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Alright, next guy who approaches me is getting maced!

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Ok, not really (I don't even own mace) but really, I am getting SICK of only attracting jerks.

A few weeks ago was that guy who ended up trying to find every excuse possible to invite me to his apartment (that's after talking for about 20 minutes total and exchanging 2 emails).

And today was worst. I was just sitting in the park by myself, relaxing and trying to work up the energy to study when this guy on his bike stops and starts to talk to me. I wasn't all that interested in talking at the moment, but I didn't want to be impolite so I made some small talk with him. Well, turns out the guy was a complete pervert and exhibitionist. After "accidently" showing me his private parts (I really thought was an accident at first and I just looked away) and some uncomfortable conversation, I ended up having to make it very clear to him that I was NOT interested in watching him touch himself.

I really wish I would have been more firm with him or really told him off... but I didn't. For some reason, if someone starts conversation politely, I have a really hard time finishing it impolitely, no matter what happens in between. I just said no enough time that he left.

I was not in a great mood to start with this morning... I am tired and stressed because of school. I did not need that. I'm really upset right now

Now I think I need to find a way to scare jerks away. I'll have to start telling them I have a boyfriend... maybe kids too. Or maybe tell them I'm gay.
Unfortunately, I think the real jerks wouldn't really care about that. Do you think that legendary amazon tribe with only women actually exists?
post #2 of 24
One of the first things I would do if find a police officer and give him a full description of this fellow. Who knows if he is showing himself to minors?
post #3 of 24
If some strange guy "accidentally" showed me his privates, I would probably keep talking to him, get his name and address then politely excuse myself and find the nearest phone or use my cell to call the cops and have him busted. I am a very vengeful person, though!
post #4 of 24
Argh! that's horrible! All I can say is, next time it happens, threaten to call the police if they don't go away. You don't even have to be impolite- just say "I'm sorry sir but I want to be left alone, if you don't leave me alone I WILL call the police" and take out your cell phone to show you're serious.
post #5 of 24
Thread Starter 
I know... I probably should have threatened to call the police. I just keep thinking of these things after the fact and it just makes me feel worst for not handling the situation better.



by the way, now that I think of it, he did ask me how old I was at some point (while he was still being nice). So I think he's smart enough not to bother minors (although I'm 28... there's no way I look like 17!)
post #6 of 24
It's a scary world out there you have to watch what you say to everyone. People could freak out on you or stalk you! I hate that this happened to you, please be careful!
post #7 of 24
Don't feel badly! It's perfectly normal to be so uncomfortable with a situation that you don't know what to do. And it's probably not too late to file a police report now, if you think you can recall enough detail to be helpful. It's possible this guy has done it before (and he will do it again), so every report made against him makes it all the more likely he'll be caught and actually punished. Don't beat yourself up for not reporting it right away -- you're the victim here, not the criminal.

I'm maybe a bit of a (okay, I'm a lot of a ), but when somebody starts talking to me and I want them to go away, I just say "I'm sorry, but I find you incredibly boring. Goodbye." (As a note, I only say this after I've made it perfectly clear through body language and verbal cues that I am not interested in talking, and the person still isn't getting it.) As for the exhibitionist, I probably would've yawned loudly and said "I've seen bigger," then walked away to report him. I'm known to have antisocial tendencies, though.
post #8 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
As for the exhibitionist, I probably would've yawned loudly and said "I've seen bigger," then walked away to report him. I'm known to have antisocial tendencies, though.

I have to remember that for next time.

As far as calling the cops go... I doubt it would help. I don't think I could give a good description of him (tried so hard not to look at him) and all I have is his first name. And technically, I don't think he did anything illegal (he can easily claim it was an accident and he did go away when I made it clear I did not want anything to do with him)
post #9 of 24
having some mace is never a bad idea
post #10 of 24
now I know why I stay at home with my kitties most of the time!!!!
post #11 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
As for the exhibitionist, I probably would've yawned loudly and said "I've seen bigger," then walked away to report him. I'm known to have antisocial tendencies, though.
Actually, all humour aside, that is the absolutely correct way to handle an exhibitionist (as you are dialing 911 on your cell phone of course).

Exhibitionists feel very weak and powerless. They are generally socially awkward, sheltered and yes, tend to have an overbearing female presence in their lives (usually their mother). The way they feel powerful and good about themselves is to shock their victims. They have their needs met when someone (generally a female victime) looks at them in horror or disbelief. If you make a nonchalant comment or even laugh at them, its not the reaction they are looking for, so they may feel less adventurous in future.

Its so hard though to remember to do and say the "right" things at the right time though, isn't it??? Hindsight is always 20/20.
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
Do you think that legendary amazon tribe with only women actually exists?
To an extent - it's called lesbian seperatism. I'm not sure that it would work for you, you seem to be straight

On a more serious note, I'm so sorry this happened.

Please report the exhibitionist to the police. You have no idea where his perversion will eventually lead him if he isn't stopped now. They may not to be able to find him, but at least they can look.

And I would start carrying a can of mace, or at least some perfume/body spray you don't care too much about and spray the next scary pervert. You don't have to say anything, so you don't have to worry about being rude.
post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post

Do you think that legendary amazon tribe with only women actually exists?
If it does exist, I don't think it'll be existing for much longer
post #14 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post

I have to remember that for next time.

As far as calling the cops go... I doubt it would help. I don't think I could give a good description of him (tried so hard not to look at him) and all I have is his first name. And technically, I don't think he did anything illegal (he can easily claim it was an accident and he did go away when I made it clear I did not want anything to do with him)
Definitely call the cops if it happens again. They will file a report- do a background search on any suspect, and there's a chance, since guy is a weirdo and exposed himeself to you, that he may have a criminal background or warrents or something- you could potentially have him off of the streets. My boyfriend is a cop, and they get reports occassionally of "indecent exposure" in public....they will "take care of the situation" if you know what i mean- the last guy that did that, had warrents out for his arrest...etc..let's just say he's a "manwife" now if you know what i mean: I seriously would consider getting some pepper spray though- it works, really well- Colin had to be pepper sprayed to be authorized to use it both in the navy and on the police force- he said that it will definitely allow you time to get away if you ever find yourself in a position like that again. You never know when it might come in handy. Protect yourself/ I also like a previous posters idea of saying "I've seen bigger" but you never know what kinda nutcase you may be dealing with, and making him mad could potentially put yourself in harms way....next time, Pepper Spray the weirdo
post #15 of 24
Yeah, get a can of mace. If a guy does that to you again, spray him really good and call the police to come pick him up.
post #16 of 24
Ack! What a jerk!
post #17 of 24
That is horrible. I can't believe some people can be that sick.
post #18 of 24
You know, when these situations occur, i just start laughing and say "eww who wants that sort of doodle?" Their ego go really down.
post #19 of 24
MY standard response to flashers has been "Oh, the poor little thing! Has it been sick?" THEN I call the cops.
post #20 of 24
Poor you, don't let it get you down, then he's won. At least you've learnt from the experience. He sounds like such an idiot.
post #21 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone

I really didn't realize at the time how upsetting it all was... it only hit me once I got home. I'm still upset about it. I know that nothing really harmful happened (so I saw some guys genitals, that in itself isn't upsetting) but I really feel violated by the fact that he tricked me into it. He didn't even touch me and yet it's like he forced some sort of "sexual" encounter (that at least to him was sexual, I guess).

I don't know if I'm overreacting but right now I'm still upset. I'm sure I'll bounce back and I don't see this ruining my life in any way... but I just need some time to get over it.


stupid jerk!
post #22 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
I really didn't realize at the time how upsetting it all was... it only hit me once I got home. I'm still upset about it. I know that nothing really harmful happened (so I saw some guys genitals, that in itself isn't upsetting) but I really feel violated by the fact that he tricked me into it. He didn't even touch me and yet it's like he forced some sort of "sexual" encounter (that at least to him was sexual, I guess).

I don't know if I'm overreacting but right now I'm still upset.
You are NOT overreacting.

"Nothing really happened but..." is how many women start stories that relate their experiences of something they can't really name - nothing really happened except that you were violated, and (probably) frightened - not necessarily by what happened, but by what could have happened.

You are not overreacting. You are fully justified to feel upset - or angry, or frightened, or any other emotion that you feel because of it.
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satai View Post
You are NOT overreacting.

"Nothing really happened but..." is how many women start stories that relate their experiences of something they can't really name - nothing really happened except that you were violated, and (probably) frightened - not necessarily by what happened, but by what could have happened.

You are not overreacting. You are fully justified to feel upset - or angry, or frightened, or any other emotion that you feel because of it.
I agree! You weren't overreacting sweetie- your instincts and your emotions are there for a reason . Don't try to downplay your reasons for being upset, instead- address why your upset (guy flasing you), deal with your emotions, and be proactive and prepared in case it happens again (self defense class & pepper spray ) I'm sending you lots of vibes and hugs!
post #24 of 24
Or you could point and start laughing uncontrollably.
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