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My carelessness

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
My baby Shatran passed away around easter. He was the first kitty I ever had after years of asking my parents to let me have one, my boyfriend gave him to me. He was just so beautiful, white all over, with blue eyes and a cream colored face. He would have been 3 years old on August 19. He was an indoor/outdoor cat, and since he was my first I was really unexperienced, but I tried to give him the best of everything, the only thing I didn't do was neuter him. I had no idea it was really necessary. Just about the time he died he started to have these really awful fights, and I changed to a really good vet who treated him and adviced me to have him neutured. Since it was so close to easter vacations I decided to do it when I came back. So I went to my vacation, leaving the maid in charge of him, cause she really loved him. I was sure everything was going to be ok when I came back just like the other times, but when I came home the maid told me she had not seen him all week, although she had gone looking for him. I waited a week more cause it was the most he had been gone, until a neighbor of mine told me he had seen him wandering of with a really huge gash in his stomach. He died because of me, because I did not take the time to have more information. I wasn't even there for him when he died. This has been tearing me up inside, you have no idea. I can't even mention his name without bursting into tears, I feel so guilty. I don't even have the comfort of having been there for him in his lasts moments, maybe if I had been I could have taken him to the vet and he would still be here. I have a new kitty now that will get neutered next week, but as much as I love him he will never be Shatran. When I go to the rainbow bridge I don't think he will come to greet me, and maybe he will reproach me why I did not do things right. My only hope is that he will forgive me one day for not being there for him when he needed me the most, and he will remember all the love I gave him instead of all of my mistakes. Maybe my story can be of some help to the people out there who think the way I did back then.
post #2 of 8
I am so sorry about the loss of Shatran. You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened. Shatran is at Rainbow Bridge now, playing with all the other kitty 's. Shatran will remember all the good things you did for him, and all the love you gave him. When the time comes, Shatran will come running as fast as he can to meet you.
post #3 of 8
Your story grabbed my heart and I wish I could just be there in front of you and give you a big hug and tell you it is okay. It is one thing to have the care of an animal in your control and NOT know what to do, then to have that care and KNOW what to do and NOT do it. Shatran did what Toms are known to do, he defended his territory and fought off intruders. That is why I embrace the Internet and sites such as this one, where you can come and learn and ask questions, and learn. I learn so much daily and I have been rescuing kitties for over 10 years now.

Shatran will and has forgiven you. He will lead the stampede to greet you once you cross the Bridge, and he is now watching out over you and the new arrival. Please try and stop feeling so bad about what you should have done, and just grieve for his passing and remember all the good times you had with your friend. I still remember my first kitty, I was 6 years old when I got smokey. He used to love to hunt gophers in the back field by our house, and he was also a Tom. One day, he came home acting strangely, and sparing the rest of the details, turned out he had contracted rabies. My father had to catch him in fisherman's net and call Animal Control. I will never forget that day as long as I live.

I am glad you got another cat, have you named him yet? Please just go forward and don't live you life regretting something you didn't know about. There is a reason for what happened, and you will know that reason one day.
post #4 of 8
Dear Honeydew,

Hissy has just given you the best advice ANYONE can offer. She has alot of wisdom and I love and respect her for that.

God did not make mistakes, only lessons. You take what you need from each lesson, leave the rest and move on. There is nothing more I can say that Hissy hasn't already.

You have a good heart and your new kitty is very lucky. Let us know what you name him. And pictures, we need PICTURES!!


post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much for your support. I have named my new kitty, his name is Benny. I guess I have been so tortured about Shatran's death because I had no one to talk to, my family just said that they didn't understand how I could cry so much for a cat. Now that I have a new kitty i'm trying to get all the info. I can to do things right this time. I will send you pictures of him as soon as I can get them scanned. You have no idea what your support means to me, thank u so much .
post #6 of 8

you were not crying "just for a cat", you were crying for a loved one, for a friend. Sometimes outsider don't understand that we can creat true bonds with an animal (cat, dog whatever). Don't be ashamed because of your love for Shatran, it's ok to cry, it's ok to grieve. You need to grieve, that's one way of saying good bye to him. From what you tell, I know that Shatran was very special to you and that you loved him. Of course, he will wait for you at Rainbow Bridge. Like Hissy said, he was doing what all tom cats do: defend his territory. That's normal for him, that what cats that haven't been neutered do! He had a happy life: don't beat yourself up for how he died. Think of all the good and fun moments that you had together!

And now that you have a little Benny to take care, give him all your love, think of all the fun that he will and that he is already giving you!...

post #7 of 8
your post made me bawl, I mean it, I cried so hard, not only because of what happened to Shatran, but because you are blaming yourself, and you don't think he will be there to greet you when you yourself cross the bridge.
Please, please don't feel this way!!!! We all make mistakes with our pets, and we learn as we go, and Shatran will never hold this against you, he will only remember the love you gave him!
Please stop beating yourself up over this, you loved him, and you cared for him, and you made a mistake in not having him neutered sooner....that does not mean you did not love him, and he knows that!!!!!!
We are humans, we make mistakes.
I just recently had my baby neutered, and he is a little over a year old. I took chances I should not have taken, because I thought there was plenty of time. I should have done it sooner, but I thank God he is still okay.
If Shatran could send you a message right now, I know he would be saying "mommy, don't cry....I am okay, I am happy, and I am waiting for you"
post #8 of 8
I lost my cat in much the same way because he had been gone for so long... i found him in his fave sunbathing spot in the trees behind our house with a gash in his neck. I assume berty was attacked by a dog because of the severity of his neck. He was my first cat and i will miss him.

Jack the cat
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