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post #1 of 58
Thread Starter 
Found a good book: "Non Campus Mentis", compiled by Anders Hendriksson. These are actual excerpts, of students' answers on college history tests. We begin with the "Stoned Age".
Prehistoricle people spent all day banging rocks together so that they could find something to eat. This was the Stoned Age. When animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys. Tomorrow: the mists of antiquity!
post #2 of 58
Sounds interesting!
post #3 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Civilization woozed out of the Nile about 300,000 years ago. The Nile was a river that had some water in it. Every year it would flood and irritate the land. This tended to make the people nervous." "Members of the upper class were able to live posthumorusly through the art and facts buried with them. Eventually the Egyptians drowned in the desert." They didn't skip religion, either: "Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. This was a duelist religion." "Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named "Yahoo". (I suppose this god judged people, on the Internet). :egypt:
post #4 of 58
OMG and the future of our country is in their hands???????
post #5 of 58
I sure hope you share more of this interesting read!
post #6 of 58
Thread Starter 
On to the Classical Age: "The Trojan War raged between the Greeks and the Tories. The Greeks, finally won because they had wooden horses and the Trojans were only able to fight with their feet." "Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and Japan. Sadly, he died with no hairs." "Socrates was accused of sophmorism and sentenced to die of hemroyds." "The Ancient Greeks founded the Olympics in about 1896." Tomorrow's installment: The Grandeur That Was Rome!:laughing2
post #7 of 58
Bad me! I saw that they were talking about the Trojan war and was wondering how they would fit condoms into ancient history! :laughing:
post #8 of 58
Too funny!!!!! MORE! MORE!
post #9 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Rome was founded sometime by Uncle Remus and Wolf." "Hannabelle crossed the Alps with a herd of eliphants and thus invaded Africa. After they defeated Carthage the Romans brutaly salted the people and razored the city. Scipio was called "Africanus" because he served in Spain." "Cesar was assinated on the yikes of March." "Roman girls who did not marry couls become Vestigial Virgins, a group of women who were dedicated to burning the internal flame." Tune in tomorrow, when the Romans lionize the Christians!:laughing:
post #10 of 58
Thread Starter 
The rise of Christianity: "The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption." "Romans persacuted Christians by lionizing them." "Christianity finally became official after the Emperor Constantine's Decree of Consternation. Constantine became a Christian after being persued by a neon cross on the battlefield. The entire city of Constantinole rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the emperor came." (Too bad, they didn't have Mary's immaculate contraption, to clean it up!) Next installment: The Dark Ages
post #11 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Medieval people were violent. Murder during this period was nothing. Everybody killed someone." "Power belonged to a patriarchy empowering all genders except the female. Nuns, for example, were generally women. In the early part of the Midle Ages female nuns were free to commit random acts of contrition and redemption. Later, they were forcibly enclustered in harems." Next: Church and State in Medieval Europe.
post #12 of 58
Thread Starter 
"The Wholely Roman Empire amazed many when it was found in Germany." "In 1066 England was overrun by Norman the Conqueror. Henry II acquired new parts by marrying Ellenor of Equine." "Monks were assigned to monkeries, where they were suppose to live as nuns. Fryers were required to take a vow of pottery." "Medieval builders gave God his usual chair in the church roof. Without the discovery of the flying buttock it would have been an impossible job to build the Gothic cathedral." "The Hundred Years War (1320-1600) was fought over English holidays in France." Next chapter: The Waning of the Middle Ages: a Plague of Boobs.
post #13 of 58
Thread Starter 
"The bubonic plague is a social disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other etceteras. Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.""Castles became more elaborate with thick walls, moats and towers topped by rows of crustaceans." "The French king moved the Popes to Arizona where he could keep an eye on them." "The plague was spread frommport to port by inflected rats. It was then passed around by midgets. Death rates exceeded one hundred percent in some towns." Tune in, tomorrow for: The Renaissance.
post #14 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Erasmus wrote th New Testament. Chamber music was composed for groups of viles. Women, however, were required to display their art ominously." "Machiavelli, who was often unemployed, wrote 'The Prince' to get ajob with Richard Nixon." "Henry VIII divorced his original wife, who had become old and impregnable. Elizabeth I was eventually the daughter of Henry the Ate. Mother to Elizabeth was Anne Beau Lynne, wife of the moment to Henry VIII." "Ivan the Terrible started life as a child, a fact that troubled his later personality." "Columbus came to America to install rule by dead white males over the native peoples." "Cortez was leader of a little group of torriadors who subdued the inhabitants of New Mexico with great ease. Small Box, which they brought with them, was killing the natives at a very quick rate. This bothered the Spanish little, for as Catholics they did not believe in God." "Captain Cook found many continents while deliberately on exhibition and located the perfect navel spot near Africa's bottom." Next: The Reformation; Martin Luther nails 95 theocrats to a church door.:laughing:
post #15 of 58
Thread Starter 
"The Reformation happened when German nobles resented the idea that tithes were going to Papal France thus enriching Catholic coiffures." "The Catholic church sold indulgences as a form of remissin control. Luthar was into reoriantation mutation. An angry Martin Luther nailed ninety-five theocrats to a church door. The Pope's response was to declare Luther hereditary." "John Calvin Klein trnaslated the Bible into American so the people of Geneva could read it." "Calvinists were the only ones who believed in pre-detonation. It is not surprising that their preaching consisted mainly of dogmatic explosions." "Pope Clementine was clueless." "St. Teresa of Avila was a carmelized nun." "Henry Bourbon married Edict of Nantes and became King of France with the promise to reconstipate the country to Catholicism." "The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the French." "Henry VIII survived an assault by the Papal bull." Next: Musketeers and Round Ones.:laughing:
post #16 of 58
Very interesting!
post #17 of 58
It's really good, tell us more.
post #18 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Louise XIII attacked New Rochelle. Louis XIV became King of the Sun. If he didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to row for the rest of their lives." "Madam Pompadour gained in power while being placed under the king." "The Prussian army would surprise young men by grabbing them in unfair places and sending them to Shanghigh. Gustav Adolph Hitler perched on the Swedish throan and looked droolingly at Germany." "The Thirty Years War began with the Defecation of Prague." "These good times ended when England suffered Civil War between the Musketeers and the Round Ones. Oliver Cromwell solved this and other problems by removing prominent things from people who disagreed with him. Winston Churchill helped begin a New England colony." "King James Stuart Charles I was beheaded in1649 and restored with his family several years later." "Sex emerged from hiding and became very fashionable. This extended until the secession of William Mary, who flew in from the Neverlands.""Charles III of Spain swooned for years on the bridge of extinction. The War of the Spanish Succession ended in a drawl. Peace was inforced by the Treaty of Uterus. The War of the Austrian Suspicion broke out soon after this. It had become inevitable when Mother Theresa inherited the throne." Next chapter: the invention of the Newton.
post #19 of 58
Hey, don't Rob and Laura Petri live in New Rochelle? I wonder if they know Louise . . . :tounge2:
post #20 of 58
Thread Starter 
I found it interesting, that Mother Theresa inherited the throne of Austria. What happened to her vow of poverty?
post #21 of 58
Thread Starter 
"There was an increase in climate during the eighteenth century. Agriculture fed more people as crop yields became lower. These were factors in the better times to come." "It was the 18th centuey enlightenment that contributed most to the 17th century." "Voltaire wrote a book called 'Candy' that got him into trouble with Frederick the Great, who is credoted personally with increasing the population of Prussia by almost a third during his lifetime." "In the eighteenth century such greats as Mozart, Bach, Richardson, Roccoco and Baroque cultured the nobles of Europe." "When not working in the church, Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home." Tomorrow: the Age of Revolution; the French demand fraternities.
post #22 of 58
Thread Starter 
The Age of Revolution: "The American colonists lived on a continent and England was an island. Thus the Americans wanted independence." "Americans, of course, wanted not involvement in the French and Indian War because they did not want to fight in India. This led to the Stamp Act, where no stamps could be issued unless they bore the American mascot." "The Quebec Act was an Intolerable Act because it would have required Americans to learn French in school." "Many colonists became convicted patriots after reading 'Horse Sense' by Thomas Pain." "Benjamin Franklin, already famous as the inventor of the light bulb, persuaded French King George III to help the USA." "Yorktown was sight of Robert E. Lee's greatest victory. Washington defeated the Allies at Gettysberg. He was the first and only president to be elected anonymously by the Electoral College." "Another problem was that France was full of French people. "Revolters demanded liberty, equality and fraternities. Victims of the terror were rolled to the gilotine in tumblers." "Napoleon was ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He was later troubled with Spanish gorillas, who formed a sore in his side." Next installment: The Industrial Revolution.
post #23 of 58
You know, France is STILL overrun with French people! You'd think they'd have solved that by now . . .
post #24 of 58
Thread Starter 
You'd think they'd have found a cure, for that, by now. Maybe, they could send 'em all the Quebec!
post #25 of 58
Thread Starter 
"The industrial revolution was slow at first due to the lakc of factories. European nations had the raw materials to start an industrial revolution, but they did not have the knowledge to start a revolution and thus they were retarded." "The Russians financed industrialization by elling bongs to foreign countries." "An example of the importance of women during the industrial revolution was the work of Spinning Jenny, a young girl forced to work more than 40 hours a day." "Telephones were not available - communication went by mouth to mouth or telegram. The Interstate Highway System was built soon after the Civil War. The Trans-Siberian Railroad connected Europe to California. The airplane was invented and first flown by the Marx brothers." "In 1848, unemployment became a crisis in Paris. Out of a city population of one million people, two million able bodies were on the loose." "The Irish had to imagrate to the US because of Hitler." "Girls were typially sent to finishing shools, where the point was to finish them off." "Leaders of the women's movement included Florence Nightengail, susan B. Anthony and Crystal Pancake." "The law treated women the same as children, criminals, or insominacs." Next: 19th century political conflicts:tounge2:
post #26 of 58
. . . You know, I don't even know who Crystal Pancake is supposed to be . . .
post #27 of 58
Thread Starter 
The best that I can figure is, maybe, Emily Pankhurst, the British feminist.
post #28 of 58
Thread Starter 
Nineteenth Century Politcal Conflict: Anarchs and the Power Serge. "Metternich helped orcastrate the Concert of Europe. Great Brittian, the USA, and oth countrys had demicratic leanings" (Note: they WERE able to spell 'Metternich'.) "Pope Leo XIII is know as the author of 'Rectum Novarum'." "Workers voted for coservatives, because they believed in unemployment. Inspired by these ideas, reformers tried to ban sweating from the shops." "According to Marx the stages of history are canabalism, slavery, fuedalism, capitalism and back to canabalism. These are the moods of production." "Anarchism is a system of government headed by an Anarch. Canada, for example, became an anarchy in 1867." "German unity was acheaved by William I coupling with Bismark. After several hurtful convulsions he culminated to power as the first Geyser of Germany." The Automaton Empire remained on the "Sick Bed of Europe" during this time. Next chapter: America From Crisis to Triumph:LOL:
post #29 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Nineteenth century America was an unequal society where only White males could download access to the power serge." "Florence Nightingale was a singer who became involved with the American flag." "Tthe major cause of the Civil War is when slavery spread its ugly testicles across the West." "The Civil War began in 1830. Many soldiers repeatedly gave their lives for their country. The Confederates were greatly damaged by navel blockage." "William McKinley was President of the South. United States Grant was a Civil War heroe who later proved corrupulent as President. He died after drinking up to twenty cigars a day." "Westward expansion ended at Custard's Last Stand and his later defeat at Wounded Knee." Tomorrow: The Birth of Modernism
post #30 of 58
Tthe major cause of the Civil War is when slavery spread its ugly testicles across the West.

You know, we joke about that, but considering the way female were treated, it might more true than we'd like to think . . .
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