After 10 years

Erin You are doing the right thing! I know you are so much stronger than you believe right now and will be a success in every way possible!

Erin most of us have been where you are now, and when i left my husband of 18 years i remember saying to a friend that it felt like he had died because i was so upset, but it is like a bereavement and like Deb said take it one day at a time and i promise you it will get easy.

Before long you'll find an inner strength to help you through this that you didn't know you had.

You are so brave and strong to be doing this

I'm so sorry Erin! take it from someone who's been through a similar situation- it does get better, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though the tunnel may feel like its a million miles long You have your parents to support you for now and that is wonderful- I'm sorry you have to rehome a couple of your kitties, but the ones you keep, remember that they love you, unconditionally, and they can give you a lot of support. If it weren't for my kitties I would have been in a lot worse shape (emotionally). My ex wasn't what I would call really "abusive" but he did make me feel somehow not good enough, and unfortunately all the debt was solely in my name I did however keep the house, although sometimes I wonder if that was the best choice One thing I kept telling myself was that I would rather be on my own and maybe a little lonely and struggling than be in a relationship where I was totally miserable and not able to be myself. I've been split from my ex for almost a year and a half and I just had someone (a friend) tell me a couple weeks ago that they used to feel so sorry for me because thay could tell how unhappy I was, but now it's obvious that I am much happier and I am! Lean on your friends and family for now, that's what they're there for. Good luck, it IS all worth it

I'm sending vibes to you. I can't add much more than what already has posted.
Look at this as an opportunity to make some big changes in your life.

Originally Posted by GailC

I'm sending vibes to you. I can't add much more than what already has posted.
Look at this as an opportunity to make some big changes in your life.

Click to expand...

I agree, please keep your chin up. I envy you in your decision, you must be such a strong person. Everything will work out fine in the end, and you will be happier and happier as time passes.

I just wanted to thank you for being so strong and making this decision. You are very courageous for coming to this realization about your relationship and then acting upon it.

You may not know this, but your actions are no doubt serving as an inspiration to others. I bet there are other people in unhealthy relationships who are reading your post right now and it's giving them the strength and courage to make the same effort you have.

I believe that it's only a matter of time until you will be the one posting encouragement to others, letting them know that the worst is behind them, that they are strong and smart for making the decisions they have and that they have people who love, care and support them unconditionally.

~Julia

Erin,
You will be better in the long run, take it from some one who knows. I went through alot of grief in a long term relationship and finally had the courage to move on. I now have met the man of my dreams and I look at the bad times now as an experience that allows me to really appreciate the good I have. Money is just material, keep that in perpective.
If you ever need tochat or cry or anything, feel free to PM me. I have probably felt everything that you are feeling now.
Hugs and vibes to you!

I'm sorry to hear this.
From now on just try to focus on yourself. You are #1 from now on. Things will get better, i promise. Just about everyone goes through these things. And at that moment in time, it feels like your world is coming to an end. Find something to occupy your time and things will get better. Go get your hair or nails done. Or go buy a new outfit for a new begining! Or do what I do when I get depressed, I buy new underwear! I know it sounds crazy but it cheers me up. When I have a bad day, I will buy me some new panties to make me feel better! It's a little self confidence booster my mom taught me!

Erin, you should be proud of yourself for making a difficult decision and doing what's best for you. That reflects what a strong person you are. You WILL get through this. We're all here for you!

*HUGS* So sorry to hear this......I am also 28 and been married for almost 6 yrs and I just couldnt imagine, having to go thru what you are going thru. Just stay stong and keep your head up! It will get better!! (((HUGS)))

Erin,
Best of luck to you. You are stronger than you think. Don't forget that everyone here supports you!

Erin

I am so sorry you are going through this. I'd like to weigh in on things from the abuse end as someone who has seen so many women in your situation. They always say that the RIGHT thing is not always (and very rarely) the EASIEST thing. Trust me when I say that you are doing the right thing.

You are stronger than most women, leaving over mental abuse as opposed to women who say "it's not like he beats me" and continue to endure the mental/emotional abuse. Non-physical abuse can be just as (if not more!) damaging than physical abuse. It leaves us with the wounds and bruises not visible to the naked eye. It often leaves us battered even moreso, unrecognizeable.

It will take a lot of time to heal, that's the truth. I'd be glad to help you find some resources in your area that could help with the healing process if you'd like. Support groups are also FANTASTIC for the healing as you'd be amazed how cathartic it can be to speak to other women who are going through or who have gone through what you're experiencing right now.

Originally Posted by jlutgendorf

I just wanted to thank you for being so strong and making this decision. You are very courageous for coming to this realization about your relationship and then acting upon it.

You may not know this, but your actions are no doubt serving as an inspiration to others. I bet there are other people in unhealthy relationships who are reading your post right now and it's giving them the strength and courage to make the same effort you have.

Click to expand...

Julia is VERY right-on with those remarks. You are serving as an inspiration to so many women right now, please have faith in that. If you have daughters one day, you can talk about your experiences so that they know how to protect themselves from the same type of abuse and heartache.
My thoughts and prayers are with you now during this extremely difficult time. Allow yourself time to mourn. But, day by day, realize that the freedom that seems to keep you down right now will ultimately be the sweetest gift you've ever given yourself

.

Originally Posted by eilcon

Erin, you should be proud of yourself for making a difficult decision and doing what's best for you. That reflects what a strong person you are. You WILL get through this. We're all here for you!

Click to expand...

Couldn't have said it better myself Eileen! Erin, you will be fine in the long run. I've been divorced in my 20's, lived back at home with Mom and Dad for 10 years, and in those 10 years learned alot about myself. It will all work out, and remember, life is always worth it!

Erin, I've been in the "is it all worth it?" boat too. Separation and divorce are very sad things. You and he shared everything for 10 years. Everywhere you turn, you are reminded and it is so easy to sink deep into sadness and depression. It is so depressing and you feel like it will never stop. IT WILL!!!

I had to move back in with my Mom after a divorce too. Many of us have been through it. I've sent prayers for you. It takes time, but you will feel better. I do. I have a wonderful husband now. I am happy again. NEVER give up, hon!

I have to add, I too lived with my parents after my divorce. That in its self is difficult. You may be an adult, but you have to live by their rules (at least thats how I felt). PM me if you wan't to talk. I know alot of the feelings you are having. I don't want to express them here and have someone take me in the wrong context. But I can relate to alot. My ex-husband was not just on dating websites, but homosexual websites. Please, everyone dont get me wrong, if that's your preference, it's not a problem. Just don't lead someone on for 6 years that you're not that way and decieve them. I too still have difficulty dealing with it even though I'm remarried and happy.

Thanks Everyone. I Feel Better Reading What You All Think, And Knowing I'm Not The Only One.
Ugaimes, I'll Take What Ever Resources Anyone Can Give!!

Erin, I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, though, sometimes the only way out of a bad situation is through it. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Well, I just got done calling all the places we owe money to and added Tim's name so it isn't all in just my name!!! Thanks for the advice! I also just removed his credit card from my debt management program, and got him off of my car insurance which oddly enough I will be saving $200 ever 6 months now!
Tonight My parents and I are going to Tim's parents house to discuss the $26000 debt we have, and what the future holds. Tim won't be there because he has to play a softball game tonight. :censor::censor::censor:!!! I have some words for Tim right now!!!
That's about all I have right now. I am going through phases right now. I hate Tim. I miss Tim. I'll let you all know what happens tonight!

Wow, things with you are sure high on his priority list!
Good luck Erin...