Absent TCS friends - anyone know if they are okay?

[aeevr]

I too find myself not getting the warm friendlies around here. I often regret getting involved in any thread that's not about cute cat pictures/videos.

I have been PM'd by other members who felt they have been unfairly singled out by mods - warning me about my posts.

I am most certainly no troll.

This sort of thing has never happened to me on other forums.

 

[quill_luv]

I'm more of a reader than a poster nowadays. And even when I post I only get a few responses, but it's okay ^__^ I'm not an attention seeker or anything! 

 

[luvmyparker]

Sheesh, I thought I was the only one who didn't feel so welcomed here. That's not to say I haven't received help when I asked because I certainly have. A select few have made it a point to reply regularly. 
There just seems to be a certain group that are extremely close with one another, not that its a bad thing! but some of us that have been around for a while just don't get noticed. 

Like I said, I have gotten the help I needed when asked and it is appreciated...but being around for a long time and feeling left out is a bit depressing. 

That jazz aside...someone I miss is Jalindal. I hope she comes back one day to say hello. 

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

It took me awhile to make a niche for myself here. I have found for the most part that the people here are very helpful and supportive.

 

[kookycats]

I have found that most people on this site are very supportive and helpful. When Paul started having his medical problems I had so many kind words of encouragement from people on TCS. It meant the world to me. I know that you can't expect personal replies from eveyone as there are so many people on this site. Also I appreciate technical help from all the computer savvy people out there. Just last week I was aboe to recover all my lost pictures on my memory card. Thanks to Minka for her help (above and beyond) in going to the trouble to do a video to show me how to transfer the pictures from pictures file to the memory card.

 

[multicatowner]

I visit when I can.Enjoy the talk about cats.Not here to "make" friends,just people with common interest.My best friends are already in my life,but there always room for more.Don't let negative things take energy from you! Hug your loved ones and let sh*t go.You can't please all,all the time,but remember who comes first,YOU. o.k. maybe four legs get there first,but,you can make them fit!

 

[meuzettesmom]

I personally like seeing so many are saying hi again. Glad to see it. This is a good thread.

Takes time for posts to be read, PrettyBoy. She may not see your post 'cause she doesn't come on very much. I don't know her.. so I am no help. Just want you to know I see you...

I come on everyday. I have one withdraw day or two. Trying not to let the computer to become my whole life. But it is when this is the only friendly people I know.

Animals, are my only friends in RL.

I draw some, Natalie_ca. Pencil mostly,  for I can take those to work. Horses and one man, Pernell Roberts. Made some money on the Roberts sketches. I bought books on drawing cats. I just haven't got to it yet.

catbehaviors, I feel the same that folk don't like me much. I seen you from time to time. I like you. 

Hello everyone

 

[AbbysMom]

MeuzettesMom YES I was quite shocked and pleased that someone would
remember me!! :nod:

SO now are there any admins know what happen to TNR1 aka Katie?

If I remember correctly she became quite involved with the rescue group she was part of and didn't have as much time for TCS. Many TCS members get email notifications when they receive a PM, so it wouldn't hurt to send her a PM and see if you get a reply.

 

[nurseangel]

I too find myself not getting the warm friendlies around here. I often regret getting involved in any thread that's not about cute cat pictures/videos.

I have been PM'd by other members who felt they have been unfairly singled out by mods - warning me about my posts.

I am most certainly no troll.

This sort of thing has never happened to me on other forums.

I don't know you well, though I recognize your screen name.  I would like to say I'm sorry to you, as well.  I want everyone feel welcome and included here, as if they were guests in someone's home. 

I'm with ya girl. hehe
I don't think I'm very liked on here myself, and I've been fairly absent for a while. I'm trying to post a little bit more now. I think I really stopped posting very often when I found out that a fairly new member became a mentor (not saying any names here!)... I was just a bit jealous.

Glad to hear that Ducman is okay, I had been wondering about him. I only realized that Kailie was absent when I saw this post- I've always liked her and am a little saddened that she doesn't come on much lately.

I've always liked you!  I enjoy talking to you. 

   I used to read Wessah's blog (though he doesn't post much lately...I guess he's been busy with the move and living it up in his new accommodations).  

On a side note, I feel guilty if I discover that someone has posted about an illness (whether with themselves or a family member) and I haven't posted a reply.  I do care and this is just an oversight on my part.  I don't go generally go into all the different forums; mainly I'm in NCOB and the Cat Lounge.  And sometimes I sneak into to look at cat pics and videos, though that causes such a cuteness overload that I burn my dinner, etc., while I'm in there mooning over pictures. 

Anyway, didn't mean to hijack the OP, just want people to be happy here.  I don't send out a lot of PMs, but please feel free to PM me.  I love to get them. 

 

[stephanietx]

I always think of Catmom2Wires because she was the one who rescued Tumbles.  I haven't heard from her in quite awhile.
 

 

[multicatowner]

How do "ratings" work? I was a newbie, now im kitten. I havent been kitten for 40+ yrs.I would like a new kitten,but roommate says NO. Can I be a Tomcat? ha ha ha

 

[northernglow]

I may get blasted for saying this....I never felt welcome here.

Lol, I think most people on this forum probably hate my guts, and yet I stick around.

 So I've tried to keep away from pretty much all but one section of this forum. You're definitely not alone with your feelings.

Breeders seem to be generally very disliked here, but I think we're "necessary evil" when it comes to actual cat breeds and questions about them. Most have left because they had had enough of the breeder hate. I've had people PM me and telling they're leaving (even from those who can't stand me outside of cat related stuff).

 

[aeevr]

I don't know you well, though I recognize your screen name.  I would like to say I'm sorry to you, as well.  I want everyone feel welcome and included here, as if they were guests in someone's home. 

Please don't apologize. I don't mean anything personal to anyone and I think the people on this are very kind, helpful and  knowledgeable.

You don't know me well for a reason - I don't really talk about anything personal and I try at all times to be non-confrontational and stick to the facts in (advice-type) posts.

I know a lot of the heated talk comes from a good place - the love and protection of kitties - so it's very easily forgiven.

 

[krazy kat2]

I am a long time member, and have often felt unwelcome here. I am kind of a strange, opinionated person, but I still love cats and am happy to be around cat people. It is amazing the number of people that have come and gone since I joined 09-11-2001. One of the first posts I ever read was hissy's telling that a plane hat hit the World Trade Center. Several members have passed away, and many kittties, mine and other's have passed to the Bridge.

Remember years ago when "video killed the radio star?" Facebook has killed the forums.
 

 

[missymotus]

Lol, I think most people on this forum probably hate my guts, and yet I stick around.

 So I've tried to keep away from pretty much all but one section of this forum. You're definitely not alone with your feelings.

Breeders seem to be generally very disliked here, but I think we're "necessary evil" when it comes to actual cat breeds and questions about them. Most have left because they had had enough of the breeder hate. I've had people PM me and telling they're leaving (even from those who can't stand me outside of cat related stuff).

Naww, you know I don't hate you 

Ditto on the rest....It does get trying when breeders can't post correct information

 

[Anne]

Interesting thread. I really would like to address some of the issues raised here. This could end up being very long, so please bear with me (and maybe grab a coffee first too ).

Some people have posted that they don't feel welcome here, especially in a social context. Online forums can be challenging in that respect, for sure. As a user, I've often experienced the same myself, in other forums and/or Facebook groups.

As a forum owner and manager, this is probably one of the more difficult things to influence or control. We try to make new members welcome in several ways (welcome PM's, a forum for introductions etc), but the welcome committee is soon out of the picture and members need to make their way into the community on their own, pretty much. In my experience, these things can help -

1. Create a unique forum identity. Have your own recognizable avatar (and yes, we're all partial to cat pictures here
   
   ). Create a signature of your own, and feature your albums and/or reviews and other contributions to the site. Having your real first name in the signature helps too.
2. Post a lot and post often. Don't be afraid to jump into conversations. Over time, regular members learn to recognize you and you will get more responses and create bonds and friendships.
3. Keep it polite and friendly. Be yourself, by all means, but the more interest you take in others and their cats, the more likely are they to remember you and interact with you.
4. Remember Poe's Law and make sure you use smilies to soften your statements and convey your friendly intentions. Smilies replace tone of voice and can really help others figure out "how" you're saying things.
5. Don't take things too personally. Remember others may not be implementing Poe's advice and are probably using a friendly tone of voice in their head as they're typing, even if it doesn't come across very clearly.
6. Stay out of harsh exchanges with people. If you see a post that really upsets you, report it to the mods and walk away from the thread. Not only is it required by our rules, it will also help you retain a friendly persona on board.
7. Communicate with team members. Remember, they are all volunteers and are members, just like you. If you're not sure about something, just drop any team member a line. I can pretty much guarantee a friendly reply! By the way, just writing to say you liked something they did/posted is ok too. Like I said, they're members, just like you.

If you have ideas as to what we can do to make TCS more welcoming, by all means, let me know! I love getting feedback and I'm available via PM's or email (just use anne@ and then thecatsite.com)

Someone also mentioned they feel that there are different rules for team members and that some regular members feel singled out by the mods. Separate issues, really, but I'll try and wrap them together, as they are sort of related. We try very hard not to be biased in favor or against anyone. One thing we do is work as a team. We're all human and we tend to develop personal biases, often based on a less-than-productive interactions with certain members (and trust me, our mods have to deal with some nasty stuff on occasion!). When we work as a group, we tend to cancel out each others biases and hopefully come to more fair judgements. Is it perfect? Probably not, but we strive to make it as fair and unbiased as we can.

I will also say that a lot depends on the responses we get from the member in question. We all make mistakes and we all can post something we later regret. How we respond to that later on can make all the difference in the world. When a member is polite and respectful and tries to work with the mods, it's much easier to smooth things up and move on. I probably won't surprise you by saying that when team members slip (and they do sometimes), they tend to be very agreeable to work with on rectifying things. There are exceptions, and we have actually come to the point of banning team members in the past.

Which brings me to the next issue - privacy. We have a very firm rule of never discussing moderation issues with members other than the ones we deal with at the time. That means we can't let you know what was decided regarding someone whose post you reported. We can't let you know if someone else got a warning, an infraction, was banned or we decided not to do anything about it. This is also part of the problem with "what happened to X, Y, Z?" threads. On the one hand, it's great that people care about other members and want to know what happened to them. On the other hand, if they got banned, or left in a huff over a moderation issue, we can't reveal this in the thread. We have no rule against such threads, but we do ask that if you're aware of someone having been banned or otherwise having issues with the forum team, to please avoid discussing this publicly. If you absolutely want to share, please use PM's for that (we don't moderate PMs, as a rule). Public references will be deleted and you'll probably get a PM from a mod.

Last, but certainly not least - the issue of publicly criticizing forum rules, policies and how we implement them and generally "speak ill" of the forums. We have a strict policy not allowing public criticism of the site. That policy is the result of over 12 years of experience in managing these forums. I absolutely welcome criticism, but my experience shows it can only be constructive when done in a one-on-one dialogue.

In fact, with the new PM system, feel free to make it two-on-one, or three-on-one, or whatever. In other words, if you've been exchanging PM's with another member and feel you'd like to address a topic with me, send me a joint PM, not a problem. I take these PM's extremely seriously and do my best to address your concerns. They often lead to changes on the forums, which is wonderful. I value that kind of feedback more than I can say.

What is absolutely not constructive (even if meant to be) and can soon lead to what we call "a bash party" is bringing up your criticism in public. You'll soon get members chiming in with their own personal grievances, echoing each other and painting a picture far darker than the OP ever intended to. It's also extremely difficult for me to sift through such threads and figure out what's actually being said and what needs and can be rectified. Bottom line, it may generate lots of pageviews (drama always does), but is extremely nonconstructive and is thus not allowed. In fact, this thread will have to be edited for just that.

Again, if you have a problem, a grievance, something you just think we should be doing differently - let me know. I'm right here and always available for emails and PM's. Promise!

Whew, that was long, wasn't it? This thread is returned back, cleaned up from rule violations, and locked. I  do not wish to make this thread into a debate (for the reasons detailed above). If you disliked what I said, or if you liked it - PM me! Thank you!