Anyone Else have Family Issues

Currently (okay I should say again) we are having issues with my folks. This time I asked them if they could help us out on the rent since we are short this month and got told no (My folks have alot of money....they just bought a camper last week).

So we asked my inlaws, and even though they don't have much they are going to help us out so we don't get evicted.

Course this is the same folks that have a sick little kitten that they took in when she was 2 weeks and it's got an eye infection and diarrea but they won't take it to the vet.

One day they even left the poor dear out in the sun all day.

I'm wondering if I'm alone in coming from a seriously dysfunctional family?

Is it wrong of me if they cause me alot of emotional pain and upset to not want to associate with them or does that make me the selfish twit?

Sorry this isn't about cats but it is a general forum. I'm very upset (once again) because of them.

I think that if they do not treat you well, it is not selfish to want to stay away from them.

I'm not sure how old you are but I'm thinking that by not paying your rent for you that perhaps they are just trying to apply some "tough love". Like I said, I'm not sure of your age or your marital status but I wouldn't disassociate yourself from your parents over money issues. That's just my opinion.

Hi,had to reply to your thread,my inlaws have been awful to us for the last eighteen years,unhelpful,nasty,abusive etc.
Seems funny to me that people who are meant to be on your side can hurt you the most...
We have four children that they have never had any interest in,which has upset me deeply over the years.
One of the ways to deal with it,was just to distance my self away from them,it saved my sanity,and helps towards all those angry feelings.
Can really sympathise with you,has this been ongoing?
At least your inlaws are helping you,thank goodness...

Hope things will improve for you

I don't know what it is like, as I no longer have any family to speak of. It must be worse, however, to not get along with those you have.

The advice here is good and will help. There are many smart people here!

Oh honey, I don't even want to delve into the family issues we have!!! It's mostly my side. Without going into detail, there has been periods where any family occassion consisted of AT LEAST 5 bottles of wine.

I'm sorry that they couldn't help you out with rent. It could be just that they're applying tough love though. I don't know if you're married or if you're living with someone, but at some point they do apply tough love. I know for a mere fact that my parents won't loan me any money because I'm living with someone else.

I don't know how the conversations go either, but my only suggestion is if they end up in a fight, remember that the best way to cope with it is to change your reaction to them. If you scream and cry at them, it's not helping the situation.

I know my sister just got turned down by my parents because she wanted to buy a condo and needed a cosigners ($250K condo on $32K salary). My parents are retired, living off of SS and bringing in enough to cover themselves. Sure they have a savings and stocks/mutual funds, but they also still have another 20-30 years (and yes, even though they JUST LEASED another gas guzzling SUV).

Good luck and if you want to talk, feel free to PM me!

Well it's not just a money issue. I was in an abusive marriage previously. And ever since I got married again they treat my current husband like he's my ex.

Two years ago my mother called DSS on us about our kids (the case was thrown out as unsubstantiated).

Saying we kept the kids locked up in their rooms all day (even though my mother lived 5 hours away and never came to visit).

I have a 6 year old and an almost 3 year old. Yeah occassionally we yell at them but nothing worse than that. But my folks think we are raising our kids wrong.

I'm 26 btw...and we've fallen on really hard times, my husband had a job, got injured (it was temp work) and lost the job and hasn't been able to find anything since despite looking.

I've got severe depression and severe PTSD and it's really hard for me to work without having a hard time dealing and I've been waiting since September for the VA to process my compensation claim.

I don't generally ask my folks for anything cause their answer is always no no matter what it is.

But I was desperate this once. Just this once. I asked for the rent.

We had a falling out last year as well after they went off on my husband about how he was 'just like' my ex and it was obvious he was abusing me (cause he buys me nice things and pays me compliments all the time) and that he is overly affectionate and is 'annoying'.

They call him a 'spoiled' rich boy. He's very considerate and gracious and generally easy to get along with.

We've been married going on 4 years now and he has never laid a hand on me in a harmful way.

So you see it isn't just a money issue. My mental health issues have been present since I was a child. I was suicidal as a teenager, ect ect ect.

Well anyways, I hope this lends more understanding.

my grandparents on my dads side are the same way.

i really wanted some spending money for when i went on a trip down to florida with the marching band and my mom had paid for the whole trip and i wasnt going to ask her so i asked my dads dad ans he didnt send me anything and he is a billionaire and then i asked my dads mom (divorced from my dads dad) who recently married a millionaire and she sent me nothing... yet my granparents who have never been rich and raised 7 kids and over 30 grandkids and over 100 great grand kids sent me 300 dollars.... i just dont understand some people.

i told them that they didnt have to send me anything but to tell me if they wern't ganna send anything but they said nothing then a few months later they gave my cousin peter 200 dollars from each of them for his birthday... FOR HIS BIRTHDAY!

I had a shrink once ask me how I would react if a friend were bad mouthing me and treating me badly.

And I said well I would walk away.

She said to me then, "Why would you give family any more consideration than you would a friend if they were treating you badly and making you feel horrible"

She said blood is blood but that doesn't mean that you have to allow someone to degredade you and put you down just because of that.

I have to keep in mind that I have my OWN family to worry about, ya know.

I've got a husband and two kids. That is my center family now. That is who I am to worry about and I don't need my mother and father poisoning my children.

They've always been this way.

I didn't go on field trips, the prom or dances in H.S. cause I wouldn't dare ask my folks for anything, I knew what the answer would be.

I gave my mom ALL of my graduation money to help her pay bills. ((Hence me being upset at her denying my request for help)).

But then she emailed me after I created this post, badmouthing us again and this time forwarding that email to all of our family that have email addys.

I keep sitting here saying, I just don't understand. I just don't.

It's hard you know...knowing that you can't have a healthy relationship with those that you should be albe to have a healthy relationship with.


That's how my emotions feel right now. The nightmare from last year is happening again.

haha i forgot to say my opinion about distancing yourself from them. i think you should do what ever would be better for you and your family in the long run. my mom doesnt really talk to her parents anymore. she misses them adn wishes they could be friends but they are not very nice people so it is better in the long run so that she doesnt suffer from emotional damage. do whatever feels right to you. good luck and you are in my prayers.

Originally Posted by ButterflyDreame

I had a shrink once ask me how I would react if a friend were bad mouthing me and treating me badly.

And I said well I would walk away.

She said to me then, "Why would you give family any more consideration than you would a friend if they were treating you badly and making you feel horrible"

She said blood is blood but that doesn't mean that you have to allow someone to degredade you and put you down just because of that.

I have to keep in mind that I have my OWN family to worry about, ya know.

I've got a husband and two kids. That is my center family now. That is who I am to worry about and I don't need my mother and father poisoning my children.

They've always been this way.

I didn't go on field trips, the prom or dances in H.S. cause I wouldn't dare ask my folks for anything, I knew what the answer would be.

I gave my mom ALL of my graduation money to help her pay bills. ((Hence me being upset at her denying my request for help)).

But then she emailed me after I created this post, badmouthing us again and this time forwarding that email to all of our family that have email addys.

I keep sitting here saying, I just don't understand. I just don't.

It's hard you know...knowing that you can't have a healthy relationship with those that you should be albe to have a healthy relationship with.

That's how my emotions feel right now. The nightmare from last year is happening again.

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your shrink is right...

Nope I have the same thing and I choose to disassociate myself with them

It looks like I'm probably at that point. It's painful emotionally though, know what I mean?

I'm just scared that my mom will pull another stunt of calling social services on us again. My kids are well fed and well taken care of. I have no fears of social services taking my kids away, but to have them in my home...that is the painful part.

One minute getting kitty kisses from Pandy. And she is blocking my screen.




I'll just type blindly...good thing I know where the keys are.....I'm a kitty magnet.

Hey you know, I have my kids, my hubby and my kitties. As well as a set of really awesome inlaws.

My brother-in-law's ex girlfriend tried to suffocate me and stole my cat to intimidate me two years ago. My husband and my brother-in-law looks almost exactly the same (though they were not twins) and they had similar personalities. She thought I was trying to date my brother-in-law

Thankfully that was the last of my family problems. My in laws are wonderful, wonderful people. They invited me every single spring break, summer break, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I must had stayed in their house cumulatively for over a year by now.

Originally Posted by shengmei

My brother-in-law's ex girlfriend tried to suffocate me and stole my cat to intimidate me two years ago.

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I would have been terrified! I know not what a person like that could do to a cat!!

Chester was the perfect cat. I had to get five cats to replace him.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about what happened to him.

She never returned him??

No. She gave him to some anonymous friends who turned him to a shelter in Houston. I never found out which shelter it was. There are thousands of shelters in Houston.

He was 14.5 years old and had renal failure. Frankly I think he is probably dead by now.

That's awful. My ex husband tried to strangle me often and we had a calico kitten and he would frequently pick her up and throw her against the wall.

It got to a point where she was so damaged from it that she was viciously attacking me and him all the time....she'd just sit under the couch and growl and snarl like a dog.

One day she died. He also killed a rabbit that I had as a pet, and then went on to tell me that I was at fault for killing the rabbit cause I didn't feed it enough or give it water (everytime I'd fill the water bottle it would be gone the next time I looked--he was playing mind games with me).

Course the violence escalated to our little baby, he broke her arm when she was 9 weeks old (she is nearly 7 now and a picture of health).

He was an awful, awful man. Which is why my folks compare every guy I've been with since with him. I think that's part of the reason that I wasn't able to keep anyone before I met my hubby.

Course the folks were abusive to us as kids so, me going to an abusive man my first time out of my home....go fig.

I've been having huger and huger issues with my folks as I've grown more independant of them.

They want me under their thumb and I've been on my own for far too long to let that happen.