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does the pain ever leave?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
So I went home to my parents place this weekend for the first time since Charlie died. I just couldn't face it before now and going there was just as awful as I thought it would be

It was just too weird... she wasn't in the chair where she always sat, she wasn't crying outside the bedroom to get in in the morning, there was no nose stuck in my breakfast bowl wanting my leftover milk....

I spent some time down in the garden where she is buried, just talking to her. Telling her all the things I wanted to say but didn't get the chance to. Then my dad asked me if I wanted to plant some flowers that he'd bought for her grave... he'd already done such a great job to pick a nice spot for her and tidy her grave up, but it just broke my heart to see how upset my father was. I guess I didn't get how attached he was to her.

I found lots of photos of her when she was just a tiny baby She was with us for such a long time and I know I should be grateful and focus on the good stuff but I just starting thinking about my baby not being there any longer and I start crying again. Does this pain ever really go away?

I miss you Charlie
post #2 of 26
Hon, I'm in tears just reading this post. Honestly, I don't think it ever goes away completely. There comes a time when you don't think of them every waking moment, even every day, but still, when you least expect it, something will come along to remind you of her, and the tears will come again....not as often, and not as freely, but still, that hole in your heart iwll be there. {{{{hugs}}} for you.
post #3 of 26
i don't know if i would say it goes away... it gets less painful with time. you get used to the fact he/she is no longer around. but i still tear up when i think of Mouse, who's been gone for 4 months now, and Medley, who's been gone for about 11 years. so it doesn't go away, but it does get easier to bear.
post #4 of 26
I don't think the pain ever completely goes away, but it will lessen with time and you will reach the point where you are able to focus more on your happy memories of Charlie, rather than your sense of loss. It's been six years since I lost my Willy and while I don't think of him every day anymore there are certain little things that trigger memories of him - things that make me miss him, even though I have three other cats whom I dearly love.

I wish there was something I could say that would help take away some of your pain. Just know that I share it and am thinking of you and Charlie. Both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
post #5 of 26
yes, the pain lessens after time, but like the others told you, there will be reminders of gaps that can't be filled by anyone but Charlie. What a special kitty she was! I was touched that even your dad misses her and bought flowers for her gravesite. After awhile, the good memories will bring smiles without tears, and I hope & pray that you and your family will find another cat - there are so many out there who desperately deserve & need a wonderful home such as yours. Your heart will let it know when it's ready. Just remember to grieve as much as you need to now and remember that we at TCS are always here for you! Susan
post #6 of 26
I´m sorry Alexa...
post #7 of 26
I'm not sure the pain does ever really go away if you truly love them. I still practically burst into tears whenever I look at my Glory and Tiger's graves. When Glory died I was in a state of shock. When Tiger passed I burried a long lock of my hair with her. To me it's like part of me will always be with her. I just wish I'd thought of that for Glory. Glory's picture still sits beside my bed and I miss her still even though 4 kitties have come into my life since her. I love them all. When Tiger died I had just gotten married and moved out of my parents house. Sometimes I still go in and think I see them. It still does hurt, but I guess I've just gotten used to visiting them in the garden instead of finding them on my bed. I'm so sorry for your loss. Feel free to send me a private message if you need someone to listen.
post #8 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for your kind words.

Today was a better day and I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better still.

Thanks again for listening
post #9 of 26
I agree that the pain does diminish but go away I don't know. Reminders of the cat always brings up memories for me and then I get sad.
post #10 of 26
Hi...I can feel your loss as I had to put my most precious baby to sleep last Thursday..I was hardly able to function the last few weeks since my Dillon got sick. But with the support of my boyfriend and parents (and this site!), I got through it. Your memories are special, treasure them and remember that one day, we will be re-united with our fur babies on the Rainbow Bridge. I cry everyday as I miss that precious face, but I made one of the walls in my house a "shrine" to Dillon. I have all of his photos, especially his closeups, framed and there to greet me everyday as I come into the house. His spirit will always live on and I am so grateful I was able to share 14 amazing years with him. Hugs to you and Charlie......
post #11 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexa
So I went home to my parents place this weekend for the first time since Charlie died. I just couldn't face it before now and going there was just as awful as I thought it would be

It was just too weird... she wasn't in the chair where she always sat, she wasn't crying outside the bedroom to get in in the morning, there was no nose stuck in my breakfast bowl wanting my leftover milk....

I spent some time down in the garden where she is buried, just talking to her. Telling her all the things I wanted to say but didn't get the chance to. Then my dad asked me if I wanted to plant some flowers that he'd bought for her grave... he'd already done such a great job to pick a nice spot for her and tidy her grave up, but it just broke my heart to see how upset my father was. I guess I didn't get how attached he was to her.

I found lots of photos of her when she was just a tiny baby She was with us for such a long time and I know I should be grateful and focus on the good stuff but I just starting thinking about my baby not being there any longer and I start crying again. Does this pain ever really go away?

I miss you Charlie
I hope the pain does! I take anti depressents and they help BUT I have realized they only cover over the pain, like a bandaid. I don't want a bandaid on my pain I want a freind or counsler to talk to so I can face it and come to terms with it.

With my Schatzi I keep seeing places he would have loved to go and feel so guilty for not discovering them when he was with me.

My 3 cats I have now like me and OWN me but my Beloved Minnie REALLY loved me and I miss that so much.

With Corkie I just miss everything about her. I STILL have the urge to go to her and check on her and pet and kiss her and then I realize she is gone.

At least it is good to know you feel that way too and that I am not crazy!

That saying "life's a bitch and then we die" ------- I add to it "and some toooooo soon!" I miss my babies too - dreadfully!
post #12 of 26
I am very sorry for your loss. It is good that you have pictures and fond memories of Charlie, he was a beautiful cat. You will always have a space in your heart that is only his and will always feel the loss, but it will lessen. Remember the good times until you meet again at the bridge.
post #13 of 26
The pain will never totally go away, but it softens in time. In time you will be able to remember the good and precious memorys of her without crying but that will take a while. And since you loved her so much you will always remember the love you shared and miss it. Someday you will be reunited again. Hugs.
post #14 of 26
Sometimes it takes a long time and it's different for everyone. It never really goes away as the others mentioned, but someday the pain will lessen.
post #15 of 26
No, the pain never leaves. I once had grief explained to me in a way that made it easier to understand. I shared it in one of my first posts to this site. Here's the link: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37409. I hope it helps.
post #16 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma's Friend
No, the pain never leaves. I once had grief explained to me in a way that made it easier to understand. I shared it in one of my first posts to this site. Here's the link: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37409. I hope it helps.
Thanks for that.... it seems to make a lot of sense to me. Thank you for thinking of it Emma's Friend - I truly appreciate it


Alex
post #17 of 26
Our family had to put our German Shepherd BeBe down in 2000. It was the worst feeling. She was either 11 or 12 (nice thing about little dogs and cats is they live longer) and had developed nasal cancer. My mother smoked around her all the time, so no surprise there. But the feeling sucked. I couldn't think about having another animal until last summer (04) when I adopted Pumpkin, a domestic shorthair. He's fantastic. And he's helped me deal with my fathers death two years ago. Now that pain was and is awful.
The pain doesn't go away, but it lessens and you will adjust. It sounds like your companion cat provided your family with some beautiful memories. Hang onto those, and don't be afraid to cry, thats how the pain leaves.
It gets better, but it takes time.
post #18 of 26
"Does this pain ever really go away?" From my experience, almost 18 months down the track after losing my beloved Sheba Pussikins Beethoven, I'd have to say the pain takes a long time to go away. I still have major "sads" because my girl is now longer with me. I still miss seeing her sitting in the window, mouthing off at me for being late home from the office!

Maggie in Western Australia
post #19 of 26
No, the pain never goes away. A friend told me it is like the tides. The waves of sadness come, but they get to where they do not come as often. In time, another cat will help you, and you will love it, but you will always remember your angel.
post #20 of 26
Condolences on your loss. You lost both a beloved friend and a piece of your childhood. It will get easier as you continue to visit. I love the idea of planting flowers for Charlie.
post #21 of 26
I lost my cat in November, and it still really hurts sometimes. The pain does ease, but never goes away. As time passes, it is easier to think of the happy memories instead of the sad. My thoughts are with you.
post #22 of 26
I've lost one of my neighbors cat's that i used to look after... he was deaf and it goes away just think happy
post #23 of 26
"Does the pain ever really go away?" Yes, in time it does. I have had many pets/felines during the course of my life and although I loved them all dearly, some had that "special spark" to them. I feel for your loss of Charlie...he must have been very special to you. I still think of those very special fuzzy friends I had. Over time, rather than a shed a tear in thought, I can now smile and think of the good stuff. Time is an amazing healer...my thoughts & prayers are with you sending you healing & strength.
post #24 of 26
I think the pain of your loss will not go away, but it WILL lessen. The tears surely won't go away. My little shrine to Mr. Kickers, my mini-lop bunny who went to the Bridge in 2001, is in my bedroom next to my bed. I miss him, I look at his pictures & remember his sweetness. I still get choked up & teary when I remember the last moments of his life, and especially when I remember the funny moments.

People handle grief differently... for some it is very profound. Others move on easier. I'm with you, I didn't move on very easily and 4 yrs later, I still feel the loss and think about my bunnyboy so much.

It's so hard to let go of the little furballs... all that love they give, unconditionally. It's so easy to miss them & easy to love them, and so hard to lose them.

I feel for ya... (((HUGS)))
post #25 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
I feel for ya... (((HUGS)))
Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss of Mr Kickers Sometimes it's just too hard....

It's 3 months to the day since Charley died and while I cry less about it, I still miss her terribly and know that I will for a long, long time.

Hope you're at peace Charley
post #26 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexa
Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss of Mr Kickers Sometimes it's just too hard....

It's 3 months to the day since Charley died and while I cry less about it, I still miss her terribly and know that I will for a long, long time.

Hope you're at peace Charley

oh she is. She really is, And Alexa, whether you really feel it or not, Charley is watching over you. Sometimes I get so deep into my memories of SiSi (Sasha's mama and my best friend for 11 years) that I swear I smell her and see her everywhere. I confided this to a very spiritual Indian friend I have and he nodded his head....he said, "well, then she was calling you." I get great comfort from the times when it hits me....and it was two years May 18. I have her photos everywhere in the house. For a long time I was too depressed to think of anything but the pain. When I truly had faith that she was at peace and ok, I welcomed her "presence" all around me and now draw great comfort from it. Like you, I was devastated, so much so I could barely function. Now, it is better.
Love,
Elizabeth (SiSi, never forgotten, and Freddie FeLV kitten, RIP 11/9/03 )
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