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Being the supportive one stinks sometimes Vent

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
ok..tehehe check the vent here..

VENT
post #2 of 21
Wow. I'd be mad. Really mad. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
post #3 of 21
I'd be mad too. That sort of thing happens to me w/ my bf a fair amount, but not for the Most Important things. I have no good advice but *sends supportive vibes*
post #4 of 21
Aw, I'm sorry. In my experience, we (the women) are usually the supportive force in a relationship. Usually, we handle it well. Sometimes, like now, you just want to scream because it seems so unfair. I don't have any words to make it better....just sending "I understand" vibes your way. Good luck.
post #5 of 21
Sounds like it's time to lay down the law ...
post #6 of 21
Oh boy, do I understand where you're coming from!! I finally found that I just plain had to do what I wanted to do, regardless of what he wanted to do. Yup, it's sometimes not as fun as if he went with, but sometimes it's better that he's not there. Mine is a drama queen and if he's not happy then by god I can't be happy either, so it's better when he stays home for my shooting stuff (it bored him to tears, and he keeps saying that he doesn't know anyone there...well, if he wouldn't sit in the car and play on the laptop he might get to know someone!). You might find the same thing with the cat show - being there alone instead of coddling him might be good for you. Gives you a chance to meet more cat people, and make contacts with Persian Breeders in your area who you might not meet and get to know otherwise. Don't let Steve's selfish streak ruin the things that YOU enjoy!
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by evnshawn
Wow. I'd be mad. Really mad. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Thanks. I am mad. Hes just earned himself a summer of...going to horse shows! and i am gonna go to the most boring ones i can think of.
post #8 of 21
Oh, I'd go to the show if I were you. Go there, have a good time, meet other breeders, and get to know the 'ins" and "outs" of the cat breeding world. You must have a friend who could go with you, don't you? If I lived in your area, I'd go with you and give you a hand with the kitties. I wouldn't let him stop you from doing your thing, again. Go.
post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eatrawfish
I'd be mad too. That sort of thing happens to me w/ my bf a fair amount, but not for the Most Important things. I have no good advice but *sends supportive vibes*

thanks for the vibes i really need them. Just kinda frusterated right now. I love him to bits.but GRR
post #10 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnicat
Aw, I'm sorry. In my experience, we (the women) are usually the supportive force in a relationship. Usually, we handle it well. Sometimes, like now, you just want to scream because it seems so unfair. I don't have any words to make it better....just sending "I understand" vibes your way. Good luck.

Thanks. Hes gonna get it..one way or another. I think Loki can have his bed spot tonight.
post #11 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseHawke
Sounds like it's time to lay down the law ...

Oh dont worry I will. hes gonna earn himself things worsew than a cat show..yes yes
post #12 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb
Oh boy, do I understand where you're coming from!! I finally found that I just plain had to do what I wanted to do, regardless of what he wanted to do. Yup, it's sometimes not as fun as if he went with, but sometimes it's better that he's not there. Mine is a drama queen and if he's not happy then by god I can't be happy either, so it's better when he stays home for my shooting stuff (it bored him to tears, and he keeps saying that he doesn't know anyone there...well, if he wouldn't sit in the car and play on the laptop he might get to know someone!). You might find the same thing with the cat show - being there alone instead of coddling him might be good for you. Gives you a chance to meet more cat people, and make contacts with Persian Breeders in your area who you might not meet and get to know otherwise. Don't let Steve's selfish streak ruin the things that YOU enjoy!

Thanks. Well I already asked my mom if she would go. and she said yes. She of course says not to be mad at steve. Which tough I am gonna be. lol she thinks steve is the goose that laid the golden egg. and dont get me wrong I love him. But sometimes i wanna smack him LOL

I am planning out his whole spring next year...oh and i think some hockey games this winter will also be fitting...

and to think he could have just gone to a cat show!
post #13 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeHacker
Oh, I'd go to the show if I were you. Go there, have a good time, meet other breeders, and get to know the 'ins" and "outs" of the cat breeding world. You must have a friend who could go with you, don't you? If I lived in your area, I'd go with you and give you a hand with the kitties. I wouldn't let him stop you from doing your thing, again. Go.

Thanks. Nope i actually dont have to many friends who are still in this area. bummer huh? But my mom said she would go. That should be interesting LOL..she can be a pain in the booty sometimes. but she is good at holding a cat..so LOL
post #14 of 21
Well, in Steve's defense, if that home pregnancy test was right, you may find yourself being more emotional than usual! So maybe he is used to you giving in to him and letting his "stuff" be more important than your "stuff", but suddenly you are not taking it any more. He may need a little time to adjust!

I'm glad your Mom can go with you to the cat show. You and Steve need to sit down and talk this through. If he is going to claim he "must" do band engagements to build the band, then he has to remember to take days off work to go to horse shows with you. He needs to be fair.

Good luck getting through this. I'm sure you will work it out. How about instead of him going to hockey games, he gets to muck stalls (since he is already on litterbox duty)! LOL!
post #15 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
Well, in Steve's defense, if that home pregnancy test was right, you may find yourself being more emotional than usual! So maybe he is used to you giving in to him and letting his "stuff" be more important than your "stuff", but suddenly you are not taking it any more. He may need a little time to adjust!

I'm glad your Mom can go with you to the cat show. You and Steve need to sit down and talk this through. If he is going to claim he "must" do band engagements to build the band, then he has to remember to take days off work to go to horse shows with you. He needs to be fair.

Good luck getting through this. I'm sure you will work it out. How about instead of him going to hockey games, he gets to muck stalls (since he is already on litterbox duty)! LOL!

He doesnt mind mucking. Big schmuck. He just gets it done with. he actually likes it more than the litter boxes..weirdo! LOL well we talked a little about it tonight. and he understands why i am so upset. Hes getting used to all this critter stuff, he never knew that you could do all these things with animals. He thought you just had pets, Ha! hehe.

He is going to try to get out of playing saturday. But he did say even if he doesnt he will come to the cat show for as long as he can..

So its better than nothing. Heh!

Yeah I have been a bit moody the last few days....

Now if only i can convince him to let me get the 80 garden cart from Target..ha..yeah right
post #16 of 21
Regardless of how a possible pregnancy is playing your emotions, you have a right to be supported in this relationship!

Good relationships are reciprocal- you give a little, he gives a little, etc. etc. There should be an equal balance of power and control. He really needs to make you and your relationship more of a priority, the way you do.

Been there, done that and I know how hard this is for you right now.
post #17 of 21
How well I understand where you are at. For the first few years of our relationship and marriage my husband was a full-time musician, i.e., played 6 nights per week with only Sunday's off. He also travelled so we didn't even get to see each other very often. When I became pregnant he started working for a band that stayed in our home area so he didn't have to travel.

I had to attend EVERYTHING alone - weddings, birthday parties, company Christmas party, whatever. When we did do things together it was always what HE wanted to do. On summer vacations we went where HE wanted to go. And when I look back on it, it wasn't really his fault - I was the one who always gave in. Well, I don't anymore. If I want to do something and he doesn't - I go and do it with my friends. I used to plead and beg him to do things with me that I like to do and would end up not enjoying it because I would see how miserable he was so now I save us both the misery.

I love golf but would rather go with my friends. I've gone with hubby a couple times and he's not into golf so he uses the time to socialize and is never ready to shoot and holds everyone up and talks all the time. When I tell him he has to observe some rules of golf he gets all in a huff and says we take it too seriously. Meantime I'm getting tense because we are holding up the folks behind us and then I shoot really poorly. I WANT TO GO WITHOUT HIM. LOL

I honestly think men are born selfish and women are born nurturers. (There are always exceptions, but generally I believe this to be true.) I know I will always have to give more and expect less but I also know that I have a good man in so many ways that I shouldn't really ever complain. I always say if I put his good points on one side of the scale and the bad on the other, his good points would far outweigh the bad. Besides, I'm no prize either - I have things that must irritate the dickens out of him.

Your honey sounds like a typical man - needs a bit of training is all.
post #18 of 21
I read an article the other day that says that men are "me" and women are "we." Sounds about right ...
post #19 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Regardless of how a possible pregnancy is playing your emotions, you have a right to be supported in this relationship!

Good relationships are reciprocal- you give a little, he gives a little, etc. etc. There should be an equal balance of power and control. He really needs to make you and your relationship more of a priority, the way you do.

Been there, done that and I know how hard this is for you right now.

I totally agree and couldn't have said it better, I'm sending good vibes your way.
post #20 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Regardless of how a possible pregnancy is playing your emotions, you have a right to be supported in this relationship!

Good relationships are reciprocal- you give a little, he gives a little, etc. etc. There should be an equal balance of power and control. He really needs to make you and your relationship more of a priority, the way you do.

Been there, done that and I know how hard this is for you right now.

We had a long talk last night. when he got home from work. I think he understands where i am coming from a little better now. He does agree that he doesnt spend as much time with me on my interests as i do with him on his. But he also agreed thats kinda "a man thing" we as women do feel the need to always be there.

Bottom line, he is trying to convince the guys to play wensday instead and if he cant. he will be there with me anyways..for as long as he can. and promised..he wont complain. So its a start.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
How well I understand where you are at. For the first few years of our relationship and marriage my husband was a full-time musician, i.e., played 6 nights per week with only Sunday's off. He also travelled so we didn't even get to see each other very often. When I became pregnant he started working for a band that stayed in our home area so he didn't have to travel.

I had to attend EVERYTHING alone - weddings, birthday parties, company Christmas party, whatever. When we did do things together it was always what HE wanted to do. On summer vacations we went where HE wanted to go. And when I look back on it, it wasn't really his fault - I was the one who always gave in. Well, I don't anymore. If I want to do something and he doesn't - I go and do it with my friends. I used to plead and beg him to do things with me that I like to do and would end up not enjoying it because I would see how miserable he was so now I save us both the misery.

I love golf but would rather go with my friends. I've gone with hubby a couple times and he's not into golf so he uses the time to socialize and is never ready to shoot and holds everyone up and talks all the time. When I tell him he has to observe some rules of golf he gets all in a huff and says we take it too seriously. Meantime I'm getting tense because we are holding up the folks behind us and then I shoot really poorly. I WANT TO GO WITHOUT HIM. LOL

I honestly think men are born selfish and women are born nurturers. (There are always exceptions, but generally I believe this to be true.) I know I will always have to give more and expect less but I also know that I have a good man in so many ways that I shouldn't really ever complain. I always say if I put his good points on one side of the scale and the bad on the other, his good points would far outweigh the bad. Besides, I'm no prize either - I have things that must irritate the dickens out of him.

Your honey sounds like a typical man - needs a bit of training is all.
Glad to know someone else has been there in the same shoes. Darn musicians. It was even harder when he was on the road. I nearly had a nervous break down at one point. Things were really stressfull here. and my mom was riding my booty, and of course it was during the holidays.

But shortly after he quit that band and hooked up with these guys. They play local, which is good. but...Grrr. One day is all I ask for. I have rearranged my schedule more times than I can count to make sure i am at his gigs. cause if i am not he whines. and you know who else whines? The rest of the band! HA!

Ah well. Like i said we had a good long talk last night. I am hopeing what was said last night will stick.

I just have to remind myself of the large shopping spree me and the cats can go on..when he gets his record deal..
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