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Need some advice

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
My husband and I are planning a small get together for our wedding anniversary, and have decided to have it at a nice bar in our area. You know the place where you can go have a few drinks, maybe a nice appetizer, and have some fun. Well, because this is at a BARwe told everyone that it wouldn't be an ideal place for children. Well now my sister in law is upset. She thinks that we are deliberately planning functions to get out of having her kids come. I am almost at the point of saying, don't come, but my husband would like me to try to smooth things over. What do you think that I should do?
post #2 of 28
YOUR party, YOUR rules. Personally, I'm in favor of "no children allowed" parties.
post #3 of 28
Thread Starter 
You and me both. She wants me to have it at a more "family friendly" location. I told her that we couldn't afford to rent a hall for the amount of people that we were having, but she is insisting on bring all five (yes five!) of her kids, all under the age of 11.
post #4 of 28
If that is where you want to have your party, then that's where I would have it! Children do not belong at every get together. Sometimes it should be adults only. I had the same argument with my Mother-in-law about my wedding.
post #5 of 28
I'm in agreement with everyone else on this one. It's your party..you make the rules. I myself am feeling the same stress as well....we have decided not to have children under 10 attend our September wedding, and there are alot of annoyed people
post #6 of 28
I'd politely tell her that the decision where to have it is final; however, since she realizes it's a bar, she can't be offended if her children hear any rough language. AND, to make things better for your husband, I'd try to plan a small activities box to bring along for her kids to check out - maybe a board game, some cat books, etc. - YOU will rise to the higher level and her children will grow up with fond memories of their wonderful aunt! Maybe contact your local SPCA & try to get some coloring books promoting responsible pet ownership, etc. - just think - you'll be helping the future voters of this nation to become animal-rights friendly! And your hubby will appreciate his wisdom when choosing a wife - and other hubbies will be envious!
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass
You and me both. She wants me to have it at a more "family friendly" location. I told her that we couldn't afford to rent a hall for the amount of people that we were having, but she is insisting on bring all five (yes five!) of her kids, all under the age of 11.
"She"..this isn't about "she". It's a celebration of you and your husband's wedding anniversary, and your idea is a lovely one. Don't budge. I can't stand folks who think they should tell you how to do your own celebration.
post #8 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme
I'd politely tell her that the decision where to have it is final; however, since she realizes it's a bar, she can't be offended if her children hear any rough language. AND, to make things better for your husband, I'd try to plan a small activities box to bring along for her kids to check out
Kids aren't allowed in bars, so far as I know though maybe this varies state by state, it's illegal.
post #9 of 28
Thread Starter 
I guess my problem with this isn't her kids, it's the fact that every time my husband and I want to do something her they have to come. I want an adult night out without them.
We also offered to hire a babysitter, and she said no. She wants the kids to join in the celebration. I told her that we weren't changing the location, so it looks like I get to see all of them at the party. I decided next time I'm not inviting her. It causes too much stress for me when she always gets her way.
post #10 of 28
That sucks!
I agree that you have every right to plan an adult only outing.

Also, I think that her insisting to bring her kids along to a party where there wont be any other kids around wont be any fun for the kids either. Growing up, I was brought along to a lot of family things where me and my brothers were the only kids, and believe me, I would have prefered to stay home with a babysitter.
post #11 of 28
I am sorry...but do make sure that if these kids misbehave, run around, it isn't *your* job to look after them fix it etc. Have someone else assigned, and just have a wonderful time with your husband.

Your sister in law sounds like a bit of a bully
post #12 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pat & Alix
I am sorry...but do make sure that if these kids misbehave, run around, it isn't *your* job to look after them fix it etc. Have someone else assigned, and just have a wonderful time with your husband.

Your sister in law sounds like a bit of a bully
Oh trust me I'm thinking about breaking into a nice bottle of wine BEFORE we go. My husband told me that he's going to take me to dinner, and a nice restaurant, that has a few children in it as possible!
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e
YOUR party, YOUR rules. Personally, I'm in favor of "no children allowed" parties.
Yup-sometimes there just needs to be "adult time/parties" and its YOUR special night, so you make the rules!!!
post #14 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e
YOUR party, YOUR rules. Personally, I'm in favor of "no children allowed" parties.

Yep, I agree..its totally your choice. I would just tell her "I'm sorry you feel like I'm singling out your kids, but the fact is I am not, and I just want to have my party at this particular place and it happens to be a bar."
post #15 of 28
Wow, she's got some nerve. I don't have any advice, but I do hope that you aren't having to pay for whatever meals the kids don't eat. Maybe that sounds petty of me.

Anyway, good vibes for a happy anniversary night for you!
post #16 of 28
I can't believe she's still going to bring her kids along! You went above and beyond by offering to arrange a sitter. Seems to me that if she doesn't want to leave them with someone else then she should sit this party out. I find it interesting that she presumes her children are invited. The celebration isn't about her and what she wants - it's about your anniversary!
post #17 of 28
For the love of god don't let her bring her kids. They're going to knock stuff over, start yelling, and it's going to be a big mess. Two children under 11 would be a problem, but 5 is just mind numbing! I would tell your husband that kids are not allowed at this one, and that you don't want to have to worry about it, because it's YOUR night, it's not brother-sister anniversary, you shouldn't have to convince her.
post #18 of 28
Your party. Your occasion. You get to decide where and who's on the guest list. Every occasion does not need to be a bring the kids occasion -- you're entitled to celebrate your event the way you want to, and if that is with only adults, so be it. Frankly, I think it's totally appropriate for your wedding anniversary to be just adults. Some other occasions I could see being more appropriately the whole family -- but not this one. Your anniversary is about you and your sweetie, and your sister-in-law should be happy you want to include her and just should mind her own business about how you do it.
post #19 of 28
Thread Starter 
I know that this is going to be a shocker for you all, but this isn't the first time that she's done this. She's come over to my husband and I apartment (all 750 square feet of it) with all five of her kids too! She then proceeded to get upset with me when her son grabbed one of my cats by the tail and Bit turned around and attacked him.

I just want to say the kids aren't brats. I just think that in 750 square feet any kid can be a brat. They need room to run and play. It's not like they want to sit around and play video games or read a book.
post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass
I know that this is going to be a shocker for you all, but this isn't the first time that she's done this. She's come over to my husband and I apartment (all 750 square feet of it) with all five of her kids too! She then proceeded to get upset with me when her son grabbed one of my cats by the tail and Bit turned around and attacked him.

I just want to say the kids aren't brats. I just think that in 750 square feet any kid can be a brat. They need room to run and play. It's not like they want to sit around and play video games or read a book.
She should know better than to let her kids come to your house knowing you have animals. Either she should not bring them, or take the responsibilty to teach them how to treat animals. I bet she was really spoiled when she was younger.
post #21 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for listening to my frustrations about this. My husband and I have decided to tell her not to come. She's really upset, but at this point I don't care. She told us that we can't come over this summer or spend any time with our nieces or nephews. We will see how long that lasts, because she always calls me to be a sitter when she wants to go out.
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass
Thanks so much for listening to my frustrations about this. My husband and I have decided to tell her not to come. She's really upset, but at this point I don't care. She told us that we can't come over this summer or spend any time with our nieces or nephews. We will see how long that lasts, because she always calls me to be a sitter when she wants to go out.
Very good decision. I see she's taking it like a mature adult
post #23 of 28
Good for you. You can't just decide to bring five kids along and stress everyone out for no good reason. Have a happy anniversary!

A thought for those having no-children weddings: I was the babysitter for my church when I was younger, and weddings would hire me to watch the kids during the wedding right down the hall but far enough away that they could yell and play without being heard. It was the "nursery" for during church as well- I also babysat the kids for choir practice and such a few times a week. We had it set up so that each child's parent got a silent-vibrating type pager that I could have them come down if anything happened. You may want to see if you could arrange something similar for your wedding. At mine I think they charged like 25$ or something for the whole wedding.
post #24 of 28
I agree with the others that it is your party, your "rules". I just can't believe the nerve of some people who think their "darling angels" MUST be included at events that are geared towards adults. I'm glad to read to stood firm to your plans. Have a wonderful time!!
post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass
She told us that we can't come over this summer or spend any time with our nieces or nephews. We will see how long that lasts, because she always calls me to be a sitter when she wants to go out.
Boy, she sounds childish!
Hope you have a good time at your party. I can't believe she seriously wants to bring 5 children to a bar.
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass
She thinks that we are deliberately planning functions to get out of having her kids come.
And that's wrong HOW?
post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
Oh I've been told, quite often mind you, that I don't know what responsibility is until I have five kids. I have also been told that I don't have plans for the evening because I don't have kids. Can you sense a theme?

It's not that we don't like kids. I just don't want to have them. I am quite happy with two cats and a small apartment. We try to live as simply as possible.
post #28 of 28
Our family was getting out of hand with little ones so what we do now is have a family lunch with the kids the day before a party and let them have cake and ice cream and feel special and then let them all have a sleep over at one house and hire a babysitter or two the night of the party... that way the kidlets are included but we adults get adult time too... and most of the parents LIKE the idea of getting out without the kids for a bit
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