I don't know if it's been noticed lately the last couple of days I've been feeling depression setting in, it's a falicy of mine. Well that among many and all the stress around my now ex family situation has caused me great heartache and grief.
I've been able to hold it together to get through the packing and the move and now that we've settled its starting to hit me kinda hard. The last two nights we've sat on the back deck and my husband has held me and comforted me while I've cried uncontrollably.
It's just so hard to explain, just to say that now I know that I will never ever hear my father tell me that he is proud of me because I know he isn't. Cause part of the false DSS report said I was kicked out of the military. I wasn't. I was honorably discharged after 7 years of good hard service and one deployment.
I don't even know why they had to put that in the DSS report except to hit me in the place it would hurt me the most. I have no idea.
And knowing that I will never hear my father tell me he loves me which is no big I suppose since I've never heard it before.
And I will never know when my grandfather passes...because all my family now believes all the lies my mother has told them and they would surely also let them know our location which I can't have.
And it hurts all the things they've said and done. It hurts more than I can put into words. It hurts to know that they hate my husband all for nothing, he is the best thing to ever happen to me and they will never see it because they don't want to see it.
It hurts that they can't understand the love that my daughter and my husband share just because she isn't related to him by blood. Blood doesn't matter, not at all. To him, that's his little girl, to her, that's her daddy.
It hurts that they despise the son we share by biology. The son we had together after we were married a year. They despise our son because he shares my husband's biology.
All of this brings me great grief. I know I should just let it go, I can't help how they are but it hurts me greatly and I just don't know....I don't have words.....I don't know what I feel I don't know what I should feel....
I mean everything that's been done is here:
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87763
And I can't hold it all in anymore.
I've been able to hold it together to get through the packing and the move and now that we've settled its starting to hit me kinda hard. The last two nights we've sat on the back deck and my husband has held me and comforted me while I've cried uncontrollably.
It's just so hard to explain, just to say that now I know that I will never ever hear my father tell me that he is proud of me because I know he isn't. Cause part of the false DSS report said I was kicked out of the military. I wasn't. I was honorably discharged after 7 years of good hard service and one deployment.
I don't even know why they had to put that in the DSS report except to hit me in the place it would hurt me the most. I have no idea.
And knowing that I will never hear my father tell me he loves me which is no big I suppose since I've never heard it before.
And I will never know when my grandfather passes...because all my family now believes all the lies my mother has told them and they would surely also let them know our location which I can't have.
And it hurts all the things they've said and done. It hurts more than I can put into words. It hurts to know that they hate my husband all for nothing, he is the best thing to ever happen to me and they will never see it because they don't want to see it.
It hurts that they can't understand the love that my daughter and my husband share just because she isn't related to him by blood. Blood doesn't matter, not at all. To him, that's his little girl, to her, that's her daddy.
It hurts that they despise the son we share by biology. The son we had together after we were married a year. They despise our son because he shares my husband's biology.
All of this brings me great grief. I know I should just let it go, I can't help how they are but it hurts me greatly and I just don't know....I don't have words.....I don't know what I feel I don't know what I should feel....
I mean everything that's been done is here:
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87763
And I can't hold it all in anymore.