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A family dilemma...long

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Ok..lets see if I can give enough background to not make this confusing, but be able to let you know the issue.
My sister has been dating this guy for three years this year. Shes 18, about to be 19, and hes 20. They had kinda known eachother, and they start dating. I have pretty good perceptions of people and when I first met him, my first thought was he is so not her type, and looked very dishonest. But, I didnt want to judge. So, I shook off my feelings of distrust and moved along. I was still living at home at the time, and working full time and going to school part time. She starts this drama about how awful his parents treat him (and this started after my dad won his court case and got money) and how he should be able to stay at the house. My parents said no on numerous occassions. Then, I dont even remember how, he ends up staying there. Slowly but surely he starts leaving things there: clothes, a stereo, a tv, all sorts of things. He is rude, has no respect, and really is ignorant. He is angry at everyone all the time and he tries to prove that hes a know it all.
I cant stand him.
Sunday night, after we left all of the family get togethers and dinners, my husband and I went over to my parents house. Well, my father had gone to his sisters house and taken the momma cat and four kittens that are only 1½ weeks old so that the momma could go to the vet for her eyes, which were glued shut by puss. My aunt couldnt afford to take care of them, and she was a pregnant stray my grandmother took in before she died in January. So, my parents knew I was bringing my dog Bjourne, because I always do. I am walking up the steps and my husband was getting him out of the seatbelt harness and my sisters boyfriend (who now lives there ) blocks the door and demands to know if I brought the dog. I was like "Yeah, I brought the dog" And hes like, well, he cant come in here, because the momma cat is in here, and shes afraid. I told him I was not leaving Bjourne outside and he very angrily jerked away from the door and let me pass. So, I went into the den where the momma cat was and coaxed her out of the carrier and into the box my Dad made up for her to lay in with her kittens. In the meantime, Bjourne wanted in the den, and my sisters boyfriend in blocking the door, AND ELBOWED MY DOG IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY. Well, I wasnt quite paying attention until I heard Bjourne whimper. Bjourne has been around kittens, I have 3 new ones at home. He thinks hes an 80 pound cat, for goodness sakes.
So, I say "What are you doing to my dog??" And he tells me hes not letting him in. Now, my father has told him numerous times that this cat has been around dogs. My aunt has a pitbull mix, and the cats and kittens had been around them. He lets Bjourne in the room, while saying "Well, when precious had her kittens, bowzer got in her face, and it ended with his face torn open and he had to get 30 some stitches...dont blame me when Bjourne gets his face ripped off....blah, blah, blah," I had had it. I said "LOOK!!!!!!! Bjourne is not your stupid Bowzer. And this cat is not your precious. This is a totally different situation and a totally different environment. And if you elbow my dog one more time, I will break your arm." Well, he stormed out then. So, he comes back and sees Bjourne walk up to the box where just the kittens were, sniff them, look at my Dad kinda inquisitvely, and then look inside the cat carrier, and gave me a very sad look, and then laid his head on my lap, and stayed there. Here comes the know it all back into the room. And he starts again. My dad tells him for the upteenth time she had been around dogs before. He goes "Oh, that changes everything...had I known that..." How many times does he have to tell you? "I was just saying what happened to Bowzer.." I tell him again Bjourne is not Bowzer!!! And I said some not so pretty adjectives along with it.
Well, last night, he wants to act like nothing happened. I am sorry, but I let go of him getting in my face and screaming at me, I let go of him basically calling my mother a liar, I let go of him trying to get my sister to move out, and so forth. But I really dont want to let this one go. He elbowed my dog.
Am wrong??? He has never apologized to me for anything. I dont want to apologize because I am not sorry. I am just sorry my sister cant see what a loser he really is, and see that she deserves better.
I dont know. What do you do when you just dont like somebody, and you just dont want to try anymore??
post #2 of 7
What a total jackass! Who does he think he is! Too bad you didn't break his arm, or at least elbow him in his stupid face. Your parents should toss hm out on his butt.
I am sorry you are having this problem. I wonder why it is that perfectly nice young women put up with such pigs. I hope she comes to her senses soon and finds someone nice.
post #3 of 7
IMHO, the reason it finally reached the breaking point is that he is picking on someone who can't speak up for himself...your dog. Your sister can talk back. Your mom can stand up for herself. Bjourne can't.

I learned that the best way to get your sister to drop him, is to let her see for herself what a jerk he is If Mom didn't like our boyfriends, she was very polite to them. She didn't talk down to them, she didn't tell us about them.
She just wasn't friendly toward them. We soon learned her signals
post #4 of 7
Unfortunately, if your sister likes him, you'll have to put up with him. Doesn't mean you can't stand up for your animals or yourself. Doesn't mean that you can't voice your opinions. But if he's in the family, he's in. And you're stuck with him until your sister gets through--that is, if you want to be a part of your sister's life.

From what you've posted, he sounds rude.. Maybe she saw that part of him through this incident? If not, all you can do is be as civil as possible and go on. You'd want your family to treat your husband with civility too, and it would hurt you if they didn't. But you don't have to be best friends.
post #5 of 7
Wow, Diane, that is just crappy. I am sorry your family is in the situation it is in. I guess, just be as civil as possible, if it's not meant to be, and I sure hope it's not, then your sister will come to her senses, unfortunately, it will prob be after he has done something horrible and broken her heart. It seems to happen that way.
post #6 of 7
Talk to your parents and see if they will get rid of his "mooching a$$". Sounds like they don't really want him there either. If they think by kicking him out your sister will go too, let it be. Maybe if she's out on her own with the jerk her eyes will open quicker.

In the mean time ignore anything he does and when he questions you be blunt!
post #7 of 7
Thread Starter 
Good morning, ya'll! I just had this whole reply typed, and I lost it when I tried to post it.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Anyways, moving along..........
When Sundays incident occured, my sister was in the room, and a witness to it. She kept giving him shut up looks, but he wouldnt. And I feel bad for her, because she is constantly playing mediator, but not because of us. Because of HIM.
She and I have a good relationship and she knows how I feel about him. She knows that I hate the way he treats her, the way he talks to her. If he does something wrong, he blames her "Well, its your fault I bounced $400 worth of stuff because if you had stopped nagging me about debting my checkbook, I would have done it. If you had just shut up..." Things like that. And its constant. Even her friends tell her he treats her like crap. I guess maybe she feels bad for him, because he burned his bridges with his family (a good example is that last year, his sister had her second child, and he refused to go see them before they moved to north carolina) and he has nowhere else to go. Personally, thats not our problem, and I told her that his comments like "your not a daughter, your a slave" because my parents expect her to help out around the house should alert her that he has issues with authority. If he doesnt respect my parents house, what makes her think that he would respect their own apartment or home??? He does pay my parents rent every month, but for awhile there, he refused to pay it until my mother came and asked for it. I am like, you know when its due, and a landlord at an apartment complex isnt going to ask for rent. You'll come home to no place to live! Hes in trouble for writing bad checks because he doesnt balance his checkbook properly, and he goes off of what is online in the bank. So, he couldnt get credit anywhere, and I told my sister her name would have to be on everything. He does nothing to help out. My husband has to go over and clean out the gutters, and help with yard work, and so forth.
I am just sorry he ever met my sister. I think he the most mean spirited person I have ever met. I hope my sister gets away from him (she probably wont, she works at the same place he does now...now he has all control) before he really does hurt her emotionally.
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