Stupid questions and how you *wish* you could respond...

This is one that I get often at work.

Idiot: I got a call from you. What do want.

Me: Do you have a student loan?

Idiot: Yes, what are you calling about?

Me: I will need to look up your acct first, may I have your SSN?

Idiot: I am not going to give you that!

Me: I might be able to look it up by your name, what is your name?

Idiot: I am not going to give you that information until you tell me what the call was about.

Me: I cannot tell what the call was about without accessing your acct.

click.....

Here's one I got yesterday from some kind of sales/market research person (I hate those calls!!! )

It: Hello Miss [...], I am calling from [...] Market Research Company and I'd like to ask you a few questions about your leisure time activities

Me: Sorry I haven't got the time for this - I am on my way out
(I am actually eating a bag of chips in my PJs watching TV and have no intention of going anywhere)

It: It won't take that long, its just a few questions

Me: Sorry no. And can you please take my name off your database.

It: Ok, now is obviously not a good time to call. When can I call back?

Me: Im not interested in taking part in your survey. Please take my name off your database.

It: Ok Thank you for your time. [click]

Ten minutes later...........

It: Hello Miss [...], I am calling from [...] Market Research Company and I'd like to ask you a few questions about your leisure time activities

Me: You rang ten minutes ago! I said I wasnt interested and asked you to remove my name from your database so I dont get anymore calls.

It: Oh thats right. I apologise. Weren't you going out?

Me: [hang up]

My biggest peeve here on my switchboard is when they ask how long someones going to be on the telephone?

HOW LONGS A PIECE OF STRING?!

I called the phone company once to transfer my account when I was moving. The same company also offers cell phones, satellite tv, etc.
So they kept trying to sell me those services

Idiot: Do you also have satellite TV with us?
Me: No.
Idiot: Is there any reason why you're paying more for TV than you have to?
Me: Because I like to!

The guy actually laughed. Then I told him that I don't watch TV so I don't pay anything for it.

I was still pretty annoyed that they were trying to sell me stuff when I was calling to transfer my account.

Another time I called them:

Idiot: Do you have a cell phone?
Me: No.
Idiot: Would you be interested in our cell phone plans?
Me: No, I don't need a cell phone.
Idiot: What if you have a car problem when you're driving to work?
Me: I don't have a car. I walk to work.
Idiot: But wouldn't it be safer to have a cell phone with you when you walk to work?
Me: It takes me 10 minutes to walk to work, during the day... no. I DON'T NEED A CELL PHONE!

I love it in the office before or after hours when someone's family calls and the phoine rings 67 times before they hang up and call back. We will answer it and they will ask

ring 67 times
us: hello this is so and so may I help you
kids: us is our mom there
us: no
kids: click

what we want to say
kids:is our mom there
us: no or she would have picked it up in 67 rings!!

Well this one time I got a call from a telemarketer, it was a few years ago.

I answered the phone, at the time I was recently divorced so I was a bit peeved when they asked the first question:

Caller: Hello, is the man of the house home?
Me: *fuming, then comes up with a clever plot--I have a youthful voice*, "cautiouslyNo"
Caller: Well then, is the lady of the house home?
Me: No
Caller: Well, we have an amazing offer for you?
Me: "I, I, I'm just 9 years old, I'm sorry I'm the only one here" And I made whimpering noises, the lady sounded confused at the other end of the phone but continued.
Caller: When will your parents be home.
Me: "I don't know"


And then I hung up.

I was quite amused with myself too. I hate telemarketers cause they never usually let you get a word in edgewise.

From the other side of the telephone...
I absolutely hate when I call a place and they answer the phone and just wait for me to start talking. I say "Hello, (whatever their name is)"
As alot of y'all have pointed out, you often need some random piece of information first. Take ordering in food. Some people want your name first, some people want your phone #, some your address. If they say "Is this delivery?" or "Can I have your phone number?" right away, then I know what they want. If they don't, how am I supposed to know what information they need?

I think I often sound alot like some of the idiots you guys are talking about. (Well, okay some of them are pretty ridiculous) but often I don't know what they want to know. Does the credit card company want my card number, my name, or my social?

Also, for a guy who does this on purpose:
http://www.zug.com/classics.html (look for prank phone calls in the list)
They're hilarious, and you guys have probably all gotten serious calls like these!

Next Tuesday should be fun as it is primary elections in Indiana and our county will be inaugerating new voting machines. Plus the new state law that requires a photo ID (state or federal government issued).

There will probably be lots of chances for me to want to be snarky as I will be a clerk. Hopefully turn out will be low and we will welcome it!

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Idiot: I need to make an appointment.
Me: And what is your last name?
Idiot: Mine or my cat's?
*What I want to say...."Does your cat have a different last name than you?" Gah!

Click to expand...

My brand new monitor was nearly splattered with cottage cheese when I read that!

Me ; "Hello, this is the ____ residence."
Caller: Is this the Circle S Mart?


Why yes, I sleep right next to the hot dog warmer!

Mine isn't so much a stupid question, but a stupid answer.... I used to serve and one of the first things we do when we walk up to a table is ask "how are you folks today?" It used to crack me up when people answered: "I'll have a Pepsi" hmmmm that's an interesting way to be I didn't ask you what you wanted to drink ding-a-ling!

My exboyfriend loved messing with sales people in person.

Salesperson:Can I help you find anything today?
Ex: No, we're just looking right now, thanks.
Salesperson: Well, if you have any questions, please, let me know.
Ex: Actually, I do have a question.
Salesperson: Ok
Ex: What is the capital of Azerbaijan?

I work at a sod/turf farm and this is my all time favorite stupid question.

Them: What color green is your turf?
(what I want to say): GRASS GREEN

Also, people will call to get a quote...

Them: Hi, I'm calling to see how much it would cost for a new lawn
Me: Ok, how many square feet is your lawn?
Them: I don't know
Me: Do you have any idea, even a guess?
Them: Well, my lot is 100 x 60 and my house is 1500 square feet, so if you subtract the house, that's how big my lawn is!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Oooo!!!
I have several working in the computer field...but most of them are the same as what gets emailed around in forwards (LOL).

But I will never forget this RUDE lady from when I worked in retail. I'm working point of sales and seem to get ALL the people that try to bargain prices with me.

This is how it actually went:
LADY: My son seems to like this hat, but the store next to you is selling similar ones for half the price. Can you give that to me?
ME: I'm sorry ma'am, our store policy states that I need documentation such as a flyer for proof of the discount.
LADY: Why? Can't you guys just look outside and see that they're selling the hats for less?
ME: The information does not just rest at this store, it gets turned over to our regional office who needs to see proof at the store
LADY: Whatever happened to the customer is always right?
ME: The best that I can do without a sales flyer from that store or receipt is 25%. I cannot match their price.
LADY: FINE! I'll take the discount that you can give me. But that's still a ridiculous rule!

What I would've like to have said:
LADY: My son seems to like this hat, but the store next to you is selling similar ones for half the price. Can you give that to me?
ME: Ma'am that's pretty gross that you're letting your kid put on a hat that strangers have touched and who knows WHO or WHAT has touched that hat before he put it on his head.
LADY: Why? Can't you guys just look outside and see that they're selling the hats for less?
ME: Unfortunately the regional office is not as dense as what's in your head. Have you ever really worked a job in your entire life? Did you learn anything from it?
LADY: Whatever happened to the customer is always right?
ME: *farts* If I could make up discounts at whatever store I walked into I wouldn't need this job or to be behind this counter tolerating a moran like yourself.
LADY: FINE! I'll take the discount that you can give me. But that's still a ridiculous rule!

Originally Posted by jeanor

My brand new monitor was nearly splattered with cottage cheese when I read that!

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Hehe, sorry...

Hehe these are great. My dad's phone number used to be a digit off of pizza hutt. So he would get a lot of wrong #'s:

Its 2am.

Phone rings and dad is asleep so half asleep he answers the phone.
Dad: Hello?
C: I'd like to order a pizza
Dad: What size?
C: large
Dad: Toppings?
C: Pepperoni
Dad: It will be ready in 20.
*click*
Dad goes back to sleep.

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Idiot: I need to make an appointment.
Me: And what is your last name?
Idiot: Mine or my cat's?
*What I want to say...."Does your cat have a different last name than you?" Gah!

Click to expand...

This one I can kinda understand....all of Willows vet records has her last name as Rivera where as my last name is not that. She was always taken to the vet by my ex and they have her listed under Willow Rivera.

Originally Posted by marie-p

Idiot: Do you have a cell phone?
Me: No.
Idiot: Would you be interested in our cell phone plans?
Me: No, I don't need a cell phone.
Idiot: What if you have a car problem when you're driving to work?
Me: I don't have a car. I walk to work.
Idiot: But wouldn't it be safer to have a cell phone with you when you walk to work?
Me: It takes me 10 minutes to walk to work, during the day... no. I DON'T NEED A CELL PHONE!

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That reminds me of a conversation with a cold-calling cell phone saleman that I took. And since he was an idiot and I knew we would NEVER do business with him, I actually did get him good...

Idiot: Do you have a cell phone?
Me: No, and I don't want or need one. I had one for a year and never used it.
Idiot: But what about an emergency?
Me: I work 2 miles from home. I can walk one way or the other if it's an emergency.
Idiot: (And I swear guys, I'm NOT making this up!) But what if you got hit by a bus?
Me: Then I'd be dead and have no use for a cell phone. Besides, I'm sure someone ON the bus would have one.

Originally Posted by SolarityBengals

Hehe these are great. My dad's phone number used to be a digit off of pizza hutt. So he would get a lot of wrong #'s:

Its 2am.

Phone rings and dad is asleep so half asleep he answers the phone.
Dad: Hello?
C: I'd like to order a pizza
Dad: What size?
C: large
Dad: Toppings?
C: Pepperoni
Dad: It will be ready in 20.
*click*
Dad goes back to sleep.

Click to expand...

Thats funny - I'd do the same thing!

Originally Posted by valanhb

That reminds me of a conversation with a cold-calling cell phone saleman that I took. And since he was an idiot and I knew we would NEVER do business with him, I actually did get him good...

Idiot: Do you have a cell phone?
Me: No, and I don't want or need one. I had one for a year and never used it.
Idiot: But what about an emergency?
Me: I work 2 miles from home. I can walk one way or the other if it's an emergency.
Idiot: (And I swear guys, I'm NOT making this up!) But what if you got hit by a bus?
Me: Then I'd be dead and have no use for a cell phone. Besides, I'm sure someone ON the bus would have one.

Click to expand...