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Restraining order?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Does anyone know the particulars of getting a restraining order against someone? Let me explain the situation and get some opinions....

One of my good friends from Nursing School has had a very complicated relationship with a guy for quite a while. She is 22, he is somewhere around the same age. She comes from a very strict family. I'll just call my friend "B" for now. B and this guy dated for nearly 5 years or so and both came here to go to school together last year. He became very controlling when she began to make friends of her own. He tried to control her every move. He controlled her money, by keeping her debit cards, etc. so she wouldn't spend her money on things he did not approve of. He paid for her cell phone so he could keep tabs on who was calling her and who she was talking to. After becoming good friends with me and our other close friends she realized things were not right in that relationship. For a while she just tried to continue seeing him, but doing more things on her own. Until he began showing up at mine and our friends houses to take her home. And began constantly calling all of our cell phones trying to find out where she was at all times. She finally got up the courage to tell him she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. Worked out good for her because she is back in their home town for the summer working a job there, and he has stayed her going to summer school. But he still tries to call her (she finally got the phone he paid for turned off, but he continues to call her family home) and tells her he knows he is the one for her and he will wait until she realizes it. Well she came in town to visit me the last two nights. Yesterday she found out he knew she was back in town. Then last night we went out with a big group of friends, and I wanted to go to bed earlier than she, so I came home and she stayed out, and went to stay with another friend of ours. Well I came home around 1 this morning and went to bed. At 3:30 in the morning he shows up at my apartment (her car is still at my place, looks like she and I are both home) and begins to bang on my door. I just left all my lights out and never went to the door. He evenutally left. He came back 4 times b/t 3:30 and 10 am, doing the same thing each time. He left a note on her car once but i was afraid to go get it, thikning he was somewhere and might be watching. She came home a little after 10 and I told her what happened. She had plans to meet him at 11:30 to talk, which I begged her not to do, but she said she felt she needed to. I just talked to her and she said she told him she wants to have no contact for atleast one month, hoping it will give him time to get over her.

But she also mentioned that if this does not work, she wants to look into a restraining order. Is his behavior enough for us to do this? And what routes would she need to go through to get this done?
post #2 of 11
I did so about 6 years ago against my ex husband, first you file for a temporary restraining order, then you get summons to court...(all this is done through the court system, the temporary restraining order lasts until the court date).

During the court date, both the person filing the restraining order and the person who is being filed against HAVE to show up. You tell the judge the reasons why you are filing and the accused has the right to defend themselves (gotta love the 5th amendment--right to stand against your accuser)...

Then the judge decides of the restraining order is necessary or not and for how long the restraining order should be in effect.

The person who is restrained, is no longer allowed to bear arms of any kind, yadda yadda yadda.

The first step is going to court and filing a temporary restraining order and that one is annonymous....well not annonymous....but you don't have to face the person you are filing one against, during court you do. (does that make sense).

The person who you are giving the temp restraining order against is served those papers by an officer of the court.

If she is in fear for her life, her property or if he is harassing her or stalking her, she has every right to file a restraining order.
post #3 of 11
It is best to install a video camera on your property to document the events. With a videotaped evidence the process is a lot easier (saw it on Court TV).

The paperwork for the temporary restraining order is very easy and it can often be found online.

I am about to file a restraining order myself against my BIL's ex. I am also looking for more ways to file a restraining order.
post #4 of 11
Ashley I'm really sorry for your friend! That is so bad I have been in a similar situation and although his behaviour is very upsetting for her and for her friends and family, I think in order to get a restraining order enforced he would need to by physically threatening her or threatening her in any way.
Maybe she could anonymously call her local police station or citizens advice to see if they have any advice?
I hope the guy just grows up and gets a life.
post #5 of 11
Yah that really is not good, good luck to your friend for sure.
post #6 of 11
The guy sounds dangerous to me. Is there some kind of Legal Aid office at your school? Her academic adviser might be able to steer her in the right direction. I had trouble with a real nut case in my teens, and my university helped me get a restraining order (it didn't stop him). My sister had to get a couple of restraining orders against her violent ex, and she had to go through a lawyer. He physically attacked her, broke into her house, and harassed her constantly. He did some jail time because of the orders, but they basically never stopped him. She ended up going to the local SPCA and adopting a Great Dane, who didn't know him, and became extremely protective of her. That stopped him.
post #7 of 11
Yeah, I definitely would hate to hear a movie of your friend on Lifetime network.

He does sound creepy...and you might want to consider one for yourself seeing that he will show up at your house. I know its only if it looks like she's there, but still: if he's there unwelcomed, then he's not welcomed (PS, I would've been calling the cops on him at 3:30 am and request they drive by).

He does sound psycho to me.
post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the opinions everyone! She wants to wait and see if he will leave her alone like she asked, so I will let her wait. But if when she moves in he continues to show up, I am definately going to look into getting an order so he can not come to the apartment. Thanks again, and I'll let y'all know if anything else happens.
post #9 of 11
I think it's important for her not to wait too long...you have to go with your gut instinct on matters like this. I'd have her call the police right away, this guy sounds like he has the potential to be very scary.
post #10 of 11
usually there has to be a fear or he has had to threaten but might be a no contest where he could agree to the order if he wants to show the judge hes not a threat he might no contest it and agree never know if he fights it i think a judge would wonder why and might grant it.. but if he has EVER threatend or even stood between her or a door that is considered a threat. even if he has ever spoken threatenly about a ex like how he would love to se her get hurt is even considered a threat
post #11 of 11
Originally Posted by Miss Mew
I think it's important for her not to wait too long...you have to go with your gut instinct on matters like this. I'd have her call the police right away, this guy sounds like he has the potential to be very scary.

I would encourage her to talk to the police before one more time. He sounds like he could get scary and I would hate to see "their last talk" be the last time...for her.
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