divorce

just wondering how people cope with this? My husband of 7 years left me on new year's day, and has decided it wont work. But, deep down in me, I know it can. Last night he was over to fix something, he said he missed my companionship, so to me, it shows something is left. I know when someone files, the other can ask for mediation from the courts to see if it can be saved. Did anyone do this and did it work. Right now all I want is support.. I dont want lectures or anything, because I am having an awful time

I don't have any advice for you, having never been through a divorce, but I do want you to know that I'm praying for the two of you, and {{hugs}} to you during this stressful time.

I am so sorry for this difficult time.

Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

I don't have any advice for you, having never been through a divorce, but I do want you to know that I'm praying for the two of you, and {{hugs}} to you during this stressful time.

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Just wondering... your husband, he said he missed your companionship. Has he shown any other indication of wanting to be with you, or not wanting a divorce? I'm just afraid of you getting your hopes up when he doesn't WANT to try to make things work, you know?

What a hard thing to have to go through, I'm so sorry and you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.

Tigger, relationships do go through bad patches. Your husband has already told you he missed your companionship, and IMO, it sounds like he still loves you. Have you tried going to any marriage counselors together?

I'm sending you lots of good positive vibes, and I hope everything works out for the best.

Thinking of you. I'm sorry things are so bad right now.

Tigger order the book Love Must be Tough by Dr. James Dobson

good luck

Aw this must be so hard for you. Lotsa hugs and good wishes coming your way.

no, lorie, he wont go to marraige counseling .. he says it wont work. Im not going to into details about our life but he said he fell out of love with me, too. I dont think he is looking at the whole thing clearly. He got mad last Saturday and walked out on me, and took everthing of his. I have a right to fight for this ... He deserves to give me that at the least.

Hi Tigger. Although we are not married, I know what you are going through now. My boyfriend and I just broke up recently. We kept trying and trying to work through our differences and it just wasn't working.

Although I don't know if he realizes we are actually over. We have gotten in many fights where we both said it was over and we didn't want to be with each other anymore. But this time, I mean it. I have already started looking for places to live.

If you really feel as though you two can work this out then you should try sitting down and talking to him. But if this has happened before and it still hasn't worked out... maybe you should move on? I hope I'm not offending you but maybe you two just weren't meant to be.

I've come to that conclusion about Mike. It was great when we first started going out but it seems as though I have changed and he is still the same person 4 years ago. I have different a different perspective on life now and he's not willing to see it from my side. He feels as though it's my fault because I have changed and he hasn't.

If you really still want to be with him, go for it. But think about it first.. do you want to stay with him because you love him and you two will be *happy* together? Or is it because you've been together so long and you don't know anything else besides being with him?

I have never heard of what you describe when one goes through a divorce, but being divorced, I guess that's because I felt if someone filed, it wasn't worth my time or trouble at that point.

Perhaps hubby won't be so quick to run to a lawyer and the time apart may put things in better perspective for him.

I dont know ...... He isnt giving me the consideration ....... I can tell you of the 7 years we were married, he RARELY helped around the house .... RARELY if EVER cooked ... RARELY helped me when I was sick ... RARELY bent over backwards for me ........
And, a lot of people have told me .. he is going to have a VERY hard time finding another broad to take care of him the way I did. I can change with my temper .. I believe that it can work between us and be happy. Hell, he even said last night if there was a remote possibility he is convicnced if there was, itd go back right to where it was, but I dont think that.
I am hurt and sad and angry, and I have every right to be that way. I just wont go down without a fight .. I told him, if he was my "friend" he would go with me to counseling .. go to JUST 4 with me and have a counselor sit and listen to see where it broke down. But, just dont go and throw away 7 years away in a week. AZ is such a messed up state to begin with, its pathetic. And, I know if he goes thru with this, he will regret it forever. For someone to tell me back on the 11th, that he was working to become a better husband, should account for something, and that he was working to become a better person for me, too .......

I had the same problem with Mike, he didn't help out. And he didn't appreciate all that I did.

If you were doing everything and he didn't even attempt to help you or acknowledge what you did then why would you be happy with him? A relationship should be 50/50. Obviously, there is a reason why he would have a VERY hard time finding someone else.

Why not take this opportunity to find someone who is going to treat you right and appreciate you??

Tigger, been there, done that. After 3 1/2 years, I STILL don't know why mine left me.

Arizona has Conciliation Court. Look in the blue pages of the phone book, under Superior Court. Filing a petition there puts the divorce on hold and the counseling is free. At the least, you may find out WHY.

Originally Posted by GratefulBear629

Why not take this opportunity to find someone who is going to treat you right and appreciate you??

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It isn't that easy to switch your feelings off.

Tigger, I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs and support thoughts going your way.

Originally Posted by katl8e

Arizona has Conciliation Court. Look in the blue pages of the phone book, under Superior Court. Filing a petition there puts the divorce on hold and the counseling is free. At the least, you may find out WHY.

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cindy,
Does this force him into going? Or is it a court order? What will they do?
Arizona is such a screwy state for divorce. If I read correctly on az laws, its ultimately the courts decision as to whether or not it is disolved, isnt it? I know if you dont sign papers after a certain time, its a default divorce. Since you know have been through it, maybe you can help me with some research or what not?

I think it really comes down to this: It takes two to make a relationship work. No matter what you do, if he doesn't want to work it out it won't. I'm not saying to give up. Don't go down without a fight. Do everything you can to work this out, use the Conciliation Court if you think there is a chance. But at some point you have to realize that you cannot do it alone no matter how much you want it to work.

I'm so sorry that you're going through all that... I'm not married yet so I can't be of much help to you... Despite what we say, you know what is going on in your own marriage. I feel it's good to have some time away to think about some issues and then talk about it.. maybe that would help? Just my two cents worth.

I'll send you lots of positive vibes... do take care and update us of anything...

I realize you are angry, hurt, and sad. This is probably one of the most difficult things a person has to go through. Did he come to this decision out of the blue, as far as you know? At any rate, I hear you when you say that you believe that it can work out and the 2 of you can be happy, but if he is not in that mindset, it's not ever going to happen, no matter how right you think it may be. Take it from one who has been down that road. I hope he will consent to counseling. Perhaps then you'll get some insight into what triggered his decision.