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So which cat Shall we get rid of!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
My Fiance suffers from a chronic illness M.E/CFS at present she is totally bedbound and in extreme pain. We rent our house and its quite a small old miners cottage, but we love it and theres enough room for us and our cats. Anyway with my Fiancee being this ill our house is quite impractable. It was suggested by one of our health professionals that maybe we should move. We explained that it was too difficult. For one we dont have the money and to find a sutable house that will except 4 cats takes a long time.

Anyway my Fiancee was speaking to her mother on the phone yesterday. i went upstairs afterwards to find my Fiancee in tears. Apparently my Mother in law had said we should get rid of some of our cats so we could move. Apparently she kept going on about it even though she could here my Fiancee crying. This isnt the first horrible thing shes said about our cats before. She always says snide comments.

I'm so angry not just for upsetting my Fiancee but even suggesting getting rid of our cats. Our cats are our children,How could you choose which one to get rid of. Would she get rid of any of her children just so she could move easier. STUPID INSENSITVE WOMAN. Why do people assume owning a cat is like owning a teddy bear. We have taken the responsibility to look after and care for our cats, we do not take that likely. You do not get rid of one just because it may be inconvenient. We love all our cats to pieces and would never get rid of any of them, when this woman understands that it will make our relationship with her easier.

A very Angry

post #2 of 26
First of all, I hope Eva is feeling better soon. Please tell her I am sending get well vibes.

As far as your Mother-in-Law, I do completely understand how you are feeling and occasionally get comments from my own mother. When will these people understand that is just pushes us further away from them?

We are all here whenever you need to talk
post #3 of 26
How frustrating, I'm sorry. to you & your fiancee.

I don't know if your MIL would listen but perhaps you could tell her that pets have been proven to help people who are ill feel better? That's why such US organizations as the Delta Society recruit people with friendly dogs, cats, and other pets to go & visit people in hospitals and care facilities. An Internet search would probably turn up supporting articles for you to show her - sounds like she could use some enlightenment.

post #4 of 26
Sending healing thoughts for Eva that she'll soon make a full recovery.

As for her mother, take absolutely no notice. My late mother was like that (I've got 11 cats) and she was always moaning about them. I have had asthma since childhood and she used to blame the cats for making me wheeze. I wheeze whether I'm around cats or not. I just told her I was not getting rid of any of my cats and if she didn't like that then that was too bad.

What a lot of people don't understand is cats (and other pets) are very therapeutic. Like when I was quite ill a couple of years ago. Lucy my cat (the one who's been very ill) never once left my side. Her soft purring soothed me. I ended up in hospital overnight but discharged myself the next day as I missed my family and cats too much (I had pneumonia). Within a few days I was almost back to myself again and I'm convinced that was because of the feline care (especially from Lucy) I got.

It's a well known proven medical and scientific fact that people who own cats (and dogs) are much more relaxed and tend to live longer than people who refuse to have pets.

My thoughts are, don't give up your cats. Things have a funny way of working out for the better, you'll see
post #5 of 26
dear dx and eva

i'm sorry to hear about your problems,i don't know all the details ,but i guess your house problem is to do with getting up'n'down stairs,if it is i dont think moving to another house will solve your problems,and will just cause more upset to your fiance,are you sure the health person is not trying to make their job easier??if so why should you move??
are you getting the support you and your fiance are entitled to??i would get on to social services and see if they can offer some support,if they fail you,i would get in touch with your local citizens advice beureau they will know of any local groups or organisations that may be able to install a stairlift for your fiance,or even give you some advice on where to get some support.
if you really dont want to move you shouldnt have to!!be persistant with them.dont let anyone bully you or make you feel you are wrong,you will only end up hating them.

as for the mother in law, you could always send her for a walk by the coast one foggy night .........................aaaww no just kidding.....tell her you know she means well but this is your lives.....together...

i am sending {{{{{{{get well vibes}}}}}}and hope things start looking up soon.

p.s dont let pride get in the way of accepting charity.after all charity begins at home!!!

good luck &love
post #6 of 26
Please feel better very soon, Eva.That was a very insensitive thing for your mother in law to say, D.
post #7 of 26
Eva you will feel much better... Do the cats get along?? If they do they will deal with smaller surroundings... Animals are important to the healing process ... I know personally I wouldnt be here with out them...
post #8 of 26
OH NO! You poor things... my MIL is very cat friendly but still... we have MIL issues and that sucks.

IF you are going to move, can i suggest that you start looking ASAP even if you are just entertaining the thought, might be a good idea to start early... If you find somewhere and decide not to move that's cool too but at least you found a place...

I don't live in ... the states? but i'm sure if you post something on the boards there'll be someone in who'll be able to point you in the right direction...
post #9 of 26
I am sorry your fiancee is sick. I hope she feels better soon!

I also hope you don't have to move or get rid of one of them. I could never get rid of one of mine and I have four as well. Even though my MIL doesn't care for cats, she knows we do and she doesn't ever say anything bad about them.

I would just ignore her mother. She doesn't seem to be worth getting angry over. But if she keeps doing things like this, I would tell her to back off, let you and your fiancee live your life the way you see fit, or she will no longer be in it. I think your fiancee should tell her that though, not you, since it is her mother.
post #10 of 26
Lots of healing thoughts to your fiancee - it surely can't be making her feel any better to hear that she should give up some of her cats when she's already feeling miserable.

Is there anyone else who can talk to her mother? The reason I ask is because I had a situation about a month ago with my Dad. Now, my Dad is wonderful and I adore him, he just doesn't `get' animals. He thinks it's fine for us but they're just not his thing. I came over with the dogs, and Dad didn't know we had got another puppy. He kind of kept muttering to himself, `Two dogs, all those cats, blah blah'. I was ignoring him until my Mum turned around (and Mum was a bit skeptical herself of us having the two doggies) and said, `Look. You are not an animal person. That doesn't mean that Sarah and Max can't be. They are beautiful, sweet dogs that you should take the time to get to know. They love them, you don't have to, but they do, and you have to respect that'. And Dad grumbled a bit more and that was that. I haven't heard a peep out of him since. Of course, he wasn't suggesting that we give them up, but his disapproval was quite obvious.

It took someone OTHER than us to make him see that he was being unreasonable.

Is there anyone you know who might be able to do this with Eva's mother?
post #11 of 26
Aw hun that's awful. I hope Eva is starting to feel a bit better - she REALLY didn't need her mother to make her feel any worse than she already did. It makes me mad that people can be so thoughtless. I dont' have anything to offer other than my sympathy - I hope your MIL has a good long think about how she hurt her daughter.
post #12 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all your lovely replies We have decided that we wont be moving for a while. We were going to buy somewhere late next year, we hope we still will be able to. So moving somewhere temporary inbetween not only will cost us too much money. Also has the possibility of making Eva more sick as M.E/CFS is such a sensetive illness. Also moving twice in a year I think would unsettle the cats too much which isnt really fair on them.

It will be difficult to stay but we think its for the best. Social services are being a pain. We're trying not to be difficult. But theyll pay for someone else to come in a few times a day (while i'm at work) but they wont pay me. Eva doesnt want anyone else but me helping her with personal stuff (she only trusts me). So I'm going to talk to work and hopefully get my hours adapted so I dont have to leave her alone for too long. Hopefully that will help. The social services are helping us claim for stuff we are entitled to so that should help. AS for my MIL i dont think she cares that she is insensitive no matter how we try and explain.

Anyway thanks for your thoughts again. Eva will be around on TCS a little and is still do some designing when she has the energy, as she loves it. Things like that keep her going so she really enjoys them.
post #13 of 26
Sending lots of love and Healing }}}VIBES{{{ Eva's way!

I understand your predicament, I am pretty much house bound unless I'm with someone. I lived in a flat (where I had to keep my kitties secret) and when I came to move I wanted to be out right honest about them. They really do aid with the healing and the comfort!

Anyway, you should be able to care for Disability Carers Allowance as you are Eva's primary carer. I know there are many other things too, but I'll have to check them up again!

Wouldn't you be able to get some help from the social to adapt the house to make it easier for Eva - or would your LL object?

I hope that your Mother In Law tries to refrain from her comments about the cats, as it really can't be easy on either of you!

to you both!
post #14 of 26
Wish I was there to help take care of you, Eva!
post #15 of 26
Gosh I would love to kick you MIL in the behind.......mean wicked women....

"I know my kids sick...having a rough time...and I know she loves her cats...so yeah lat me be irate, telling her to get rid of her cats..so she feels worse than she does"....

Some people........ ...I'll beat her up for ya if ya want....

Anyways..enough MIL bashing...I really do hope Eva feels better soon...and you too...this must be extremly stressful for you as well...and stress can get ya sick....Not sure what disease she has...(I know you said..I am just unaware of what the disease specificall is and does)....

I am really and truley wishing the both of you all the best and good well vibes in the world..I will be thinking about you both......lots of hugs

..Oh yeah and the offer to kick the MIL in the butt is still on the table...
post #16 of 26
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Sar
Sending lots of love and Healing }}}VIBES{{{ Eva's way!

Anyway, you should be able to care for Disability Carers Allowance as you are Eva's primary carer. I know there are many other things too, but I'll have to check them up again!
Apparently Carers allowence is NOT means tested but I earn TOO MUCH (more than 80 pounds a week) to claim it. Work out the logic on that! If i didnt earn more tha that we would be living in a cardboard box.

Oh yeah and the offer to kick the MIL in the butt is still on the table...
I may take you up on that
post #17 of 26
Originally Posted by xDx
Apparently Carers allowence is NOT means tested but I earn TOO MUCH (more than 80 pounds a week) to claim it. Work out the logic on that! If i didnt earn more tha that we would be living in a cardboard box.
Oh how silly!!!! From what I'm finding at the moment, Social Security and Benefits offices can be rather unhelpful at times!! (I've struggled to fill in three forms so far that were all irrelevant to me!)

I'm sure that there must be a way for you to get the Carers Allowance, as my Mum had it for years looking after my sister!
post #18 of 26
to you and Eva. to MIL -- if she'd only realize she's likely doing her daughter more harm than good, going on about getting rid of cats But, then, that's the problem with her, isn't it? She just doesn't get it!

Hope you can find some more sources of support/assistance -- the programmes may be there, but they don't make it easy, do they?

Here's to your new house next year! and to all the coping mechanisms you can find in the meantime.
post #19 of 26
Hmmm...true, getting a place to accept 4 cats is hard....that's why I don't tell my landlord how many I have! She thinks I have 4 too, and 1 dog, although I have been such a good tenant that when she raised my rent this year, I asked her if I could get another cat and she said yes, so I'm thinking about telling her about Pedro, instead of saying I got another cat. He's like a cat anyway! She lives pretty far away from me so she's never around to check. Maybe you could just SAY you have 2 or 3?? I don't like lying, but my addiction gets the better of me!
post #20 of 26
[quote=xDx]Apparently Carers allowence is NOT means tested but I earn TOO MUCH (more than 80 pounds a week) to claim it. Work out the logic on that! If i didnt earn more tha that we would be living in a cardboard box.

Attendants Allowance is not means tested they just don't like paying it. I got it in the end for two elderly relatives, every time they turn you down Appeal against the decision the third time they got it and once you,ve got it, it can open the door to other benefits. Just dig your heals in and refuse to go away.
Good Luck
post #21 of 26
Thread Starter 
Attendence allowance is only available for those of 60 so niether of us apply. Thanks for all your coments and good wishes everyone.
post #22 of 26
Sorry but I'd still keep appealing.
post #23 of 26
I had a friend who suffered from ME. It was debilitating, but now she's doing great, and has been for a few years now. I just wanted to send you some healing vibes {{}} from someone who knows how hard it can be.
Good luck with finding a more suitable place!
post #24 of 26
Have you applied for a Council house? You should go quite high on the housing list with medical points. I live in the SW of England and our Council are pet friendly. When we got our house, they took into account the amount of cats we had and found us a house with woodland behind it (it's like living in the country) and a quiet street. They have the attitude that people's cats and dogs are part of their family. If you're in private rented accommodation, do you have to move when the lease expires? If so, you could be classed as Homeless through no fault of your own and would be offered a house fairly quickly (only snag with that is you've got to accept the first place they offer you, otherwise if you refuse for whatever reason, you are no longer classed as being homeless). Most Council's will take into account illness and disability and either find a suitable house or adapt one.

I'd go down the Council first thing on Monday morning and put your name on the list.

Good luck.
post #25 of 26
Healing vibes heading Eva's way!

My grandmother.. she is constantly on our case about owning 4 cats. She is also our landlord and threatens to evict us if we don't get rid of them all.. but we ignore her.. no way would we ever give away our babies.. I love these guys more than anything.
One time Iw as saying about that I saved Poptart and Gordito's lives.. without me, they would ahve died.. and she said she wished they had. adn that was it.. I gave her a cold hard stare, before turning and leaving.. slamming the door on my way out.
post #26 of 26
Gosh, I have nothing to add that would be helpful, but like many of us who are following your story, just HUGE vibes, prayers, and good wishes your way for some sort of win-win, happy ending.
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