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Should I tell her?

post #1 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:00am
Thread Starter 
As some of you know, I took Freckles to the vet yesterday. The vet discovered a tooth abcess, and he's scheduled for a teeth cleaning and possible extraction at the end of next week. My question is this - should I tell my co-worker, who gave me the cat? I'm not looking for money from her, I'm more than willing to take the responsibility. I'm quite sure she didn't knowingly give me a sick cat. I want her to know that he's OK and to get her other two cats checked. I don't want her to feel guilty, nor do I want to put her in a bad situation in that this may give her boyfriend an excuse to get rid of the other cats. (He told her she could only bring 2 cats when she moved in with him, and he wanted her to get them declawed and refuses to allow scratchers or cat trees.) I have said nothing so far. I feel isolated right now.

Thanks in advance,
Maureen
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post #2 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:16am
I'd tell her. It's not as if the cat is suffering due to her bad treatment of him, anyone can get an abcess so she shouldn't feel bad. I think she'd like to know, it would reassure her that you're looking after her baby

As for the b/f, declawing and no scratchposts! If he were mine, he'd be booted out within a day
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post #3 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:23am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob'sMom
(He told her she could only bring 2 cats when she moved in with him, and he wanted her to get them declawed and refuses to allow scratchers or cat trees.) I have said nothing so far. I feel isolated right now.

Thanks in advance,
Maureen



Sounds like the cats were around first!

I would be honest with her... it isn't her fault and at least she will know that you are taking such good care of the cat. In a way it may be of reassurance.
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post #4 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:25am
As i understand your situation. If you got a cat from someone. The cat is your responsibility the second you take ownership. And others peoples cats are their situations. If there is not any abuse going on, there is not much you can do about it. Other than try to encougage them to do the right thing? We all want to but we cant be the police of the world? But that is a hard place to be.
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post #5 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:25am
I would also tell her. Just make sure to tell her that it was not her fault, and that everything is going to be ok.
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post #6 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:39am
Tell her because she should really get the other two cats checked out to make sure they are both ok.
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post #7 of 23
7/27/05 at 8:57am
May I please beat up your co-workers boyfriend? Not allowed to have cat scratchers or cat trees and demanding she "get rid of" a PET?! What a turd he sounds like!

I'd tell the co-worker what is wrong with Freckles. Tell her in detail and tell her very kindly & professionally. Also tell her she may want to consider taking her other cats to the vet on an annual basis when they reach a certain age.

Your co-worker will probably not offer money to help out with the bill for the abcess, since she basically severed ties with Freckles. And, her boyfriend probably won't let her offer money in the first place. He might even declaw her.
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post #8 of 23
7/27/05 at 9:19am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
Your co-worker will probably not offer money to help out with the bill for the abcess, since she basically severed ties with Freckles. And, her boyfriend probably won't let her offer money in the first place. He might even declaw her.
LOL! I'm not looking for money. I understand that he's my responsibility, so I have no problem paying for his care. She was out yesterday and is still out today, so I can gather my thoughts. I don't want to feel like I have to hide if she asks about him. It wasn't her fault, as these things happen.
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post #9 of 23
7/27/05 at 11:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
May I please beat up your co-workers boyfriend? Not allowed to have cat scratchers or cat trees and demanding she "get rid of" a PET?! What a turd he sounds like!
I had one of those, except I was stupid enough to marry him. I really should have paid better attention to the incident where he tossed one of my cats off the bed (and into the wall) because he was afraid the cat hair would make him sneeze (which it would have, he IS allergic, but still ). Heard of that new film, "Must Love Dogs"?? My personals ads will say "Must Wait on Cats"

I would certainly mention to your co-worker that you're taking Freckles in for a tooth cleaning. She may not be aware that the kitties need their teeth cleaned periodically. And who gives a s#!t what the bf thinks? I'm with Purity on that count - he'd be out the door!
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post #10 of 23
7/27/05 at 11:45am
In all honesty, if your co-worker is also a FRIEND, it sounds like there will be more issues that you will have to take up with her; about that boyfriend. Like RicaLynn, I also was married to "one of those".

I can't tell ya how badly it hurt to see him beating up my helpless cats; and me being the helpless weakling female, unable to stop it. Your co-worker may be moving into this same type of situation. Maybe. Just a thought.

Now that I'm a whole lot stronger and more outspoken (especially about women's rights and unhealthy relationships... abusive men ) whenever I hear about a man making a woman get rid of a pet because he doesn't want them or blah blah... I get angry!
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post #11 of 23
7/27/05 at 11:47am
Sounds a bit like my last girl friend, didn't like my cats and tried to get me to "get rid of them" So I got rid of her instead. I don't even miss her. Besides she was "bitchy" anyway.
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post #12 of 23
7/27/05 at 11:53am
I'm with you darkeyedgirl, let's go beat him up and stick his head in a litterbox somewhere. What a jerk! Ok, where is he?!
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post #13 of 23
7/27/05 at 1:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigKittenDaddy
Sounds a bit like my last girl friend, didn't like my cats and tried to get me to "get rid of them" So I got rid of her instead. I don't even miss her. Besides she was "bitchy" anyway.


NO she didnt! I am glad you got rid of her! Cats are family, not old newspapers, you dont throw them away. I swear, I have never understood how you could not like animals, or even worse be mean to them like a couple of others have said. I agree with Ricalynn Must love cats! When I start dating someone they have to pass the CJ test. If he runs off bad check, if they move him off the couch, bad check, but bonus points if they let him in to the bathroom with them!
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post #14 of 23
7/27/05 at 2:45pm
Get it done, and then tell her. You don't have to mention the cost, but just that you've "suddenly realized" that regular dental check-ups/cleaning are essential.
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post #15 of 23
7/27/05 at 4:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Get it done, and then tell her. You don't have to mention the cost, but just that you've "suddenly realized" that regular dental check-ups/cleaning are essential.
OOOH, that's good Tricia - no ruffled feathers and no preaching - they "both" learn something in the deal!!!
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post #16 of 23
7/27/05 at 6:59pm
I'd tell her that perhaps she needs to replace her boyfriend...

When I realised that Max and I might have some dating potential (we met over the phone through our jobs) the second question I asked him about himself was `What is your opinion of cats?'. It is HIGHLY important...lol. His answer `I rate cats very highly' was a green light for me!!
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post #17 of 23
7/27/05 at 7:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Get it done, and then tell her. You don't have to mention the cost, but just that you've "suddenly realized" that regular dental check-ups/cleaning are essential.

Good luck!
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post #18 of 23
7/28/05 at 1:37am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxy_loves_CJ
I agree with Ricalynn Must love cats! When I start dating someone they have to pass the CJ test. If he runs off bad check, if they move him off the couch, bad check, but bonus points if they let him in to the bathroom with them!
Very, very true! I wouldn't even think of dating a man who didn't love my kitties. I once had a b/f who lived about 300 miles away and he kept a picture of one of my kitties by his bed because he loved him so much
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post #19 of 23
7/28/05 at 7:01am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxy_loves_CJ
bonus points if they let him in to the bathroom with them!
My boyfriend (well now ex, because he was just transferred to work in Europe and decided the distance was too hard ), used to tell Lucas "Are you in or out?" when going to the bathroom, and Lucas would decide what to do! Lucas would also wait for him on the tub edge when he was in the shower! Now was he great are what?
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post #20 of 23
7/28/05 at 7:49am
I would tell her, no biggie. I am sure she would be glad to know how well you are taking care of her/ your cat. As for the boyfriend, sounds to me like he needs to be de-...ummm "clawed" himself . My husband and I met on Match.com and the last thing I put in my profile was "love me, love my cats" I wouldn't even consider anyone who disliked any animal let alone my babies.
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post #21 of 23
7/28/05 at 8:20am
I'd tell her too, so she would know the kitty is getting the proper care. I'd also tell her to get her bf declawed.
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post #22 of 23
7/28/05 at 8:33am
Thread Starter 
I told her. She's happy that he's getting care and that he's happy. I didn't discuss cost or follow up procedures.
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post #23 of 23
7/28/05 at 8:45am
Personally, I would have gotten rid of the boyfriend, not the cat.

My man willingly scoops litter boxes and cleans up the occassional hairball and lets my kitten sleep on his head, in addition to just generally loving my babies (or, as he calls them, our fuzzy children). I wouldn't want anything less in a guy and neither should your friend!!
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