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- Mar 1, 2005
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For as far as I can remember, I have been very susceptible to depression. Usually it's triggered by some kind of stress... but then drags along. After a while, I'm not really upset about whatever stress started it all, but more upset because I am depressed. Then I get more depressed.
I have never seriously seeked help for it. When I'm depressed I don't have the energy or the courage and when I'm not depressed, I don't really want to think about it. Actually, when the depression goes away, it feels like it's gone for good.
Now, after a few months of feeling fine, it's back again. I've been feeling very stressed about moving soon and the stress caused the usual downward spiral into depression.
Problem is, since I'm moving out of town in a few weeks, I don't see any point in seeking professional help now. I can't afford a psychologist or a therapist. My only option would be a psychiatrist. There's only one in town and It would take weeks just to get an appointment. And I know depression isn't gonna be solved with one or two visits to the psychiatrist.
After I move, I will force myself to seek help, even if the depression is gone. I will be in school then so I'll have access to the shool therapists / psychologists / psychiatrists.
Right now I am just trying to get over it but it's not easy. I have very few friends and I am not close to my family. I have been trying to let one of my friend know how I feel but he's not taking the hints. And I can't seem to bring myself to just tell him directly. For some reason, I'm ashamed of how I feel.
If I suffered from some kind of physical illness, I wouldn't have any problem admiting it. But a mental illness is different... it's like having to admit that there's something wrong with ME (not just with my body). It's like it's my fault. I know that if they knew, most people would either avoid me, not take me seriously or pity me.
Rationally, I know it's not my fault and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. But my feelings are just not being very rational right now.
I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.
I have never seriously seeked help for it. When I'm depressed I don't have the energy or the courage and when I'm not depressed, I don't really want to think about it. Actually, when the depression goes away, it feels like it's gone for good.
Now, after a few months of feeling fine, it's back again. I've been feeling very stressed about moving soon and the stress caused the usual downward spiral into depression.
Problem is, since I'm moving out of town in a few weeks, I don't see any point in seeking professional help now. I can't afford a psychologist or a therapist. My only option would be a psychiatrist. There's only one in town and It would take weeks just to get an appointment. And I know depression isn't gonna be solved with one or two visits to the psychiatrist.
After I move, I will force myself to seek help, even if the depression is gone. I will be in school then so I'll have access to the shool therapists / psychologists / psychiatrists.
Right now I am just trying to get over it but it's not easy. I have very few friends and I am not close to my family. I have been trying to let one of my friend know how I feel but he's not taking the hints. And I can't seem to bring myself to just tell him directly. For some reason, I'm ashamed of how I feel.
If I suffered from some kind of physical illness, I wouldn't have any problem admiting it. But a mental illness is different... it's like having to admit that there's something wrong with ME (not just with my body). It's like it's my fault. I know that if they knew, most people would either avoid me, not take me seriously or pity me.
Rationally, I know it's not my fault and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. But my feelings are just not being very rational right now.
I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.