Teenagers and the Gynocologist (sorry guys!)

I just asked my GYN that same question last time I was there and she said...

when they become sexually active.

My pediatrician checked out my lady bits cursorily (no speculum involved) for my whole life every check-up with my mom in the room, because my big sister had cysts when she was 11 and had to go to the obgyn. I went to my first gynecologist appt when I was 18 all by myself to get the pill. I had the nurse in the room over by the door for the first one. Most daughters are not going to tell their mothers about anything invloving the topic in my experience. I had a hard time asking my mom to buy me tampons at the store for the first seven years I needed them!

Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

My pediatrician checked out my lady bits cursorily (no speculum involved) for my whole life every check-up with my mom in the room, because my big sister had cysts when she was 11 and had to go to the obgyn. I went to my first gynecologist appt when I was 18 all by myself to get the pill. I had the nurse in the room over by the door for the first one. Most daughters are not going to tell their mothers about anything invloving the topic in my experience. I had a hard time asking my mom to buy me tampons at the store for the first seven years I needed them!

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That just reminded me! I went a year with my period before I told my mother. I just knew she would cry and tell me how grown up I was. I remember being upset because I had to use my own allowance to pay for tampons. I wouldn't buy them myself either, I was too embarrassed, especially if the cashier was a male . My best friend and I would sneak to the grocery store before school when I needed them and I would make her pay for them at the checkout (with my allowance) I finally, at about 16, decided I needed my allowance for make up instead of tampons and told my DAD (go figure) I had started. At least that way they bought them for me!

I brought my daughter in as soon as she told me that she'd lost her virginity at age 15. (She is 22 now.)

I see no point in a female child having an internal exam for a PAP until they have had their hymen broken.

But that's just me...

Originally Posted by GingersMom

I see no point in a female child having an internal exam for a PAP until they have had their hymen broken.

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I completely agree. Don't make it more painful than it needs to be unless there is family history that would require this.

Originally Posted by SolarityBengals

I completely agree. Don't make it more painful than it needs to be unless there is family history that would require this.

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And to add another comment to this, I would consider that it could be an emotionally and physically traumatic experience for a young female that is not yet sexually mature.

Heck, it can be traumatic for ME, and I've been going for almost 20 years!

Well I'm 16, sexually active and have never been to a GYN. I'm always going to the sexual health nurse though - where I get checks and BC.

I wish my mother was open with me when i was younger.
She never told me about BC, we all learnt about it at school and we were 11/12 then.
I was a very curious child/teen, and lost my virginity at a young age.
I started going to the GYN at 16 to get BC, here in germany you have to go every 6 months in oder to get BC.

I advise you to be open with your daughters and develop a bond that they can talk to you about these things when ever they decide they are ready.

Originally Posted by fwan

I advise you to be open with your daughters and develop a bond that they can talk to you about these things when ever they decide they are ready.

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Excellent idea Fran, if I ever have children I plan on being VERY open with my childred RE sex. Im close to my mother, but that topic was never brought up or discussed, and I really really wish it had been

Hi,
I am a certified nurse midwife, and followed the thread here, also a momcat to 14 fuzzies.....so I am qualified I guess....Girls need to have their initial pap after they are sexually active, if they have any problems, or at the age of 18. Yes, there is a vaccine they have developed for the virus that can cause cervical cancer, however there are over 100 types of HPV, and around 16 of these have been implicated in cases of cervical cancer. The vaccine is only for 4 of those types of the virus. It's a shame the pharmaceutical company is trying to market it as a "cure" for cervical cancer...so pap smears will most likely continue to be necessary as a screening for cellular changes in the cervix. As far as the sex talk goes, well, I have 6 grown children, and I always started explaining things as they themselves brought them up...when the kids on the school bus are telling them bad information, you absolutely must correct them...Also, for anyone considering an initial visit for gyne care, please seriously consider a Certified Nurse Midwife, you will find we take more time, and try our best not to make the experience painful or traumatizing....
Check out www.acnm.org for the find a midwife link, it will point you in the right direction!

My mom took me when I was 15 because I had very painful monthly cramps. I went on the pill and never had bad cramps again! I wasn't and still am not to this day, that uncomfortable going. My mom made sure from an early age that I was well educated about sex and my body. She also got me a lot of books for learning. I thank her for that now.

what an interesting convo. My daughter is 14 and I hadn't even thought of it.......... BUT her ped does "try" to take a peek down there when she goes there but she FREAKS at dr's appt (it is embarassing with how bad she is) and won't let him (yes her dr. is male and we have talked about switching but think she would be the same either way) even look there anymore. She does not want to grow up and hasn't told me if she has had her period or not etc........

Concerning losing your virginity, I wouldn't be so sure about anything even if you and your daughter do have a great relationship. One of my friends in high school lost hers when she was maybe 14 and wouldn't tell her mom or anyone else because she was ashamed of it and embarrased... I lost mine forcibly at the age of 8 and still haven't told my parents and I'm 21. I really really hope nothing like either of those happens to any of your kids, but it does happen sadly enough. Plus I think if my mom had made it more comfortable for me to go to the obgyn I wouldn't be so scared about it, I still sweat through the gown and I love my doctor so much he's my regular doctor and my gyn doctor (student health center, he kind of has to do double duty!) and sits and talks to you for half an hour and then does the exam as quickly as he can do it well, and never assumes anything, says things like "If you are using the pill for birth control" etc.

I think the best thing a mother could do would be take her daughter with her to an appt and have them wait in the waiting room when she's still young and even after. It makes it less scary and also brings up the topic in the most subtle way I could imagine bringing it up. Like, my parents left a copy of a book called "the miracle of life" or something, a really hippy 70s book with pictures of births and babies in the womb and happy couples with their newborns and such. I always used to secretly read it.

I was just barely 17 but only because I had an ovarian cyst and had no other choice. I also have heard 16 or 18 unless they are already active

I was 15 so I think it is a good age........

My father had me see the GYN at 15, because my period was so erratic. The doctor put me on a low dose birth control to help even things out. I've been going every year since.

Originally Posted by Alli-Kat

GEEZ! I think at 13 I may have still been playing with my barbies...gosh.

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Same here.

This thread has been very helpful and has gotten me to think about a few things.
One reason I don't know about these things is because my mother never talked to me about anything. I got my period when I was 11 1/2 (young) and because my mom never mentioned anything about it, I was terrified and thought I was dying. It was traumatic. She never discussed sex with me ever and my first doctor I went too I was brought to by my (thankfully responsible) friend to a family clinic to get BC. Still when my mother discovered I was on BC, she still never talked to me about it, but instead stopped talking to me even more (ashamed) and I was 16-17 years old. It was a bit sad now that I look back on it and vowed I would never raise my girls that way. It also didn't help that I missed the "movie" and talk in school that every girl and boy sees too cause in the town where I lived they did it in 7th grade and I moved at the end of 6th grade. When I started 7th grade at my new school, the had the movie in 6th grade. So basically I was clueless on everything unless my friend explained it to me. Again - not how I wanted my girls to be brought up and I've even told them - your friends will tell you a lot of things, that's fine, but please talk to me so you know what's true. Due to how I was brought up, I am very open with my girls and our relationship is very good. I'm sure there are things that they don't tell me, but that's to be expected.

So pretty much what I'm kinda getting out of this whole conversation is - maybe wait until she's a little older (she's not quite 15 yet) unless there is a concern - health, or irregular periods (which she has and we'll keep an eye on). Also explain to her in detail what they do there, and what to expect and why they do it.
I think what they should do is schedule an appointment with the gyno where the do an entire exam EXCEPT the internal. I think they should do this for a couple of years so the girls get use to undressing, having their chest examined, etc. THEN after a couple of years begin the internal exam. Don't you think that would go smoother? and maybe be a little less intimidating? My kids Pedi has NEVER checked them there. She also pretty much hasn't really asked about their periods (hence - why we have switched).

Anyways - thank you all again. This has been a very informative conversation!

I'm sure it was everyones pleasure to help!!

P.S. Your cats are just beautiful..Wow

My mom might not agree with "too much information" to a degree... My mom left out a book about sex and gynocology for me to paruse through when I was a kid, and being a nosy and giggly girl, I was reading that thing 24/7...well, one day there was this school class where the mothers were there to take part in a class dicussion about sex. We were all supposed to write a question on a piece of paper and the teacher would put them all in a box and draw from the box and read them out loud, so it was anonymous and no one would be embarrassed. All the questions were pretty normal, when will I get my period, where do babies come from, etc....until MY question came up, my mom knew instantly that it was my question. I won't go into detail but I asked something about a specific and disgusting disease that I had read about in the book my mom gave me, and none of the girls even knew what it was, and when it was read out oud my mom covered her face and turned beet red. No one noticed of course, but the teacher looked a little taken aback, but no one knew it was my question except my mom and I...she still talks about it to this day....