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HELP!! Allergy problem

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
I have a wonderful cat and an equally amazing, but suddenly allergic, boyfriend. What can I do? He doesnt live with me but now that she makes him miserable he wont come over. I always have to go to his house and I spend almost every night there. It getting aggravating cause he lives 4 owns away. I am a poor college student and the gas is starting to kill me. We made a decision when I decided to move that we would take turns going to see each other but he never comes here since he gets so sick which i understand but this arrangement is no longer working out because 1. I cant afford it. 2. He doesnt have internet and i need it for homework 3. I miss my apartment and my cat when I am gone.

I dont know what to do. I LOVE Kinsey more than I have ever loved a non-human creature. She has turned out to be everything I have ever wanted in a cat but I love my boyfriend too. He has turned out to be everything I have ever wanted in a man. I need a way to make him not allergic. He loves me and he sees how much Kinsey makes me happy so he's willing to try anything ut we have obstacles. 1. anything that causes drowsiness is out of the quesion 2. he has no medical insurance so I dont think he can go to the doc and start getting allergy shots.

I love him and I may have to get rid of her but it wil kill me. I know several people who may take her (my parents for ex) but I really dont see that as an option. I think i will just die. I need help BADLY. any suggestions will be appreciated.
post #2 of 28
Please don't take this the wrong way, but boyfriends are expendable. Family isn't. If your boyfriend is willing to pop the question, then considering the option of rehoming your kitty makes sense. But if he's just a boyfriend, no way would I choose him over my furkid!!

I would NEVER choose between my animals and the guy I'm seeing. There would be no choice for me - my babies are my babies, period. Boyfriends come and go.

How would you feel if you give up your special furbaby, then down the road, this boyfriend doesn't work out? I know it would break my heart all over again.

Please know that I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings for him, but your kitty counted on you for a forever home. Does your boyfriend want to give YOU one?

I do appreciate that HE appreciates how you feel about your kitty, but where there is a will, there's a way. There are allergy drugs that don't cause drowsiness. There are very low-cost health clinics for those that have no health insurance.

I wish I had better suggestions for you, but you have to think about the long term, not just the right now. Big hugs, and keep us posted!!!
post #3 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinsey's Pet View Post
but this arrangement is no longer working out because 1. I cant afford it. 2. He doesn't have internet and i need it for homework 3. I miss my apartment and my cat when I am gone.

I don't know what to do. I LOVE Kinsey more than I have ever loved a non-human creature. She has turned out to be everything I have ever wanted in a cat but I love my boyfriend too. He has turned out to be everything I have ever wanted in a man. I need a way to make him not allergic. He loves me and he sees how much Kinsey makes me happy so he's willing to try anything but we have obstacles. 1. anything that causes drowsiness is out of the question 2. he has no medical insurance so I don't think he can go to the doc and start getting allergy shots.

I love him and I may have to get rid of her but it wil kill me. I know several people who may take her (my parents for ex) but I really dont see that as an option. I think i will just die. I need help BADLY. any suggestions will be appreciated.
It sounds to me like you and your kitten are making all the sacrifices. Are you saying your expenditures for gas and shirking your kitten and homework are less important that it would be for him to cough up the money to see a doc and get something for his allergies?

My opinion is leave it to him to work out to come see you sometimes and if he can't then consider it a hopeless cause.

Relationships are supposed to be about partnerships and supporting one another. Not just one person doing all the supporting.

Think it over a little longer and more deeply. Don't dump what's important to you if it's going to make you unhappy. It will always hang in between you and would also be the beginning of you always having to make sacrifices. Good Luck!
post #4 of 28
If he's that allergic, its doubful anything will really help.

But you can try keeping the cat combed/brushed and use DISTILLED water to wipe him/her down every day. That will help reduce the dander.

If you and your bf are planning on marrying one day, he probably will have to take allergy shots in order to live with the cat.

Tough decision to make - if he's really all you've wanted, you might have to make a decision one way or the other - bf or cat.
post #5 of 28
Thread Starter 
He is making sacrifices I mean he puts gas in my car a lot but he cant come to my house. Its so miserable he gets so sick and itchy and I have allergies to guinea pigs so I understand how bad it is. He absolutley cant come here and even I make him a little sneezy and itchy when I go there. He wants me to be able to keep her but I dont think its a possibility. So far I cant find anything to stop his allergies and I'm sorry but if this was a different relationship I might just break up with him but this relationship is really important to me. I have never felt this connected to someone before. We arent talking about getting married now because I need to focus on school and we are both broke right now and we arent ready YET. but we both kinda know that we will. He does want to move in together but I dont want to. I dont see pets as disposable but at all. I want you guys to realize that but I have lots of friends who have wanted Kinsey and my parents may take her. I'm sorry but I am not going to make him miserable. I just wanted some suggestions about medications.
post #6 of 28
Hello Kinseyspet,

I've had great good luck with acupuncture when dealing with allergies. It does not cure them, but it makes you more tolerant to them. It does not hurt if done by a reputable practitioner. I've not only had it done myself, I was recommended to it by my father when he was in his sixties! Nothing in Western medicine works as well.

Now, you will also have to feed the cat a food that reduces her dander (which is what your b.f. is in fact allergic to.) Gizmo's doing wonderfully well on the rabbit food. I think that if you got a good quality, high meat content food, the coat would be better and the dander less.

There are special shampoos for the cat that also help reduce dander, though I don't know if a cat bath will make you or your kitty friend happy. Some products that are new include pet wipes that help reduce allergens.

The Allergy Buyer's Club has a great many products that you may find useful. I bought my air filters online from them.

A good vacuum is essential. Get one with a HEPA filter and vacuum thoroughly whenever your b.f. comes to visit you--don't forget to clean the sofa, etc.
And you could leave the windows open to get the air to change.

It will take effort, but it is possible to keep the boyfriend and the cat.
post #7 of 28
It's definitely possible to keep both. My fiance's Mom is allergic to cats and they have 3 in their house! She can't pet them for extensive periods of time and they vaccuum the house quite often, but other than that, she's just adjusted to the allergies.
My sister and Dad are HIGHLY allergic to cats but since my fiance and I are living together and he has 2 cats, we just wipe them down with those allergen reducing wipes the previous poster mentioned. Shampoo also helps, we already have to bath our cats about once a month or so b/c one of them never quite got out of the Humane Society habit of sleeping in his litter box. You can also try the allergen reducing Febreeze spray.
post #8 of 28
as miserable as he is has he tried to acklemate to her? i have severe allergies to cats, but if i force through it and am around them enough i get to were as long as they arent in my face i am good.

your 19 hun, men come and go, cats are forver, just remember that.
post #9 of 28
Thread Starter 
I dont care how old I am. Men dont just come and go. Not like this one. What if your husband were allergic? you wouldnt just leave him. you would try to help him not be miserable. I know everyone thinks i am just young but I am over the casual dating thing. I'm done with it. We are serious and I love him and I am not going to just say sorry, I refuse to help you get over your allergies, be miserable. Thats rude and bitchy. I am so sorry that I am a good girlfriend and I am trying. I dont want life or relationship advice. I want allergy advice some of you people just have to put in your 2 cents where it isnt wanted. And cats arent forever. They die and then you are sad and alone because you dumped your boyfriend. I am not going to just pawn her off on someone. I would give her to my parents. I can see her when I want. BUT I dont think I will have to get rid of her thanks to you guys advice. THANK YOU GUYS
post #10 of 28
Um, I was giving advice about the cat. Your private life is none of my business.
If you get allergy-preventative materials there is no reason why you cannot have the boyfriend and keep the cat.
post #11 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinsey's Pet View Post
I have a wonderful cat and an equally amazing, but suddenly allergic, boyfriend. What can I do? He doesnt live with me but now that she makes him miserable he wont come over. I always have to go to his house and I spend almost every night there. It getting aggravating cause he lives 4 owns away. I am a poor college student and the gas is starting to kill me. We made a decision when I decided to move that we would take turns going to see each other but he never comes here since he gets so sick which i understand but this arrangement is no longer working out because 1. I cant afford it. 2. He doesnt have internet and i need it for homework 3. I miss my apartment and my cat when I am gone.

I dont know what to do. I LOVE Kinsey more than I have ever loved a non-human creature. She has turned out to be everything I have ever wanted in a cat but I love my boyfriend too. He has turned out to be everything I have ever wanted in a man. I need a way to make him not allergic. He loves me and he sees how much Kinsey makes me happy so he's willing to try anything ut we have obstacles. 1. anything that causes drowsiness is out of the quesion 2. he has no medical insurance so I dont think he can go to the doc and start getting allergy shots.

I love him and I may have to get rid of her but it wil kill me. I know several people who may take her (my parents for ex) but I really dont see that as an option. I think i will just die. I need help BADLY. any suggestions will be appreciated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinsey's Pet View Post
I dont care how old I am. Men dont just come and go. Not like this one. What if your husband were allergic? you wouldnt just leave him. you would try to help him not be miserable. I know everyone thinks i am just young but I am over the casual dating thing. I'm done with it. We are serious and I love him and I am not going to just say sorry, I refuse to help you get over your allergies, be miserable. Thats rude and bitchy. I am so sorry that I am a good girlfriend and I am trying. I dont want life or relationship advice. I want allergy advice some of you people just have to put in your 2 cents where it isnt wanted. And cats arent forever. They die and then you are sad and alone because you dumped your boyfriend. I am not going to just pawn her off on someone. I would give her to my parents. I can see her when I want. BUT I dont think I will have to get rid of her thanks to you guys advice. THANK YOU GUYS
Dear Kinsey's Pet,

I am sure none of us were trying to offend you. If you will look at the tone of your first post compared to your last, I'm sure you will see why you have been offered such a range of advice.

You sounded very unhappy with your current arrangement and really wanted to keep your kitten.
You said the cost of gas was starting to kill you.
You also said you didn't think he could take allergy shots.

Since this is The Cat Site and you said you didn't want to give up your cat, most of the opinions are going to be toward you keeping your cat and making your life easier since you were the one asking.

Hopefully you can get it all worked out to where you are both happy with the arrangement.

There are a lot of very good people on this site with much experience that are willing to share to try and be helpful, but in the process someone is bound to say something you don't want to hear. So it's always good to remember that free advice is worth just what you payed for it and does not have to be heeded, but you did ask so a no thank you will be sufficient without getting upset.

I hope you and your boyfriend and cat have many happy years together and you find that you will benefit from TCS in other ways as your trudge that road to happiness.
post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinsey's Pet View Post
I dont care how old I am. Men dont just come and go. Not like this one. What if your husband were allergic? you wouldnt just leave him. you would try to help him not be miserable. I know everyone thinks i am just young but I am over the casual dating thing. I'm done with it. We are serious and I love him and I am not going to just say sorry, I refuse to help you get over your allergies, be miserable. Thats rude and bitchy. I am so sorry that I am a good girlfriend and I am trying. I dont want life or relationship advice. I want allergy advice some of you people just have to put in your 2 cents where it isnt wanted. And cats arent forever. They die and then you are sad and alone because you dumped your boyfriend. I am not going to just pawn her off on someone. I would give her to my parents. I can see her when I want. BUT I dont think I will have to get rid of her thanks to you guys advice. THANK YOU GUYS

Well i know i did not intend to offend you about your age, heck hasnt been that long since i was 19. I just think maybe there are more options that can be looked into. allergics suck, no way around it, i have days were i look at kirra and say "dang you cat" but i suffer through because to me she is no more different than one of my kids, heck my kids call her their sister. no one is saying to dump him, as the previous poster said, your posts were a bit confusing. in the end you have to do what you and him think are best, but dont give up to quickly on remidies for the bf.
post #13 of 28
Maybe you could invest in a really good quality hepa filter air cleaner. I have bad allergies and I keep several of them in my house running 24/7. Also make sure that you vacuum really good before he comes over. My Dad is really allergic to cats too, so I know what you are talking about. For some reason he seems to have developed an imunity to my Mom's two cats, but if he goes somewhere where there are other cats his allergies really act up. Maybe your boyfriend could stay over if you used the air cleaner in the bedroom and kept the cat out at night?
post #14 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinsey's Pet View Post
I dont care how old I am. Men dont just come and go. Not like this one. What if your husband were allergic? you wouldnt just leave him. you would try to help him not be miserable. I know everyone thinks i am just young but I am over the casual dating thing. I'm done with it. We are serious and I love him and I am not going to just say sorry, I refuse to help you get over your allergies, be miserable. Thats rude and bitchy. I am so sorry that I am a good girlfriend and I am trying. I dont want life or relationship advice. I want allergy advice some of you people just have to put in your 2 cents where it isnt wanted. And cats arent forever. They die and then you are sad and alone because you dumped your boyfriend. I am not going to just pawn her off on someone. I would give her to my parents. I can see her when I want. BUT I dont think I will have to get rid of her thanks to you guys advice. THANK YOU GUYS
You are asking for help for an impossible situation. Your guy has SEVERE allergies and cannot be treated due to a lack of medical insurance. I don't know what kind of miracle advice you were expecting -- sounds to me like you have no choice but to give your cat to your parents. Just be sure they are prepared to keep the cat for the rest of its life.

In all honestly, college may be a very bad time to own a pet and the cat may be better off with your parents. Especially if you are travelling 4 hours away to the BF frequently. I know when I was in college I was hardly home between classes and going out with friends. Kitty might get more attention at your parents.
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by meow meow View Post
You are asking for help for an impossible situation. Your guy has SEVERE allergies and cannot be treated due to a lack of medical insurance. I don't know what kind of miracle advice you were expecting -- sounds to me like you have no choice but to give your cat to your parents. Just be sure they are prepared to keep the cat for the rest of its life.

In all honestly, college may be a very bad time to own a pet and the cat may be better off with your parents. Especially if you are travelling 4 hours away to the BF frequently. I know when I was in college I was hardly home between classes and going out with friends. Kitty might get more attention at your parents.
Yes that is good advice. I was just thinking, you said he wants to move in with you but you don't want him to. If you don't want to live with your own boyfriend then are you serious enough about him to give up your four legged family member? Maybe if you give her to your parents then if you break up with your boyfriend you can take her back. Unless you don't break up then, I don't know, I sure wouldn't want a boyfriend if I couldn't keep my cats hehe but that's just me. If I found the perfect guy but he turned out to be allergic to animals then that would automatically make him not a perfect guy in my book hehe

Don't be offended by our help, suggestions or advice, you yourself said ANY SUGGESTIONS WILL BE APPRECIATED and that is exactly what we are doing
post #16 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen View Post
Unless you don't break up then, I don't know, I sure wouldn't want a boyfriend if I couldn't keep my cats hehe but that's just me. If I found the perfect guy but he turned out to be allergic to animals then that would automatically make him not a perfect guy in my book hehe
lol and that right there is where my "men come and go" thing came from. i personally couldnt be with someone who was more allergic than me, i lam a major animal lover and could never live without em. i suffered through severe allergies (with asthma) with 13 cats when i was 14 years old. To me there is no sacrifice to great for a cat lol.
post #17 of 28
Thread Starter 
SO SORRY, guys. I was having a bad day and i am totally frustrated with this situation. He only lives one hour away and my roomate also has a cat and my roomate is home a lot and i am home most nights. i dont work much and i only have two classes. I think she gets quite a bit of attention. When he first started to come over he didnt have any problems. He sort of developed this allergy in the past few months and I already fell for him, lol. My reasons for not wanting to move in with him have to do with my parents and other family and just personal choice (I dont want to live together til we're married). I also just signed a year lease with my roomate. I am sorry for getting offended. I really dont mind when you guys give personal advice. I usually like it but I am sensitive about my age, lol. I just usually hang out with older people and I forget I am 19 so i am not used to being treated like I'm 19. He's 22 (i know, not that old.) and i hang out with his friends a lot. I just was afraid people would say to break up w/him and i didnt want to hear that. It really isnt a real option for me. It isnt one of those disposable relationships like my past 3 were. He just continues to come over here and deal with his allergies so i guess he really cares about me. I just hate seeing him suffer. and i hate when he takes benedryll because he's a zombie and he's no fun. I wonder how much allergy shots are? Last night he came over and he was actually fine but I had to keep telling him not to touch the cats (he likes to play with them) and he didnt sleep over. The cats think my bed is their bed so I may have to start locking them out of my room. Wich totally sucks cause i love napping with them. This just really blows. Why me? I wish I didnt care so much about him. The funny thing is, Norma Jean, (my roomies cat) doesnt seems to bother him. unless he touches her then scratches his eyes. But kinsey is a long hair and she is shedding SO BAD she is starting to make me sneeze. Her hair just falls out. She JUST started this and its getting ridiclous. Anyway I just wanted to apologize and update. Thanks guys.
post #18 of 28
My Mom keeps her ragdoll shaved down because of Dad's allergies. She takes him to Petco and they have a kittle groomer. He is actually quite cute when he comes home with his new haircut. Dad says this has helped him tremendously. The cat with the shorthair that they have doesn't seem to bother him like the long haired one.
post #19 of 28
I don't understand how someone is all of a sudden allergic. Are you sure it isn't hay fever or something else? Did the room mate and their cat come later? It may help to downsize by one cat if the other isn't yours.

Tell him to take some Calritin or flonase.
post #20 of 28
Thread Starter 
Well actually you have to develop allergies. you arent born with them. You must be exposed to something to be allergic to it. But soe factors have changed. His allergies only started when I moved into my apartment and Kinsey just started shedding a whole lot. I am not positive its the cats. Thats what I was wishing, that it was something else but i am pretty sur its the cats. He said he has had mild allergies to cats in the past but Kinsey never used tobother him. When he touches either cat he gets all sneezy then he will like, touch his eye or something and they will start itching like crazy. So far he is just biting the bullet and dealing with it but i'd like to end his suffering or at least ease it a little. I am working on it and a lot of the suggestions are helping. I considered getting her hair cut or "buzzed" or whatever but she is just so beautiful I hate to do that. I dont think I will have to if i can manage the hair around the house. Thanks so much though guys.
post #21 of 28
that true cat allergies have to do with the cat's saliva, not the hair. If he is truelly allergic to your cat, then you can rub the cat down with distilled water (or those allergy wipes you can get at Petco) wherever the cat grooms.

If its the hair/dander, then maybe you can try to decrease the shedding by switching foods (Nutra makes an Indoor cat formula that is supposed to help with shedding), grooming more often, and vacuuming alot.

Good luck!
post #22 of 28
Kinsey, I fully understand what you are going through. My husband and I had one inside cat. Hubby was fine. We adopted another stray and put him inside. Then hubby developed serious allergies to the cats. He loves them as much as I do, but he could not deal with the allergies. He was so sick. We already had a chain link fenced in yard. We bought a cat fence in system to go around the top of the fence. It keeps our cats inside the fenced area and other cats can't get in. I know you said you are on a tight budget so that probably isn't an option for you. My husband took allergy medicine for two years or more and never improved until we put the cats outside. But medicine might work for your b/f. Have you checked with the local health department to see if there is anything available in your community for low income and folks without insurance. If you could find something like that, it might be worth a try before you give away the cat. You certainly have something tough to deal with. If your relationship continues and you and b/f marry, then this problem is not going away. I consider myself blessed because we were able to find a way to still have our cats that we love so much. Hugs to you and b/f. I hope you find a solution.
post #23 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for understanding. I am just trying so hard to deal with this and nothing is going right. I mean I havent had to think about it too much lately because we have both been busy and he hasnt been over much and we he does come over he just deals with it. I am starting to hate my apartment. I have also realized that my daybed is really hard for us both to sleep in. I need a full size bed and i cant afford a mattress!!! Ughh I hate my apartment.
post #24 of 28
I'm facing the same situation.. I've got a kitty that's never going to leave my side, and a very, VERY allergic boyfriend. He stays with me usually two nights a week, 'cause he lives two hours away, What's worked so far is having Diesel in a particular room when he's over.. And when we go into Diesel's room, he changes into specific cat-loving pants that he designated solely for that. There's also a lot of hand-washing and showering, and Diesel's not allowed in the bedroom. It's worked so far.
post #25 of 28
I don't understand why he just doesn't take an allergy pill!? I'm deathly allergic to my baby, but I take an allergy pill everyday. If he has money to put in your gas tank, tell him to spend it on allergy pills instead.

Also, you could ensure your place is thoroughly cleaned before he comes over, and use Febreeze Allergen Reducer (reduces up to 75% of allergens from cats, dogs, and dust mites that can become airborne from fabrics).
post #26 of 28
I haven't posted before because I realize that you live in a rental, so most of my suggestions won't be of much help right now, but perhaps for future reference?
I've always been allergic to cats, but it was only a year or so ago that the allergy really developed into asthma. My doctor has told me that I could have prevented that had I gotten allergy shots years before. It would be wise if your boyfriend looked into it, and it may turn out that the tests show he's allergic to some things other than cats. My sister and one of her sons are really allergic to pet hair, but with regular shots they manage just fine with their current 2 dogs and 3 cats.
The only way I can have a cat or two is to ban most textiles from the house, meaning no carpets, heavy curtains, or upholstered furniture. I wash what we have (light sheer curtains and an area rug) frequently, vaccum constantly, using the attachments on our leather and wood furniture, and change the sheets at least once a week. We also had an air filtration system installed in the house, which runs 24/7. It's meant for restaurants, large open-plan offices, etc., and it has really helped. Do you have a powerful vacuum cleaner, like a Dyson or Dirt Devil, and do you vacuum daily?
Do the cats sleep/sit on your furniture, other than the bed? Jamie uses the bed(s) all the time, but has his own "furniture", meaning a ceiling high cat tree, two window perches, and a few cat beds or cushions put on top of cabinets and appliances. He much prefers them, as did his predecessors.
post #27 of 28
I use to be severly allergic to cats. I was so allergic to them, that my eyes would turn all red, itchy and even swell. Runny, plugged up nose. Hives, and the worse that ever happen is my throat started to close.

Thank God now I am not that allergic to cats now.

When I was that bad, I learned that petting was okay, as long as they didn't get on you, and you washed you hands first and than washed your face. I had to do this when I didn't have cats.

Now that I have cats, I have a air purifer, that helps A TON!!! OTC allerige nasal spray, and OTC allerige meds, Advantage (I thinks it's called, it starts with a A.) helps a ton too!!! Wash your sheets and bedding before he covers over, and make the cat stay away from it. Even wash the pillows too. Vacauum everything to get the cat hair off. Groom the cat daily, I have a long hair cat too and during allergie seasons, my god I can't breath.

But those are just a few things to try. I hope something helps. I don't know if he's in college, but some college offer health insurance to their students. Also check for local county health insurance, sometimes you can get those things for free.
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
Well the only pills that work are the ones that make him drowsy and then he just falls asleep. So overthecounter allergy pills are not helping much. I think I am just not going to let kinsey in the bedroom anymore. It's going to be hard but if he starts getting all sneezy and itchy he will have a "safe place" that he can go. lol. So far he has just been toughing it out and taking benedryll which makes him a zombie. He has been doing okay. The situation is getting better. Thank you guys!
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