Okay, if I must...
A month ago, I opened a tupperware container in the back of the fridge. It contained a rare steake, leftover from our "welcome" barbecue -- THREE MONTHS PREVIOUSLY. Most of it was gelatinous and black, with a healthy carpet of bright green mold, and some coagulated blood. I immedietly threw it out, WITH the container, as it had BONDED TO THE CONTAINER. Gross.
When I was 18, I was going on a camping trip. I realized I needed a second backpack, so I grabbed an old one from the storage room. I opened it, and was slammed in the FACE by the most hideous smell ever (even worse than my potato funk) -- and in the split second before I turned my head, I saw a container of chocolate milk. I took the backpack outside, and very gingerly, reached in to remove the milk. It was a mistake: as SOON as I touched it, it BURST, and green OIL fired everywhere, like a bomb. I'm not joking: green oil. I was so disgusted I tossed the whole backpack out. As I was throwing it out, I found the last (non-food) item I had put in my backpack -- my rehearsal schedule for opening night of "Oliver," which I had been in when I was FOURTEEN. I had bought the milk on my dinner break, put it in the backpack, forgotten about it, and that evening, my mother had surprised me with a new backpack. That milk funkified for over FOUR YEARS.
This one's not food, but one day a squirrel got into our house. We chased it and chased it, and eventually it was gone. We didn't know how it got out, but as long as it did, we didn't care.
Over the next few days, I noticed a gross smell in my bedroom... I ripped my bedroom apart looking for it, but it wouldn't go away. Whatever. It got worse for 4 or 5 days... on the fifth day, I was reading something online, and pushed my chair away from my desk to take a break. The chair bumped into the large, old box fan sitting on my floor of my room (as it was a very hot and humid August.) The fan fell over, I heard a soft "fwump!" noise, and turned around to see an EXPLOSION OF FUR fly out of the fan. Literally, it was a fountain of fine gray and brown hair -- and the smell of decayed squirrel. Turns out the squirrel had tried to hide in the fan by going through a hole in the grill, but the blades had killed it immedietly... it had sat, dead and rotting, in my fan, for a week. We threw the whole fan out.
AND, last week, I bought a bag of oranges. I have just recently DISCOVERED oranges, and am in LOVE with them (I used to be allergic, so I didn't have one from the time I was 2 to the time I was 21.) So, I peeled this one, looked delicious, seperated it in half... and inside it was liquid black, with white maggots crawling everywhere. It was the most disgusting thing I've EVER experienced, INCLUDING all of the above stories. I immedietly threw it out, the rest of the oranges as well, and swore I was NEVER going to eat another orange. Gross...
So how're those? Do I get any points?
A month ago, I opened a tupperware container in the back of the fridge. It contained a rare steake, leftover from our "welcome" barbecue -- THREE MONTHS PREVIOUSLY. Most of it was gelatinous and black, with a healthy carpet of bright green mold, and some coagulated blood. I immedietly threw it out, WITH the container, as it had BONDED TO THE CONTAINER. Gross.
When I was 18, I was going on a camping trip. I realized I needed a second backpack, so I grabbed an old one from the storage room. I opened it, and was slammed in the FACE by the most hideous smell ever (even worse than my potato funk) -- and in the split second before I turned my head, I saw a container of chocolate milk. I took the backpack outside, and very gingerly, reached in to remove the milk. It was a mistake: as SOON as I touched it, it BURST, and green OIL fired everywhere, like a bomb. I'm not joking: green oil. I was so disgusted I tossed the whole backpack out. As I was throwing it out, I found the last (non-food) item I had put in my backpack -- my rehearsal schedule for opening night of "Oliver," which I had been in when I was FOURTEEN. I had bought the milk on my dinner break, put it in the backpack, forgotten about it, and that evening, my mother had surprised me with a new backpack. That milk funkified for over FOUR YEARS.
This one's not food, but one day a squirrel got into our house. We chased it and chased it, and eventually it was gone. We didn't know how it got out, but as long as it did, we didn't care.
Over the next few days, I noticed a gross smell in my bedroom... I ripped my bedroom apart looking for it, but it wouldn't go away. Whatever. It got worse for 4 or 5 days... on the fifth day, I was reading something online, and pushed my chair away from my desk to take a break. The chair bumped into the large, old box fan sitting on my floor of my room (as it was a very hot and humid August.) The fan fell over, I heard a soft "fwump!" noise, and turned around to see an EXPLOSION OF FUR fly out of the fan. Literally, it was a fountain of fine gray and brown hair -- and the smell of decayed squirrel. Turns out the squirrel had tried to hide in the fan by going through a hole in the grill, but the blades had killed it immedietly... it had sat, dead and rotting, in my fan, for a week. We threw the whole fan out.
AND, last week, I bought a bag of oranges. I have just recently DISCOVERED oranges, and am in LOVE with them (I used to be allergic, so I didn't have one from the time I was 2 to the time I was 21.) So, I peeled this one, looked delicious, seperated it in half... and inside it was liquid black, with white maggots crawling everywhere. It was the most disgusting thing I've EVER experienced, INCLUDING all of the above stories. I immedietly threw it out, the rest of the oranges as well, and swore I was NEVER going to eat another orange. Gross...
So how're those? Do I get any points?
