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- Jan 7, 2022
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I am a new college graduate, just moved across the country for a job in October and have always wanted a cat of my own after growing up with them. I adopted a 3 year old male cat about 4 days ago, and they have been some of the longest days of my life- it feels more like weeks.
I didn’t get to spend much time with him before adopting and as soon as I went to pick him up I started feeling like something was wrong, but I brought him back to my apartment and he immediately explored and made himself at home. I FaceTimed my family to show him off and I thought I was just having a bit of anxiety until an hour later I was having a full blown meltdown, just sobbing and hyperventilating.
So of course once I calmed down a bit I took to the internet and saw that post-adoption anxiety is fairly common. At this point I have read just about every post and article on the internet about this and very few have brought me any comfort. Most people with this have kittens or cats with behavioral issues but this cat is literally an angel. He is calm and cuddly and affectionate and sleeps on my bed at night. He seems to have a bit of a cold from being at the shelter but is eating and drinking well and using the litter box. I don’t find myself worrying about whether I can take care or him or if he’s ok but I find just his presence to almost be too much. I feel anxious and sad when I look at him and stressed when he tries to sit on my lap.
The day after I brought him home I was basically in constant panic breakdown mode and could hardly function. I was giving myself headaches and stomachaches and breaking down sobbing all the time. The next day was the same and so I emailed the lady in charge of adoptions telling her a bit about the situation because I didn’t know what to do. She had the cat’s previous foster mom contact me and we talked for a few minutes and she asked me to give it a few weeks and that I should forgive myself for feeling some anxiety. I felt a little better after that but an hour or two later I felt not anxious but just numb and depressed. I sat on the couch and sort of watched a show until I fell asleep with the cat laying on the other end of the couch.
That brings us to yesterday where I spend the first half of the day feeling incredibly depressed and very out of it. I had barely eaten since I got the cat, so I was feeling kind of weak. I had a heavy feeling in my chest and started getting chest pains. I think I even began to dissociate for a time and I could not focus on anything. I have not been able to get things done that I really need to for work. When it was time to leave work I started feeling anxiety in my stomach again and when I got home and saw the cat I locked myself in my room and laid down for an hour. Even thinking about just getting though the weekend felt impossible.
Then I made myself go to the couch and let him sit on my lap and I called my mom. She thinks that I should return him because I seem to be having an extreme and disproportionate reaction to the cat. I kind of agree but every post online says to give it time. I talked to my friends and my sister too and now I’m posting here, and I know that no one else can decide this for me, but I think I’m just looking for as many perspectives as I can get. After talking with my mom yesterday I kind of made up my mind to give the cat back because I felt I couldn’t bear it any longer and immediately felt some relief, though I felt sad at the idea. A few hours later I began to second guess myself again and became distressed.
This morning I feel calmer but sad and indecisive. I thought I was ready for a cat, but I am unsure what my future looks like for the next few years and I think adding the cat to that is maybe part of my stress. He came from a small shelter and the people running it seem very caring and he’s a very easy going cat who likes everyone so I think he would be ok if I did return him. Of course I adopted him with the intention of keeping him and it feels wrong to return him, but I also want him to live a happy life with someone who can give him all the attention and love he needs and deserves. I’ve been forcing myself to give him attention and hold him but it’s been hard for some reason. Since the beginning it’s been hard to put my finger on why I’m feeling like this. I’m also scared of never finding a cat like him again even though I know there are so many amazing cats out there and that I won’t be able to adopt again if I do this. I have been volunteering at a PetSmart taking care of cats so if I did return him I would probably just keep doing that and not try to adopt again for a while and also go see a therapist to try and figure out why I had this reaction. It seems like it could be the right cat at the wrong time kind of thing but then I feel sad and guilty thinking about returning him. I do like him and he’s very cute, but the anxiety is making it hard for me to enjoy him and bond with him. I think I could get through it eventually but I have no idea how long it would take and the thought of continuing to feel like this is overwhelming.
I don’t know if it’s fair to the cat to keep him when I’m like this. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to call him by a name yet. I know it’s only been four days which I know is no time at all, I’ve just really been struggling and it feels like it will never end and I don’t know how long I can last. Sorry for so much info, I’m starting to cry just reading back through this and any thoughts or support would be helpful.
I didn’t get to spend much time with him before adopting and as soon as I went to pick him up I started feeling like something was wrong, but I brought him back to my apartment and he immediately explored and made himself at home. I FaceTimed my family to show him off and I thought I was just having a bit of anxiety until an hour later I was having a full blown meltdown, just sobbing and hyperventilating.
So of course once I calmed down a bit I took to the internet and saw that post-adoption anxiety is fairly common. At this point I have read just about every post and article on the internet about this and very few have brought me any comfort. Most people with this have kittens or cats with behavioral issues but this cat is literally an angel. He is calm and cuddly and affectionate and sleeps on my bed at night. He seems to have a bit of a cold from being at the shelter but is eating and drinking well and using the litter box. I don’t find myself worrying about whether I can take care or him or if he’s ok but I find just his presence to almost be too much. I feel anxious and sad when I look at him and stressed when he tries to sit on my lap.
The day after I brought him home I was basically in constant panic breakdown mode and could hardly function. I was giving myself headaches and stomachaches and breaking down sobbing all the time. The next day was the same and so I emailed the lady in charge of adoptions telling her a bit about the situation because I didn’t know what to do. She had the cat’s previous foster mom contact me and we talked for a few minutes and she asked me to give it a few weeks and that I should forgive myself for feeling some anxiety. I felt a little better after that but an hour or two later I felt not anxious but just numb and depressed. I sat on the couch and sort of watched a show until I fell asleep with the cat laying on the other end of the couch.
That brings us to yesterday where I spend the first half of the day feeling incredibly depressed and very out of it. I had barely eaten since I got the cat, so I was feeling kind of weak. I had a heavy feeling in my chest and started getting chest pains. I think I even began to dissociate for a time and I could not focus on anything. I have not been able to get things done that I really need to for work. When it was time to leave work I started feeling anxiety in my stomach again and when I got home and saw the cat I locked myself in my room and laid down for an hour. Even thinking about just getting though the weekend felt impossible.
Then I made myself go to the couch and let him sit on my lap and I called my mom. She thinks that I should return him because I seem to be having an extreme and disproportionate reaction to the cat. I kind of agree but every post online says to give it time. I talked to my friends and my sister too and now I’m posting here, and I know that no one else can decide this for me, but I think I’m just looking for as many perspectives as I can get. After talking with my mom yesterday I kind of made up my mind to give the cat back because I felt I couldn’t bear it any longer and immediately felt some relief, though I felt sad at the idea. A few hours later I began to second guess myself again and became distressed.
This morning I feel calmer but sad and indecisive. I thought I was ready for a cat, but I am unsure what my future looks like for the next few years and I think adding the cat to that is maybe part of my stress. He came from a small shelter and the people running it seem very caring and he’s a very easy going cat who likes everyone so I think he would be ok if I did return him. Of course I adopted him with the intention of keeping him and it feels wrong to return him, but I also want him to live a happy life with someone who can give him all the attention and love he needs and deserves. I’ve been forcing myself to give him attention and hold him but it’s been hard for some reason. Since the beginning it’s been hard to put my finger on why I’m feeling like this. I’m also scared of never finding a cat like him again even though I know there are so many amazing cats out there and that I won’t be able to adopt again if I do this. I have been volunteering at a PetSmart taking care of cats so if I did return him I would probably just keep doing that and not try to adopt again for a while and also go see a therapist to try and figure out why I had this reaction. It seems like it could be the right cat at the wrong time kind of thing but then I feel sad and guilty thinking about returning him. I do like him and he’s very cute, but the anxiety is making it hard for me to enjoy him and bond with him. I think I could get through it eventually but I have no idea how long it would take and the thought of continuing to feel like this is overwhelming.
I don’t know if it’s fair to the cat to keep him when I’m like this. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to call him by a name yet. I know it’s only been four days which I know is no time at all, I’ve just really been struggling and it feels like it will never end and I don’t know how long I can last. Sorry for so much info, I’m starting to cry just reading back through this and any thoughts or support would be helpful.