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Cat Hater?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
hi i'm new to this forum, and i need some advice.


about two years ago, my husband decided to take in a kitten from our neighbors. i was against it because our daughter was only 3, and i didn't want to have to divide my attention and affection because i know that kittens are like babies who require care and affection. he took the kitten in anyway, and immediately she spat and hissed at my daughter whenever she entered a room. i told my daughter to avoid the kitten(give her space), and i also told her the kitten is not a toy. eventually, the kitten warmed up to my child, and now they are inseparable. the cat sleeps with her, and chases her around the house, and our yard. all in all, the cat has adjusted quite well(especially after spaying, and our family's relocation) and she does not display any bad behavior.

the problem is her strange fixation on me. i will say this now...i do not dislike cats, or any other animal. i am simply indifferent. i do not bother the cat, i tend to avoid her. she gets plenty of love and attention from my husband and daughter, but somehow that isn't enough. i tend to be extremely solitary when time allows it, and i love private moments to myself. the cat will interrupt my reading, or any other hobbies i enjoy when i'm alone. some might see this as endearing, but i see it as a nuisance because i RARELY get a moment to myself. my husband argues that i do not mind when our daughter interrupts my hobbies, so i shouldn't mind the cat. i definitely do not see it this way. the difference is that when my daughter comes to me at these times, i normally cuddle with her for awhile, and go back to what i was doing. when the cat does it, i get annoyed, and sometimes repulsed. i know it sounds harsh, but it's true.


i tried to be more affectionate towards the cat(because of husband's nagging), and it was about a week before i was avoiding her again. this is just who i am, and i don't think i can change it. i am starting to feel alot of undue pressure for me to change for the sake of this feline, and quite frankly it makes me angry. will my lack of affection for the cat have any effects on her? should i try again to give her more attention? am i a cat hater because i do not want to be bothered? is there anyway to curb the cat's clinginess? i would really appreciate some honest answers no matter how blunt.
post #2 of 26
Well you've said that you don't dislike cats so i wouldn't call you a cat hater. It's like me with children, i don't want them, never have done never will but i don't hate them, well not all of them anyway

What i find strange is when you say you feel repulsed by a cat, in what way?.

Theres some members here who would love to have their cats cling to them believe me.
post #3 of 26
If I want time away from my cat, I go to another area (usually outside this apartment) where she can't go.

You can go into another room and shut the cat out. Have another family member play with the cat while you do this so it doesn't yowl in the hallway.

The cat will be more attracted to you if you don't fawn on it! Many animals will accept a small pat and then go away.
You are actually showing it a, how do I say this, --non invasive attitude. This appeals to the cat.

So I'd pet it and coo at it, then watch it walk away.
Then I'd go and read my book and have the time to myself. (with a door between me and the cat.)
post #4 of 26
In a room full of people, if there's a single person who doesn't care for cats or who doesn't want to be bothered, the typical cat will seek them out. Like the above poster said, "non-invasive" attention. While we mere humans take being ignored as rejection, they think the exact opposite. No eye contact, no interaction = no threat.
I dont think you're a cat hater, but I do think you might be transferring your stress and frustration about other things to the cat. If you scratch under the surface you might find the cat isn't the problem, just a symptom of something else bothering you. Uh, maybe? I don't know, I'm no therapist or mind reader but that's my take on it.
post #5 of 26
I am exactly the same way with children (which is why I don't have any) Unfortunately that is hwt cats do. They interrupt you when you are busy, they drape themselves across your newpaper or book or magazine right as you are reading it, when I do puzzles or play board games, they are right there trying to check out what I am doing or jumping right up there on top the game board or the puzzle. I usually just laugh, give them a good scratch and shoo them away. I think the cat is doing this to you becuase she senses that you don't care much for her. They also tend to do that, then guests are over my cats always hang around the person who is allergic or just doesn't like cats. They are trying to get you to like them, or they are simply bugging you. There isn't really anything you can do about it that I am aware of.
post #6 of 26
Okay first of all, you are acting in ways that the cat doesn't percieve as threatening. When people swoop down on them and look at them with adoring eyes cats can be threatened and intimidated.

Instead of thinking of this as clinging just realize that another member of your family loves you too. Maybe your cat is trying to draw you out. I have a fairly independant kitty and then one that is snuggly. The independant kitty snuggles when I am stressed.

Of all the problems I have read about here. My cat is too clingy isn't one of the worst.

No offense, maybe you need to chill and hug the cat. Cats are good for stress release and mental health. If you made a consistent time for the cat you might get a better result. Maybe this cat is trying to tell you something. Perhaps you need to play more and be serious less.

Jennifer.
post #7 of 26
It took a lot of guts for the OP to come on to a cat lovers' website and admit she doesn't particularly like cats, and to be willing to find solutions to her problem. My late grandmother was terrified of cats, and no amount of telling her to "chill out" would've helped the situation. Unwanted affection is just that: unwanted, whether it's coming from a pet or from another person, and it's a good idea to seek out a way to resolve the situation before the cat makes you even more uncomfortable.

The advice you've already been given -- to basically kill your cat with kindness -- is good advice. Your cat has come to realize that you are the most polite and cat-like person in the house, and naturally gravitates towards you. If you make a big fuss over your cat (and stare -- cats hate that!), Kitty will start thinking maybe you've had a lapse in manners, and perhaps you aren't the decent, cat-like person she previously thought you were. On the other hand, it is possible to have this backfire: one of my cats, Spike, seems to be more and more drawn towards my boyfriend the more he gushes over him and cuddles him (Spike skipped out on the "feline aloofness" classes ). Removing yourself to a room your cat doesn't have access to might also help, if such a place is available.

You could try having your husband or daughter call the cat away from you, and have them reward your cat with a food treat every time it leaves. You could also fill an empty can with pennies and rattle it whenever the cat starts pestering you (wait until the cat is actually bothering you; don't just rattle the can whenever you see the cat) -- a lot of cats don't like loud, sudden sounds.

Good luck!
post #8 of 26
Sorry I took a shower and realized something. You seem to be complaining about not having time to yourself? If that's the case then carve out some time for yourself. Make it Daddy daughter time from lets say ten til noon or something like that on a saturday or sunday whatever you want the details don't matter. And GO OUT if you want to read then take what you're reading to a coffee shop and get a soda or something like that if you don't drink coffee. Barnes and Nobles is a good place for that. In my town we also have a big downtown public library to lounge at. If you do that then I don't think the kitty will be so annoying.

Jenn.
post #9 of 26
Thread Starter 
thank you so much for your advice. i was actually surprised that i might be encouraging her behavior by avoiding her. to respond to the first post, what i mean by feeling repulsed is that i don't like unwanted attention, and so i get a (very mild) sense of repulsion. don't get me wrong, i do pet her, but not as often as my husband and daughter do. the strange thing is that, she would normally give me my space at first. it wasn't until we moved that she started to gravitate towards me. we had a little unpoken agreement( i thought lol). i gave her space, and she did likewise.


after reading some responses, i am starting to wonder if she is responding to a change of environment(moving), as well as my schedule. for example, before we moved i had a vampire schedule. i worked until about 2am and i would normally stay up until 8am because i had problems with insomnia. my child would be up by 6am, and my husband and i would switch off to care for her. now i have a normal schedule, and she seems to be demanding more attention. as for her meowing, it affects me like my child crying does. i immediately have to stop what i'm doing and see if something is wrong, but nothing is ever wrong, so i think she wants me to scratch and pet her. i have tried closing the door, but she wails and scratches at it. i think i'll invest in earplugs.

on the subject of being afraid of cats. my mother is terrified of cats, and has even made an absurd suggestion that we get rid of ours, due to ridiculous old wives tales about cats sucking the breath from babies, and being bad luck. i am not like that, and i can say with 100% certainty that i have no feline phobias, or allergies.


i guess i can try to stop being an old scrooge and just pet her when she comes around, and see if that works.
post #10 of 26
Before I got Luna I was like you, very indifferent to cats and well, preferred dogs over cats.

I had a roommate in college who had two cats that would sleep on my pillows, my bed, and basically seek me out more than my roommate. I always took it that the less you show attention to them the more they want it from you.
post #11 of 26
Animals love unconditionally and ask for very little in return. Clean water, a dish of food, a place to go potty and a few cuddles from their fur mommy/daddy.

It has been clinically proven that animals do in fact have healing benefits for us humans. Pet therapy is being recognized by more and more health care facilities and many even allow a person's pet to be brought into see them in the intensive care units of hospitals.

It sounds to me like you have a beautiful friendship waiting to blossom there.
post #12 of 26
Rosiemac and jen, I too am like that with children. I've decided to have cats instead. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't like children, I just have no desire to have children or take care of them. And when I hear them run around and scream in a department store or supermarket I'm annoyed. It doesn't come very natural to me. But I love my cats and they can bother me as much as they want. If I'm busy and they interrupt me I'm a sucker, they have me wrapped around their paws, and I hug them and pet them and make a huge fuss over them and I enjoy it and then when the cats are done with me, I get back to what I'm doing.

But much of the time my cats will be visiting my boyfriend who pays less attention to them than I do. But he doesn't mind. It just goes to show you the more you ignore your cat, the more your cat likes you.
post #13 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by moggiegirl View Post
Rosiemac and jen, I too am like that with children. I've decided to have cats instead. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't like children, I just have no desire to have children or take care of them. And when I hear them run around and scream in a department store or supermarket I'm annoyed. It doesn't come very natural to me. But I love my cats and they can bother me as much as they want. If I'm busy and they interrupt me I'm a sucker, they have me wrapped around their paws, and I hug them and pet them and make a huge fuss over them and I enjoy it and then when the cats are done with me, I get back to what I'm doing.
That's exactly me!!!!
post #14 of 26
We decided to have cats and a horse instead of children. Not that we dislike kids that much, because we think the world is over-populated with humans enough without us procreating! Anyway, you're freer without children. I couldn't keep my horse if I had children. They stop you doing so many things. We have a God-daughter, nieces and nephew - that's enough. I think it's each to their own really and nobody else's business what a person does with their lives.
post #15 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by moggiegirl View Post
Rosiemac and jen, I too am like that with children. I've decided to have cats instead. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't like children, I just have no desire to have children or take care of them. And when I hear them run around and scream in a department store or supermarket I'm annoyed. It doesn't come very natural to me. But I love my cats and they can bother me as much as they want. If I'm busy and they interrupt me I'm a sucker, they have me wrapped around their paws, and I hug them and pet them and make a huge fuss over them and I enjoy it and then when the cats are done with me, I get back to what I'm doing.

But much of the time my cats will be visiting my boyfriend who pays less attention to them than I do. But he doesn't mind. It just goes to show you the more you ignore your cat, the more your cat likes you.


yes children running around, and screaming in public places makes me cringe also. that is probably my biggest pet peeve lol. mine has been taught very good public behavior because i can remember those instances of being in a movie theatre or store, hearing some child having a tantrum, and wondering if i should recommend a good babysitter . i think children of a certain age should be completely banned from movie theatres.

the cat doesn't annoy me on a general level, just at certain times because with pets i'm more of an observer than a participant. for instance, i can watch her and my girl play forever lol. they chase each other, and at first i was fascinated by it because i thought cats did not play with kids, but now i'm used to it, and enjoy watching them. sometimes i feel like a grinch because my daughter(with her simple 5yr old logic) says that the cat misses her mother, and i should try to take her place. she makes it a point to show me her drawings with the whole family, including the kitty lol. she wanted to have a hello kitty themed birthday party for the cat, and i allowed it(in small measures of course). the cat sat there while we sang happy birthday to her, and looked at us as if we had lost our minds.

i guess i thought that the cat would continue to give me space, but now i see that she might just genuinely want some attention. i just tend to be in my own world(thought gathering, reading, etc.) and i need 2 hours of complete solitude per day. i will make an effort to loosen up a bit more where the kitty is concerned.
post #16 of 26
That's a better idea, I was suggesting that you can carve out grown up alone time and make it a priority. That seemed to be the overriding need and that doesn't have anything to do with the cat.

I was trying to suggest that if you meet that need and its a legit one let me add. The cat won't be so annoying to you when she does need attention and love. There is nothing wrong with saying I need my space.

I was just getting a tad irritated at the begining because it seemed that the cat was being blamed for doing a perfectly normal cat thing to do.

I am glad to be wrong.

Jenn.
post #17 of 26
You and kitty are going to be fine. A little more love is good for everybody. She probably observes you too, almost as much as you do her, and your change in routine has made her curious. She'll begin giving you space again once she's used to having you around in her new time zone.
That said, I've noticed Pyewackett has been ignoring me lately. Maybe he thinks I should get out more.
post #18 of 26
When I was growing up, the cat was never allowed into my parent's bedroom. This was good for my dad, who liked space free of cat and hated the idea of cat on bed. Since your husband is a huge fan of the cat and you haven't complained of unwanted evening attention, I wouldn't suggest your bedroom, but I would second (or third, or whatever) the suggestion that you make a room or part of the house strictly no-cat territory. Many cat-lovers do this as well, just to have space without cats and/or to keep stuff around that isn't safe for cats. Don't make it dramatic; simply start leaving a door closed to your no-cat terriorty. Remove the cat from the room the few times you leave the door open. Never leave the room in order to find your meowing cat.

Hopefully, eventually you'll train the cat that that room is not part of the house, and the cat might even stop meowing for attention when you are inside.

Try a self-play toy, like one with a ball trapped in a track. When you and the cat are home alone, you'll feel less guilty ignoring the cat if you give the cat something to do without you.

When the cat asks for attention in an obnoxious way (by meowing loudly in another part of the house, disturbuing your ability to get work done, ect.), ignore the cat. Don't go looking for the cat when it meows. The cat will be fine. If the you and the cat are in the same room, don't obviously and self-conciously ignore the cat, don't watch in a polite but distant way, but do a "least reinforcing behavior," which a poster mentioned above. A least reinforcing behavior is an idea from animal training; make your body fairly stiff, look in one direction in particular and do nothing with the cat. Don't punish or reward it for being friendly, simply stop interacting with the cat.

Don't feel bad about not being super-affectionate. Your cat has two super-affectionate humans and you who are willing to pet it occasionally. That is enough. Defend your behavior to your family; you aren't doing anything wrong. Train the cat to stop annoying you, and you will be a smart, good pet owner, not a terrible cat-hater.
post #19 of 26
You will never know how enormous your love can be for another human being until you have a child. It is also demanding, exhausting, frustrating but totally joyful. It is nice to see my parents now (who have four children) enjoy their kids and grandkids without all the responsibility and the worry (that is the pay-off!). That being said, if you are not up for it I would never recommend it.

I was a little off-track... When I married my husband he had a huge, furry dog (a kind of German Shephard/collie mix). It was very sweet and well behaved but drove me crazy. Dogs are constantly there and constantly want attention. They are so different then cats. When I came home from work I just wanted to chill -- not have a giant, furry, panting dog follow me everywhere. But I had to tolerate her since she meant so much to my husband. She was actually put down three months after we were married because she had a female cancer.

It is pretty hard to ignore a dog but easy to ignore a cat. If you give the cat no reason to come to you, it will eventually ignore you. Don't yell or clap your hands, just NEVER give it any attention. This is hard for me to write because I would love my kitten to want to sit with me more!

I have a friend who had a nice kitty when she got married. Her husband did not like the cat mainly because it went where ever it wanted (couch, counters, bed....). That bothers a lot of people. She was able to give it her parents where she lived out the rest of her life with cat (and dog) loving people.
post #20 of 26
Quote:
It is pretty hard to ignore a dog but easy to ignore a cat. If you give the cat no reason to come to you, it will eventually ignore you. Don't yell or clap your hands, just NEVER give it any attention.
NEVER give it any attention? I think that's a bit extreme. Usually people who live with cats learn to like them at least a little. My boyfriend used to say he doesn't like cats and now he likes my cats(but would rather not publicly admit it) and sometimes I catch him smothering them. He doesn't pay as much attention to them as I do and that's why they come to him a lot. But I think the key word is RELAX. Ignore the cat when you need to and pet the cat when you feel like it and don't feel guilty because the cat has 2 people that love cats and a great home. I think reserving one room in the house as off limits to the cat is a good idea. That way you can have your space. And in time the cat will get used to its surroundings and you will get used to the cat. I agree that dogs tend to be more demanding. 16 out of 24 hours the cat is sleeping and a third of the time it's awake it grooms itself and when it's not eating, drinking or using the litterbox it wants a little love, attention, playtime. That's not so bad.
post #21 of 26
Thread Starter 
yes, we also have a dog, but it is an outside dog except for when it rains or snows. the cat is also not allowed outside when it snows(unless supervised). i had a friend whose cat froze to death outside the year Ca had a freeze.

this is off topic, but my husband had the cat declawed (front paws) when she went in for her spaying. at the time we lived in portugal, and he could find only one vet who would do the declawing procedure(because it's considered barbaric). i told him not to declaw her because she goes outside at least once a day and plays around our yard. i told him claws are part of the cat's natural defenses. even though he loves animals, he is for declawing. his parents/grandparents have always had their cats declawed, so that may have something to do with it.

i think it is unnatural to declaw any animal, whether it is a domesticated cat, dog, or a wild cat ,like tigers and lions. my step mother is a huge cat lover(she has had as many as 13 cats) and she took my side on the declawing, advising him against it. he wants to take in another cat. i have been browsing this site, and i see there is something called soft paws(sp?). i have told him about this, and he says it sounds like a good alternative i also told my neighbor about soft paws(they have a cat as well). i know that cats calm down alot after being "fixed" which is another reason i am against declawing. i'm not bashing anyone who thinks declawing is ok, i just feel bad for animals who have been, or are going to be, declawed.
post #22 of 26
You're right. I'm totally against declawing myself and a cat that goes outside needs claws to defend itself. I think a cat that is declawed should have extra supervision when outside, even if it isn't snowing and a lot of people feel that a cat that is declawed ought to be kept indoors for extra protection.

Many people don't understand that declawing a cat is the same as having part of your fingers up to the first knuckle removed. Imagine what that would be like. We couldn't even type these messages here back and forth, couldn't work in an office. Imagine the pain! It is not only the nails of the cat that gets removed.
post #23 of 26
You probably wont' find anyone on this site that is for declawing. If anyone suggests getting it done to their cat they are quickly convinced why it is a bad idea. So you are in a like-minded crowd .
post #24 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by aloof human View Post
i guess i thought that the cat would continue to give me space, but now i see that she might just genuinely want some attention. i just tend to be in my own world(thought gathering, reading, etc.) and i need 2 hours of complete solitude per day. i will make an effort to loosen up a bit more where the kitty is concerned.
I've gotta ask, not to be mean or anything,, but how in the world do you get 2 complete hours of solitude per a day, with a child!!!! I have a 4 year old and I don't get more then and hour at night without her,, or even my husband for that matter!!! Ya gotta let me know how you get that to work!!! lol.... Not that I mind only having an hour to myself,, because I love my daughter, and my kitten,, I just don't know what more then an hour to myself is like..

Good luck,,, give in to the cat!! You'll be happy you do.. Once you give the little guy some attention they'll go on their own, and leave ya alone.. I wish my kitty would sit with me more,, but she dos her own thing,, gets a rub here and there, and she's off to do her own thing!!! Now try a dog on for size!! You'll never get peace.. lol
post #25 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelkitty View Post
I've gotta ask, not to be mean or anything,, but how in the world do you get 2 complete hours of solitude per a day, with a child!!!! I have a 4 year old and I don't get more then and hour at night without her,, or even my husband for that matter!!! Ya gotta let me know how you get that to work!!! lol.... Not that I mind only having an hour to myself,, because I love my daughter, and my kitten,, I just don't know what more then an hour to myself is like..

oh i just have her take a nap, that normally works . it seems that the older they get, the more self reliant they becomes, plus she's an only child. i know for a FACT she will be a cat lover when she is an adult
post #26 of 26
I read through the other responses and I don't think that I read anything that said this and if there was, forgive me!

If you don't want any attention from the cat, if you haven't already, turn over all feeding and litterbox duties to your husband or daughter. I have been told that cats will tend to gravitate towards the people that they know are taking care of it, and from personal experience, it holds true.
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