Tigger - may I put a perspective on it from a male side and from what I have been through. It may sound trite, but, then again, it may not.
I will tell you very honestly, that I have walked away from Carol many times and shot off in the car. Its normally the net result of me wanting something or to change something and Carol not backing down. Sometimes, I just feel as though I cant take any more and rather than do something that may hurt my wife, I walk away. Then I drive and drive and eventually, my head clears.
I have been married to Carol coming up to 9 years in March and we have ups and downs like anyone. Sometimes, when the ups are up, they are incredible and you cant slip a hair between us. However, when the chips are on the downs, we have had some great arguements. Problem with us both is we are both too blasted stubborn to admit when one of us is wrong. I blamed Carol for everything for 6 years, if I got a flat tyre, she must have made me drive the wrong route, if the kettle was broke, she must have used it. We got to such a stage after 7 years that we talked about divorce and moving away, even what we would do with regards to me seeing my son. However, it took me 7 damned years to realise, it was not Carol that was wrong, it was me. I was living in a world where grey and black existed and nothing else. Everything was not Carol's fault, sometimes, it was just one of those things. So, we sat and talked and talked and we talked all night. We both cried and talked a lot more. After seeing the doc, It was depression that had crept in for me and was not recognised and despite the fact that I had a incredibly loving wife and still do, who has stuck with me for years and years, through thick and thin, through good, but maily poor health needing ops, I needed the help and not her. Ok, so I look back and think what I did not do, ie wash up, I got lazy. Now, I know that if I feel as though I am slipping backwards, i just pour it all out and tell Carol. No matter what it is and how pathetic it is. Even wake her to tell her ( I know is selfish, but if I bottle it, then I will explode). I adore my red head wife, looking back - always have, always will and shes the wind under my wings. Without her, as i hope your husband realises, without you - he is and I am nothing. Carol and Chris are my reasons to live and I now count my blessings day by day.
I can only hope and pray that you get back together, if he misses you, thats something. Where ever there is life, there is hope. Sit down and talk, when you feel as though its going the wrong direction and things get nasty, stop, think and then talk some more. Find out whats on his mind and keep getting to it. there will be a root cause to it. A decision like this is something that no one makes easily (unless in mitigating and exceptional circumstances), man or woman. No one throws away years like that. You may find that talking may get to the bottom of his feelings and if he cries, all the better. I adore my wife and son and nothing will change that, it took me a long time to realise that it was me. Through a lot of give and take, I am and remain extremely happily married to the red head from Goole and I will fight and die to keep that. We both come from parents who are divorced, we are both too stubborn to see that happen to us. If all else fails, have a week away, there are flights to the UK and my door remains open to friends. Have a break, change of scene and then go back determined. Even better, both of you go away for a long weekend, the country, the coast, just get away from everyone around you, the same four walls and have some time for the most important people. You and your husband. (if I had the cash, I would pay for you both happily)
I wish you everything that Carol and I now have and as Carol is to me, I hope that you find that wind beneath your wings and you can fly as high as we do.
Fly high and hang in there.