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Significant other age gap? - Page 2

post #31 of 54
Really, the difference between 19 and 21 isn't even worth mentioning. The SO was 23, almost 24, and I was 29 when we started dating and I got some of the same sort of stuff from my mom who wanted to know if I was raising him . Personally that's the best way to do it, get 'em young and raise 'em to your ways . Seriously, the gap means less as you age. The SO and I will celebrate our 18th on February 3rd .
post #32 of 54
GIRL!!! That is soooo funny. I am 23 and I have a "friend" that is 39.... he's just wonderful, but I wont get too much into that. I cant bring myself to think that we could ever be together because of the age difference. But I think I am just in a different place in my life. I do think that in a few years I will think differently and want to just keep him as a 'friend' for now, like you said. But I am right there with you, I couldn't beleive the ages were the same. Funny what you find on this site, haha.
post #33 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alessandra
My advice would be to keep him as a friend and continue to mix with folks closer to your own age group. 23 is so young and you have so much in life ahead of you that a 39 year old has already experienced.

This from a 43 year old married to a 39 year old
I am 43, and my husband is 39, too! What a small world TCS is!

I agree with the other posts that adults shouldn't date anyone younger than 18. Even 18-21 year olds dating much older people would be a concern to me, although there are many exceptions to that rule. But as you get older, age means less and less.

Just think about what you like about him. Are you looking for a father figure? Or do you just like his personality, his values, and how he treats you? That makes a big difference.

Establishing a good friendship is the first step, so that is a good idea to start!
post #34 of 54
My hubby is 10 and a half years older. that in itself is not a problem as I do believe age gets less important as you get older. There are two issues you need to consider carefully.
1) Will you be around for a long time without your partner if they are going to die before you (sounds horrible but I worry about being on my own when we are old and grey as men die younger than women and he's going to get there a lot quicker than me - luckily he's pretty healthy)

and
2) The biggest impact I have found is the fact they have already had experiences you haven't yet had, and might be ready to move on. For example, when we first married, I wanted wood furniture but my hubby had been there, done that and wanted a change so we went for the polished black look. I hated it but put up and shut up. As it happens 15 years on and we've gone full circle and are now buying wooden items for the house. There have been lots of occasions I'd have liked to do things but because he had already done them he really wasn't keen - as I said - over that! So you may have to be prepared to stand your ground and 'demand' to be heard, or be prepared to miss out on a few things.

At the end of the day you never know how much time you will have on this planet with the one you love. We don't get warnings when disasters are going to happen, when that drunk is going to be on the road, when cancer might hit, or when your time is going to be up. So I do believe you should make decisions partly on your future, but don't forget to consider the here and now, because the reality is tomorrow may never come!!
post #35 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseHawke
Really, the difference between 19 and 21 isn't even worth mentioning. The SO was 23, almost 24, and I was 29 when we started dating and I got some of the same sort of stuff from my mom who wanted to know if I was raising him . Personally that's the best way to do it, get 'em young and raise 'em to your ways . Seriously, the gap means less as you age. The SO and I will celebrate our 18th on February 3rd .

ROFL! Thats what hub said about me.......but decided that it was too late, I was already set in my ways....he couldn't change 'em!!!
post #36 of 54
I've always gone for older men. When I married my first husband (dumb thing for me to do), I was 16 and he was 22.

My late husband was 27 years older and had kids older than me. One problem with marrying a man that much older is that one becomes a young widow.

I haven't been involved with a man under 40, since I was 27. Now that I'm getting out on my own again, I'm interested in men aged 40-60 (I'm 48).
post #37 of 54
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicious Vaness
I also agree that the 27 and 17 year old is a big no-no. Not only is it illegal here, but there's probably going to be some other major issues that will come. For example, the girl is barely an adult and can't go out to the same places the 27 year old can. They're probably on different levels. A person that has a career going on (assuming that the 27 year old does), and a person in school (assuming that the 17 year old is going to school) are going to be on different levels. And from what I've witnessed from 17 year olds (even some people around my age) no matter how mature they may seem, they still don't have the experience and are most likely naive about what goes on in the real world. I started my career very early, and trying to talk to people that are in my age group gets hard because they've got the party attitude, and I've got the career minded attitude. I feel like a grandma around them.
They are indeed in different places. She's still in highschool and he's had the chance to go to college for 3 years, take 3 or 4 years off and now he's in his 3rd year of university.
One of the things that has bothered me about talking to him about them is that he doesn't see the maturity problems. She is a mature 17 year old, due to a traumatic upbringing, BUT when I asked him what would happen when she started acting like a 17 year old (which they're likely to do) he said that that would never happen. It bothers me that he can't see even the possibility of her acting her age. I think she did the right thing in breaking it off, now if only she'll stand her ground. He's trying desperately to get her to come back to him. It's hard to watch because she's saying "no, I'm too young for this" and he's saying "pppppllllease! I do anything you want ANYTHING!".
*sigh* I love him despite his faults. I just hate seeing him set himself up for pain.
post #38 of 54
I've heard some psychologist's on TV say the perfect age for a marriage is a 7 year gap, with the woman being the older one. I think it's because women tend to live longer, I don't know.

When I was younger, I only liked older men, at least and sometimes more than 10 years older than I was. Now, as I get older, I am not attracted to older men, at all. I prefer them younger.
post #39 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat
I think the older you get the less important the gap becomes. It depends a lot more on your mental age.


My boyfriend is 3 years older than me lol but sometimes he doesnt act 30!!! (acts younger )
post #40 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
Being 19, i dont really want to date someone who is over 25.
I mean when i was 18 i wouldnt of thought to date soemone who is over 23.
There are a few exceptions though..

Wyan is the only guy i would date who is 10 years +
So funny you should mention this Fwan! I was just reading all the replies in this thread. When I used to try online dating in my immediate area (less than 15 miles) I would look for women close to my age. However, when I think of all the irresistable women of TCS, they are both older and younger than me with quite a range. If all of TCS lived in the same city, I'd probably be in a lot of trouble, either good or bad. I think age matters less when both people are older than 18. My best relationship was with a girlfriend that was 12 years older than me. I was 28 and she was 40 when we met. I wasn't looking for somebody older and she wasn't looking for someone younger. We didn't end up apart because of age either. In my life I've turned down women both older and younger than me because of age, but I guess that's never the only reason. I've dated women a few years younger before, but not as far as the gap between Fwan and I. I would never normally even wink at a girl that much younger than me, but if someone like Fwan (who I've known for a while) lived in the same city as I did, I might make the same exception she would and break my rule, which is currently no less than 25/27ish.
post #41 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hydroaxe
......................My best relationship was with a girlfriend that was 12 years older than me. I was 28 and she was 40 when we met. I wasn't looking for somebody older and she wasn't looking for someone younger. We didn't end up apart because of age either.

REALLY.

..and I find this out the very day it looks like Eric forgot my BD!
post #42 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by sashacat421
REALLY.

..and I find this out the very day it looks like Eric forgot my BD!
Awww no way... From what I know of Eric, I didn't think he'd forget. It must be his long shift work hours. If he did forget, I bet he'll spoil you double to make up for it.
post #43 of 54
My Bf is 11 years older than me, I agree it has a lot to do with your actual age and mental age
post #44 of 54
DH is about 1 1/2 yrs older than I am. Most of this brothers and sisters also married their SO's in a similar age range. My sis was briefly married (3 yrs) to someone younger I can't remember exactly but it was like 7 yrs. Too many other things other than ago doomed their marriage. In college I dated a man who I thought was a few yrs older turned out to be almost 20 yrs older!!!
I think any older man or woman shouldn't date a person in their late teens.
post #45 of 54
Me and Trav are only a year apart.

My parents are 10 years apart and started dating when mom was 15, had a baby at 17 and then at 28 adn have been happily married for almost 32 years

BUT I know that if I was 15 and dated a 25 year old THESE days would NOT be okay, even for my parents. They wouldn't let me date anyone WAY older when I was under 18.
post #46 of 54
I resent all these remarks that men are less mature as a whole(), but i think if all parties involved don't care, then what harm could it do? My parents are about the same age, but one of my best friends has parents more than twelve years apart, and happily married.
post #47 of 54
As long as both parties are ADULTS I don`t see anything amiss with the age differences.
My sister is over 20 years younger than her hubby.
My sister-in-law is 12 years older than hers.
My hubby`s aunt (75) just got married...and her groom is 90 years old, so that`s 15 years difference.
My niece ,who is 23, is dating a really nice guy who is 47 and they are talking about getting married soon.
ALL of these relationship seem to be going good...and the first 2 have been married for over 20 years each.
Linda
post #48 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by icklemiss21
I agree it has a lot to do with your actual age and mental age
There is a 30 year age difference between my friend and her second husband. They get along much better than she did with her first husband where there was a smaller age difference. I can't really comment personally as there is only one day separating me and my husband.
post #49 of 54
This is a good question. It was interesting to read everyone's views on this. I am 21. I dont know what it is. Every since I started going through my divorce, I have been all about older guys. I have found that every guy near my age is...well, to avoid being mean, I am just finding them all more irritating than not. I usually go for 25+. They are usually more mature and assuming they have no previous marriages or children, they come with less drama. Guys get on my nerves really easy. Especially when they are abnoxious and act like children(which I know most men have a tendency to do anyway)
I have to agree with everyone else. As long as both people are 18+, I dont think any size age gap matters. If it works for them, cool!
post #50 of 54
I have really strong opinions on this matter...so I wont do a long reply on this.

I don't always think age matters, if you love each other than that should be all that matters. But I also agree that it depends on the person and that everyone is different and should be treated that way.

For example, you might have a 16 year old who is very mature for her age. And just because she is 16 doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed to be with someone who is 30. I really do think it depends on the person as some people can be more mature than others...if that makes any sense!

All I will say is that me and my fiance have a big age gap...19 years! And I am a lot younger than him but I don't care...I love him so much and he is the best thing to ever happen to me. And he loves me too....and that is the main thing. We are both very happy together and I know our love will last a life time. I will never regret being with him...it was the best descisson of my life.

IMO you can't just judge people by there age...it depends on the person too....everyone is different!

I would say do what you are happy with, do what you want too and don't let anyone make this decisson for you. At the end of the day you do what you want to do...its your life and no one else can live it for you!
post #51 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by hissy
Hubby is 17 years older than me. It hasn't been a major factor in our almost 19 year marriage until lately. His hearing is going and there is a lot of yelling in the house now that I don't like. He won't wear a hearing aid
Bless your heart Hissy! I FEEL for you on this one!
Larry did`nt think he had a hearing problem either ...for years! When he finally agreed to go and be checked he was having severe problems with his right ear and is almost completely deaf in his left ear.(No doubt it got much worse over the years as the TV and radio kept geting louder...and LOUDER!)
He has Miracle Ears now....and let me tell you...he hates to be without them.
Once they finally go for testing they will "hear what they are missing now" and then they will want to wear them!
Appeal to him on the grounds that having to have raised voices is hurting YOUR hearing....cause it`s true! Maybe he`ll do it for you even if he won`t for himself.
Linda
post #52 of 54
Me and hubby are 9 years apart. Never been a problem with us. We've been together 8 years. Since I was 19. My brother now, has a girlfriend who is 56 (older than my father) he is only 32, but I will say,even though he is trying to replace our mother who passed away with this girlfriend, she is the best thime to happen to him. She is the most considerate, nicest, wonderful person you could ever meet. I still think he is a bit wierd though as my dad hits on her at family functions!! Then again dad hits on everyone!
post #53 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyJilly
Me and hubby are 9 years apart. Never been a problem with us. We've been together 8 years. Since I was 19. My brother now, has a girlfriend who is 56 (older than my father) he is only 32, but I will say,even though he is trying to replace our mother who passed away with this girlfriend, she is the best thime to happen to him. She is the most considerate, nicest, wonderful person you could ever meet. I still think he is a bit wierd though as my dad hits on her at family functions!! Then again dad hits on everyone!

Yeah! When Eric is 32 I will be 49 - not too far behind! I only hope that his four sisters are as kindhearted as you are, but I do think they all are!
post #54 of 54
I am 13 1/2 years older than my husband. I had my 40th birthday just before we married and he didn't turn 27 until we'd been married a couple of months. It has worked out well for the 10 years we have been married, I can't imagine life without him and it is no exaggeration to say we feel like two souls that are now knit into one fabric.

My only concern is that I wish to be in good health and intellectually "with it" until the day I die and hope that won't be for at least another 35-40 years (I am now 50). I do wish he could retire sooner rather than later, so we could enjoy his retirement before I'm in my late 70's!
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