UGH! Unbearable co-worker! Need some brainy help!

You know at least she isn't undermining your work directly, that is the worst. But still this is very hard I know.

I would talk to others about the spraying, I believe you have legal rights to not have things that make you sick in a room when you work. I agree with the CD ideas too, or if you can use head phones.

Oh E- I am sorry but I had to laugh at your description! You poor woman! Is there anyway you can assign her something to do in her day that takes her out of your immediate area and still makes her feel like she is valuable somewhat? Running errands, going to get lunch, fetch coffee? Anything?

Like you, I need total quiet to get my work done. I think if she were nearby, and she was incessantly talking in a shrill voice, I would take out my latest book from my purse Frankenstein by Dean Koontz and start reading out loud, louder than she is talking for about 5 minutes to make a point!

How about sending her some caramel candies anonomously? While she is chewing on tough caramels, she can't talk much can she? Can you bribe her to be quiet for 3 hours?

Really though, I do feel sorry for her. She probably feels so outclassed by all the young talent near her, and she is for sure realizing that her best working days are behind her. My bet is she feels threatened and is nervous and is therefore acting out in such a way that is so distracting to you

Originally Posted by hissy

......Really though, I do feel sorry for her. She probably feels so outclassed by all the young talent near her, and she is for sure realizing that her best working days are behind her. My bet is she feels threatened and is nervous and is therefore acting out in such a way that is so distracting to you....

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Good point, that's why for a year I have put up with it. But it's not at me directly, it's just how she's wired. I wish she was under my delegation but I really can't assign her tasks at all. Like Marge said, I am lucky that it's not personally directed at me but that almost makes it harder, all that internal clucking and wiring she has! At least if it was directed at me, I could say, "hey Mildred, let's take this outside!" And she keeps a big bowl of candy + tons of beanie babies on top of her desk at all times. Believe me, she's not so much outclassed or out-aged, most of the assistants and staff are well over 40 and been here for years. When Eric drops by they say "oh he's such a nice boy!".

<sigh> I will think it over. But I know I have a right to reasonably clear air in the workplace!

oh god, I'm melting. I'm melting.........

i still think you should eat bad food for your body and let out those gasses so she has to move away

Would it maybe help if each time she began chatting mindlessly to the back of your head, reading her mail, shrilling on the phone, etc... to sweetly say something like, I'm really needing to focus, could we have a few minutes of quiet, or would you please do me a favor and..., would you mind helping me out and...however you would want to word, let's be quiet. ???

Eddie, I wish I had some constructive advice for you. It's not a situation that I've ever had to deal with, but if I did, I know I'd be beyond bananas by now! What a piece of work!

Just reading back over the thread again, I'm wondering if your boss is a person you could have a face-to-face heart-to-heart with on the subject. Perhaps an email at this point, to say "I have an issue that I need to discuss with you in person -- can we find a half hour next time you're in the office?"

And then, tell it like it is: You've tried to convey to this person that her office habits/demeanor are distracting (be as specific with her as with us), but it's not penetrating (unlike her voice!), and you're concerned about the effect it's having on your performance. With your track record, I would hope that your boss would receive this as concern for performance/productivity, etc, and not as just being b****y. Perhaps, if Mildred can't be tamed or terminated, it would be possible to find an enclosed space for her, where she will be less distracting for everyone.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck with this -- it's a lousy situation!

I'm so sick of management not handling issues because they don't have the **** to deal with it I've offered on more than one occassion (spelling?) to do their dirty work for them because I think it's only fair to the employee to tell them to their face how it really is instead of talking behind their back and letting them continue with their bad behaviour no matter if it causes more work for others (or in your case loss of concentration). My only concern in this case is it sounds like this poor woman doesn't have a clue that she's really causing any trouble. I'm sure that you have already done this, but I would be forceful with my request for a divider wall. Tell her that you really like working there and working for her but it is interfering with your ability to perform your duties accurately and quickly. If she refuses to do anything about it, I would take it into my own hands by calmly explaining to "Milly" in the nicest way possible, why these things bother you.

I have to laugh because in my job and my employees positions, concentration is important. If I'm interviewing, my boss will remark, "Well, what did you think of this person, etc" My usual response is "I can tell they talk too much" That response drives him nuts, but I've had great luck in picking the right people. You need me to talk to her? What's Milly's extension?

Seriously, I hope you find an answer soon. That would be maddening. PM me whenever you need to vent.

When Eric drops by they say "oh he's such a nice boy!".

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Maybe Eric can tell her

Originally Posted by captiva

You need me to talk to her? What's Milly's extension?

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YEAH!!!!
yeah! I can just hear it now, "oh hello, Milly is it? Quaint! Where'd ya get that, off a poodle skirt? Hey! First of all, get your blasted beanie babies off your desk. This is an office not romper room, woman. Now, my name is Chris -- yeah, this the 21st century hotcakes and women have unisex names -- and I work in mortgage lending and that is a VERY busy business these days. Do you know how busy? Very busy! And I've heard all the way on the other side of the country that your voice can be heard all the way on my side of the country. So put a cork in it and let people work. And stop that clucking, you sound like a plucked chicken!!

Who cares what the weather is? And who cares that you need to go to the bathroom? And who cares what you had for lunch? And stop all the spraying, girl! Do I need to send George out there? And stop jamming your printer and you see this? This is you! ........."

oh that felt so much better.

I think I am going to think it over and have a drink and I don't even drink!!!!
I think I should sit and talk with my boss face-to-face and politely tell it like it is and then I will press for a divider (horrid heavens to Betsy, it will upset the aesthetic of the room) and hurl myself out of the 22nd floor.

Wow! I'm meaner than I thought!

Pay no attention to the computer monitor!

Chris - I was expecting a monster or a ghostly girl to pop up in that picture!

Sasha - that sounds really awful what you are going through - I guess I am lucky when it comes to people like that, I can't hear them!

As for the perfume - gosh, I hate it when people have really cheap and stinky perfume - my sense of smell is so sensitive that I do get headaches.

Why not pretend you went to a doctor for headaches and make a fake note saying that you are allergic to perfume and that could everyone restrain themselves from spraying so often?

I wish I had some good advice for you but unfortunately, I don't.

Originally Posted by captiva

Wow! I'm meaner than I thought!

Pay no attention to the computer monitor!

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<GASP!!!> Is that....is that a beanie baby?????? oh no!



Also, Kellye, see you and Stephanie are so so so sweet. I don't think I got that amount of sweetness when it got doled out! I am so glad you can't hear her....you'll retain more brain cells.

Aw that stinks (sometimes quite literally) that you're in that situation! Ugh, whoever said it was right - most of us all have one co-worker we don't like/have to deal with. I know I personally have 1 idiot co-worker who likes to take days off whenever he wants to, makes me do all the work, I could go on. I also have 2 20 year old boys on the weekends who were reading to each other, playing loud games on the computer and kept sitting RIGHT next to me to peer over my shoulder. Those boys I just tell them to their face, shut up! Lol. But then again, I can because since I'm actually working and not goofing off, people will back me up (plus they are in my area, not theirs). As for my co-worker... I have to deal with it, knowing that I'll (hopefully) be gone within 6 months (yay!).

As for the noise of her talking... maybe you could buy some headphones that basically shut out all the noise around you? If you can't listen to music then don't, just wear the headphones (but maybe plug it into a cd player or something so people think you're listening and won't bug you?).... see if that works.

As for everything else... sorry I can't think of anything. Maybe the spraying... hide her bottle? Spray back? I don't know but good luck and let us know how everything goes!

Don't have any advice for you Eddie but good luck with this situation!

You poor thing!! I would go nuts if I had to work under those conditions!
Can your boss find YOU another office or place to work? Give him/her the ultimatum - set a deadline. It would be their loss if you found a position elsewhere.

The perfume alone would make me crazy, let alone the constant chatter. Ahhhh!!!

Ok I have caught up on this thread. I agree it sounds like a terrible situation. Something that has not yet been said however, is what if that was your dear sweet kind never intentionally hurt a fly mother working there? Show some compassion, there MUST be reasons either medical or personal that make her the way she is, and after 60 years, God bless her, she deserves a break. That is not to say she does not need to hear the truth as you see it.

Try this, one day very soon, tell her she has worked for so long so hard and it has not gone un-noticed. Today is her day and you are taking her out to lunch. Do not take no for an answer, simply insist and tell her if she says no tell her that you just will not hear of it and could not allow her to insult you. After all this is her special day.

Take her out to a "nice" place and during the lunch tell her you sincerly appreciate her efforts and her cheerful attitude. Try to get to know her and open your heart to the gifts she has as a person, looking past everything that drives you nuts about her. Explain that you have a pre-asmatic condition and although you find her fragrence facisinating there is just something about it, perhaps some chemical in it that triggers your breathing problems and you find it almost impossible to catch your breath while shes using it. Perhaps you can even present her with a little "gift" of something YOU like at that moment! Awe how sweet you are! Over the course of your lunch, let her know you have heard some gossip and your concerned for her at work. There has been some talk and although your not at liberty to really go into details, you want to help her keep her... continue to fit in to the company for a long time. Then explain what things need to change and assure her you will do your best to remind her if you see her falling back into any of those negative "habits" people are talking about. With your help, you two can beat them all!! *wink*

Who knows, you might actually find something to like about this woman also and find it not so hard to tolerate her. Or she might go into a panic thinking she's going to get canned and fall over dead at lunch.. either way you might get some peace.

Just a note to say I am so sorry...I'd probably go the direct route with my boss and be prepared to leave if you have to, your sanity and health are more important.

Just too pooped and too sad still to have much creativity...I could where I'm sitting...while typ.i.n.g

After reading everyone else's replies, I like the idea to install partitions best.
We do this where I work when people are grouped together. If your employer is as wealthy as you say, they shouldn't have a problem with purchasing these. Besides, it will enhance your productivity and maybe even that of Mildred's.

Can someone give Mildred some work to do to keep her busy? She sounds bored.
Maybe someone can come up with a special project for her that will benefit the company or a needy organization?

As for the perfume - try to find some literature on the subject of perfume sensitivity. Some people are severely allergic.

Until you get this resolved, what if you ignore Mildred when she chatters? Can you tune her out?
Can you wear earplugs?

How about a letter (just as you posted here) to Dear Abby? If it gets published in the paper, then you can cut it out and leave it on Mildred's desk!

Thanks to all for the wonderful suggestions and advice, I do really need it. It's a small office, but the office itself looks like the Westin Hotel...we do not "install partitions" (humpf!) as the company just won't dooooooo that kind of thing! <sob>. I do wish the employment market was better in Seattle, it's rotten. I have sent my resume here and there but I have to be careful, as my boss knows so many people and as a former recruiter I can honestly say for almost every job listing similar to mine there are minimum 500 resumes..... I know.... I still have friends. SO: I have been blunt, creative, resourceful and patient with Mildred ever since she moved in to our office a year ago....but as Me-n-my-guys says, some people just do not get it, no matter what. I think I will take the direct and gentle approach with my boss who is more like a deer in the headlights when nailed down about anything uncomfortable, and I'll see what happens next week when she's back.