Where do we go from here? (very long)

It won't matter if you don't reply, I just need to get this out...

I have been very nervous to post this... I think by doing so I am making this real to myself... I don't think I have yet...

I really apologize to the people I should have told, but please understand, it really is all or nothing right now. My family and friends don't know yet either. That comes tomorrow.

As well to those of you whom I have been getting PMs/emails from, wondering where I have been... This is the main reason I have been away.

While I have been putting on a brave face in RL it is really hard to do that here, ironic isn't it? I am a faceless person on the computer and I can't pretend with all of you~

My engagement is over. There it is, simply put.

Brandon and I are still very much together and in love for now , but we are no longer getting married. At least at this point. I have cried so many tears and thought they were done, and now here I am crying again.

A bit of background~

We have been together for almost 6 years now, both of us in high school when we first started dating. I was 15 (LOL) he was 18. During the first year we broke up for about 6 months but since then have been together forever or so my dream went.

Lately, well, for a while now, we have been fighting constantly. Over stupid meaningless things and now it is just too much. We never see eye to eye anymore, and the little things that used to make us happy just aren't working anymore.

I see that we are growing up and obviously in different directions. I hate it!!!
I HATE IT!!!
I want what we were back! I want to be 16 again! LOL and to think that short time ago all I wanted was to be in my 20s.
Well being in your 20s can really suck (sorry for the lack of a better term) BUT THIS SUCKS!

The other night, I am not going to get into the details because I think that should stay private, after a few hours of talking, crying, and more honesty than I would have liked, our relationship has been downgraded. We are going to take it easy and see where things go, but we both realize that this might be it.

Brandon is THE love of my life, please don't ask how I know this, I just do.
I want him only. I don't want "us" to be over.
I know I can live without him, I don't want to. I want to be with him forever, have kids someday, he would make the best daddy, and just live our life.

If I am not around much, just for a while longer, please understand that TCS is a wonderful part of my life, but I have, NEED, to work this out~

I am heartbroken and we are still together. I can't imagine what it will be like if we move on from each other.


Well, if you made it this far, thank you for listening.
I have to work up the courage to tell everyone else tomorrow and I know it will be 10 times worse since I will see their faces and I know they all had such high hopes for us.

My heart is exhausted. But my mind is racing. There can't be that many more tears can there?

Ashley, I am an optimist and you said so yourself, there is still love between you two. It may be a cliche but it is very true. LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!! and TIME HEALS and sets things straight. So no more tears okay?

Ashley hon *hugs*... I am very sorry about this*hugs*. You and he are still friends right? Cherish every moment with him and maybe in the future things will be right again. I am here if you need a shoulder or someone to talk or vent to... I will be all ears and no more tears sweetie that's no good for You.

Oh Ashley! I gave up 18 years of marriage to be with another man who gave me the attention that i missed.

But once we started living together we were sliding into the routine that i was when i lived with my husband.

I don't know how many times i wished we were like we were in the beginning when all the excitement of seeing each other was there, but i know in reality life just isn't always like that, especially when you live with someone.

You have to focus on yourself otherwise this could drag you down and make you ill.

You know where we are though if you need to talk

Oh, Ashley, my dear, sweet friend. I am so very sorry you're going through this. You and Brandon have made a very difficult, though very wise decision to step back and reevaluate your relationship. If the two of you are truly meant to spend the rest of your lives together, you will learn that with time, but if your lives are meant to take separate paths, this is the very best time to know. I realize this is so devastating for you, as you are so much in love, and he is such an enormous part of your life and has been all of your adult life. When you explain this to your family and friends, please remember this is your life, not theirs, and their high hopes are not what is important here. What is important is your happiness. Anyone who truly loves you will understand this, too.
As always, Ashley, I am right here for you any time at all. Sierra and I send extra love and sweet snuggles to you tonight. Go cuddle up with precious Baker, Cola, and Tango so they can tell their Mommy how much they love her!

I meant to say just what Stephanie said about the kitts!, because if it wasn't for Rosie being there i wouldn't have got through my breakup

I am so sorry to hear this, but it is better to know sooner rather than later, and there is still hope for you both. My brother met his wife when he was 16 and she was 14 and they dated through school and part of college. Then they broke up for a couple of years and we all thought that was it. But they stayed friends, and eventually got back together and this year will be their 37th anniversary! Sometimes, when you meet so young, you need to test your 'adulthood' by being independent for a while, and then if you are meant to be together, it will happen later. I wish you the best of luck, and strength to get through this difficult time.

Asley, I understand how difficult it can be. It is often so hard when taking a step back and wondering whet is next. Ensure that you keep communication open, how ever difficult it may be, to make sure that everything you want to say is heard. You are very important and Brandon knows this, he will listen to you!

Sending positive }}}VIBES{{{ and tonnes of strength your way through this difficult time!

Everyone is here for you, always!

ashley Iam so sorry to hear about your breakup .at 20 things can be so hard .it is a time of finding your self. I hope that you can get back with your fiance but if it doesnt happen. Take a step back, tell your self that you deserve to be happy and fill your life with things that take up your time and make you feel that things will be alright. Iam sure that most of us here could tell you about our own painful breakup from when we were younger our even not so young, but this is probably not what you need . good wishes from us all here.

I will properly thank each of you tomorrow, right now I am drained in every way and need to sleep.

I can only say now, that while I thought nothing could make me feel even a bit better, I somehow knew that talking to you would help.

Brandon is asleep and just like always I am going to kiss his forehead and tell him I love him, and be forever grateful to you Yayi, Sandra, Susan, Steph, Jenny, Sarah, and Misty's Mum for reasurring me that there may be hope when I feel none.

You are all in my debt and I hope in some way I can repay you one day when you need me.

I love Brandon more than I knew I could, and I know he feels the same, it really seems that there is a time for everything, it is hard when it seems to not be the right time....

Please think of us, I know I could really use that now...

Brandon and I will talk tomorrow more, please wish the best, I will post back when I can~

A problem shared Ash is a problem halved!

Ash my darling sweet friend - I am so very sorry to read this post this evening....

at this time I have nothing I can say, but I sit here with you and have tears in my eyes....

chris & I broke up for 18 months many many years ago - and look at us now - proof that it can work out no matter what - its something that we may not want to face but its so much better to face it early when it can still be worked out - chin up my friend

I am here for you ALWAYS and WHENEVER you need - I know you know that.

ashley, wow my jaw just dropped when i read it!
Its okay hunz that you havent replied to me,
You know when to find me when you need to talk,
I could tell you about my bf and i, we broke up several times in the first 6 months because of other people.

Ashley,

I cannot give you any more support and advice than you've already been given. My heart aches for you because it's so tough to go through this. You are young. You should take the time to step back a little now. Anything that is meant to be "forever" is worth the extra time.

Originally Posted by captiva

Ashley,

I cannot give you any more support and advice than you've already been given. My heart aches for you because it's so tough to go through this. You are young. You should take the time to step back a little now. Anything that is meant to be "forever" is worth the extra time.

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I couldn't have said it better, Ash. My heart is with you, as you try to discover next steps

Originally Posted by captiva

Ashley,

I cannot give you any more support and advice than you've already been given. My heart aches for you because it's so tough to go through this. You are young. You should take the time to step back a little now. Anything that is meant to be "forever" is worth the extra time.

Click to expand...

Well said!

Ashley, I don't have anything more to add to what Chris and everyone else has said here, only that I'm so sorry to hear that your heart is in pain. My thoughts are with you as you go through this.

Oh Ashley, I'm so sorry. You've gotten some great advice here so I don't have that much left to offer. But I do want to say that being engaged is hard... I've only been engaged for about a month and I've already learned that. Fighting is to be expected - it's a very stressful period and I know my fiance and I have spent a bit more time arguing now that when we were simply dating. So you're not alone.

As for the rest... if you know that you want to be with Brandon, and only him... if you know then have faith and tell him these things. But maybe this is an opportunity for you to step back and make sure. And when you realize that you've been right - then fantastic, if things get better for the both of you just imagine how much closer you'll be. And if things aren't meant to be, then I'm sure there's someone even more fabulous waiting for you.

If you need anything, I'm just a PM or instant message away.

sweet, sweet Ashley, I am deeply sorry to hear of this. I know firsthand what an amazing, generous, insightful person you are. You are also astute and mature....and this serves you very well in times of great need. Sometimes a partnershp can go through some pretty tough and turbulent waters, and maybe it's those same waters that create the "whole you" that is healthier in the end. Eric and I certainly don't have the mileage you guys do.....but we had a severe split about a year ago that lasted a couple of days and we had already signed for our house and were living together with a lot of joint accounts and all that.....he needed some space. He even spent an evening at dinner with another girl...but he needed some perspective. And I needed him away from my life for a bit so I could think, too. We talked it out, however uncomfortable it was. Engagements put an awful lot of pressure on young people; the expectations are so high! Don't you wish you could have a crystal ball? I do all the time. Brandon is so very lucky to have you and maybe this is a very tough phase, maybe it does mean that you're both going to pursue your own paths, but there is one thing I know: that to stay together you must see with four eyes, not just two.

Regardless of what happens, and <OW> it just hurts so damn much sometimes, don't lose sight of your inner ear, the one that hears your own heart. We are all here for you. Maybe in just a weeks' time it will become clearer --and better--.
Namaste,
Elizabeth

Reading your story, my heart went out to you. I also know what it is like to be insanely in love...with your first love. Like some of the other members on here, I too am an optimist. I bet that this will all work itself out. Maybe not now, but someday, when it is right. I say all of this from experience.... meaning, I have been exactly where you are right now. I met my love when I was 17, we were off & on for a while, and when I was 20, I got pregnant with our son, Cameron. We had a HUGE falling out, I got married to someone else!!!, and he moved to Arizona, and later to Las Vegas, where he is now. About 1 1/2 years ago, we got back in touch, and have been becoming better friends and co-parents each day. The best part? I fell completely back in love with him again (even though my love for him was always there, they had just taken a back seat for a while.) And now.. after 10 years.. I finally feel like we are heading in the right direction. While we are in different states, we see each other every couple of months, and are taking things day by day. We are even talking about being together & being a family. He is THE love of my life (other than my boys, but you know what I mean).

It may seem like the world is ending, and all hope is gone, ash, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Also... you say you are still together... Maybe the pressure of the upcomming wedding was stressing you both out? Maybe it IS best to take a step back from the marriage idea and just concentrate on making things right between the both of you. Good Luck sweetie. Keep us posted on everything. We are all here for you!!

If you would like, you may PM me & we can talk some more.