared and anxious. I'm not really sure what i'm trying to get out of posting this here. I know adoption regret is not uncommon but when i've read about it a lot of people were saying that it went away after a bit and that things turned out fine. I'm not convinced it's gonna happen to me. Maybe I wasn't ready for a full-time commitment. No matter how much i wanted it, I should be able to take care of me before getting another living being in? It's not the physical taking care of it that tedious, it's the mental load that I don't think I can balance.

Sorry for the very long message. As you may have read, I have a lot on my mind and this is complex to me.

TLDR: I think I regret getting a cat because long-term makes me anxious but also don't want to fail and give him up.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi! You are one of the fortunate ones to have a well behaved kitten.
When you're back from the vet take a look through this thread, link below, it might help, I don't know.
I could post some "new cat owner" articles and likely someone else might, but I'm thinking you don't need those quit yet...

Well, this isn't quite the thread I was thinking of, it seems like there was one where the person felt very similarly to you about adopting one cat, I'll keep looking.

If you don't feel up to the time commitment, the financial and emotional commitment, you should allow the cat the opportunity to be freely loved and welcomed by someone else who has an open heart.
Failure comes in if you keep the cat and can't ever figure out how to feel joy in the relationship with it. That's really unfair to the cat.
In the meantime, there's this thread discussion;
I Might Have Made A Mistake Adopting

 

[Purr-fect]

Talk to your friend. This cat deserves a loving home. If its not from you, its ok, but you are now responsible for finding it a good home. That does not mean the local animal shelter.

 

[GreyLady]

I think maybe you are just having anxiety. Just take it one day at a time, slowly yuou will love him and want him to live as long as possible and not think of it that way.

Cats, generally (vet bills aside) are not expensive pets to maintain. And they give a lot back, someone to play with when you're bored, someone to love you no matter what and not judge you.

I would think about why it's stressing you out. Are you financially secure (job you cant see just losing?) Are you at risk of being homeless? Do you think you might not live that long? Are you emotionally disabled in some way that you cant love another critter? If there isnt any actual real reason why you think you would be unable to care for him, I would say you are just having anxiety about it and you should take it one day at a time.

It sounds like you are young and taking it very seriously (which you should!) but also like you're already doing well because you're so worried about being a good cat mom in the first place and because you prepared for him so well. Alot of people get cats without getting anything at all on a whim and then run to the pet store, and learn as they go, and then sometimes still love their pets and become good pet parents along the way. Not that that's good, but you sound ahead of the game

 

[ArtNJ]

Lets be clear about what is going on. From something you said, I'm guessing that the issue is that the kitten is what I call a "stalker" kitten, meaning he follows you everywhere, climbs on your lap, on the keyboard, meows when you don't pay attention to him. Is it that or something else?

Stalker kittens can be difficult for anyone at times -- its just too much sometimes. If you have underlying anxiety, I can see where a stalker kitten might trigger you. Unfortunately, there is no easy or complete fix for this issue; its something that mostly gets better with time. If this is the issue, best to give the kitten back. Many would love to have a kitten that can bond with a human so quickly and deeply. You, on the other hand, might be able to handle a more typical kitten, but are not able to deal with a stalker -- it isn't something to feel bad about, it is what it is.

 

[Rox'n'Ron]

Thank you all for the replies. I realized that I made it sound like money was an issue but it isn’t really one. I think it’s more emotional and mental. I’m so lucky that he’s a good cat so that's not the issue. I’ll give it more time for sure. It’s hard to think of rehoming him but it’s also hard to think that I’ve committed to more than a decade of something being dépendant of me when I have a hard time being indépendant myself. He’s so cute too.

 

[susanm9006]

It’s okay to be anxious about taking on a new pet. Honestly, I could have taken your post and applied it to myself the first day I brought my son home from the hospital. But kids and pets do have a way of growing on you and you find the pleasure they bring balances out the responsibility. Try to take a deep breath and give yourself some time to just see how each day goes. If it is too much for you it is perfectly okay to rehome or return your kitten.

 

[talkingpeanut]

How did his check up go today?

 

[KarenKat]

First of all, virtual hug sending your way This is a big transition for both you and him, and it will take time to adjust.

Second, you are awesome for thinking and preparing for the future. You want to be a good cat mom, even if you hadn't already said so your cares and concerns would make any cat lucky to live with you.

I'm so sorry you are having anxiety. The hard part with that is no amount of logic or advice from us can take away the feeling of dread and anxiety that I'm sure is residing in your stomach. But you aren't alone. Even if this is "your" cat, I'm sure your family can help you periodically, and The Cat Site is an awesome and supportive online community. We are here for you too.

My only advice is counterintuitive - stop planning for the future and take time for yourself (no cats!).

I love my new kitty Olive, but it got very overwhelming trying to integrate her with our other cats and I had doubt, despair and regret. It's normal. When my boyfriend mentioned that she would be around for the next 15 years, I was shocked even though intellectually I knew this. Thinking in terms of the cats entire lifespan both adds unneeded stress on us, and it causes us to miss the fun kitten things in the moment. Every time you think of the future, maybe you can think of one ridiculous or cute thing that your little guy did that day. Try and be in the moment (it's super hard, I know).

And definitely reserve some cat-free time. Go grab a massage, or a latte, or whatever you enjoy doing to spoil yourself. Do this away from cats, cat forums, pet stores or friends with pets. This helped me A LOT. You need a break.

If you try these two things, and give it some time and you don't feel any better at all, it is absolutely ok to rehome him. It is not failing, even if you feel like it is. If you find a new home for this little guy, you will have changed his life for the better even if that life is not with you. Hang in there, and give yourself permission to be human. We all are.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi again - I found a couple of other thread discussions along with the one I was thinking of.
Each thread has a slightly different situation than yours, but similarly to here above already, there are gems of advice, support, suggestions and thoughts from TCS members. I'm glad you came here. Hang in there!

Adoption Regret
Regretting Adoption Of Cat - Can You Relate?
Struggling (and Failing) To Bond With New Cat