A poem

[maxy24]

ok, now that I am done crying here ae some not sad ones:

How to Prepare for a Puppy
- Author Unknown

* Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.

* Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.

* Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy and go potty-hurry up now -- come on, let's go."

* Cover all of your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must have white hair and light suits must have dark. Also, some hair must be in your first cup of morning coffee.

* Play catch with a wet tennis ball.

* Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.

* Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor, taking care to shred at least one of each pair of socks. (See above.)

* When the doorbell rings drop your dirty underwear on the living room floor, because that is where the pup will drag it anyway -- after all, company is coming.

* Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV show and run to the door shouting, "No, NO! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.

* Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver.

* Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and do not try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.

* Take a warm, cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.

 

[maxy24]

Puppies For Sale
- Author Unknown
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale." Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked. The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy signaled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?" The store owner explained that the veterinairan had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame.

The little boy became excited. "That is the little puppy that I want to buy." The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you." The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I''ll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To this, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"

 

[maxy24]

Doggie Definitions
- Author Unknown

Leash:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

Dog Bed:
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

Drool:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or, better yet, on their laps.

Sniff:
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.

Garbage Can:
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

Bicycles:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Deafness:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

Thunder:
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

Waste Basket:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

Sofas:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

Bath:
This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

Bump:
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Goose Bump:
A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require... especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

Love:
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.

 

[maxy24]

Dogs Live Here
By David Lester
President of Plainfield Area Humane Society, Plainfield NJ


If you don't want to be greeted with paws and swinging tails,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

If you don't like the feel of a cold nose or wet tongue,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

If you don't want to step over scattered toys,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

If you think a home ought to smell of perfume,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

But if you don't mind all of this,
You will be instantly loved when you do come inside,
Because DOGS LIVE HERE.


There are so many more poems but I'm taking up too much space so now I'm stopping, I got them all from www.saveadog.org

 

[lsulover]

Originally Posted by Maxy24

Puppies For Sale
- Author Unknown
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale." Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked. The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy signaled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?" The store owner explained that the veterinairan had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame.

The little boy became excited. "That is the little puppy that I want to buy." The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you." The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I''ll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To this, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"

This one was a great one.

 

[lsulover]

I wanted to see some of these poems again

 

[kaylacat]

Wanted to bump this up. Anyone have any more to share?

 

[jamasmom]

I want to go home and hug my girls