I don't know what to do...

Ok, here goes... My life has never even been a little normal and I've always been poor. My dad has problems with alcohol, drugs, etc. so nothing was ever good. I'm 20 and just now trying to start my life because of being homeless, living with people, not getting to finish high school, in and out of hotels etc. I'm trying to find a job because I need to take care of myself and get out of here. I have real bad anxiety around people and it makes it hard for me to get a job because everything has to do with people. I am trying hard though. I'm aiming for stock position so it won't be so bad, and I like to stock. There are other obstacles such as the car is falling apart, lack of education, etc.

BUT, at the moment I have eight cats...only two of which are mine. Although I think I will be keeping a brother and sister pair that were dropped off at our door around 3 in the morning about a month ago. There is constantly stray cats being dropped off, kicked out, and abandoned since we live in a Metropolitan Housing Complex. Through a nice lady who also rescues cats we (me and one of my sisters) were able to take in and find homes for over one hundred cats last year and this year...so far. But due to a comment she made to me one day I no longer want her to help and haven't told her about the others. She said that she aborted one of the pregnant cat's kittens (she just had one) because she didn't have enough room for it. It did not get pregnant where she is because she spays/neuters them all when she first gets them. Also, she is packed and does not have room and isn't getting too many calls for adoption. And she also told me not to get another cat because she can't take them. I'm guessing that meant even if she did have room. Every cat/kitten we've given her she's adopted out because I love them to death and they are very social and loving by the time she gets them. She still has almost all the cats she's rescued herself. (ANGRY, ran out of smiley allowance for this post.)

At the moment there are around ten cats out around the complex that are not doing well and need medical care, even some that are starving and seemingly have NO stomach at all. I can't take anymore in because my parents complain about taking them in since we're only allowed to have ONE pet here. I've never lived by that and can't because there are so many that are suffering. I do feed them and put water out for them everyday but I know that's not enough.

I don't want to forget them to start my life, but I don't know where to turn. My sister just brought me another kitten about 5 months old that someone has just started letting out tonight, but since it's "someone's pet" I can't take it. (It's another male kitty.) If it comes back around tomorrow I will though regardless. It usually means they don't want it here when that starts to happen. Yes, unfortunately it's kind of routine from these IDIOTIC RETARDED PEOPLE AROUND HERE!!

The TWO shelters here I won't get any help from because one is falling apart and the other is full and euthanizes HUNDREDS of healthy pets daily. I don't have enough money, actually none at all to get the new ones spayed/neutered. (My mom and sister work and my sister helps pay for the cat's stuff cause she cares for them and mom does too. Dad is on BWC and wastes most all his and tries to everyone else's on his "stuff" as I like to call it. ) And because Scruff is starting to spray my older sister's cat is starting to pee on everything because he believes himself to be the dominant one. (All of the cats we own are neutered. I have two, mom has one, (Marshmellow)older sis has one,(Splash) and younger sis has one.(Mouse)) All of the cats we own are rescues also that we just couldn't let go. Blue has helped me get out of the depression I was in. Besides God of course, it's just so hard to do it alone.

On top of all that the animal control WILL NOT pick up or help cats and if they did it would be straight to a shelter to get euthanized. I just recently found a stray and her two kittens living by a highway and started feeding them. I haven't seen them since the first day but the food is always gone and I put it in the same spot.

Plus, the low cost spay/neuter program League for Animal Welfare has run out of funds and I can't get the new stray kitties I took in spay/neutered. AND, I just turned 20 today!

I want to do so much and yet have the resources to do nothing except die. I'm trying my best to NOT be depressed and NOT quit on life again. (I got so bad where I didn't ever get up. I slept all day. I ate too much, or not at all. I was a mess.) It's just so hard, and so many things are all piling up all the time. I have no one to talk to, no friends. I don't go anywhere. And NO ONE can relate to me even if I did know anyone. What am I supposed to do? I have no one else to ask!

My parents neither one were the best and used me as their counselor since I was 7, details about themselves I would never have wanted to know. I have to be there for everyone else, but I don't have anyone that's there for me. Am I being selfish? I feel like I am. I just keep feeling like nothing will ever work out, nothing will be ok. And these poor little ones are suffering because of STUPID PEOPLE and I can't change the world no matter how much I may want to. I can't even help like I want to.

Ohio sucks, it seems they hate cats, and that's not fair. I don't even know why I'm posting. I've exhausted hours on the net searching for answers to help my kitties and can't find anything. Although maybe one of you know something I don't. I'm in Middletown if that helps with the area. I'm not asking for money, and I dont' want it. I'm asking for help with information in my area. The STUPID car can make it to Trenton. My dad's brother may be giving him a van, but I'm not sure. And it needs work, I'm just not sure if my dad will fix it or not. (He's a good mechanic.) So...Middletown and Trenton are the extint I can travel. I just need some help with the cats, screw myself right now. Eh, I hope someone out there has some good info that I can't find.

P.S. I WILL NOT take my cats to M.A.R.X. We took my Blue, and my younger sister Dana's cat Mouse to them and they botched it! Even shaved their area! They almost died because of it, no lie. They would not move, eat, play, nothing. So, I hate them and will not even consider it. They are ok now of course, but will never be the same as they were before it.

Ok, I understand that things are tough right now, and I identify with a lot of your post.

I'm not sure I understood your PS - I understand that something serious happened, but I should point out that it's normal to shave a cat at the surgical site for a spay (or any other surgery).

Regarding your contact, I wouldn't break off contact with her. Not everyone feels ok about aborting kittens, but there are plenty of people on this site that can talk to you about it. Remember that in rescue work, we can't save them all. No-kill shelters, for example, avoid euthanising cats by refusing to take in more when they are full - it's a game of gray choices.

Have you thought about becoming involved in TNR (trap, neuter, return)? You might be able to help/manage a feral colony more easily than trying to home strays.

There is a lot of good you can do - and a lot of good that you can't. Please don't let the sorrow of the second blind you to the possibilities of the first.

You saved 100 cats last year – wow! - And that during a really difficult situation. Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t let the thought that you are selfish even cross your mind.
You are 20, just got out of a depression and have a lot of unsolved problems around you. It sounds to me as if you have the right to feel exhausted. To live with alcohol and drug related problems close by is exhausting even for healthy people.
After several depressions I have learned a few very important things:
1.\tThey always pass.
2.\tThey pass faster if you get help already when it is on its way.
3.\tLife is tuff but the small beautiful moments it gives make it worth to hang in there.

About the cats – you are doing a great job and you canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t save them all by your self. Feeding them is a good start and what cannot be solved today might be solved tomorrow. You say you have really bad anxiety around people. The only thing that helps, fighting anxiety, is challenging it.
Take a look around you at all those people who are stupid, annoying, helpless, selfish…. And note that most of them are accepted by other people and often even love by a few. The lesson to learn from this is that you do not have to be perfect. There is place for you just as you are.
You are completely surrounded with people and creatures that need you – cats, parents. I think you need to put priority to help your self for while. Once you are okay you will have a greater chance to help others – both cats and people. That is not being selfish – that is putting the priorities right during emergency.
Is there any free group therapy you can join to get some support in your neighbourhood? When no friends are around it can be helpful. People with the same experience and background are often a lot more understanding than people who hasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t been there.
I hope some one else can get you better hands on advises about the cats. Good luck and if not a happy birthday I hope there will be some other happy days for you.

Have you reached out to any TNR groups in Ohio:

http://www.alleycat.org/orgs.html#oh

Also...you may want to contact Alley Cat Allies regarding your issue and see if they know someone who can help:

http://www.alleycat.org/contact.html

You can also contact the Best Friends Network:

http://www.bestfriends.org/nomorehom...networkfaq.cfm

How the Network Can Help You
Perhaps you're feeding some homeless cats in your neighborhood and could use a little help. We'll notify members nearby and ask if they'd like to give you a hand.


Maybe you'd just like to get together with other local members to see how you can help the animals more effectively as a group. It's always good to know that there are other people who feel the way you do about caring for the animals.


If you'd simply like us to keep in touch with you about Network activities near where you live, you'll receive email notices whenever we learn of local activities.


Good Feral Cat information:

http://www.bestfriends.org/nomorehom...feralindex.cfm

I can understand your decision about spaying pregnant cats.But, to be honest, sometimes it's better and more loving to do it.There are so many cats/kittens out there that are in need of loving homes.Some believe(including me) why bring more kittens into the world to only know hunger,homelessness, and no love.(unless they are PLANNED pg's)
I am right now caring for 5 orphan kits that someone allowed the mom to get pg with and before I could catch her, she had her kits.She got ran over,so I am now caring for them.She had 6,one didn't make it.I do NOT know that I will be able to find homes for all of these babies......though I will do MY BEST!!! I just wish that I could have gotten ahold of her before she had them and got her spayed.....regardless of her being pg.
I am NOT trying to get you to agree with MY views or your contacts,just trying to get you to see her side.
I do NOT regret caring for these babies,I just wish they would have had their fur Mom to care for them to insure they got the nutrients and all from her.
Good luck!!! I will say prayers you can get some help that is needed!!!

First of all, HUGS and {{{prayers and vibes}}} coming you way! You are very brave, to keep rescuing cats even when you have TOO MUCH on your plate. I hope that you get the answers to assist you in your rescues. Unfortunately, I have to agree that Midwest attitudes towards pets are lagging behind those of the East Coast & the Bay area. But, there are rays of hope out there - I went to the PAWS shelter in Paragould Arkansas; it is a small, one woman w/ 2 relatives operation and they manage to care & save more dogs and cats than many county shelter that I've seen! Maybe God has given you the heart to make animal rescue your life goal. Please keep us updated on how things are going! Susan

Sounds to me like you need to keep working with the woman who helped you and your sister rehome 100 cats in the past year. I know you disagree with her about spay/abort, but you should talk to her. Sounds like you need each other. Be sure to let her know your feelings.

I have been in rescue for a few years now, and have not saved or rehomed anywhere near 100 cats. While your long term goal can be to run your own rescue with your own rules, for now you need to work with the other lady. She is a saint. She is saving cats, just like you. Whether you totally agree with all her choices or not, she has made a positive impact on Ohio and the cat population there.

Hang in there. It sounds like you have been through a lot.

Hi. I grew up about 15 minutes north of Middletown. I know for a fact that there are a ton of people around there who have dedicated their lives and finances to helping all kinds of animals. I have no idea what MARX is, but I'm sorry something bad happened there. I can understand why you're frustrated, I'm very familiar with your town and I would rip my hair out trying to rescue cats there. But... I have lived in Ohio my entire life. I do NOT agree that the midwest or ohio is "lagging behind" with people caring about animals, I think that's just good-old-fashioned "coast-centrism".

I totally agree with Beckiboo-- the goodness of rescuing that many cats far outweighs any disagreement about a pregnant spay. It is hard not to apply human morals to cats, but it's not fair to the cats.

I hope things start looking up for you soon, and happy belated birthday. I don't know of anywhere you can get to from Middletown with a car that won't go far.

ETA: I found this: http://www.animalfriendshs.org/ in Trenton. Have you tried that one?

First, happy belated birthday.

I totally agree you need to keep working with that saintly woman--put your disagreement aside. You might even come to understand why she did what she did or does what she does.

You seem to have found your calling in life, and though you might work now stocking shelves perhaps one day you can become a veterinarian or first, a vet tech. Look into schools for vet tech and they will tell you how to get financial aid to pay for it. Do a search right now for "vet tech schools" and see if there aren't a couple in your area.

You're young. Twenty is so very young and you have your whole life ahead of you, yet you have already been through so much stuff. You really do need to stop being the counselor for your parents. You need your own counselor to help you pull away from this--please consider getting this type of support--there is nothing like having someone on your side when you are going through what you are right now...Heck, I used to use my counselor just to help me figure out things that would be simple for most people, people who have supportive people in their lives already. My counselor would help me just... figure out how to tell someone to go to hell...or, how to get into school and pay for it. It is such a wonderful gift to give yourself, please give yourself this for a birthday gift. You'll certainly be able to find someone who will work with you on the cost--just keep calling until you find someone.

One good thing is that at only the young age of 20 you certainly must know you have a gift and a talent you can use--that is your love of animals--and you certainly have strength already, even if you are tired right now. Remember, "Above a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. I can't remember who said that right now, sorry, but it was someone smart.