Redneck Driver's Application

>> Redneck Driver's Application
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>> Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
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>> Last name: ________________
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>> First name:
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>> [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
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>> [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
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>> [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
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>> [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
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>> [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
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>> [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
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>> Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
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>> Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
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>> Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
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>> Occupation:
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>> [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
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>> [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
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>> [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
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>> Spouse's Name: __________________________
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>> 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
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>> 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
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>> Lover's Name: __________________________
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>> 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
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>> Relationship with spouse:
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>> [_] Sister [_] Aunt
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>> [_] Brother [_] Uncle
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>> [_] Mother [_] Son
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>> [_] Father [_] Daughter
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>> [_] Cousin [_] Pet
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>> Number of children living in household: ___
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>> Number of children living in shed: ___
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>> Number of children that are yours: ___
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>> Mother's Name: _______________________
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>> Father's Name: _______________________
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>> Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
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>> If you obtained a higher education what was your major?
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>> [_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade
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>> Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
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>> Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
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>> ___ Total number of vehicles you own
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>> ___ Number of vehicles that still crank
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>> ___ Number of vehicles in front yard
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>> ___ Number of vehicles in back yard
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>> ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
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>> Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you are
>still
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>> slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)
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>> Firearms you own and where you keep them:
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>> ____ truck ____ kitchen
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>> ____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
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>> ____ shed ____ pawnshop
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>> Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
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>> Do you have a gun rack?
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>> [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:
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>> Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
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>> [_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
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>> [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
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>> [_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters
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>> ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
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>> ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
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>> ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
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>> How often do you bathe:
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>> [_] Weekly
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>> [_] Monthly
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>> [_] Not Applicable
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>> How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
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>> Color of teeth:
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>> [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
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>> [_] Brown [_] Black
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>> [_] N/A
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>> Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
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>> [_] Red-Man [_] Skoal
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>> How far is your home from a paved road?
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>> [_] 1 mile
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>> [_] 2 miles
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>> [_] don't know

New LA DMV Exam

"New" Los Angeles Drivers Exam
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to
live in California, (What is so great about
California, anyway? The smog, the traffic, or is it
the earthquakes?) here is a copy of the California
Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real
hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions
(and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not
have realized that the California Department of Motor
Vehicles has now issued a special application and
driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan
Area.

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE
APPLICATION


Name:___________________ Stage name:
____________________

Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________

Therapist name:_________________

Sex: ___male ____ female ____formerly male ____
formerly female
____both


*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.

*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:
____________.

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [
] Blue [ ]
Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your
convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while
driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should
immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call KCAL Channel 9 News to report the crime, then
watch your car
on the news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against
cellular phone
company for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should :
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved
ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for
Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:
______.

Are you presently taking any of the following
medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:
______________.

When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and
insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the
405 Freeway.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to
attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

When turning, you should always signal your
intentions by:
a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often?
a) the horn
b) the horn
c) the horn

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the
way
c) revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for:
a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair

LOL! :LOL:

Too funny!

OMG thay are soo funny! :laughing: