Thanks Anne, and thanks all!!!!! Well - it's been quite a while since I posted an update. I don't really know where to begin except at the end, I guess.
I did post the update that Naomi moved back home. Since then, she wanted to see her biological mom, so we paid for a ticket for her to go to Springfield, Mass where they were going to meet up. She spent a Saturday afternoon and night with her at a hotel there, and we drove up Sunday and had dinner with them both and drove Naomi back home. It was a bit awkward, but we all survived. Naomi then wanted to get the rest of her things - she had a few boxes and all her child pics still at her biological father's. She didn't want us to meet Will, so we rented a van for her and Peter, and he drove her up there, collected all her things, and brought them all back here.
Peter's been around a lot - it really helps that he can get her to the methadone clinic when we've got a busy day with work. It also helps that he at least finished preMed, so it's almost like having a care worker to help out. The problems really started when Gary had to have the colonoscopy and needed surgery. Obviously it freaked her out, and instead of being able to express her care in a normal human way, she expressed it in her mentally ill ways. Of course that coincided just when Gary could deal with it the least, so the past few weeks have been quite hellish. I suggested a "mental health" break for everyone, and suggested to Naomi that she spend last weekend with Peter, and she totally agreed. The problem is that they had to get back out here to the methadone clinic Saturday morning, and the hours on Sat are only 8:00am to 10:00am. (They're open Mon - Fri until 12:30, she's a late sleeper - and it takes us about half an hour to get there, but it takes her about 2 hours to get there from Brooklyn). So, of course they left late, and missed getting to the clinic on time. Gary and I were sure they'd head back to the city so she could score heroin, and we basically said goodbye to all the progress she's made.
Surprise Surprise! Naomi did score, of course - she had to - but she didn't score heroin, she scored methadone! They drug test at the meth clinic randomly, and obviously because she missed Saturday (which meant she missed Sunday as well - they give you Sunday's bottle on Saturday because they're not open Sundays), they tested her Monday. NO HEROIN!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how proud we were.
The other progress is that this meth clinic is VERY strict, and they require two group meetings a week, at least one meeting with a staff counselor each week, at least one outside therapist meeting each week - and Gary and I insist on family counseling each week. Before she officially joined this clinic, there were a LOT of therapist appointments that got cancelled or just missed - and this entire month she's made every appointment. She's been going to lots of NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings - and apparently there are two out here that are small groups with younger people, and she really likes them - in fact, has made several friends.
She DID get addicted to losing weight, and goes to the YMCA (newly opened in January and 10 minutes away from here) EVERY day. She works out anywhere from one hour to four hours.
But.... she's not used to a family environment, she hasn't ever really had to care about anyone other than herself, she's built up many, many defenses - some of which Gary began to react to personally because he was all stressed out because of his health. Although technically she doesn't have "Reactive Attachment Disorder," she's what could be considered borderline. And one of the symptoms of that is that she tries to draw us into fights, because a hostile family atmosphere is what she knows and feels comfortable in - and it gives her a sense of control and that she "wins." Because of his health, stress, issues at work and being sleep deprived, the past few weeks Gary kept letting himself get sucked into this.
He fell into a serious depression, and it all came to a head today when I slapped him and told him to snap out of it. We went to see an emergency shrink, and the new perspective was really helpful.
Naomi acknowledged (for the first time) that she doesn't know how to express caring. She says she cares a lot, but is unable to translate it into action. And she saw this really for the first time today. Gary saw how he'd been getting sucked into her need for argument.... and long story short (again, lol!), Naomi acknowledges that what she really needs is long term residential treatment. We can't afford it, but she qualifies for medicaid, and today's therapist knows of several residential programs that have very highly skilled/trained staff that accept medicaid.
So the paperwork began.... it looks like she'll be going to a program called "Straight and Narrow." It's not far from here. It is a Christian organization, but Naomi is OK with that. This is a "MICA" program (Mentally Ill, Chemicallly Addicted), and she'll be on methadone during the program. We don't know if they'll continue to detox her or not, but the main point is to get psychological help, not get off the methadone. She can finish doing that at the clinic here. She thinks she needs to stay for at least three months, maybe six. But she wants to learn how to translate what she feels into action - appropriately. And for a while she wanted off the Paxil, but now she wants to work to find the right mix of drugs so she can "be like other people."
So.... of course it's been an incredible roller coaster, but I must say, I am so proud of her. She's gone through cycles of admitting she knows she's mentally ill to denying it. She doesn't remember a lot of her actions when they're negative for other people, and now she thinks we're not lying about it.
At least for now. But that she's stuck with this program this long - and despite having missed the clinic that weekend.... I guess making all her therapy appointments really is helping.
So we don't know when she'll be going in. There's a lot of paperwork involved in getting the medicaid card. And there's a waiting list. But so far it seems like she really wants to do this, and will be discussing it with both her counselor at the clinic tomorrow, and her individual therapist on Wednesday. I can't imagine that either one of them is going to discourage this decision!
So....the family roller coaster continues. But I think we may have finally hit a section where we don't have to roll upside down for a little while.