Was I too harsh?

Opinions/advice and some vibes would be very appreciated!
First, a little background:
*I moved to my 1BR apt. in Feb.
*Bradley moved into his parents' home in Dec. to save some money while he looked for his post-college job. Now he has a great job captaining a charter fishing boat.
*Since I moved to my apt. Bradley has spent all but a few nights with me.
OK, so yesterday he mentioned how he's been giving his parents $100 every 2 weeks to pay for utilities. I was like ::censor::censor::censor:: He stays with ME every spare moment he has, he should care more about my utilities!
So I got to my limit last night and told him how confusing it is for me to have him "living" at his parents' house, giving them money, but in reality spending every night with me. I mean, I can afford my bills, but he is contributing to the power useage!
So I told him he needs to make a decision. He said "OK, I'll stay at my parents' from now on." Not the reaction I wanted. I know he can AFFORD to move in and pay half the rent, but he said he doesn't want to move in and disturb MY life. This is the guy who already has some clothsI told him it sounds like he is just making excuses so he can avoid the committment.
I am so upset and confused right now. Was I wrong for saying something? I just feel like he's taking advantage of me and avoiding the committment of living together (we're going on 2 years of dating).
What do y'all think? I hate being at work today; all I want to do is cry .

Awwww Amy! I know when Graham in our office was only 23 he still lived with his parents, and no matter how serious he got with any of his girlfriends he wouldn't commit because he openly said he knew where he was better off, and that was at home, because he loved the designer clothes, going out with his friends, having his mum do all his washing, ironing and cooking etc...

He has grew up though over the last 3 years because he has now bought a house with someone and their getting married next year.

How old is Bradley?.

If he's staying with you more than what he is with his parents i think it's only fair that he does contribute, or is it the commitment part that you want?!.

Aw, I'd feel used too.

Originally Posted by rosiemac

Awwww Amy!

I know when Graham in our office was only 23 he still lived with his parents, and no matter how serious he got with any of his girlfriends he wouldn't commit because he openly said he knew where he was better off, and that was at home, because he loved the designer clothes, going out with his friends, having his mum do all his washing, ironing and cooking etc...

He has grew up though over the last 3 years because he has now bought a house with someone and their getting married next year.

How old is Bradley?.

If he's staying with you more than what he is with his parents i think it's only fair that he does contribute, or is it the commitment part that you want?!.

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Thanks Susan
Bradley is *ahem* 26. It took him a while to finish college b/c he couldn't finish a few semesters on time due to his diabetes. But I am tired of him using THAT as an excuse for almost everything! He doesn't buy designer clothes or hang out really with anyone but me, so I honestly don't know what the deal is.
I wouldn't mind him contributing to the bills, but not if he's not living with me. I just want that commitment! I mean, he's talked about us marrying one day and neither one of us are against cohabitation, so I don't know WHAT his deal is!

Originally Posted by mrsd

Aw, I'd feel used too.

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Well, I'm glad to know I'm not overreacting to the feeling taken advantage of thing....

Awwww, Amy, hon... I have to agree with you, I'd feel used too. I really don't have any advice for you, but I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, and if you want to chat in realtime I have MSN and Yahoo chat, and if I'm online and able to chat they're on. {{{{HUGS}}}} for you darlin', 'cause I know its a rough time!

Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

Awwww, Amy, hon... I have to agree with you, I'd feel used too. I really don't have any advice for you, but I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, and if you want to chat in realtime I have MSN and Yahoo chat, and if I'm online and able to chat they're on. {{{{HUGS}}}} for you darlin', 'cause I know its a rough time!

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Thank you so much Cindy, I really appreciate your kindness That's what I call Southern hospitality!

Amy, I would be confused too! It seems like an odd situation! Couldn't you talk to him about it and explain how you feel? It might help and you may be able to explain your concerns and clear the air.

I hope things work out!

Ever heard the old expression - Why buy a cow if you can get your milk free?

Thank you Sarah
Yes, I am so confused! We have talked about living together a few times and he always said he doesn't want to intrude on my life (which is a LAME excuse when I am the one bringing up the topic!), so something else is going on. That's what worries me. If he can spend each and every night at my apt., why can't he quit being a weenie, take the plunge, and move in?

Originally Posted by Yosemite

Ever heard the old expression - Why buy a cow if you can get your milk free?

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That's exactly why I brought up this conversation last night. My mom says that all of the time!

Originally Posted by ugaimes

Thank you Sarah

Yes, I am so confused! We have talked about living together a few times and he always said he doesn't want to intrude on my life (which is a LAME excuse when I am the one bringing up the topic!), so something else is going on. That's what worries me. If he can spend each and every night at my apt., why can't he quit being a weenie, take the plunge, and move in?

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It does sound pretty unusual that he doesn't want to intrude on your life! You are a couple, for one, so you share your life and secondly I agree with you - why would you broach the subject of cohabiting if you weren't wanting to?! Do you think that he might be scared of the commitment of moving in with you? Do he ever bring up the subject?

Will Bradley still be spending his evenings with you? Maybe you could suggest that he moves in slowly - adding bits and pieces here and there, maybe go shopping for things for your place together? Worth a try, maybe?! Or just get him a LazyBoy, he'll never leave then!

I'm sorry, Amy, how upsetting. Not at all the reaction you were hoping for. Oh, you must be so upset today. I agree you should definitely talk this out. Where is your relationship heading? I would be very upset that he wants to spend all of this time with me, yet is afraid of making a commitment.

Originally Posted by Sar

Or just get him a LazyBoy, he'll never leave then!

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Too funny! And I actually do have a LazyBoy, but he prefers the couch.
I thought he sort of WAS moving in gradually.... a toothbrush one week...deodorant the next....more and more clothes in the drawers on HIS side of the bed (yes, one of my bedside tables is already devoted to his stuff)... so I am guessing it is the idea of the commitment. But that scares me.... if he is so afraid of this after dating almost 2 years....where on earth could this be going? I'm 25, I have a great job that supports me, I'm ready to do more in life....and he's not. This is NOT good

Originally Posted by dawnofsierra

I'm sorry, Amy, how upsetting. Not at all the reaction you were hoping for.

Oh, you must be so upset today. I agree you should definitely talk this out. Where is your relationship heading? I would be very upset that he wants to spend all of this time with me, yet is afraid of making a commitment.

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Thank you for the kind words Stephanie The bad part about talking all this out (which I definitely want to do)....he is in sea school (for his captain's license) all week....from 6-10:30pm (after working from 8-5), so I literally will not have any time to spend with him until either late Friday night (not a good time to talk about relationship issues) or early Sat. evening. So I have all week to stew and worry, which is not a good thing to do for a long period of time before having an important discussion!

You're right Amy. It's so difficult when you have something so important like this just brewing on your mind all week. It seems like it's just all you can think about.

Originally Posted by dawnofsierra

You're right Amy. It's so difficult when you have something so important like this just brewing on your mind all week. It seems like it's just all you can think about.

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Trust me....it is. I'm supposed to be working on an upcoming presentation to garrison command and this is all I can think about!
I can just imagine what the presentation will sound like...
"Domestic violence in the military cannot be tolerated....just like Bradley jerking me around!" Not the best way to tell people about my program

Hey Amy, I watched two of my sisters go through pretty much the same thing. You're not out of line here. My middle sister dated the same guy for four years and the same kind of thing went on. He was gradually spending more and more time in her apartment, practically living there and she was ready with her life while he wasn't. He would otherwise live with his parents. Jay would never commit to Sheena. He wasn't a bad guy, but he wouldn't do it. Finally Sheena broke up with him. That was a few years ago.

My youngest sister Tamara is turning 26 in May. She broke up with a boyfriend she dated for about four years. (I think that was 6 months ago) She was also waiting for him to make a big commitment. (both sisters wanted marriage out of these relationships) Nuno would never do it. He wasn't a bad guy. I have not doubt that Bradley isn't bad either. He's just not ready.

Both of my sister's boyfriends had these nice, gradual, flexible and generous chances of getting used to the idea of living with someone over a long period of time, (both of them lived with their parents) but the old saying still rings true about the cow and the milk.

Thank you so much Ryan and Katherine
Ryan, the stories of your two sisters ring all too true. What freaked me out is that those relationships are over; I love Bradley far too much and he honestly is the best guy I have EVER dated- I definitely do not want things to end.
Katherine, thank you for the great advice I'm sorry you've been through times like this with Branden; at least you two seem rock-solid now! I am going to follow your advice and write down and think about all the things I want to discuss with him. Like most women, I have a tendency to get FAR too over-emotional when having relationship talks. I tend to cry so hard that I have to calm down a bit just so he can understand what I'm saying! But since I have 5 days to work on it, I should have a pretty good "script" prepared with all of the things I want to tell him. I hope it works.
Like I said, he really is a wonderful guy and I know for a FACT he would never do anything on purpose to hurt me, so hopefully something positive will come out of all of this....
Thanks again y'all for being here for me . It means the world to me!