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i have a confession..

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
iv'e been needing to get this off my chest for a while now but have been to afraid of what other people would think, iv'e finally decided to just do it

when i was about 18 i had a fluffy black and white cat called meowy, he was given to me by a friend and i loved him so much, not long after getting meowy i moved with my boyfriend at the time to his sisters house, his sister was a bit crazy i think and one night she bashed me up badly, i had black eyes, fat lip, everything, i was a total mess and she did this to me for no apparent reason.

about a week later i went shopping and stupidly spend a little of my rent money, i called the sister and she went mental that i had spent her money, i was so frightened and decided not to go back.

the thing is, not only did i leave all my clothes and stuff there but i left meowy too

his sister loved cats she used to feed all the strays and i'm sure meowy would have been looked after by her but that isn't really the point, i should have gone back and sorted it out.

that was seven years ago and i still cry when i think about it, i also still feel bad and sick when i think about it, i often wonder if he'd still be there....

feel free to boo me off the site now

post #2 of 22
I have a confession, too.

I had taken in my neighbor's cat in March. The cat (Melody) had a dislocated hip and my neighbor abandoned her. The thing is, Melody had a dislocated hip because I was concerned about all the feral cat roundups in my area and I wanted the animal control people to know that Melody is owned by somebody. Somehow Melody got the collar caught by a branch when she was jumping from a tree. She fell down and dislocated her hip. I took her in with the intention of eventually saving enough money for her hip surgery.

After two months, it was apparent that I would never have enough money for the operation. One day, I came home with three kittens in a cardboard box. Melody immediately started freaking out and attacking my two big boys (the kittens were secluded in another room). One night I had enough and I opened the door. Melody ran out and was never seen again.

I don't think Melody would survive in the wild with a dislocated hip. I feel so horrible. I had looked everywhere for her but I could not find her.
post #3 of 22
oh, everyone has things that happend in the past. I just drowned an ant and almost cried. i swear im not making fun of you. and i know an ant may see small but i feel really bad. Its good to get things off your chest, and im sure that your cats knew that you had the best of intentions.
post #4 of 22
It's an ant, not a fireant, right???

I love ants but fireants should die!!!
post #5 of 22
Thread Starter 

i have felt bad about this for seven years, seriously, and iv'e never mentioned it because i didn't want people to think i'm horrible because i sure feel that way, i just wish so much that i could somehow find meowy and take him back

post #6 of 22
no no one will hate you for that. it is completely understandable. you were in a bad situation, and you belived that cat would be well cared for. no one will hate you.

and yes, just a lil brown ant
post #7 of 22
I doubt anyone here will tell you to leave or even that you are a bad person for leaving Meowy behind. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we might not make the best decisions but life goes on. Like you said, Meowy was probably taken good care of in your absence. To think otherwise will only add to the guilt you already feel.

Trust me, I've been in similar situations and the memories still effect me. Back in 1995 when my family and I were moving out of town I had a mother cat (TJ) and two of her kittens (Spud and Kissee; they were several months old but still relied on their mommy to provide affection and care). My dad, being the cruel bitter person that he was/is, told me by no means was I to bring these three outdoor cats with us (I had three strictly indoor cats that he tried to give me $100 if I left them behind as well..he would have had a war if he had enforced this barbaric decision on me).

I did get to keep my three indoor babies but I kept begging him to please at least let me take the outdoor cats to the local shelter (my neighborhood was being bought out by Hartsfield Airport so there would be no other homes around to take care of these kitties). Finally, after we actually LEFT the cats there at our abandoned house for a few weeks (one neighbor who had not moved yet was providing them food but she would not take them as her own) we made it back there and I was "allowed" to take the two kittens.

As for TJ, the last time I saw her was when we were driving down the road...she stood on an old water fountain in our yard and she was literally screaming at us. I did not hear her mews but I saw the distressed look on her face and even right now I break down crying over the fact that TJ most likely starved to death within a few weeks afer we were gone for good (she was already thin as a rail for not having the proper amount of food prior to our final visit).

My dad, for whatever reasons I cannot even now figure out, refused to take TJ to the shelter. My neighbor didn't want to "get involved" either. I would feel better had I known TJ were either adopted out or put to sleep. The reality of what she endured is by far so much worse than I could ever imagine, I'm sure. And I have imagined a lot. At times I feel it is my debt to her that I carry the guilt of what she went through.

I could go on and on with stories like this (to say the least, my dad did not get a Father's Day card from me this year) but you get my point. We face painful moments in life where, looking back on it, we find a hundred different ways we could have dealt with it better but the past is done and we are left to deal with the choices, the memories, as best we can.

You are no worse a person for leaving Meowy than I am for leaving TJ behind. I know if there is a Heaven, if TJ lives on elsewhere, she has got to know I loved her deeply and I never would have left her if I had any choice in the matter. Your Meowy must know the same applies to you.

We do the best we can...
post #8 of 22
Don't feel bad...I sure hope Meowy was loved by his sister. I'm sure he was, Felicia.
post #9 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thankyou wellington,

i guess i feel that i should feel bad because of what i did but it's been seven years now and it still makes me cry, i am very sensitive though so maybe that's why....i guess that's also why i can't understand people who are cruel to animals and feel no remorse because i have only ever done one thing i considered to be bad and iv'e never forgiven myself.

thanks again

post #10 of 22
What tragic situations that our cats endure. I,too, have a sad one..In 1985, I left a cat behind when I moved. 6-Toes became ours when I cut an imbedded flea collar off his neck - the neighbors had wanted to shoot him, thinking that he was vicious because he'd approach people, growling & hissing, but after the collar was cut off, he was a big,gentle lover boy. When I moved away, I was leaving my husband and was going off in what I could carry in my '77 Ford p/u; which was the 2 girls & 7 cats that I'd taken in. I had to carry the cats in the bed of the truck, in a cardboard box. 6Toes was so big, & I had only $14 left over, after I spent the gas money to return to my hometown, that I felt I should leave him with my husband (who made good money in the oilfields) and return for him when I could get on my feet. When I finally went back, 2 mos. later, 6Toes was nowhere to be found. The neighbors thought that I'd taken him so he must have tried to follow us.
Another cat that I lost was my beloved Alex, who I'd bottle-raised. He was a little bob-tail, with a feral mother who "worked" at the local feedstore. Anyway, my sister had bought a laundromat for her husband, and he went off the "deep end" so I had to go away to run the business. I took my disabled daughter & her cat Christy to live at my sister's with us, but as she already had 3 cats, I left Alex with my mom. On a visit home, Alex tried following my rental car down the street. I had to stop & drive him home; my mom refused to lock him inside the house till I was out of sight. He disappeared that day, and 5 years later, my heart still cries. Oh, why didn't I just bring him to my sister's with me??? I was worried because Alex liked to go in the yard, and my sis lived in the city, with traffic, neighbors, etc., but in the end, I guess that would have been safer. And I thought Alex would be safe at my mom's...I think that he must've tried following after me, but I was over 350 mi. away, across the Mojave Desert........I can only hope & pray someone took my little cat in..
So you see, PandyBear, some of us have made mistakes, too, and I will not judge yours (and actually, Meowy's situation was actually pretty good, compared to going with you, searching for a home & not knowing what you'd find) in the sincere hope that I will not be judged too harshly. My own heart condems me...
post #11 of 22
We've all made mistakes! I once had a rabbit that we kept in the garage and the poor guy never got any hay or veggies! Imagine how horrible his life must have been? I was young and my family didn't know a thing about rabbit care. You were only 18 years old.. you were bound to make many mistakes. At least you know Meowy was left with a woman who cared for cats, even if she was a bit nuts with humans. I know it can be hard to let go, but just remember- you were still a teenager.
post #12 of 22
Originally Posted by catsknowme
My own heart condems me...
It's interesting to see how we offer comfort to others with similar issues yet we can't seem to embrace the same logic in forgiving ourselves.
post #13 of 22
Maybe you could track the lady down and see about your cat..
post #14 of 22
I am even worse....

Like almost every child, I wanted a dog when I was little. One day my mom took me out of school to go to the doctors for shots, when surprise, surprise, she was taking me to get a puppy from a litter of eight. They were Black lab golden retriever mixes, and I was just nine years old. Chipper was a rambunctious little pup, and as I was nine years old, I really didn't know how to train him properly, besides teaching him to go outside, and to sit. So after being draged around on a leash by him for a couple of months, and after we moved to missouri, he became an outside dog. The neighbors, they had NINE puppies plus two kittens whos mother had been run over (they let the puppies and the kittens run free ???!!!!) The neighbors were nice and you guessed it, the kitties came home with me, and I probably would have taken a puppy to but they gave them all away except for one. Well, Pigger and Frisky came into our lives. At the time we had Rosco (still with us) and cuddles.(showed up at k-mart one day and my mom picked her up)

Boy we did not know what we were getting into when we got pigger and frisky. They told every stray cat within a five mile radius "FREE FOOD HERE" and so soon we were joined by Mask, Fluffy, Bozo, Screech, and Scar (who I think was their father) the little kid next door got a black kitten and named him Winky, lo and behold Pigger and Frisky brought HIM over too. So then we had three outdoor/indoor cats, and two indoor cats, plus all the strays. One day three four dogs moved into our shed, and we had no idea where they came from. We asked along our neighborhood and one person said the black one was theirs, so now we had only three dogs living in our shed. Then this afghan mix came from somewhere, and my mom was fed up with it and called the pound. We learned the next day that the three dogs lived next door to the first dog, and we were peeved because the people only wanted us to feed their dogs, and the dogs were already at the pound.

Then we were moving back to Wisconsin, and my mom told me "you can only take one cat, or the dog" I could have cried for days. She was taking Rosco, of course, that was her cat. BUt I had to choose between four cats and my dog. Pigger, Frisky, and Winky were such pals, a little trio of pest killing happiness (Frisky birds, pigger mice/moles, winky frogs/rabbits) cuddles wasnt really my cat at all, she was my moms and I knew she wanted me to pick cuddles. Chipper had become very excitable, you couldnt walk him on a leash, and he barked at other people, and even attacked the chow next door twice. So in the end I ended up picking pigger, because I knew I would need a friend. Pigger would lie next to me at night and let me put his arms around him. He wouldnt leave me until I fell asleep. Frisky and winky were more tight knit, more outside cats. We didn't leave them outside however, we took all three cats to a shelter, were most likely they were put down. Oh how I wish I could have at least kept the trio together....

Chipper got off to a happier ending, being a "breed" that is recognized by the AKC, he was given to a friend of my mothers who wished to breed him.

The saddest part is that one year after we moved back to wisconsin, my step dad and mom got a divorce( that isnt the sad part, lol.. that was the good part) but my mom and I had to live with friends because she couldnt drive and didnt have a job, she was a full time mom. She had to leave Rosco at the ex step-fathers, and pigger had to stay too. She would go visit my step sister sometimes, and I would go with, but I wouldnt go in the house and see "him" (reffering to the step-dad) and my mom would never bring pigger out. When I think of it now I think she was conditioning me to leave him, the same old "With one cat it is hard enough to find a place to live"

I still remember how he used to cuddle in my arms until I would fall asleep. I will never have a cat like him again.

He was taken to a shelter, where my mom checked on him frequently, because I told her if he was to be put to sleep, I wanted to get him back. Our shelter is mostly a no kill, unless the cat is seriously ill or very much so unadoptable. They delt with his litter issues, commented on how he was such a loving cat, and my mom told me he was adopted.

Most likely she lied to me about that. Probably Chipper too.

I hope they are all playing together over the Rainbow Bridge, and that one day I will see them again when it is my time.

Wow, I havent cried in such a long time.

I will never abandon a pet again. I even turned down a full scholarship with room and board to be a graphic designer, because I couldnt have my cats, and my mom wouldnt take care of them. I couldnt bare to be apart from them anyways.

I am such a cat lady.

If you'll excuse me, I am going to go give my cats a hug and tell them I will never let them go.
post #15 of 22
BigOrangeMenace - Wow! Sounds like you had animals coming at ya left and Sounds like my childhood. We lived in an area where people would drop off unwanted cats and dogs all the time and so our cats sort of lured all the strays to our door.

It's cruel having to choose which pets to keep when you love them all. What you did, turning down a full scholarship for your cats, that is so awesome! You really love 'em

I think I'll follow your lead and go give my cats some much needed attention after I've been at this pc for over an hour
post #16 of 22
Well.. I also wasnt sure if I wanted to go into graphic design or not. Ive been thinking for 8 years alreadyy and I still dont know what I want to do. I think I will just say screw the world and become a zookeeper. I would only need a bachleors degree in like wildlife science or something like that.

I wouldnt have been able to live with myself anyways. When I was younger I had no choice, but now I have a choice, and I'll turn down the presidency if they dont let me keep my cats in the white house... you know?

I am certain there are millions more people that gave up more than a scholarship they werent sure they wanted in the first place for animals 99% of them are on TCS.
post #17 of 22
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I accidentally killed my pet bunny when I was 13. She was a baby rabbit, and I'd only had her a few days - when I got her her feet were stained yellow from stepping in urine, so I wanted to bathe her - my mom told me not to bathe her because she was so young and she (my mom) thought it would scare her (the rabbit), but I did it anyway - well, within minutes after the bath, the poor bunny began shaking, lying on her side not moving - within a few minutes she was dead. I had no idea a bath would kill her, and I NEVER meant to hurt her in any way, but all the same, if I'd listened and not given her a bath, she would not have died. So having made that kind of mistake myself, I would never judge someone else who has made one, and I don't think other people here will judge you either - after all, you had reason to believe that Meowy would be well cared for, and you were really young - I'm sure Meowy was okay. Don't feel too bad.
post #18 of 22
Originally Posted by pandybear
Thankyou wellington,

i guess i feel that i should feel bad because of what i did but it's been seven years now and it still makes me cry, i am very sensitive though so maybe that's why....i guess that's also why i can't understand people who are cruel to animals and feel no remorse because i have only ever done one thing i considered to be bad and iv'e never forgiven myself.

thanks again

I think that people who are cruel to animals are dirty, rotten, twisted people and they should rot in their own stench. But people who are cruel to people are worse. Considering your situation, I'm glad you didn't go back.... I'm glad you didn't give her a chance to hurt you. I'd rather have you here than Meowy.
post #19 of 22
while we lived in italy they had a really bad problem of stray cats.
The first one we found in our garage he had a bent tail and we called him sheba.
The second one my dad stole from the supermarket and we named her lucky.
they were both black and you can guess it when she got pregnant all her 4 kittens were black and the boy had a bent tail too!
then we stole another cat off the street she was blind in one eye and she had only one baby.
Now i dont remember anymore but i remember one day my dad took all the black cats except for sheba and went far away and dumped them somewhere
My family was heart broken and i know my dad is cruel for doing that but in italy there are so many people who dont like cats and there arent alot of shelters it breaks my heart
He dumped them because we were moving to australia and i remember crying.
In australia my mum vowed to never get any more pets, but there was already a persian who lived in our backyard i think my dads collegue just left her there.
she was beautiful.. well she had babies, and the babies had more babies.. and then there were more strays living in our yard.
This is when i had 21 cats living in my back yard and party room.
One night someone poisoned them so we were down to 10 or 11 cats.
Then when we went to italy and came back we were down to 4 cats.
The guy down the road admitted of stealing some of my cats to give to his brothers farm as they had lots of mice ect.. so my mother said it was fine and for the best anyway.

The day we moved to germany i will never forget the look on my cats face. She knew what was going on, we gave them a really large bowl of food. she saw all the furniture move out, she watched us leave and me crying hystericly. I couldnt understand why my dad didnt want to bring her over here. My mum said it was unfair to the rest.
when we moved to germany i wasnt alloewd to get any sort of pet, i was so alone.
when i made a friend i got them to find me a pet store, and i was suprised to see that they didnt sell cats and dogs here. So i bought my self a little hamster that ran away two months later. Then i bought a rabbit and she loved me untill she met my bf, he wanted to cuddle her so he kept on chasing her and she got a bit peed off. Then a year later i was going crazy, i needed a miao in my life and i kept on asking my mum and she kept on saying no, then once i turned 18 i wanted a cat for my birthday, bf couldnt get me one and he was a bit skeptical about having pets but two months later i finally got him to give up because i was going to buy a large aquarium and he saw no point in it and took me to the pet store and got all the cat supplies, then on the saturday we had a hard time finding a cat because the shelter wouldnt give me one. I walked in the shelter crying because of those kitties so they thought i wasnt reliable ::censor::censor::censor:: so bf got a newspaper and called everyone on the list finally we came accross to teufel we drove so quickly to get him and as soon as i held him, finally my feeling was healed.

Sorry this is so long, i shed some tears thinking of my cats although its been a few years i miss them terribly.
post #20 of 22
so sorry to heard that...
post #21 of 22
Please, please forgive yourself! Life is not perfect, and sometimes we have to make hard choices. I recently took Freckles to prevent him from being in a similar situation. A woman I work with was moving in with her boyfriend, and he told her that she could only take 2 of her 3 cats. This was a horrible choice for her children. I can't believe someone would be that insensitive! Being an older cat, Freckles probably wouldn't have a high chance of being adopted from a shelter. She also got rid of her dog and is thinking of declawing the 2 cats she kept. It won't suprise me if she comes back in a few weeks looking for homes for the other cats.
post #22 of 22
When I was 16 my then boyfriend's dad offered me a cat which his own x-gf had left in his care (she had to move abroad and the gave him the cat on condition he would take care of it and give it all the love and attention it was used to. In return he got free holidays to usa ans 'favors' from his x).

The cat was locked outside always, starving, scrawny, matted fur as it was a pedigree persian and had turned feral from living on the streets.

I said no as i was terrified of it. it used to bite and claw anyone who came near it except me whose lap it used to sit on. I was to scared to even stroke it, i just used to sit there ridged with fear until it got bored and went away.

I feel so guilty now as that cat is either yet another feral or dead and feel so bad that when it turned to me for a small comfort in its miserable life i was too scared to even hug it.
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