My baby Shatran passed away around easter. He was the first kitty I ever had after years of asking my parents to let me have one, my boyfriend gave him to me. He was just so beautiful, white all over, with blue eyes and a cream colored face. He would have been 3 years old on August 19. He was an indoor/outdoor cat, and since he was my first I was really unexperienced, but I tried to give him the best of everything, the only thing I didn't do was neuter him. I had no idea it was really necessary. Just about the time he died he started to have these really awful fights, and I changed to a really good vet who treated him and adviced me to have him neutured. Since it was so close to easter vacations I decided to do it when I came back. So I went to my vacation, leaving the maid in charge of him, cause she really loved him. I was sure everything was going to be ok when I came back just like the other times, but when I came home the maid told me she had not seen him all week, although she had gone looking for him. I waited a week more cause it was the most he had been gone, until a neighbor of mine told me he had seen him wandering of with a really huge gash in his stomach. He died because of me, because I did not take the time to have more information. I wasn't even there for him when he died. This has been tearing me up inside, you have no idea. I can't even mention his name without bursting into tears, I feel so guilty. I don't even have the comfort of having been there for him in his lasts moments, maybe if I had been I could have taken him to the vet and he would still be here. I have a new kitty now that will get neutered next week, but as much as I love him he will never be Shatran. When I go to the rainbow bridge I don't think he will come to greet me, and maybe he will reproach me why I did not do things right. My only hope is that he will forgive me one day for not being there for him when he needed me the most, and he will remember all the love I gave him instead of all of my mistakes. Maybe my story can be of some help to the people out there who think the way I did back then.
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10/6/01 at 1:24am