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Wedding Etiquette?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Our neighbors are getting married in a few weeks. Their wedding is in New Hampshire and because of time, budget and babysitting restrictions, we will not be able to attend. They have not registered anywhere and are planning a "wishing well" for people at the wedding to put cash in. They are paying for the wedding themselves, and hope to recoup some of their expenses as wedding gifts.

Here's my question. Should we go ahead and pick out a gift or just get them a card and cash? I would feel wierd just giving them a card here in Arkansas, but I could have his parents bring a card and cash with them and out it in the well at the wedding (they live here too.) Any suggestions?
post #2 of 11
Do what you feel more comfortable doing. If you want to wish them well then send the card with his parents. I am sure they will appreciate it no matter when they get it!
post #3 of 11
Honestly I am sure they won't mind the cash....my husband and I were happier with the cash than the gifts...to be honest....We were able to use our cash on our honeymoon...but since we got like 4,000 dollars in cash...we used the rest to buy a computer
post #4 of 11
I suggest mailing them the card with a check or money order in it. Then they can get it a few days before the wedding, and it will already be in the bank!

I'm just paranoid...no matter how well you know the parents, sending money with someone is always a little risky. What if it gets lost or stolen on the way to the wedding?!?!
post #5 of 11
I always feel "weird" giving people their wedding present in person. I would send them what ever you want to send them
post #6 of 11
I agree -- do what feels most comfortable for you. If you would prefer to give them a nice gift from the heart, then do that. If you want to give them cash, go for it.

It's kind of tacky to expect cash for a wedding anyway... Not that we all don't hope for it... but the outright expression of that thought to guests is rude IMO.
post #7 of 11
The etiquette is: 1) If you do not attend the wedding, you are not obligated to give a gift. (although it is nice if you choose to, this is just "the rule")
2) You have up to one year to give a wedding gift to still be in the etiquette guidelines (whether or not you attend). So....that means you can give them their gift when you are ready, it doesnt have to travel with the parents if you do not wish to involve another party. I would most likely wait until they return.

I dont give cash unless I'm v. close to the couple and it is v. tacky to specifically to request cash. (My friends have never done that, but I've given cash simply b/c I know they could use it). I do gift cards instead of cash for others if they are not registered I give practical places like Target or Bed Bath & Beyond - so if they just use it to buy everyday necessities that's fine. I wouldnt mind someone buying my cleaning supplies and paper products
post #8 of 11
You could even do both, get them a small sentimental gift, say a 3x5 wedding album for extra shots, or a decent bottle of wine, and include a card with a check as well. This way, they have something from you, and are still able to put the $ towards whatever they need. And write a little note inside telling them how much you wish you could've attended, and that you hope they have a wonderful day. Beckiboo is right, you can't trust anyone. My MIL would try anything to get $ out of us, and my hubby's youngest bro would steal the quarters out of our daughters piggy bank, yes, we actually caught him doing that...
post #9 of 11
Originally Posted by CDubbie
The etiquette is: 1) If you do not attend the wedding, you are not obligated to give a gift. (although it is nice if you choose to, this is just "the rule")
Thats not the sicilian rule!

My dad says its obligated to give a gift if they send you the wedding invitation.

My cousin on my mothers side got married a few years ago, and because she didnt send us a wedding invitation my dad told my mother she was not to send them a gift.

If i were in your shoes, id do what is most confortable for you
post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 
Trusting his parents is not an issue. We are closer to them than to the soo-to-be-married, actually. We all live within a block of eachother. I would feel strange mailing them anything because, 1) they are our next door neighbors (they laughed that I spent money on a stamp to send a thank you note) and 2) I don't have an address up in NH to send somethin gup before the wedding.

I like the idea of a small gift and check, so that's likely what I'll do. We are going to have Arkansas bachelor and bachelorette parties with the friends down here that can't attend, so maybe that would be the appropriate time to give gifts.

Thanks for all the good ideas.
post #11 of 11
Originally Posted by CDubbie
The etiquette is: 1) If you do not attend the wedding, you are not obligated to give a gift. (although it is nice if you choose to, this is just "the rule")
I hate to sound like the etiquette police, but knowing etiquette is a big part of my job. The "rule" is, actually, that you should send a gift even if you can't attend...though it doesn't necessarily have to be a big one. Here's what Emily Post says about it: http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/w...g_now_what.htm

I think sending a small gift and a check sounds like a great solution.
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