1.5 year old male cat and 5 month old male kitten...

[sabregirlxo]

So here's the scoop. I have two cats, one older female at 12 years old, hates all cats. So she is downstairs and I have a gate separating them. The 1.5 year old male cat, Stanley, is very timid and shy. He's the epitome of a scaredy cat. When I rescued him at 5 months old, he hid and was scared of us for weeks. It took 2 months for him to be comfortable with us. He is only comfortable with me and my boyfriend, no other people. He tries to play with Oreo (older female cat) through the gate, and she always swats him. She's very aggressive, that's why we separated them permanently. Anyway, he meows constantly and is very lonely upstairs. We're busy, and though we play with him and have sessions and such upstairs, we're mostly downstairs and only sleep upstairs. So we thought to get him a companion to play with since he's very playful (he plays fetch, too!) 

So enter Easton, our new 5 month old male kitty. He was recommended to us after we explained our situation, because he has always been around other cats, his age and older. and he would back off when the older cat hissed at him. So they thought he'd fit well, especially since he's already got his personality and Stanley won't rub off on him and become scared like him. 

So... I have Easton isolated, but he managed to get out because stopping a kitten from going through a door as you do is very difficult. and Stanley of course ran away and hissed. Now Stanley is starting to become withdrawn again.

So I've been reading a lot about slowly introducing and such... but it's very hard to do that with such a timid, scared cat... How should I go about this?

I've had people say to just let them go... but I love little Stanley, and I don't want him to go back into his shell. I can give Easton back to the rescue, but I don't want to give up... I really want to give this a shot. How can I introduce a really outgoing 5 mo. old neutered kitty to a 1.5 year old, neutered male who is a very timid, scaredy cat? 

Keep in mind we both work full time jobs... 

Also. Stanley had run of the entire upstairs, which is two bedrooms and two bathrooms. His box and food is in the spare bedroom. While we have Easton's in our bathroom. Very inconvenient since out bathroom is used regularly, and he's so energetic and... it's just very difficult to do things or not let him escape. 

Any advice would help! My brother had a similar situation and he just let the two boys go and they eventually figured it out and they are fine now. 

Thank you! Hopefully this all makes sense. 

 

[calicosrspecial]

I would do a couple of things.

I would really work hard on building Stanley's confidence. We do that through play, food, height and love. Try to step up play with Stanley if possible. After play then feed. Give him a lot of places to go high in the world. Cat trees, maybe some cat wall shelves, window perches, ways to get up on dressers or armoires, etc. Anything to go high. Then give him a lot of love, spend time with him, try to get him to purr, etc. 

Then try to go through the formal introduction process.  http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

If possible try not to take any territory away from Stanley. And take the introduction process slowly. We always want to associate the other cat with positive things like food and play and we want to make any interaction between the cats as positive as possible. We can help you during the process and answer any questions you may have.

When Stanley becomes more confident then combined with going through the introduction process at the right pace things should work out and they hopefully will become good friends. It sondns like Stanley is friends as is Easton so it should really work out. And we'll be here for you through the process.

Feel free to ask anything anytime. Thanks for caring so much about your cats.

 

[sabregirlxo]

Thank you for your reply! Here's an update:

It's impossible not to take any territory away from Stanley- but he seems okay, and I alternate which room I sleep in- my room, then the guest room. So Stanley doesn't feel abandoned. 

On Sunday and yesterday we made some really good progress! We played with both kitties separately with all the doors open. Stanley on the stairs with me and Easton with the wand and feather toy upstairs with my boyfriend. Stanley was curious at one point and watched Easton play from the stairs with me. He almost joined in, it seemed. Easton was able to pass Stanley going up and down the stairs without much issue- no hissing or swatting. Stanley seemed to hunch as he went by, but all was good. (this was all supervised mind you) and if something looked to be going south we distracted Easton with the elusive red dot. 

Stanley, it seems, doesn't know how to play with other cats. He sort of missed out on kittenhood, due to being a feral 5 month old kitty in a shelter, then when I brought him home with me, it took a lot of time and patience to just get him to come out from under the bed with us. Because at one point, Easton meowed/chirped and definitely indicated he wanted to play with Stanley, and Stanley meowed back and rolled on his side as he usually does when we play with him. Sort of inviting Easton to play.

But then five seconds later (Easton didn't move or do anything), Stanley arched his back and puffed his tail as if he wanted to fight or was scared. So he is giving mixed signals.

However, Stanley seems to have gotten more playful almost. He used to never chase the dot, but after he saw Easton do it, he now occasionally does!

There is definitely progress and potential. We're still separating them and only doing the supervised interactions a few time during the evening. 

 

[calicosrspecial]

This is great. I can see that you know what to do.

I am a big believer in having them play and have the other one watch and if they want to join in even better. And I am a big believer in (when the time is right) to have them together but have them focused on (distracted by) something like play, food, etc. Anytime a cat is with another cat and there is not threat confidence is built. And confident cats are less likely to attack other confident cats in my opinion.

It does not surprise me that Stanley became more playful seeing Easton play and that is a great sign.

You probably moved a bit faster than I would have but it sounds like it went well. The key really is to make each encounter a positive experience and if they start focusing on each other in a negative way to distract with play or food etc.

Just take it slowly and let them go at their pace. Please don't try to rush it. But I think you are well on your way to success. You are doing a GREAT job. 

We'll be here for any questions you may have. Good luck and thank you so much for caring so much about your cats.