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Did anyone else have a lousy Valentine's? - Page 2

post #31 of 45
Originally Posted by annabelle33
I didn't want anything for vday. I ordered a pizza and got him a card. He got me a card and some chocolate. We both think that everyday feels like valentines day for us so it didn't feel any different.
One year I ordered a heart shaped pizza. The restaurant owner moaned and complained - didn't think it would come out right. I told him I'd tip him well and he pulled it off.
post #32 of 45
Originally Posted by TTMom
Emma, my guy didn't even have an excuse because I gave him part of his present on Sunday (he had to buy it as it was alcohol and I lost my driver's license so I can't buy it right now). Then I gave him a nice card yesterday, but I had to talk him into going to dinner. And today I gave him knee pads (a personal joke between us). I didn't get a darned thing! Our sons gave me a huge stuffed teddybear and my Mom gave me a card and even the daycare lady gave me a little valentine, but DH? Nothing! Nada! Nix! And yes, I'm miffed. I'm going to wait a week to see if maybe he ordered something and it didn't come in, but then I'm going to let him know that I was disappointed.
Did he at least pay for dinner?
post #33 of 45
Thread Starter 
My other half didn't have an excuse either - he'd had weeks - and he KNEW he'd gotten a gift from me. Perhaps a thankyou for mopping up his puke all weekend would have been nice in the end though. Still... one year over and there's always next year. After that, it's payback time Well, for everyone who had a rotten Valentines like me, Happy Belated Valentine's Day - *I* love you
post #34 of 45
Originally Posted by KittenKrazy
I was watching a special on Food Network last night about chocolate hearts and Valentines day, and apparantly most of the V-day chocolate is bought on the 13th and 14 th, not a lot earlier! Seems most men don't "think" ahead for V-day, it just sneaks up on them. Even my sweet, wonderful hub admitted that the flowers and chocolate that he brought me were an "impulse" buy for him. Look at it this way, being sick deprived your s/o of the chance to do the normal male "last minute/impulse pickups" that he might have done!
My boyfriend and I watched that special as well!! And then the one about the Secret Life of...Wedding Cakes! Food Network is amazing.
post #35 of 45
It is sad that a conflict that has existed forever (the difference in the way men and women think) cannot be recognized and accepted, but instead the conflict is ignored as if it doesn't exist, and as a consequence feelings are hurt, relationships are shattered and in many cases, lives are ruined. Sad, so sad.

post #36 of 45
My Valentines day stunk, too, in it's own way. We got home from work, my man recieved his football cards from e-bay in the mail (he is an avid sports card collector) so right away he gets on the computer to do feedback on those...we both got each other gifts, but I have to bug him to come out, like, don't you want your other gift? He is like a kid, so one of the things I got him was one of those Miss Pac-man combo things from walmart. My mistake? He has to run for batteries. Then he goes in the back room to play it all night long! I told him I would cook him a nice dinner, I don't like crowded resturants, but he didn't help me clean, or nothing. So here I was doing dishes & drudgework on Valentine's day. Alone. All evening long. With him in the house. I LOST it. I hate to be ignored, & I let loose on him with an alcohol-fueled tirade he'll never forget. I refused the ring he got me, gave back his engagement ring, & gave him the silent treatment that has just today worn off. I know I shouldn't give him such a hard time, he is a sweet, hard-working guy. Just a little dense sometimes.
post #37 of 45
Rockcat, yeah, he paid, from the joint account. That's okay. I know that if I don't let him know that I'm disappointed he's not going to understand.
post #38 of 45
The continuing theme of all these posts seems to be an illustration of what we have all known and lamented since time immemorial, and that is the differences in thought patterns between men and women.
One would think, naturally, that by now the phenomenon would be recognized and steps taken to solve the situation as it relates to human interaction, and, after all, to what else can it relate ?
Sadly, such is not the case.
It is as if we are all standing around pounding ourselves in the head with hammers, wondering what can we ever do to stop these headaches ?
The solution to the problems is also a continuing thread in practically all the posts, and that is communication, or the lack of it. For God’s sake, TALK to your mate ! Tell her/him what is troubling you and work it out.
I am a man, as you likely have guessed by now, and SO often, Betty, my wife, will tell me something I have been doing that she would like me to change, and in most of the cases I had NO idea that what I was doing/not doing was bothering her. I am not trying to be offensive, and I realize further, that not everything has simplistic answers, but in this case, I honestly believe that communication is the answer.
Betty has suggested that one of my problems is that I am too long-winded, but I don't think that is accurate, do you ? ?
post #39 of 45
Thread Starter 
Long-winded? Pfft... you're a pussycat compared to some of the posts I've seen and written myself!! I know that communication is the key thing, and for the most part, my boyfriend and I do one helluva lot of it because we have to. If we lived on eachother's doorsteps, there is no way that we'd have lasted this long, or would have appreciated the time we do have together. It's the advantage of having a long-distance relationship - yes it's tough, but because it's all based on communication it can really be rewarding. I'd have thought though that after 4 years, he'd have at least made an effort WITHOUT having to be prompted. I refuse to believe that men have to be reminded and prompted for everything in their lives. Of course it's nice to get the input form someone, but a lot of the time they're simple things that could have been sorted out with a little bit of thought. After all, as I mentioned, Valentine's day was the reason I came to see him - so that we could spend some time together and have a proper day - not an e-card sent from 700 miles away. He'd had weeks to run up at it. I let him know I was disappointed, not to mention downright embarassed. No, it's not a big deal, what I don't like is the fact that he's just carried on as if he hasn't offended me at all. That's just him though, you learn to live with it!

Still, what's done is done. Can't say fairer than that, but he's gunna have to pull out something good next year.
post #40 of 45
LilleK, sounds like you are close to the right track, if not exactly on it.

Perhaps your BF would respond to stimuli of a more direct nature -- I hate "rewards" and "acts have consequences", but if the idea is yours (his) own, then it is more like something you WANT to do, rather than HAVE to do.

I know with Betty and myself, my life has basically 2 objectives, 1. make Betty happy, and 2., make myself happy, and strangely (or not so strangely), I have discovered that in many cases if #1 is accomplished, then #2 will follow.

Things are not going to get "right" all at once, it is a gradual process, but we must continue to strive " . . .man's reach must exceed his grasp . . .", and perhaps if you went "overboard" with rewards a few times when your BF did something to please you, and let him know that the "reward" was a consequence of his act(s), then, thick headed as he may be (if he is like most men), sooner or later he will get the idea, "Hey ! If I do this, then she will do THAT, and I LIKE THAT ! !"

I discovered many years ago, Lille, a good life doesn't just happen, you have to work hard to MAKE it happen, but you know, . . . . . it's worth it.

Good luck.

post #41 of 45
Thread Starter 
How true! Sometimes though, it's very much like training a dog to sit and stay - I don't like that analogy at all, but it's the closest I could get - so if I offend, I don't mean to As for a good life happening... well it's about time. You've no idea some of the rubbish I've been through in the last 7 years or so - and I'm only 22 now. I've worked really hard to get what I've got, however little that might be, but it's mine. I've had help from state benefits - which I've loathed because I'm a very independant character - but you know what? The only way is up. I've got a roof, I've got food, I've got an adorable little boy and the most important thing, I've got a good man who loves me for who I am. He's been the recent addition to the list and since then things have gotten better and better. Fingers crossed it stays that way. I'd hate to lose Rune now after all that we've been through together - so I'm pretty certain I can let one slip-up go! But thanks for the good wishes, very much appreciated!
post #42 of 45
OK - married 27+ years! No card, nada. P'd off? Yes.

I called my friend to see how she was doing (her husband died 1-1/2 yrs. ago and it would have been their anniversary). She wasn't doing so well. I asked if she needed me to go over - she said yes and could I stay all night. I didn't hesitate to say yes. My husband asked if there was anything in particular I wanted to see on TV! I said, "I won't be home, I'll be at Debbie's. It's not like you need me around here". He called me at work the next morning to apologize. I know he loves me and that he's not big into all the cards and stuff, but he should also know after all these years that even a card would have been better than nothing.

So yes, some of us did have as lousy a V-day as you did. I can't wait to see what happens next year! LOL
post #43 of 45
". . .O wuld the gift the Giftie gie us, ta see oursels as ithers see us . . . "
post #44 of 45
This was our first valentine's day as husband and wife. I prepared a special dinner, set out the good china, wine, candles and his favourite music on the CD. We had exchanged cards at breakfast.

He often works late and that night was one of them - he got home an hour later than his usual late time, tired, in an unhappy mood and stressed. He has been stressing about the situation with the cats fighting as well and hasn't been able to understand what and why it happens.

He started to complain right away about his day and about the other problems that have cropped up. The dinner went cold, the wine untouched. We talked for about 2 hours, sometimes with me in tears, but we both listened and we both talked. Afterwards, we ate the cold dinner in front of the TV instead of at the table.

Was I disappointed and upset? Actually, no. We have been needing to talk about some of these things for a while and because the relationship is more important to me than the peripherals, this talk was a valuable opportunity for us both. I was happy - even though it was stressful - that we were able to address some of the issues.

I have cried over lost valentine's days in the past with previous partners who did not meet my expectations. I have also found over the years that expressing our love and commitment to our 'valentines' is a year around affair. Showing our love and appreciation for our partners comes in many guises. My husband may not make a big event out of the 'standard' holidays, but every day in many little ways, he shows me his love and appreciation. I am very fortunate to have found a man who 'knows' me, accepts me for who I am and allows me to be me. If that sometimes means my plans go awry and expectations are unmet, so be it. If what I want and need is important to me, I know that I can ask him and he will do what he can to meet those needs to the best of his ability. Is he perfect? Nope, but neither am I.

post #45 of 45
I'm sorry Emma for your not so great v day. Next year, or the the next time you see him should be better One can hope.

Hubby got me a scooby singing thingy. He sings Why do fools fall in love. He gave it to me last month. LOL Then like the day before he got me a rose in a heart shaped balloon. It was beautiful. I thought about taking pictures every day, but then it started drooping. It kinda hurt my feelings to watch it die. Usually I will hang them, so they don't look so sad. I don't think that I want another rose in a balloon. I didn't get to smell it either. But it was SOOO beautiful when he gave it to me. On Vday he went out and got us chinese for lunch. He said he was going to stop and buy me more, but he didn't. lol, He'd already spent all the cash he had. It's okay though. I didn't get him anything. We hung out, and made silly faces at each other from our computers. We were actually goofy that day. I was disappointed though. I'd wanted to get some time (and a ride to the store w/out him) and get him something. Since a girl quit at work, I covered her shift, and lost my time off. He still loves me though.

I hope everyone's valentine's days are better next year.
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