After 10 years

I am separating from my husband. I have been put through a lot of emotional and mental abuse. I am very scared though. I will be 28 in July, and never in a million years did I think I would get divorced ever in my life. I feel so bad and cry too much. We were high school sweet hearts, and shared friends. Now I have to start my life over, make new friends, and move on. I am having such a hard time even though deep down I now I am too good for him. I hurt so much. I love him so much. But I now he shouldn't be talking to 20 year olds, when he has a wife. Also he diffinatly shouldn't be on dating websites!!
I am staying with my parents right now, and I am freaking out. My husband had a failed business and we owe a lot of money to a lot of people. I will have to live here for a long time before I can get back on my feet. I feel so stupid, 28 divorced and living with my parents. I have to find new homes for some of my cats. My parents already have 2 cats and 2 dogs of their own. I have had such a hard life thus far, is it even worth it?

I'm so sorry you are going through this

I know things must be very tough at the moment, but yes, life is worth it. Even though you are going through hard times right now, things will get better. I've never been divorced, so I don't know exactly what you are going through, I'm sure others here will have better advice for you. Please take care and know we are here to give you support

First off, Sorry you are going through this.

As far as if its worth it only you can answer that but dont stay with someone that is making you miserable for convenience.

Have you tried counseling? May be both of you going to a marrigae counslor can help. If all he has done is been unfaithfull this may be able to be worked out. If he abuses you mentally or physically there is little hope that it can be fixed.

Now on to the business side of things:

Is the debt in his name or both or your names, or God forbid your name alone?

Do you own a house together?

What is his current job?

Do you have any kids?

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain Erin...but you have taken what sounds like a good step forward. You don't deserve to be treated that way!, remember that the time spent with your family will be temporary, and I'm sure they will be there to help you any way they can. Other than that all I can say is that I'm sending you a big cyber hug and I will be thinking about you.

Originally Posted by touro1979

First off, Sorry you are going through this.

As far as if its worth it only you can answer that but dont stay with someone that is making you miserable for convenience.

Have you tried counseling? May be both of you going to a marrigae counslor can help. If all he has done is been unfaithfull this may be able to be worked out. If he abuses you mentally or physically there is little hope that it can be fixed.

Now on to the business side of things:

Is the debt in his name or both or your names, or God forbid your name alone?

Do you own a house together?

What is his current job?

Do you have any kids?

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We don't have any kids,and we rent. Most of the debt is in both of our names. Now he delivers beer. We have tried counseling before. Yes he does mentally abuse me, so I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have only been at my parents for a little over a week. Tomorrow we are getting together to decide what the future holds for us...

I'm so sorry Erin! I know you've been through so much lately. I hope you can figure something out!

Oh man..

Big big HUGS to you!!
I havent been through anything like that ever, and it sounds terrible. I am so sorry this happened to you.

Life is worth it. It all is. Everything. This happened for a reason, and you'll be happy again. Please dont fall off of the cliff. I was close to falling once, and just starting reading self-help books. And now Im happy as ever.

Just stay strong...Keep your head up.

And know we are ALL here for you.

Originally Posted by emb_78

We don't have any kids,and we rent. Most of the debt is in both of our names. Now he delivers beer. We have tried counseling before. Yes he does mentally abuse me, so I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have only been at my parents for a little over a week. Tomorrow we are getting together to decide what the future holds for us...

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Get a divorce attorney right now. You will be at a greater advantage. You need to get the debt situation cleared up, who will pay what etc or else your credit will go right down the drain with his. You also will be entilted to some alimoney, this will help you get on your feet and afford your own place. If he refuses to pay it they can garnish his wages so you will get your money one way or the other. the most important thing is to get an attorney and begin the process. this will protect you and also make it easier to move on with your life. and dont forget, everything will be ok the hardest part is over, deciding to do it. I cannot stress enough, get some kind of legal advice. it will make the process much smoother.

no advice just

to you. I am sorry for the pain you are in. Fwiw, if it helps to hear what others have done, I too moved back home after a failed engagement (in my late 20's), as I was about to start a new career and was just finishing school (for the second time, second degree).

I can promise that life holds so much more for you! I made it through, and even owned my own home by the time I was 35...you will find your way, and if you want, you will find some one in the future, who will treat you as you should be treated and loved. Believe it...one of the hardest things to do is to have faith when things seem bleak..just believe.

Originally Posted by sharky

no advice just

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Same here.... to you Erin, lots of hugs.

First of all, Erin, I want you to ease up on yourself. I don't think you're stupid. You made choices which made sense at the time. And while it hurts like hell right now and Lord knows it isn't going to be easy, you are opening up to opportunity. And I will be here every step of the way to hold your hand (virtually). Take the advice of getting an attorney who will protect your interests. Concentrate on getting yourself to stable ground. The other stuff will take care of itself.

Jana

Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

to you. I am sorry for the pain you are in. Fwiw, if it helps to hear what others have done, I too moved back home after a failed engagement (in my late 20's), as I was about to start a new career and was just finishing school (for the second time, second degree).

I can promise that life holds so much more for you! I made it through, and even owned my own home by the time I was 35...you will find your way, and if you want, you will find some one in the future, who will treat you as you should be treated and loved. Believe it...one of the hardest things to do is to have faith when things seem bleak..just believe.

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Thanks Pat and everyone else. I am trying hard to believe!

Just take one day at a time. This will take some time to get through, but at 28 you really are still young enough.

Been there, done that.

Just remember you have all the emotional support of everyone here

Trust me when I say, you will come out of this on top, and will be a stronger person for it.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Just remember, you're not alone, we are always here for you. I divorced a horrible man years ago and now I've married a great man. They are out there. It just takes time to find one. I was 26 when I left my first husband. He was abusive. They never change, they just get worse.
I hope everything goes well for you. Like I said, we are always here for you!

Erin,

I commend you for your choice. That is the hardest and scariest part. The emotional pain is overwhelming I know, and it is heartbreaking that you are going through this. You haven't been stupid, you have done what has been right for you. Just as you are now doing what is right for you. You won't begin to heal emotionally for a little while, but right now, go through the motions. Do what you have to do. Take good care of yourself and your health. Be thankful for the small blessings, like the fact that this happened before any children became involved, or you two bought a house, or etc. It also happened while you are still young, just think if you were going through this stuff after spending another 20 yrs with this man. All things happen for a reason sweetheart, and every heartache and pain leads you one step closer to happiness. Any time you feel like crying, screaming, shouting, or throwing a personal and private fit, do it. Indulge yourself for a few minutes, then get up, dust off, smile and trudge on. And talk to us or anyone you are close to any and everytime you feel you need to get something off your chest. We are here for you and you will continue to be in my thoughts. You have a deep well of strength, I think all women do. Now is the time to draw on that.

Aw sweetie I'm sorry you've having to go through this. But I'm pretty certain that once you've done it and made the first few hard steps, you're going to be SOOO much more happy. Kudos to you hun

It's for the best. Do you still have your reception job??

It may not seem like it now, but it is for the best, reading through your other posts, and the hardest part, making the decision and carrying it through, is over. So it is all worth it - every step is up and will help rebuild your life. I have been there and I know. Whatever the future holds, you will be a better and happier person because of what you are doing now. But you must be hard headed and practical - yes, get an attorney, and make sure that you always have one friend at least to whom you cqan say anything, and who will not judge you in any way. That will help you not sayiing the wrong thing to t he wrong person and making things worse. Good luck and best wishes at this time.