Did anyone else have a lousy Valentine's?

mrsd · Feb 15, 2005

I'm sorry you were disappointed.

Romance is often much more important to us emotional females.

Make sure you tell your fiance how important Valentines Day and your Birthday is to you and that it makes you happy to feel 'special'. Everyone knows, 'if mama's happy, everyone's happy.'

Men think differently than women. You have to clue them in, and then remind them of the upcoming holidays (with suggestions of a good gift--be it a card, flowers, chocolate, or whatever!) until they fall into the habit. Don't sit passively and expect. True, your 'gift' may feel like a lot of work, instead of a special one. But it's better than nothing at all. AND eventually, men can be trained.

kittylover4ever · Feb 15, 2005

Originally Posted by mrsd

I'm sorry you were disappointed.

Romance is often much more important to us emotional females.

Make sure you tell your fiance how important Valentines Day and your Birthday is to you and that it makes you happy to feel 'special'. Everyone knows, 'if mama's happy, everyone's happy.'

Men think differently than women. You have to clue them in, and then remind them of the upcoming holidays (with suggestions of a good gift--be it a card, flowers, chocolate, or whatever!) until they fall into the habit. Don't sit passively and expect. True, your 'gift' may feel like a lot of work, instead of a special one. But it's better than nothing at all. AND eventually, men can be trained.

KittenKrazy · Feb 15, 2005

I was watching a special on Food Network last night about chocolate hearts and Valentines day, and apparantly most of the V-day chocolate is bought on the 13th and 14 th, not a lot earlier! Seems most men don't "think" ahead for V-day, it just sneaks up on them. Even my sweet, wonderful hub admitted that the flowers and chocolate that he brought me were an "impulse" buy for him. Look at it this way, being sick deprived your s/o of the chance to do the normal male "last minute/impulse pickups" that he might have done!

rockcat · Feb 15, 2005

LillieCat, You really should tell him how disapointed you are.

pinkdaisy226 · Feb 15, 2005

Originally Posted by Rockcat

LillieCat, You really should tell him how disapointed you are.

Either that or next year start making a fuss about it early. That's what I did... Vday is my favorite day and I don't hide it. I think I actually bugged my fiance about it and luckily he took the hint... and I'm sure if I hadn't bugged him he wouldn't have done anything because he said he's never celebrated Valentine's before.

Granted mine could've been better - maybe I could've seen him for more than an hour, dang conflicted schedules, but it was my favorite so far even if there was nothing special that anyone could see except for me - and there's always next year.

lillekat · Feb 15, 2005

Well... put it this way, if he forgets next year when I'm actually living with him, then he's for some serious trouble.

I think maybe he picked up on the fact I wasn't overly happy... I'll give him a few days and see if he can make up for it! I know what you mean about men not thinking ahead... and it's great to know that perhaps they can be trained. At least I don't have to train him into housework.

annabelle33 · Feb 15, 2005

I didn't want anything for vday. I ordered a pizza and got him a card. He got me a card and some chocolate. We both think that everyday feels like valentines day for us so it didn't feel any different.

gailc · Feb 15, 2005

Well I got a cat themed card and some chocolates. The mood gets kind of destroyed when he hands them to me -still in the paper bag from the candy store. Plus even though I like some of the kind he bought me-my weight is at a horrible stage right now I really didn't need them!! I made breakfast for us yesterday-even though he leaves for work an hour earlier than I (i'm up anyway). I wanted to pick up a small dessert at the nearby grocery store-but he took my last $5 so good thing I remembered before I went to the store. So instead when I stopped at the gas station last night I got gas, picked up a 6 pack of mikes cranberry hard lemonade (its pink!!) and one package of hostess ho-ho's. That was our dessert-I don't think he got my sarcastic point about dessert!! I also made a dish for supper that he likes. He said do you want to go out to eat?? Like you could find a decent place that wasn't busy!! I emailed about the dessert thinking he would get the hint. But like most everyone else's male SO-I don't think he understands!! The only male that was nice last night was Bakker!!

ttmom · Feb 15, 2005

Emma, my guy didn't even have an excuse because I gave him part of his present on Sunday (he had to buy it as it was alcohol and I lost my driver's license so I can't buy it right now). Then I gave him a nice card yesterday, but I had to talk him into going to dinner. And today I gave him knee pads (a personal joke between us). I didn't get a darned thing! Our sons gave me a huge stuffed teddybear and my Mom gave me a card and even the daycare lady gave me a little valentine, but DH? Nothing! Nada! Nix! And yes, I'm miffed. I'm going to wait a week to see if maybe he ordered something and it didn't come in, but then I'm going to let him know that I was disappointed.

sofiecusion · Feb 15, 2005

Scott and I celebrated V-day over the weekend so that we wouldn't have to wait for 2 hours for a table.

On the actual day, Summer had her surgery, so I was calling Scott for updates while at school. I went to visit her after school. I then spent the entire night cleaning and things and by the time I could watch a movie and try to relax, despte missing Summer, I fell asleep after like 15 minutes of it...oh well!!!

rockcat · Feb 16, 2005

Originally Posted by annabelle33

I didn't want anything for vday. I ordered a pizza and got him a card. He got me a card and some chocolate. We both think that everyday feels like valentines day for us so it didn't feel any different.

One year I ordered a heart shaped pizza. The restaurant owner moaned and complained - didn't think it would come out right. I told him I'd tip him well and he pulled it off.

rockcat · Feb 16, 2005

Originally Posted by TTMom

Emma, my guy didn't even have an excuse because I gave him part of his present on Sunday (he had to buy it as it was alcohol and I lost my driver's license so I can't buy it right now). Then I gave him a nice card yesterday, but I had to talk him into going to dinner. And today I gave him knee pads (a personal joke between us). I didn't get a darned thing! Our sons gave me a huge stuffed teddybear and my Mom gave me a card and even the daycare lady gave me a little valentine, but DH? Nothing! Nada! Nix! And yes, I'm miffed. I'm going to wait a week to see if maybe he ordered something and it didn't come in, but then I'm going to let him know that I was disappointed.

Did he at least pay for dinner?

lillekat · Feb 16, 2005

My other half didn't have an excuse either - he'd had weeks - and he KNEW he'd gotten a gift from me. Perhaps a thankyou for mopping up his puke all weekend would have been nice in the end though. Still... one year over and there's always next year. After that, it's payback time

Well, for everyone who had a rotten Valentines like me, Happy Belated Valentine's Day - *I* love you

katspixiedust · Feb 16, 2005

Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

I was watching a special on Food Network last night about chocolate hearts and Valentines day, and apparantly most of the V-day chocolate is bought on the 13th and 14 th, not a lot earlier! Seems most men don't "think" ahead for V-day, it just sneaks up on them. Even my sweet, wonderful hub admitted that the flowers and chocolate that he brought me were an "impulse" buy for him. Look at it this way, being sick deprived your s/o of the chance to do the normal male "last minute/impulse pickups" that he might have done!

My boyfriend and I watched that special as well!! And then the one about the Secret Life of...Wedding Cakes! Food Network is amazing.

winwin · Feb 16, 2005

It is sad that a conflict that has existed forever (the difference in the way men and women think) cannot be recognized and accepted, but instead the conflict is ignored as if it doesn't exist, and as a consequence feelings are hurt, relationships are shattered and in many cases, lives are ruined. Sad, so sad.

Leonard.

me-n-my guys · Feb 16, 2005

My Valentines day stunk, too, in it's own way. We got home from work, my man recieved his football cards from e-bay in the mail (he is an avid sports card collector) so right away he gets on the computer to do feedback on those...we both got each other gifts, but I have to bug him to come out, like, don't you want your other gift? He is like a kid, so one of the things I got him was one of those Miss Pac-man combo things from walmart. My mistake? He has to run for batteries. Then he goes in the back room to play it all night long! I told him I would cook him a nice dinner, I don't like crowded resturants, but he didn't help me clean, or nothing. So here I was doing dishes & drudgework on Valentine's day. Alone. All evening long. With him in the house. I LOST it. I hate to be ignored, & I let loose on him with an alcohol-fueled tirade he'll never forget. I refused the ring he got me, gave back his engagement ring, & gave him the silent treatment that has just today worn off. I know I shouldn't give him such a hard time, he is a sweet, hard-working guy. Just a little dense sometimes.

ttmom · Feb 16, 2005

Rockcat, yeah, he paid, from the joint account. That's okay. I know that if I don't let him know that I'm disappointed he's not going to understand.

winwin · Feb 17, 2005

The continuing theme of all these posts seems to be an illustration of what we have all known and lamented since time immemorial, and that is the differences in thought patterns between men and women.
One would think, naturally, that by now the phenomenon would be recognized and steps taken to solve the situation as it relates to human interaction, and, after all, to what else can it relate ?
Sadly, such is not the case.
It is as if we are all standing around pounding ourselves in the head with hammers, wondering what can we ever do to stop these headaches ?
The solution to the problems is also a continuing thread in practically all the posts, and that is communication, or the lack of it. For Godâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s sake, TALK to your mate ! Tell her/him what is troubling you and work it out.
I am a man, as you likely have guessed by now, and SO often, Betty, my wife, will tell me something I have been doing that she would like me to change, and in most of the cases I had NO idea that what I was doing/not doing was bothering her. I am not trying to be offensive, and I realize further, that not everything has simplistic answers, but in this case, I honestly believe that communication is the answer.
Betty has suggested that one of my problems is that I am too long-winded, but I don't think that is accurate, do you ? ?

lillekat · Feb 18, 2005

Long-winded? Pfft... you're a pussycat compared to some of the posts I've seen and written myself!! I know that communication is the key thing, and for the most part, my boyfriend and I do one helluva lot of it because we have to. If we lived on eachother's doorsteps, there is no way that we'd have lasted this long, or would have appreciated the time we do have together. It's the advantage of having a long-distance relationship - yes it's tough, but because it's all based on communication it can really be rewarding. I'd have thought though that after 4 years, he'd have at least made an effort WITHOUT having to be prompted. I refuse to believe that men have to be reminded and prompted for everything in their lives. Of course it's nice to get the input form someone, but a lot of the time they're simple things that could have been sorted out with a little bit of thought. After all, as I mentioned, Valentine's day was the reason I came to see him - so that we could spend some time together and have a proper day - not an e-card sent from 700 miles away. He'd had weeks to run up at it. I let him know I was disappointed, not to mention downright embarassed. No, it's not a big deal, what I don't like is the fact that he's just carried on as if he hasn't offended me at all. That's just him though, you learn to live with it!

Still, what's done is done. Can't say fairer than that, but he's gunna have to pull out something good next year.

winwin · Feb 18, 2005

LilleK, sounds like you are close to the right track, if not exactly on it.

Perhaps your BF would respond to stimuli of a more direct nature -- I hate "rewards" and "acts have consequences", but if the idea is yours (his) own, then it is more like something you WANT to do, rather than HAVE to do.

I know with Betty and myself, my life has basically 2 objectives, 1. make Betty happy, and 2., make myself happy, and strangely (or not so strangely), I have discovered that in many cases if #1 is accomplished, then #2 will follow.

Things are not going to get "right" all at once, it is a gradual process, but we must continue to strive " . . .man's reach must exceed his grasp . . .", and perhaps if you went "overboard" with rewards a few times when your BF did something to please you, and let him know that the "reward" was a consequence of his act(s), then, thick headed as he may be (if he is like most men), sooner or later he will get the idea,

"Hey ! If I do this, then she will do THAT, and I LIKE THAT ! !"

I discovered many years ago, Lille, a good life doesn't just happen, you have to work hard to MAKE it happen, but you know, . . . . . it's worth it.

Good luck.

Leonard.

Did anyone else have a lousy Valentine's?

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