Adopted a kitten. He hisses at me and hides all day.

[vicsin]

I have always loved cats and wanted one of my own. Finally my bf and I decided we were ready and searched for the right cat. We decided on a Russian blue because they are better for people with allergies (I have allergies but they are mild ). The kitten is a 4 month old male we decided to call Simon. Simon was rescued by a woman who caught him on the street about 3 weeks ago along with his mom and siblings. Mom ended up getting sent to a cat farm because she was very aggressive but we were told Simon was ready to be adopted. He was spayed and had his shots and he was kept in a large crate at the woman's house where she also had other pets. My bf and I held him in our arms and he was so sweet and cute I fell in love and took him home. I knew Simon would need some time to adjust and still does but I didn't know it would be this difficult and emotionally stressful for me. I feel like Simon takes one step forward and two steps back. We made him a space in our storage room where we put his litter and food. On day one he stayed there and barely came out. We have him his space for the most part but I had friends over that night which may have scared him. He did explore the house ending up in the bathroom/under the bed etc. on day 2 he finally ate his food but still stayed hidden and we left him alone besides peeking in on him a bit and giving him wet food which he seems to like (usually eats it right away but barely touches dry).
On day 3 we decided to clean up his room a boy because too much junk was in there that could hurt him. As we cleaned I think he got scared. Next thing we know we hear meowing and find him under the bed where he pooped. Bf pulled him out of there and we cleaned up the mess. Held Simon in his arms while we both pet him gently. I got some food for him to make him feel better and gain his trust. He ate it from our hands which was a good step. Since then he has been eating and using his box normally. I thought maybe we didn't clean his box of the pee and that's why he pooped under the bed. Day 4 Simon found a good hiding spot in his room on an old coffee table that we put a blanket over. Stayed there most of the day. Peeked at him once and he hissed at me which broke my heart. Made sure to bring him lots of food and water. On day 5 I got him some catnip and some toys. I lifted his blanket and he hissed again. Decided to leave it a bit up so I don't startle him by lifting it. I got a feather and started playing with it on a string in front of Simon. He was mildly interested and his eyes followed it around. Eventually he swatted at it and I rewarded him with some yummy tuna. He hissed when I brought it in but ate it when I left the room. When my bf came home he decided to spend some time in simons room. He layed down on the ground and spoke gently to Simon. Got him his favorite food out until finally Simon came out and ate the food in front of my bf. These seem like good steps. I tried to do the same a few hours later but Simon hissed as usual then stopped when I ignored him and eventually fell asleep. I stayed on the flood quietly and tried not to make any abrupt movements but Simon got up and ran out of the room into the bathroom. I let him be. Bf and i decided to put our t shirts in there so he got used to our smell but he didn't seem to like that. When he came back to his little spot he avoided the shirts. Left him alone. At night he actually played with some toys we left out and came in to our room briefly. He's been coming to our room meowing the past 3 nights but runs away if I get up. Today is day 6. I said hi to him and gave him food and he hissed again. After I left the room he ran out past me and hid under the bed. When I got home from work today he is still under the bed with no intention to come out even for some new treats or a toy.

I wanted a cat so badly but I was not prepared for this. He hisses and shows no interest in ever coming up to us. I know it can take weeks but the progress is so slow I'm not sure he will ever be the love bug I imagined. It just breaks my heart.we tried everything we read to do but I can't tell if any if it helps. Also I have to take him to the vet this weekend which may end up setting him back even more in adjusting. I'm not sure this is the cat for me or that getting one was a good decision. All I can think about is him and how sad I feel that I can not bond with him in any meaningful way. Please help me with any advice on our situation. I'd hate to give up on him but if he can not be socialized I don't know what to do or how to even predict. It's emotionally draining and I can't help wishing I went with getting a cat from a breeder. I thought saving a rescue was the right thing to do but I didn't know it would be this tough and painful.

 

[r-kins]

Because Simon was found (and most likely born) on the street, it could very possibly be some feral tendencies (specifically a fear of people) that are coming back to him because he's so stressed. We had a cat that hid behind the washing machine for a week after we brought her home, and then hid in a bathroom a few more days before she was ready to handle it. Then hid in a bedroom for a few more days after that. This was a fully adult cat that had spent her whole life with humans. We had another cat that took a year to not jump when we petted him.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of good advice, but here is mine: Give him time, leave him alone, and don't move anything in the room. Let him have his room as a safe haven. Don't have people over until he calms down. He may have been acting sweet and friendly when you met him, but it's still super stressful to move to a new house. New smells, none of your siblings, and then to have a group of people over being loud. Then his safe room starts having changes made to it. I'd be stressed out, too. The fact that he's coming into the room and trying to get your attention at night is good. If he's lonely enough and calms down, he'll start coming out eventually during the day.

I totally understand how stressed out you're feeling, so just know that his behavior isn't abnormal. Don't take it personally, and try not to feel so heartbroken! Everything will be ok. Soon he'll be ready to hang out with you guys.

Oh yes, and you can try feliway and see if that helps. The pheromones are supposed to calm them.

Edited to add: Sorry, I didn't realize from your post that he was exclusively kept in a crate in the house. Yeah, the below posts are much more helpful than mine when it comes to how feral he is.

 

[red top rescue]

The fact that he was born wild to a feral mother gave him a feral start in life.  Each kitten is different and some will adapt and become very loving and some will not.  I have four here right now, they were trapped at about 10 weeks which is a little late.  However, one has become just like any domestic kitten, and her sister although more timid is much better than she was.  The two boys, however, do not want to be touched at all, but they do now meet my eyes and one even talks to me (this took MONTHS).  I do have an older domestic cat who is a lap cat who is in with them and has shown them humans are OK, and both the boys relate to him as their Big Brother and if not for him, they probably would never be tame at all.  I'm now working with them with treats, so they associate me not only with food but with these tiny treats that they have to get close to me to get.  The next step is going to be throwing the treats into cat carriers until they get used to that because they need to go to the vet to be neutered (the girls were spayed 5 weeks ago).  These boys used to hiss at me but now they don't. 

Confining him to a small space where you can be around him will help.  He will get used to you.  Getting a second kitten who was raised as a domesstic and likes people would be a HUGE help.  These cats are cat oriented and when you get them alone, they get scared, so they are best placed in pairs.  Find yourself a kitten that was raised in a home with kids, cats and dogs and it will probably be exactly what you want, and it will also teach your first kitten, over time, how to be a domestic cat.  He is hissing because he is scared, that's all.  I would never place a feral born kitten as an only cat expecially with an inexperienced owner.  This isn't good for either of you.  Get the loving kitten you want, and you will probably find one advertised on Craigs list or in the paper, one that was raised in a busy chaotic home, and he will be bomb proof and fearless and once they two adjust to each other, your scared baby will learn from your bold baby, and it will be a win win for everyone.

 

[Kieka]

Yikes. Welcome to the forum and take a deep breath. 

The bad news, if you have a little feral kitten on your hands. Kittens/cats with no human interaction are known as feral. A kitten on the streets with their momma pick up the feral habits and if they don't get caught until after 8 weeks (and yours was 3 months) then they are hard to socialize. The woman who gave him to you should have found a more experienced home, frankly, and re-homed him way too soon for his age when caught. Two weeks wasn't enough time to really socialize him enough for adoption.

Now, it isn't hopeless. 

You need to take a giant (GIANT) step back though. I got my girl at 4 months old and feral and now she is a love so you can do this. This is my recommendation based on what I did with her:

Step 1, Look up everything you can on socializing ferals. 

Step 2, Get a large dog crate or critter cage. Just big enough for him, litter box, food, water and a bed. And a stuffed animal to curl up with.

Step 3, Keep him in the crate whenever you are not home. Put the crate in a well traveled part of the house but with a cover over the top (just the top, think shade not hide) so he gets used to sights and sounds but feels like he is hiding. 

Step 4, Purrito. Take him out of the crate and wrap him up in a towel. This helps him feel secure. The idea is he can't move and just his head sticks out. Look up online tips how to do one I think Kitten Lady has some good examples from neonatal care tips. 

Step 5, In the purrito pet his head with a finger or toothbrush. 

Step 6, As he gets comfortable loosen the purrito. I should say throughout this part repeat his name and talk to him with his name. So he learns Simon is him basically. 

Step 7, Start just taking him out and holding him. If he runs or gets off your lap put him back in the crate for a little. Take him out. Rinse and repeat. The idea being to teach him he gets loving and pets when on you lap. 

Step 8, Allow him to walk around within arm reach. 

Step 9, Allow him to run around the room and play with toys supervised. Up to this point you are still putting him back in the crate whenever he isn't with someone.

Step 10, Allow him free range of a specific room with the crate set up as his safety spot if he gets scared.

Step 11, Open up rooms one at a time as he gets comfortable. 

At each of these steps you move to the next one when he is comfortable and responsive. If he gets scared at any point and bolt you put him back in the crate as his safe space and let him calm down then try again. Don't push him too far but keep expanding his comfort zone a little at a time. You can also put some treats in a jar and shake it while saying his name then give him a treat. This will help with getting him to come to his name and feel comfortable.

It took me about a month to get Rocket out of the crate completely. She's now 1.5 years and the best of my cats at coming when called. She is very comfortable around me and a little love.

And he was probably calm at the womans home because he was in the crate and comfortable with his boundaries. Feral kittens also tend to do well with their immediate rescue/socializers but can revert when they rehome too soon.  

 

[Kieka]

That second kitten who is from a busy house is a good idea too. Rocket definitely takes her cues from my older male. Just make sure it is a raised in busy house kitten. Anything less than a fully confident and self assured kitten could backfire. Please don't go to the same person/place, I wouldn't trust them in their judgement.

I forgot that ferals hate eye contact. My girl, Rocket, will only allow petting with one hand and no eye contact (I can but no one else can). So try to not look in his eyes until he is comfortable either.

 

[vicsin]

I definitely don't want another cat ...can't afford it and one is stressful enough. Also I don't want to put him in a crate. Keeping him in one makes me really uncomfortable. He has free range in my apartment which is pretty small (500 sq feet) and his own very small room. Actually he hissed at the lady who rescued him also and she had him in a crate. I never knew ferals would be so difficult . Wish I read up on it sooner. I'd prefer to let him keep roaming the house because he doesn't seem to mind doing so especially when bf and I are asleep. I feel he will adjust better this way by having a nice amount of territory for himself.

 

[vicsin]

Actually my bf used to have 2 cats living in this apartment. (Belong to his roomie). They moved out before I moved in. I wonder if borrowing one for a week would help Simon. Both of the cats were good and very comfortable in this apartment. One of them is like the perfect cat ...will hang out on the couch //sit in your lap//let you pick him up and pet him all you want super friendly and sweet. Not sure it's the best idea tho don't know if former roomie would be into the idea either lol

 

[red top rescue]

Yes, I forgot to mention that I had all four of mine in a large collapsible covered crate for the first two weeks I had them, with their food, water and litter.  The pictjure I took the first day shows 8 glowing terrified eyes at the back of the crate.  After they got used to me, I would sit with one arm inside the zipper, petting those who wanted to be petted (the girls). That's how I got the girls tame enough to handle, and after that the 4 kittens and the grown male spent another 2 weeks in a relatively small bathroom.  My "rescue suite" is what would be the master bed & bath for normal people.  I sleep in what would be a kid's room, and the room next to that is cat-free storage for everything I don't want cats to ruin.

The boys come right up to me when I feed everyone now, and they come and take treats from the floor right in front of my hand(the girls will take them from my hands).  One of them talks to me in a squeaky voice when he wants food or treats or anything.  He makes friendly body signs too, arching his back and rubbing on anything near him -- except me.  Eventually he will be friendly.  I'm not sure about his brother, though.  His brother is quiet and wary and never talks.

 

[Kieka]

Actually my bf used to have 2 cats living in this apartment. (Belong to his roomie). They moved out before I moved in. I wonder if borrowing one for a week would help Simon. Both of the cats were good and very comfortable in this apartment. One of them is like the perfect cat ...will hang out on the couch //sit in your lap//let you pick him up and pet him all you want super friendly and sweet. Not sure it's the best idea tho don't know if former roomie would be into the idea either lol

No. Do not bring in a short term buddy. It will create confusion.

 

[Kieka]

I definitely don't want another cat ...can't afford it and one is stressful enough. Also I don't want to put him in a crate. Keeping him in one makes me really uncomfortable. He has free range in my apartment which is pretty small (500 sq feet) and his own very small room. Actually he hissed at the lady who rescued him also and she had him in a crate. I never knew ferals would be so difficult . Wish I read up on it sooner. I'd prefer to let him keep roaming the house because he doesn't seem to mind doing so especially when bf and I are asleep. I feel he will adjust better this way by having a nice amount of territory for himself.

If you don't want another cat it's fine. You don't want to do a short term borrowing of a car because the other cat or kitten is more of a security buddy who your happens to copy. Not someone then learn from and walk away from. Plus your kitten would form a fast bond then lose it. Sad.

As to the crate. I agree. I hated crating Rocket. But despite the small size of your apartment a crate is your best option. Two things. It gives him a safe place (you can think more of a cave than crate if it helps). A place with defined boundaries and safetyto keep him calm and for him to watch but not run. The second is that it make him unable to get away when you reach for him. Saving you the stress of chasing and him of being chased while socializing. Ferals honestly truly and completely do best with crates for their socialization.

It will speed up the process so much. I cannot express the importance of forced positive contact when socializing a feral. You give him freedom to roam whenever and all those feral habits? They stay. That's right. You backtrack him by doing what he wants and hiding. He will find spots to hide and hide from you not socialize. Yes he will get used to your voice but not your touch. He will get comfortable eventually but he will retain the desire to hide and not contact you. As he gets older he will be unlikely to become cuddly or a lap kitty.

You are in the formative time for cats. The older they get the harder it is to overcome their kitten habits. Crating, contact, petting, purrito it all forces him to realize that those humans aren't so bad and takes away his ability to hide.

It's a necessary evil.

And yes. Ferals are hard. They are the hardest cats to have. They take time and patience. Cats aren't dogs. Even with time he will likely revert to feral habits when scared. Rocket is 1.5 and still does. That he hissed at the woman? Makes me dislike where you got him even more because he was not ready to rehome and they didn't warn you about ferals.

 

[kittyluv387]

Simon was still in the stage where he had to be kept in a crate when you adopted him. That tells me he wasnt properly socialized yet and you will have to pick up from where she left off. The woman should have warned you about this.

 

[red top rescue]

Is there any chance you could take him back to his original rescuer?  I have had a couple of formerly feral kittens who seemed fine here, social and friendly, and started out that way at their new homes but regressed.  The new owners both felt badly for them, that the cats were not happy and were hiding all the time.  Of course I took them back, and in both cases they came around almost immediately after coming out of the carrier back here.  It was if they had been holding out for coming "home" and the other place was temporary.  I think there ARE some that will never adjust to a second home and need to stay with the original rescuer no matter how good the second home is or could me, and you are not happy with this kitten either, and he feels that.  You wouldn't have to feel bad about taking him back if he were goig to be happy there, and then you could get a different and SOCIALIZED kitten that was raised with people.  It doesn't have to be a "rescue" but you would probably be better not going to a breeder either because often those cats are not socialized all that well with people either -- it depends on the breeder!  Some raise their kittens completely underfoot, but others raise them like rescue cats, in a separate room, or worse, in cages or runs. 

You have received great advice here about how to socialize a feral kitten, but what you decide to do is up to you.  There is no shame in returning the kitten if neither of you are happy with the current arrangement.

 

[vicsin]

When I made this post I was freaking out because I am a control freak and things werent going as planned with this kitten. But I realized I just need to chill out. Bf calmed me down a lot. I appreciate the advice from everyone and it's awesome what you did with your cats. I'm just gonna stick to what I'm doing and be patient my little baby and accept him for who he is. It's only been 5 days. He just needs more time.
Upon reading these posts bf and I ran to the pet store and asked to see the crates. The guy there had these two adorable cats roaming free and following us around the store. He gave us lots of great advice and we realized it's time to stop experimenting and changing our plan and stick to the simplest thing. We didn't get the crate. Got Simon some better food. We picked him up from under the bed and though he was scared he is not at all aggressive. He has never attempted to scratch or bite. Brought him back to his safe room which just contains his box food and his little fort and gave him lots of yummy food. He hissed but the little face he makes is kinda cute since he's so little and adorable and doesn't actually attack. He ate his food and sat in his fort and I realized hes my little guy and I'm not giving up. We're just gonna let him be and do our best to take care of him. Eventually he will come to us and I have to accept if it takes weeks or months. He may never be a lap cat and I'll get over it. He's just an angsty teen at the moment.
I'll give him his space/annoy him/play with him/spoil him. Someday he'll get used to us because despite our inexperience we know we can provide a happy forever home and love for him.

 

[Kieka]

I wish you the best of luck with him. It sounds like he has found a loving home.

 

[pegleg]

We're just gonna let him be and do our best to take care of him. Eventually he will come to us and I have to accept if it takes weeks or months. He may never be a lap cat and I'll get over it. He's just an angsty teen at the moment.
I'll give him his space/annoy him/play with him/spoil him. Someday he'll get used to us because despite our inexperience we know we can provide a happy forever home and love for him.

You never know, the siblings in my picture were adopted off the street and he (black) is not a lap cat, a knees at night cat yes, but he won't sit on anyone's lap, but he's still quite affectionate. His sister won't get off my lap.

At this moment I have curled up on my lap a former feral. She arrived in a trap, severely injured and absolutely terrified, some months later she'll even approach visitors after a few hours, or sooner if there's a chance of chicken. It can be done, but it's not guaranteed.

I'm glad you've calmed down and are feeling more hopeful, it will help. One other piece of advice I'd offer is spend time in the room with him just doing your own thing, read, watch TV on the tablet, have a cup of tea and a chat. Not only will he get used to you but he'll get used to you doing things around the house. Good luck and photos, please!

 

[vicsin]

I think he's gonna adjust. He is brave at night! Last night he explored the house I got up to pee and saw him sleeping on the couch so sweet. Eventually he ended up back under our bed- found him there in the morning. He at and used his box. He's a cutie. I'll try to upload a photo !

 

[pegleg]

That's excellent, he'll get used to the house and then used to you.

 

[jazzyp]

When I made this post I was freaking out because I am a control freak and things werent going as planned with this kitten. But I realized I just need to chill out. Bf calmed me down a lot. I appreciate the advice from everyone and it's awesome what you did with your cats. I'm just gonna stick to what I'm doing and be patient my little baby and accept him for who he is. It's only been 5 days. He just needs more time.
Upon reading these posts bf and I ran to the pet store and asked to see the crates. The guy there had these two adorable cats roaming free and following us around the store. He gave us lots of great advice and we realized it's time to stop experimenting and changing our plan and stick to the simplest thing. We didn't get the crate. Got Simon some better food. We picked him up from under the bed and though he was scared he is not at all aggressive. He has never attempted to scratch or bite. Brought him back to his safe room which just contains his box food and his little fort and gave him lots of yummy food. He hissed but the little face he makes is kinda cute since he's so little and adorable and doesn't actually attack. He ate his food and sat in his fort and I realized hes my little guy and I'm not giving up. We're just gonna let him be and do our best to take care of him. Eventually he will come to us and I have to accept if it takes weeks or months. He may never be a lap cat and I'll get over it. He's just an angsty teen at the moment.
I'll give him his space/annoy him/play with him/spoil him. Someday he'll get used to us because despite our inexperience we know we can provide a happy forever home and love for him.

One of the best things you can do is play with him.  Get (or make) a few simple toys.  Plastic soda bottle caps are good, as are those little rings that come on jugs of milk.  Even a wadded up ball of paper will do.  No yarn or strings while he is playing alone, please, he could swallow them, or get tangled up and hurt himself.  See if you can find a Cat Dancer at your local pet store.  It's a wonderful interactive toy, and I think it still sells for about two or three dollars.  Play will help him to be happier and more confident, and that's exactly what you want.    

Above all, remember, it's not your fault he is this way, and it's not his, either.  Kittens have a small window of time for the best introduction to humans, and both you and the woman who found him missed it.  That doesn't mean he will never be a loving pet, it just means it will take a little longer.  But it *is* possible.  I've done it.  I've never used a crate, but I do like to confine a fearful cat to my bedroom until she gains a little confidence.  It might not be tomorrow, or next week, but if you go slowly and gently, one of these nights, you will likely find Simon asleep on your bed when you wake up, or creeping up to you, silent as a shadow, as you are reading or watching TV.  Just give him a gentle stroke, if he will let you, and go on about your business.  Let him seek you out.  Also, please keep in mind, all cats are different.  Simon may become a velcro cat who wants nothing more than to be in your lap, or he may be happier just being nearby.  That's not a feral vs. non-feral thing, it's just the nature of cats.

I do want to say something about the Russian Blue issue.  As you probably know, it cat lingo, blue is a color: any shade of grey.  There are lots of grey cats, and lots of breeds that are grey, but not all grey cats are purebreds, and of those who are, not all are Russian Blues.  I hope the lady who found this kitten didn't try to tell you he was a purebred, or even a Russian Blue mix, because if he was found on the street, he almost certainly was not.  I think you will be okay, since you seem determined to stick with your baby, but I'm a little worried that there is a rescuer out there placing feral kittens with first-time cat owners.  It *can* work, and I am sure you will make it work for you and Simon, but it wasn't the wisest match, as not all people have your dedication.

In any case, best of luck, and please keep us posted!  

 

[leen and alice]

Ok everything WILL be fine ! First of all let me say that I had something like that with Alice (but not as advanced though) and as everyone in the world who wants a cat he /she wants a love bug or a fluffy cuddly ball .. Right? Well Alice is the EXACT opposite of that she's neither really sweet nor cuddly ! I was frustrated at first seeing cats on Instagram/snap chat who are SO FREAKING CUDDLY [emoji]128544[/emoji] then I learned to accept Alice's personality and bitting [emoji]128580[/emoji] (Which BTW has gotten better with play sessions and treats) so try to find what matches his personality maybe he's shy or very uncomfortable about change .. Just wait for everything to get better .. Everyday wake up and say OK TODAY I WILL SIT WITH SIMON IN THE STORAGE ROOMS AND READ ABOOK WHILE GIVING HIM TREATS / catnip ! Tell us how ur feeling day by day and don't forget that we're all here FOR YOU !

 

[red top rescue]

I was so glad to hear your change of heart, @vicsin - It sounds like you and Simon are going to help each other grow, and that's wonderful.