It's 3:40 in the morning, July 11th Detroit time and I am sitting in front of my lap top because I can't sleep. Menopause, I guess, and sigh..... I am now officially 50 years old.
It isn't the age so much that bothers me. It is what the people around me DIDN'T do. I'm the instigator and the planner and the expediter in my family - and the enabler. I make a lot of effort to get great gifts for my siblings' children. I look after Mom almost exclusively with little help from my sister who only lives 45 min away. I don't hesitate to jump in to help.
So for my birthday, I decided to try a little test. To do nothing... I mean plan nothing.. initiate - NOTHING ... and see what my family and friends would do for ME. Sit on my hands. I mean, really, why should I plan anything - it's my birthday for crying out loud. Guess what? Hu-MON-gous disappointment. I shouldn't be surprised. But I am very hurt.
My sister calls me WEDNESDAY night and asks, am I DOING anything on my birthday? And I told her about refusing to plan anything and I got stunned silence.. and then.. she said - well l plan my own birthdays, etc. I said - I do everyone's everything in this family and I wasn't about to plan my own 50th.
She asks me, the kids and I can come in and take you out... welll Friday is a very busy day for me ... I do my volunteer cleaning for our rescue. She ended up throwing together a dinner for me and bringing it to the house. Yes, it was nice, but last minute - no forethought. And the kids who are almost 16 and 19 made me one card... it was cute, but when I weigh it against the fuss I make over them .... they are old enough to know better.
My brother and sister in law call me to wish me a happy birthday. They sent flowers (which didn't arrive on time.) That's lovely ... but come on... how long have you known that I am turning 50 - did you even ask me if I wanted anything? Flowers are a last-minute, didn't really do anything gift. No cards from the kids three of whom are "little". Nothing.
I had sent out an email to family and friends stating that I wanted donations to my animal rescue as a gift. No one bothered to heed my request that I know of -- except one friend and her boyfriend.
My adult niece and nephew - with whom I don't have a very good relationship - not for lack of trying - didn't call. Not that they ever do. So no more contacting them on their birthdays. The heck with them. When I say adult I mean 30 and 33 respectively. I have already left them out of my will.
On the positive side - My mom ordered me some really great knives for the kitchen. I picked them out myself... and I asked for my grandmother's engagement ring. We are going to have it made into a pendant.
My boyfriend - after much coaching and discussion - I also told HIM that I wasn't about to plan anything - arranged an in-town overnight getaway at a beautiful historic hotel in downtown... and dinner at their fancy resto. He also really surprised me by ...sending me flowers (which also didn't arrive yesterday!) In the five-plus years we have been dating he has NEVER given me flowers. In this case - I was really touched by that.
I heard from a few other family members.. .which was nice.
So all in all - a very disappointing 50th. I need to re-evaluate my relationships and change what I am doing and how I am doing it. It is one thing to tell me that you value me and what I am doing - it is another to SHOW it somehow. I am going to give it a little time and then tell my siblings in particular how I feel about what transpired. I think they should know. And as I head into the next chapter of my life - start to do things differently.
Thanks for reading this if you actually got this far.
It isn't the age so much that bothers me. It is what the people around me DIDN'T do. I'm the instigator and the planner and the expediter in my family - and the enabler. I make a lot of effort to get great gifts for my siblings' children. I look after Mom almost exclusively with little help from my sister who only lives 45 min away. I don't hesitate to jump in to help.
So for my birthday, I decided to try a little test. To do nothing... I mean plan nothing.. initiate - NOTHING ... and see what my family and friends would do for ME. Sit on my hands. I mean, really, why should I plan anything - it's my birthday for crying out loud. Guess what? Hu-MON-gous disappointment. I shouldn't be surprised. But I am very hurt.
My sister calls me WEDNESDAY night and asks, am I DOING anything on my birthday? And I told her about refusing to plan anything and I got stunned silence.. and then.. she said - well l plan my own birthdays, etc. I said - I do everyone's everything in this family and I wasn't about to plan my own 50th.
She asks me, the kids and I can come in and take you out... welll Friday is a very busy day for me ... I do my volunteer cleaning for our rescue. She ended up throwing together a dinner for me and bringing it to the house. Yes, it was nice, but last minute - no forethought. And the kids who are almost 16 and 19 made me one card... it was cute, but when I weigh it against the fuss I make over them .... they are old enough to know better.
My brother and sister in law call me to wish me a happy birthday. They sent flowers (which didn't arrive on time.) That's lovely ... but come on... how long have you known that I am turning 50 - did you even ask me if I wanted anything? Flowers are a last-minute, didn't really do anything gift. No cards from the kids three of whom are "little". Nothing.
I had sent out an email to family and friends stating that I wanted donations to my animal rescue as a gift. No one bothered to heed my request that I know of -- except one friend and her boyfriend.
My adult niece and nephew - with whom I don't have a very good relationship - not for lack of trying - didn't call. Not that they ever do. So no more contacting them on their birthdays. The heck with them. When I say adult I mean 30 and 33 respectively. I have already left them out of my will.
On the positive side - My mom ordered me some really great knives for the kitchen. I picked them out myself... and I asked for my grandmother's engagement ring. We are going to have it made into a pendant.
My boyfriend - after much coaching and discussion - I also told HIM that I wasn't about to plan anything - arranged an in-town overnight getaway at a beautiful historic hotel in downtown... and dinner at their fancy resto. He also really surprised me by ...sending me flowers (which also didn't arrive yesterday!) In the five-plus years we have been dating he has NEVER given me flowers. In this case - I was really touched by that.
I heard from a few other family members.. .which was nice.
So all in all - a very disappointing 50th. I need to re-evaluate my relationships and change what I am doing and how I am doing it. It is one thing to tell me that you value me and what I am doing - it is another to SHOW it somehow. I am going to give it a little time and then tell my siblings in particular how I feel about what transpired. I think they should know. And as I head into the next chapter of my life - start to do things differently.
Thanks for reading this if you actually got this far.